I am super annoyed I have been on vacation for the past week and two days and I just got back yesterday. My on/off BF hasn't really showed interest in seeing me and its really upsetting me.
He was way standoffish while I was on vacation and blamed it on my Mom. Saying in a text "I tried talkin 2 u nut i know u didn't want 2 talk in front of ur mom so I waited till u called me" I tried calling him repeatedly throughout they trip and wasn't able to get a response other than occisonal texts and one phone call. Today was my first full day home we got into a small phone arguement because on they way home I texted and said my phone will die and he asked my why I told him my phone might die but I could still text with my BFF? I told him my phone was going to die but it took a long time to fully lose charge. He got mad told me I needed to pipe down when I said something about being "interrogated" and that if he doesnt get ask questions about my life then I don't get to ask questions about his. We just grudgingly said I love you.
He won't return calls I texted him to tell him I love him. And I have text him three other messages 1st "hey lovie um what is your deal? You won't communicate with me do you want to breakup or something? I feel like you would want to see me since you haven't seen me in a while? I am kinda frusrated I just want us to be happy" and 2nd "I really want to talk to you but evidently you don't want to talk to me what is your deal?" and 3 rd "Why are you ignoring me do you want to breakup or something I just want an answer?" No response.
I am just really frustrated that I haven't seen him and he's is completely ignoring me but before I went on the trip he talked about how much me was going to miss and that he loves me and he even came over that morning to see me before I left cuddled with me but didn't really kiss me passionatly or anything like that just a regular kiss. I just want him to either be with me or lets break it off completely. I feel like I am the girl that he makes time for when all his other options are done. And clearly I am not his option on this Friday night.
Post by BlueBayou on Sept 14, 2012 23:50:51 GMT -5
Why are you letting him dictate what happens? Whether you break up or not? Do you want to break up? How about you tell him how you will be treated and if he cant do that, then its over? Maybe he needs time to think, or maybe you just need to make the decision for him? No need to waste your time on someone who isnt giving you a response, unless you said something you shouldntve?
Why are you letting him dictate what happens? Whether you break up or not? Do you want to break up? How about you tell him how you will be treated and if he cant do that, then its over? Maybe he needs time to think, or maybe you just need to make the decision for him? No need to waste your time on someone who isnt giving you a response, unless you said something you shouldntve?
He always dictates the major changes in our relationship. What the status is, wether engaged (we have been in the past, but currently we are 'dating'). He is the one in the past to decide wether we breakup (he told me he wanted to breakup) or I move out. He thinks I was unhappy living with him so he wanted me to move out. I was unhappy that he chose his Dad/friends over me and that showed in how I treated him sometimes but I wasn't entirely unhappy. He wanted me to move out so I did then we started talking again a few months later and got back together "dating". I do feel like I have no choice because its his house and that I don't drive so it is really his decision when we see each other. Sometimes I feel like he thinks he can ignore me because I have no way of checking up on him so he goes and does what he wants and doesn't return calls/texts. I sometimes think for him its the perfect setup. I did make a comment about I think he's probably cheating although I don't really think he is so that's probably why he doesn't want to communicate. I just blurted it out and wish I hadn't now. I did have a dream about him cheating while I was on vacation and he did have that whole sexting thing with the 40 y/o. He does think of himself as good looking and acts like he can getgirls other than me. And, he actually said one time infront of parents "that if it wasn't for him I would probably be dating a back guy". I think I am ok looking not skinny as I should be and I have a college degree so I don't think i am a awful catch. I don't think I am 100% on breaking up but I DO want a better relationship and more respect. My aunt has always said "when you get sick of him you'll leave" and I just haven't reached that yet I sometimes think I never will because I do truly love him I just don't love how he is sometimes.
After talking to my my bff about it am sitting here at 3:34 crying. I just want us to be happy and in love so bad not my stupid words hurt us forever. Why the hell do I have to say that I am so angry at myslef I should be with him not crying over something stupid I said. I just miss him so much it hurts.
Post by bullygirl979 on Sept 15, 2012 7:41:02 GMT -5
I am truly struggling why the fuck you want to be in a relationship with a guy who belittles you, ignores you, doesn't respect you and acts like the only likes you when it fits into his agenda.
Yeah...If you were my friend I wouldn't be talking to you at 3am, I would be smacking some sense into you. YOUR words are hurting your relationship?!?!?! OP, you talk about wanting to be in love and wanting him to respect you. LISTEN--99.99% of people DON'T change. And from the sounds of this guy, he doesn't want to change. Why would he? He does whatever he wants and you let him dictate the course of your relationship. You are a puppet on a string!
DTMFA, get thee to therapy, and learn to love yourself.
How old are you? You sound like you are 15!! It says you have a college degree? You dont drive? Do you have some type of mental or physical disability? Have you been in counseling?
This is alomost sounding MUDish.
How many times do you have to be ignored before you catch on? How many times do you have to be disrespected before you wake the fuck up? How many times do you want to be a doormat?
Have some fucking self-respect.
If you want to be treated like a piece fo shit that is your choice, he treats you like this because you allow it! You miss him a lot? Well, honey dont you think that is a really bad sign for you?
Get some therapy ASAP and stop being such a pushover it is really unflattering.
I can't wrap my head around anything you've posted here. I'm also wondering how old you are because this entire situation sounds incredibly immature. You two were engaged at some point? And yet this is how you guys handle issues? Ignore and send whiney texts? Break up with this guy and learn to respect yourself before you date anyone else.
I can't wrap my head around anything you've posted here. I'm also wondering how old you are because this entire situation sounds incredibly immature. You two were engaged at some point? And yet this is how you guys handle issues? Ignore and send whiney texts? Break up with this guy and learn to respect yourself before you date anyone else.
I am 25. We always have done this we getinto a fight, I want to argue/say what needs to besaid /resolveit/moveon/behappy again but instead of responding to me he either leaves or is completely silent no talking no texting, it drives me batty, thus me sending a bunch of text messages. So nothing ever really gets fully resolved and like he says we fight about the same things we always have fought about. We were engaged, got engaged neither of us did any wedding planning and it kind of fizzled out. It was shitty from the begiinning we had a fight two days before getting engaged, I saw him get the ring out of the kitchen cabinet so I knew what he was about to do I tried to cry because I thought that was supposed to be my reaction he knew I was faking, the next day I called my mom and bff and they both told me they were unhappy for me.
Everything you've ever posted about him has led me to believe that he's just a horrible person. I think you love the idea of being in love and are trying to make it happen with him because he's already there and it's convenient. I get that, and I've been in relationships like that before, but the bottom line is that people don't really change. Sure, they can stop certain behaviors, but he's not going to suddenly turn into prince charming after being a complete jerk to you for all this time. He might be able to fake it for awhile (my XH managed to fake it for 9 years), but their true colors will always come out eventually. Better to cut your losses now and find happiness elsewhere.
This is a part of why I am so hanging on. I know some part of him will always love me and I will always love him. I do think we can work, this is our deal: we breakup I move to my moms again, don't see each other for a while then one of us intatites again, things are really good were happy, then we fall back into old habits, breakup again cycle. I also strongly believe that I have PMDD and that those mood swings, super strong emotions effect us greatly (last night I felt like I was going into a PPMD cycle) He even says I am so nice one week and then the rest of the time I am doing this cycle.
Everything you've ever posted about him has led me to believe that he's just a horrible person. I think you love the idea of being in love and are trying to make it happen with him because he's already there and it's convenient. I get that, and I've been in relationships like that before, but the bottom line is that people don't really change. Sure, they can stop certain behaviors, but he's not going to suddenly turn into prince charming after being a complete jerk to you for all this time. He might be able to fake it for awhile (my XH managed to fake it for 9 years), but their true colors will always come out eventually. Better to cut your losses now and find happiness elsewhere.
This is a part of why I am so hanging on. I know some part of him will always love me and I will always love him. I do think we can work, this is our deal: we breakup I move to my moms again, don't see each other for a while then one of us intatites again, things are really good were happy, then we fall back into old habits, breakup again cycle. I also strongly believe that I have PMDD and that those mood swings, super strong emotions effect us greatly (last night I felt like I was going into a PPMD cycle) He even says I am so nice one week and then the rest of the time I am doing this cycle.
This is not healthy love. Please get into therapy and learn to love yourself and you'll find real, honest, love down the road.
Everything you've ever posted about him has led me to believe that he's just a horrible person. I think you love the idea of being in love and are trying to make it happen with him because he's already there and it's convenient. I get that, and I've been in relationships like that before, but the bottom line is that people don't really change. Sure, they can stop certain behaviors, but he's not going to suddenly turn into prince charming after being a complete jerk to you for all this time. He might be able to fake it for awhile (my XH managed to fake it for 9 years), but their true colors will always come out eventually. Better to cut your losses now and find happiness elsewhere.
This is a part of why I am so hanging on. I know some part of him will always love me and I will always love him. I do think we can work, this is our deal: we breakup I move to my moms again, don't see each other for a while then one of us intatites again, things are really good were happy, then we fall back into old habits, breakup again cycle. I also strongly believe that I have PMDD and that those mood swings, super strong emotions effect us greatly (last night I felt like I was going into a PPMD cycle) He even says I am so nice one week and then the rest of the time I am doing this cycle.
I am laughing my fucking ass off at the bolded.
Sweetie, of course he is going to blame you for all of this! Do you really think he would say "No, I am really a douchebag jackass who treats you like shit and only has time for you when I want a fuck, an ego boost or when it otherwise fits into my agenda?" Cause I hate to tell you....that is the real cause of the issues here, not you.
As for the driving thing. All my life I have had enbablers. My dad died when I was 15 and from then on my life's been basically at a standstill I mean I have gotten older, graduated from college etc but I feel like I am "stuck" at 15 like I have never grown up. My mom basically after my dad died gave me whatever I asked for/did everything for me. I do have my permit since I was 17, drove a little, got a used car, well one day I was like I want to go the grocery store up from our house she said it was ok for me to go, when got into an accident, hardly ever drive now. I have taken professional lessons, she periodically asks me if I want to I always say no cause I am scared, she doesnt force issue. My mom has never been the type to make me do anything I didnt want want to but I know Dad would have made me get them and I wouldn't have a choice. She does stay on me until I finished school and I always say 'yes; to what she asks even if I don't really like it and then I think "why did you do that" I do that with other people too always let other take the lead. I feel I want/need a job so I can eventually move out (I basically want my own space not have to listen to her everyday/do what I want etc even a small house would make me happy, thats why I get upset everytime I move out of BF's house because I know I am going back to her house and hate it) and she's like you can find a job but if you don't that's ok because you really don't need to work. In college I always either had a roomate to do something with, she did things for me basically I alaways found a way around it. But, I always felt awkward about it/try to hide it. I crave wanting to be normal so bad with a normal job, relationship normal life.
Listen, are you even reading the responses that you are getting??
DTMFA.... AND GET INTO THERAPY!
Nope shes not and she wont. Shed rather keep the cycle going and blame it on her messed up life. Its easier to get treated like a piece of crap then get help Its that she needs. Its easier to continue to complain then get help and change her life.
She loooooveeeessss him and can make it work because this is a wonderful man she has there!
Listen, are you even reading the responses that you are getting??
DTMFA.... AND GET INTO THERAPY!
Nope shes not and she wont. Shed rather keep the cycle going and blame it on her messed up life. Its easier to get treated like a piece of crap then get help Its that she needs. Its easier to continue to complain then get help and change her life.
She loooooveeeessss him and can make it work because this is a wonderful man she has there!
And an asshole is better than no one. Thank christ I don't adhere to that policy.
Im going to be real here. Stop making excuses for being with a shitty guy. Stop making excuses because of your family situation. Your dad passed, I'm sorry--my dad passed too--- BUT life moves on. You have a degree and are 25 with no job??? Get off your ass and find a job. You will never move on from the comfort of home and a crummy relationship if you don't gain your own independence. If you think you have PMDD or depression, SEE A DOCTOR!! Get yourself out of this pathetic rut. Get your shit together before getting into a new relationship or the next one will be codependent too. Go make some money, get a place and learn to drive.
I am truly struggling why the fuck you want to be in a relationship with a guy who belittles you, ignores you, doesn't respect you and acts like the only likes you when it fits into his agenda.
Yeah...If you were my friend I wouldn't be talking to you at 3am, I would be smacking some sense into you. YOUR words are hurting your relationship?!?!?! OP, you talk about wanting to be in love and wanting him to respect you. LISTEN--99.99% of people DON'T change. And from the sounds of this guy, he doesn't want to change. Why would he? He does whatever he wants and you let him dictate the course of your relationship. You are a puppet on a string!
DTMFA, get thee to therapy, and learn to love yourself.
Had brief conversation earlier and found out he was at a bonfire with his friends last night and didnt want to answer the phone or return text in front of them because he didn't want to argue with me in front of them. Then he texted me and said "Sorry ur mad at me guess i should have brought my ass home" And I replied back "but you didnt and its done so now that's that" then thought better of it and texted "and no (bf name) I am not sorry i was mad at you you should have respect and courtesy for me to answer the phone or text me so its on you not me" No reponse yet
I know some part of him will always love me and I will always love him. I do think we can work,
+o( ^o) +o( ^o) +o( ^o) +o( ^o) +o( ^o) +o( ^o)
Good gawd. Your "love" is not an everlasting, "what romance stories" are made of material. But you're trying to make it that. But it's not. Not. Not. Not.
Why are you insisting on trying to force a square peg into a round hole?
I think this will be my last text message of the night I wrote "whats up? I dont really get yiour behavior because before I left you were so sweet loving kind and now you won't even text or call so what is up are you just ignoring me you wanna breakup? if thats what your deal is just say and its ok I just want some sort of answer I dont feel this is fair of your to do this but you always do what you wanna do anyways I am about through I love you so much but I think you should treat me better!" I feel like texting him just gives him more "proof" so I guess I will stop. I just dont like to wait and wait and wait either he makes a decision that we are still a couple or we aren't. But, I know he just likes to fuck with my head so thats what he's doing. its been done many times before like he'd say he was picking me up at 7 for a date and not pick me up until 10, doesnt answer when hes out with friends, I say something about feeling like I am the last person he has time for and he says well you should like that cause it means your the last person I want to see before I go to sleep. I just have to not feed into it and I havent been doing a good job lately.
Hes fuckiing in you in the head because you allow him to do so, and i think you like it. I can not believe you are 25 and i certainly cant believe you are educated. Stop acting like a complete asshole....act like an asshole be treated like an asshole.
If you done get some prof. help you will live the rest of your life as doormat.
This will be my last response to you because i think it is a total waste of my time because people like you dont really want help.
Hes fuckiing in you in the head because you allow him to do so, and i think you like it. I can not believe you are 25 and i certainly cant believe you are educated. Stop acting like a complete asshole....act like an asshole be treated like an asshole.
If you done get some prof. help you will live the rest of your life as doormat.
This will be my last response to you because i think it is a total waste of my time because people like you dont really want help.
And why do you think I am acting like an asshole, he's the one acting like an ass, I just want him to spend time with me and treat me like I should be treated. Like right now, its Saturday night and he acts like I don't even exisit.
You are really coming across as the crazy one here. Honestly if this is the stuff you text him I probably would be avoiding responding to you as well.
I just want him to act like I matter to him we have been together for 8 years. it just hurts me so bad that he wont even talk to me I want to treat me like I am his gf which he has up until me going on vacation and then bam he doesn't act like I exisit.
Hes fuckiing in you in the head because you allow him to do so, and i think you like it. I can not believe you are 25 and i certainly cant believe you are educated. Stop acting like a complete asshole....act like an asshole be treated like an asshole.
If you done get some prof. help you will live the rest of your life as doormat.
This will be my last response to you because i think it is a total waste of my time because people like you dont really want help.
And why do you think I am acting like an asshole, he's the one acting like an ass, I just want him to spend time with me and treat me like I should be treated. Like right now, its Saturday night and he acts like I don't even exisit.
Dear.sweet.jesus.
I mean this very, very nicely: are you a fucking moron? He DOESN'T want to spend time with you and you are NOT his first priority. Stop trying to change him because HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
I am done with you. For real. Stick with this asshole and keep trying to change him. And while you are at it, check back with us in a year and let us know how that works out for you, mmmkay?