AAM: "I ghosted my ex, now she's my boss" update

[redheadbaker]

Original letter discussed here: pandce.proboards.com/thread/583473/aam-ghosted-ex-new-boss

Update: www.askamanager.org/2017/09/update-i-ghosted-my-ex-and-shes-about-to-be-my-new-boss.html

"I admit I wrote my original email in a state of panic. I was on my holidays when I found out and a friend of mine gave me your email. I did not realize my message would be fully replicated on your blog. I am sure you get tons of requests and I thought I would be lucky to get a reply within one of those short scenarios at max. By the time the blog was posted and I was returning to Philippines, my initial panic started to dissipate as I found out more about Sylvia’s situation. Just in time to discover the story going viral, both online and offline. I can say that in no way I expected that writing to a very popular but a niche professional blog would result in such Internet s*t storm. I am sorry for not engaging with your readers, but given the toxicity of many commentators, I did not seem much sense in doing it. I am still very much freaked out about the whole experience but since I promised to give you my update, here it is.

Those who blamed me for ruining Sylvia’s life for good were wrong. She has done very well for herself. She is married, with kids and her husband is originally from here. They relocated because of his business opportunity, not because she would be stalking me or would orchestrate this in some elaborate vendetta. It is a crazy coincidence but as some readers pointed out, our professional world can be very small.

I immediately reached out to Sylvia, along the lines of your kind advice and also offered to discuss the way forward in person. Here, I appreciate many useful comments from your readers on what to write. She did not get back to me. I was not sure she was still using her old email address and with a return to school day fast approaching, I re-sent the email to her new work email. I also dropped a short message to the HR, without providing full details. Next morning (Sunday!) I got a call from the chair of our board of overseers, asking me to meet him as soon as possible.


I met with him, together with Sylvia, the same day. As you can imagine, this meeting was incredibly embarrassing for me, personally and professionally. Fortunately, unlike some of your readers hope, they did not think the past failed relationship was a sackable offence. At the end, there is not that much interaction between the director and employees on daily basis. The chair was more worried about possible gossip and related implications for the organisation. Ours is an expensive enterprise, this is a conservative place and nobody wants any scandal. At the same time, they considered it was necessary – as they framed it – to put some measures in place to avoid possible problems in the future. I was also told in no uncertain terms that although the schedule for the year was already set, it was far more difficult to replace the director than an employee (me). I do not want to go into too much details but I found the proposed measures rather excessive. It would make my position unattainable, even in a short run. Therefore I resigned on the spot. My resignation was later accepted.

In a summary, as many of those self-righteous people on the Internet hoped, I came out of this with no job, no severance and no prospect for another job in this city. Obviously, I have to leave as I need to make a living. I will be shortly moving back home for several months to work as a substitute teacher, with an agency. I will see what next later. So I had my comeuppance. I am most certainly not asking for pity. I only wish there were not other individuals bearing the blunt of my immaturity in the past. (My partner cannot join me due to visa issue and family situation.)"

[pixy0stix]

This dude is wholly unlikable. I'm satisfied with the outcome.

[stephogirl]

[wawa]

My takeaway:
"I did not seem much sense"
"bearing the blunt"
"make my position unattainable"

[penguingrrl]

Whiny brat got what he deserves.

[mbcdefg]

[bex]

What did he think was going to happen??

Of course the director is harder to replace than a teacher. Of course they are going to try to keep the director than a teacher, even in an international school. And of course Sylvia, however happy her life may be now, is still going to think he is a grade A asshole and not go out of her way for him.

Of course he would have to quit or be fired. I'm sure the "measures" were designed to force his resignation.

[OscarQ]

Nothing is his or her fault ever. This person is the worst.

[nomad100]

I love how he gets to decide if he ruined her life. What an asshole. I cannot believe that he is still going with the "oh woe is me" bullshit. He was an asshole to her and still can't own that.

[redheadbaker]

[StrawberryBlondie]

Well, if she's married with kids obviously what he did had no effect on her back then.

Ass.

[sofamonkey]

El. Oh. El.

I mean, she couldn't possibly have also mentioned to HR about him emailing her personal account. And to dismiss the possibility of her stalking him because she moved with her family just shows he's next level scumbag? No one was thinking that, dude.

Very satisfying update. Hahahaha. Also, allllllll his friends and family will know when he goes home. As he says, it's a small community. Mwahaha.

[dottyblue]

I thought he was kind of dense initially, but gave him an drop of sympathy assuming it was a young-and-dumb situation where he had learned better. Nope. He deserves everything he got.

LOL @ blaming his job loss on nepotism and claiming their (perfectly reasonable) demands were unsustainable.

[isabel]

This was very satisfying, despite the fact that this guy clearly has zero self-awareness.

[pinkeggs]

I hope Sylvia had the best celebratory dinner and champagne ever. Talk about karma coming around.

[jigsy]

He is so terrible and this experience did nothing to give him any self awareness. So, he will continue on being terrible.

But, at least he was left without a job and prospects, which makes me feel like there is a little justice in the world.

Fuck you loser.

[captainobvious]

Sounds to me like the immaturity is not just in the past.

[atexan]

That is an incredibly delicious update. #TeamSylvia

[Skyesthelimit1212]

Can't wait for the letter saying his parents kicked him off their couch for not finding a perm teaching job, all because the internet thinks he's an asshole.  

"I am most certainly not asking for pity." - No worries, no one fuck was given.  

[MixedBerryJam]

Sept 26, 2017 10:22:16 GMT -5 wawa said:

My takeaway:
"I did not seem much sense"
"bearing the blunt"
"make my position unattainable"

Plus I thought the parenthetical having to leave his partner behind due to visa things was the cherry on top.

[kadams767]

Sept 26, 2017 10:22:16 GMT -5 wawa said:

My takeaway:
"I did not seem much sense"
"bearing the blunt"
"make my position unattainable"

Not going to lie, I'm glad this idiot is not currently educating our youth.  Hopefully he doesn't find another teaching job.

[elleblue]

Sept 26, 2017 10:44:27 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

Sept 26, 2017 10:22:16 GMT -5 wawa said:

My takeaway:
"I did not seem much sense"
"bearing the blunt"
"make my position unattainable"

Plus I thought the parenthetical having to leave his partner behind due to visa things was the cherry on top.

There is some kind of cosmic justice in that, though I suppose not for this current partner.

[turnipthebeet]

Sounds like that school (not to mention Sylvia) dodged a bullet there.

[seeyalater52]

This person is extremely insufferable.

[ECB]

Based on his utter inability to truly accept responsibility for his actions and all the "woe is me" BS - I'd love to know what exactly he said to her and HR.  I'd bet you that his email to her actually did the damage here, not the actual act of ghosting her however many years ago.  He comes across as insufferable and unable to learn about himself.  THAT may have been the nail in the coffin.  

[cville]

He's probably a crap teacher, too, since, for example, he used "unattainable" when he meant "untenable."

Bye bye! Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you!

[meshaliuknits]

It's nice to see karma smack someone in the face.

[cville]

I hope Sylvia is featured on an upcoming episode of House Hunters International and every so often while she's commenting intelligently about how this or that apartment is located within easy walking distance to her job, she just bursts into joyful laughter while staring off into the distance, gazing at her bright future.

[jeaniebueller]

I read this and was like 'wait, what?'


They relocated because of his business opportunity, not because she would be stalking me or would orchestrate this in some elaborate vendetta. It is a crazy coincidence but as some readers pointed out, our professional world can be very small.

[georgeglass]

Sept 26, 2017 11:15:13 GMT -5 cville said:

I hope Sylvia is featured on an upcoming episode of House Hunters International and every so often while she's commenting intelligently about how this or that apartment is located within easy walking distance to her job, she just bursts into joyful laughter while staring off into the distance, gazing at her bright future.

This might be one of my favorite things I have ever read.