Hax: Future DIL stealing my only chance to be a mombridezill

[sofamonkey]

I mean, lots of people (brides and grooms) would like a small ceremony. An intimate affair like that can be extremely romantic. This mom is making grand assumptions from very little information. Yeesh.

[mryrcn]

I have encouraged my oldest who will probably be the first of my kids to marry to have a small wedding, elope, etc. And spend money on the honeymoon. Who cares about big ass weddings? Good grief.

[pixy0stix]

This MIL is going to be a handful.

[birddog]

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

[penguingrrl]

I'm glad Paul is planning the wedding he and his fiancé want, not the wedding his mother wants. That's a good omen for the marriage to follow. I have no opinion on what type of wedding my children would have should they marry. It's their business between them and their partner, nobody else's. I can't stand people who don't get that!

[rjamz]

Yikes!

You want to plan a big wedding lady? Do some vow renewal thing for you and your husband a la Emily Gilmore or something.

Good for Paul and Mara. I got married young and got pushed into a big fancy wedding that the parents wanted, and while my marriage is very strong and it was only one day, I don't look back on my wedding day with any great fondness

[msmerymac]

Sept 29, 2017 16:37:42 GMT -5 birddog said:

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

DIY hand-tied? Wild flowers? I don't know, but it sounds lovely. If I had to get married again I would do the same, right down to a possibly-green tea-length dress.

[WOT?*]

I got married before a judge in a pink Ann Taylor dress, with a toddler as an unofficial witness. I'd BTDT and H (like Paul) just didn't care all that much about what we did as long as we eventually got it over and done with (my sentiments more so than his, lol). I'd spent far too long trying to figure out how to get family from all over the country to one location that nobody really cared about and had no connection to, but where we happened to have jobs. It was stressing me out and I was tired of dealing. I'd already had a church wedding and didn't care for a do-over.

My older daughter got married at a bowling alley and we all had a blast. It will always be one of the most fun weddings I've ever been to. My older son was married on the beach at a park near his home. It's the same place where we had a memorial service and released his son's ashes. It will always hold cherished memories.

No church ceremony in blush-and-bashful would ever compare.

[suburbanzookeeper]

DH & I got married in a surprise backyard BBQ with a taco cart (pantsparty was our photographer), we chose to buy a house instead of the big wedding. We could have scaled it back even more but meh, he eloped with his first wife and I had the big white wedding with my first husband. We compromised.

[lilibet]

Sept 29, 2017 16:37:42 GMT -5 birddog said:

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

From the way this letter writer sounds my guess is anything that isn't a rose.

[mich1]

Sept 29, 2017 16:37:42 GMT -5 birddog said:

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

Probably making bouquets out of $50 in supermarket flowers rather than spending $2000 at the local florist to have WEDDING flowers.

[fryjack2]

Good for Paul for sticking up for what he and his wife are planning.

My wedding was much bigger than i wanted it to be. I caved about some things and put my foot down about others that my MiL tried to insist on. She even tried the same tactic as this mom of paying for everything just so we would do what she wanted.

It's a wedding between two people, neither of which are the mother. Not her wedding to plan. Be disappointed in not have a big to do in private. Maybe she can fund a potential future grand child's big wedding.

[fryjack2]

Sept 29, 2017 16:37:42 GMT -5 birddog said:

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

I carried 6 Gerbera daisies, my BMs carried 4, and I had Them floating in shallow circle vases as centerpieces. It was not exactly the 20 pound bouquet or huge 5 foot tall table arrangements that are norm in H's NYC family weddings.

[captainobvious]

Methinks the MIL saw her sons wedding as a way for HER to get the pretty pretty princess day she didn't have before.

This is just one of many that showed up when I googled "casual wedding flowers" and they look beautiful to me.

[mbcdefg]

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that Paul never wanted the big wedding either, but told Mommy it's Mara's wish to let himself off the hook.

Either way, it's not Mom's wedding. She's (presumably) had her chance already.

Tell her to throw a big anniversary party for herself if she wants a pretty princess day.

[birddog]

Sept 29, 2017 18:07:32 GMT -5 mich1 said:

Sept 29, 2017 16:37:42 GMT -5 birddog said:

What are "casual flowers" exactly?

Probably making bouquets out of $50 in supermarket flowers rather than spending $2000 at the local florist to have WEDDING flowers.

Ahhh so what I did for my wedding. Got it. This lady would be so disappointed in me.

[readyin07]

Points scored that I will be an awesome MIL. You can have whatever wedding you want! Yay!

[sushi]

Mommy dearest had regrets about her own wedding and wants a do-over.

I agree it's outdated for a woman to not wear white at a 2nd wedding. But it doesn't sound like that's her reasoning.

I'm going to speculate with no evidence her first big wedding involved family dramas (most do) so she warned her fiance. He was probably, yep, my mom would be awful. Let's avoid that. And the excuse is 2nd wedding.

She would have hated me

[orval]

I work in the wedding industry and am dealing with a crazy MIL right now. She is threatening me with bad online reviews if I don't give her money back. Not happening, write away.
I want to tell the bride to set her boundaries now!! But that might be rude, ha!

[thejackpot]

Glad they are having the wedding they want to have complete with casual flowers.
I do understand the mom being disappointed about her son not having the wedding she envisioned but she needs to back off. Parenthood is all about altering expectations and seeing your offspring as individuals with their own wants and desires. She should definitely realize that before this point in her son's life.

[eddy]

Some of the most romantic and intimate weddings I have attended were the smallest. So it ain't about your romantic son, ma.

She wanted a big to do to show off to her friends. My guess is she isa bit bored in this stage in her life and wanting a big thing to focus on. My mom, although not the fussy type, certainly welcomed the chance to hyper focus on a bit event when both my sister and I got married. Part of it was her perfectionism in wanting to throw a big event that her friends would attend and the other part was that it was something to do and focus on. I do not have fond memories of that year I was planning my wedding. I was 23, so WTF did I know, but in retrospect a smaller wedding would have been so much more enjoyable.

[OscarQ]

WOT?*, Now I really want to have a bowling alley wedding. That sounds like a fantastic time.

I will say that my mother was all in her opinions about each of her daughter's weddings. We largely ignored her. H and I even hired a wedding coordinator largely to handle my mom on the wedding day. My husband actually has a good relationship with my mom but I wonder how she'd be if she had a DIL.

Good luck to this couple.

[StrawberryBlondie]

One of my closest friends had her reception in a bowling alley. It as a blast.

I get being a little sad or disappointed that the wedding won't be what she thought it would be. I'm sure my parents a little disappointed when we didn't get married in my hometown at the church I grew up in. I'm sure they were disappointed we wanted to keep the guest list kind of small... But, the only time she stepped out of line was with how to honor one particular deceased relative. I mean, she realized I'm opinionated and loud long ago.

[bowies]

I have been married twice and would have had a tiny destination wedding for the second one if it had been solely up to me. But, I wanted my H to have what he wanted too and so we blended our ideas. Isn't that the ideal? I don't get the feeling that Paul is being forced to acquiesce to his fiancée's wishes here - it sounds lovely and like he understands the importance of being sensitive to her first marriage. Good for them.

[sushi]

Does anyone actually think a large elaborate wedding is romantic? It may be a great party, but it's probably mostly for show.

Romance is about the couple, not the flowers or dress or size of guest list.

Even with my very small wedding (less than 20 due to my circumstances) I still had parental meddling. My dad disapproved of my menu choices. And he tried to convince me I'd regret not being in a church because I'd regret it "when" I go back to church in the future and look back on a beach wedding as invalid. Fuck off, dad.

[WOT?*]

Sept 30, 2017 14:05:18 GMT -5 OscarQ said:

WOT?* , Now I really want to have a bowling alley wedding. That sounds like a fantastic time.

I will say that my mother was all in her opinions about each of her daughter's weddings. We largely ignored her. H and I even hired a wedding coordinator largely to handle my mom on the wedding day. My husband actually has a good relationship with my mom but I wonder how she'd be if she had a DIL.

Good luck to this couple.

It was a blast. We had about 2 weeks to plan it between when he came back from Bahrain and left to Japan. We pulled it together in about three days, when her original hoped-for location didn't work out due to scheduling conflicts with a baby shower. I hit every purple, silver and white from JoAnn's, Michael's and Fred Meyer, right on down to a clearance set of purple satin sheets to drape over the hideous brown 1960s cabinetry. I was stopping off at Costcos on the way from my house to the wedding still to pick up flowers for table décor. It was unrecognizable from the original tacky room we started with.

I highly recommend bowling alley weddings. Or roller skating or other tacky "things I did as a kid and still think is kind of a blast" weddings. Best times ever. I had to get a hotel because I was too tired to drive home. Heck, I was too tired to drive to the hotel. Just ask the cop that pulled me over.

[goldengirlz]

Sept 30, 2017 18:34:07 GMT -5 sushi said:

Does anyone actually think a large elaborate wedding is romantic? It may be a great party, but it's probably mostly for show.

Romance is about the couple, not the flowers or dress or size of guest list.

Even with my very small wedding (less than 20 due to my circumstances) I still had parental meddling. My dad disapproved of my menu choices. And he tried to convince me I'd regret not being in a church because I'd regret it "when" I go back to church in the future and look back on a beach wedding as invalid. Fuck off, dad.

I mean, I thought my large(-ish) wedding was romantic to us. So now we're judging wedding size? :::shrug::: Who cares. I've gotten misty eyed at just about every wedding I've been to. Any wedding size can be romantic.

[wawa]

Sept 30, 2017 18:34:07 GMT -5 sushi said:

Does anyone actually think a large elaborate wedding is romantic? It may be a great party, but it's probably mostly for show.

Romance is about the couple, not the flowers or dress or size of guest list.

Even with my very small wedding (less than 20 due to my circumstances) I still had parental meddling. My dad disapproved of my menu choices. And he tried to convince me I'd regret not being in a church because I'd regret it "when" I go back to church in the future and look back on a beach wedding as invalid. Fuck off, dad.

You sound like a dick with that first paragraph. Fyi.

[sushi]

wawa, you're right. I was a dick. And i won't edit to erase that evidence.

I've personally not been to a romantic big wedding. That doesn't mean they don't exist. The big weddings I've been to were about show and parental obligations, but that doesn't mean they all are. Not in the least. I think I got my feathers ruffled about old hurts.

I'm sorry to anyone I've offended.

I really meant to say definition of large/elaborate = romantic as the momzilla seems to equate

[rouquinette]

Sept 29, 2017 19:18:02 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that Paul never wanted the big wedding either, but told Mommy it's Mara's wish to let himself off the hook.

Either way, it's not Mom's wedding. She's (presumably) had her chance already.

Tell her to throw a big anniversary party for herself if she wants a pretty princess day.

My thoughts exactly.  All I hear from the LW is how she's not getting the wedding she always envisioned for her son, so it must be because her evil DIL is too worried about money/appearances.  Of course she expresses "concern" for her son so that she still ends up looking like just a concerned mother.  Yeah, not buying it, lady.  And I doubt your son is either.