I’m failing as a parent.

[Leeham Rimes]

Xavier got 2 Ds and an F on his graded seatwork (which I have bitched about here often. There are only 3-6 questions on these things ). He was so scared to show me he threw it away.

He told me in the car bc I told him I knew about the grades and not to be too upset when he gets them. (Well first he lied and then 20 seconds later he told the truth)

I remember that feeling and it was awful. I’ve turned into my mother. I feel like I’m failing miserably at everything I do. And now I don’t even know how to punish him or if I should bc (1) his teacher is batshit crazy and I hate her and (2) I’ve set up this stressful scenario in his life. A second grader shouldn’t have a panic attack over bad grades.

I just want to cry bc life is hard. (We also saw an amazing house but they want $5,000 at move in so that's adding to my stress. I don’t want to deal with this teacher anymore and the faster we move the faster we can transfer)

[jenny1980]

I think it's absurd she is giving a 2nd grader Ds and Fs. Lu is in second grade and the worst thing she can get is a "needs extra support." This teacher sounds nuts.

What does she recommend for helping him progress?

[revolution]

Oh honey. You are NOT failing. and I wouldn't punish for that at all. I wouldn't punish for grades, but effort. So, does he try? Is he giving his best, or close to best effort (we can't give 100% all the time)?

If it's more on the teacher than X, then I wouldn't stress over that at all and make sure he doesn't either. Especially if you plan to move.

How are his other grades?

[marie]

Wow, that is really harsh to give those out to a 2nd grade student. We do not have letter grades yet. I do not think my DDs even know what a D or F is.

I am sorry, this is hard. Did the teacher offer feedback/suggestions?

[georgeglass]

There's someone failing here and it's not you -or your kid.

I'm sorry the teacher sucks.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 15:20:52 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I think it's absurd she is giving a 2nd grader Ds and Fs. Lu is in second grade and the worst thing she can get is a "needs extra support." This teacher sounds nuts.

What does she recommend for helping him progress?

Nothing. ITs his fault bc he doesn’t focus. Nothing she can do. I’ve adked this question over and over.

[daisyfay25]

Dec 4, 2017 15:35:22 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Dec 4, 2017 15:20:52 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I think it's absurd she is giving a 2nd grader Ds and Fs. Lu is in second grade and the worst thing she can get is a "needs extra support." This teacher sounds nuts.

What does she recommend for helping him progress?

Nothing. ITs his fault bc he doesn’t focus. Nothing she can do. I’ve adked this question over and over.

She is the worst.

[DotAndBuzz]

That is heartbreaking. And I agree with georgeglass, there are definitely failures here, but they aren't yours, or X's.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 15:21:22 GMT -5 revolution said:

Oh honey. You are NOT failing. and I wouldn't punish for that at all. I wouldn't punish for grades, but effort. So, does he try? Is he giving his best, or close to best effort (we can't give 100% all the time)?

If it's more on the teacher than X, then I wouldn't stress over that at all and make sure he doesn't either. Especially if you plan to move.

How are his other grades?

I can’t tell if he’s trying or not bc she grades the most random things, after the fact. They’re not told it’s going to be graded when they do it. I mean, are 7 year olds expected to be “on” at peak performance 24/7? Maybe the answer is yes but we’re having a real hard time.

He gets mainly a’s on everything but the way she grades is weird bc it doesn’t ever add up. When I use grading calculators, her grades don’t add up.

I’m so over this school and this grade. And she told me 3rd grade is even worse. I just don’t even know which way is up.

[eb777888]

What kind of school is he going to? Is this a charter school by any chance?

[cville]

This school and this teacher seem totally out of whack with reality.

[specialk]

I am so sorry that this teacher is putting you and your child in this position. I agree that the only one failing here is her.

[revolution]

Dec 4, 2017 15:41:48 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Dec 4, 2017 15:21:22 GMT -5 revolution said:

Oh honey. You are NOT failing. and I wouldn't punish for that at all. I wouldn't punish for grades, but effort. So, does he try? Is he giving his best, or close to best effort (we can't give 100% all the time)?

If it's more on the teacher than X, then I wouldn't stress over that at all and make sure he doesn't either. Especially if you plan to move.

How are his other grades?

I can’t tell if he’s trying or not bc she grades the most random things, after the fact. They’re not told it’s going to be graded when they do it. I mean, are 7 year olds expected to be “on” at peak performance 24/7? Maybe the answer is yes but we’re having a real hard time.

He gets mainly a’s on everything but the way she grades is weird bc it doesn’t ever add up. When I use grading calculators, her grades don’t add up.

I’m so over this school and this grade. And she told me 3rd grade is even worse. I just don’t even know which way is up.

ugh.  Fuck her.  I'd be he is trying with all of his little 2nd grade heart.  I'd give him a big hug and tell him you are proud of him for trying hard and for telling you about the grades.  

And I ditto @natariru, (I think she posted it) and get that bat shit crazy lady to put in writing it is all his fault.

big hugs to both of you.  

Any chance of changing schools without moving?

[lilac05]

You are not failing. His teacher is. At this point, I would escalate this situation to the principal. No 2nd grade teacher should throw up her hands and say there's nothing she can do to help him. That attitude from a teacher is unacceptable at any age except maybe college.

I'm so sorry. You have so much going on. I hope things fall into place so you can get him out of that school ASAP.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 15:44:59 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Dec 4, 2017 15:35:22 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Nothing. ITs his fault bc he doesn’t focus. Nothing she can do. I’ve adked this question over and over.

Do you have this in writing? Documentation of your questions, etc?

Bc it's time to bring this to the principal. SHE IS FUCKING WITH YOUR CHILD'S LOVE OF LEARNING. IT'S NOT OK.

The principal is a piece of shit. She hates me bc I got her in trouble with the school board over her doing literally nothing (other than blaming X bc “the bully said it wasn’t his fault”) about two straight years of physical bullying (hitting, slapping so hard x had a handprint on his face, spitting).

She (princial) also racially profiled Xs BFF so going to her will do a fat lot of nothing, I’m trying to get the parents I know are having issues to contact the school board about all of this but so far people are not wanting to for fear of retaliation (which is a legitimate fear in this school).

[venice2007]

This teacher needs a punch in the throat

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 15:58:59 GMT -5 venice2007 said:

This teacher needs a punch in the throat

Principal too.

[karinothing]

That is madness. Our school doesn't even do grades until 3rd. This is not your fault.

[jeaniebueller]

You are not a failure. You have been working like crazy to help him. Don't beat yourself up over this.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 16:00:17 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Dec 4, 2017 15:55:41 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

The principal is a piece of shit. She hates me bc I got her in trouble with the school board over her doing literally nothing (other than blaming X bc “the bully said it wasn’t his fault”) about two straight years of physical bullying (hitting, slapping so hard x had a handprint on his face, spitting).

She (princial) also racially profiled Xs BFF so going to her will do a fat lot of nothing, I’m trying to get the parents I know are having issues to contact the school board about all of this but so far people are not wanting to for fear of retaliation (which is a legitimate fear in this school).

I'll be in FL on Thursday. Who should I light on fire?

The entirety of Florida if you want to get technical.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 16:00:36 GMT -5 chilerellanos said:

I can’t remember if you work or not.

Would homeschooling temporarily be an option?

I work from home. I actually searched it today as a backup if we can’t find schooling in time. Not ideal but neither is this situation.

[Leeham Rimes]

Dec 4, 2017 16:27:23 GMT -5 chilerellanos said:

Dec 4, 2017 16:14:09 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

I work from home. I actually searched it today as a backup if we can’t find schooling in time. Not ideal but neither is this situation.

I feel completely comfortable having you homeschool. I don’t have the same confidence in my crazy right wing home schooling sister.

Luckily for us they give us a curriculum to follow. He loves his friends and likes seeing them at school but he hates going anymore.

[cmeon]

I'm definitely not one to suggest charters, but, I'd pull him and start him in FL Virtual School (I don't think you'd be eligible for either of OC or VC's virtual schools right now, but, worth a look, too).

It's not ideal, but, it's less work for you than true homeschooling.

You're doing the best you can with really difficult circumstances- he's going to be fine. No reason to keep sending him to a school that clearly is not interested in helping him succeed, though.

[TamiTaylor]

As a teacher I hate bashing other teachers but damn this lady is crazy. This is not developmentally appropriate for 2nd grade. Not this or any of the other backstory issues. She either needs to change her class work & class expectations, change her grade that she teaches or just change her profession.

[georgeharrison]

A. We have already established this teacher is just the worst.
B. I'm pretty sure that a person failing as a parent does not consider that they are failing as a parent.

You are doing all you can. You are not failing.

Hugs.

[lolalolalola]

You are doing great as a parent. Those shit bags are failing at being educators and decent humans.

[pantsparty]

His teacher is a fucking bitch. FUCK HER.

Sorry, I have nothing useful to add.

[lilac05]

I'm with chilerellanos and would strongly consider homeschooling temporarily at this point. FWIW, I'm never a "burn it down" type person or one to run away from difficult situations, but stuff like this, if left unaddressed, can have long lasting consequences. You have tried to talk to the principal and the teacher and things have only gotten worse. It sounds like he's not learning much there aside from his "inability" to do what the teacher asks. That's certainly not something you want him to absorb. There are lots of fantastic resources for homeschooling, and even lots of opportunities (at least in my area) for homeschool kids to take classes together and/or do other social things. And since you only have one student to teach, wait to follow instructions, go to the bathroom, etc, it can be done successfully in much less time than traditional school.

[smock]

I had a teacher like this in elementary school. It made me dread going to school and I felt like a terrible student. I still went on to be a total nerd and get a Ph.D.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get your son out of that shitty situation, so you're absolutely not a bad parent. 2nd graders are resilient and I'm sure your son will bounce back once he gets away from that crazy school.

[blondemoment123]

I promise you’re not failing as a parent. You’ve had a rough few months and it seems you’ve handled it like a champ!

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got this!!