Please do what you are comfortable with. I had more to “lose” in the divorce. We agreed on all the terms, I got a lawyer, we both signed off on everything. I feel like I had one of the easiest divorces on paper. It was still rough emotionally even though it was my idea and very much what I wanted. I have been following your story loosely and I wish you a lot of luck. You deserve happiness.
Does he know about your retirement and inheritance accounts?
I'm glad you decided to give a lawyer a call. It can get messy splitting up assets even when it starts out amicably.
He knows that they exist but he doesn't have any idea what the balances are.
I know I'm a doubting person but please, please, get an attorney. Like others have said, he doesn't have to know. But I would absolutely hate for you to get screwed out of inheritance or retirement.
Please follow through with contacting the attorney tomorrow. If you don't like that attorney, get a different one. You should feel comfortable. As maudlin as this sounds, I have a good friend whose father went through a horrific divorce (he had considerable assets and no prenup) and I've kept his name on file if the need ever arises. Also, I'm too old for this shit. I'm not going to get screwed out of what I have at this point. Nor should you. Consider a condom. Would you sleep with a new guy without a condom? No? Then don't go through a divorce without one. Weird comparison, I know. But both could be life saving.
Does he know about your retirement and inheritance accounts?
I'm glad you decided to give a lawyer a call. It can get messy splitting up assets even when it starts out amicably.
He knows that they exist but he doesn't have any idea what the balances are.
Definitely talk to that attorney.
The laws vary from state to state but where I live XH had a right to half of my retirement, he had none saved (hes counting on an inheritance which I have no right to).
My best advice if you have all the money is to play very nice and try to get him to agree to letting you keep what is yours as quickly as possible. Don't tell him you hired the lawyer right away. Delete him from all of your accounts and as beneficiary on anything. When you do file if you want to play nice tell him and let him sign the waiver instead of serving him.
Post by closertofine on Jan 16, 2018 6:20:39 GMT -5
Get a lawyer.
My situation was totally different than yours, but the one thing I can say is that none of it played out at all, not even a little bit, like I was expecting. What others have said about moods and attitudes changing, or him changing once he's talked to more people, is 100% true. You need to protect yourself, even if it costs $2000. Good luck.
My friend’s husband wanted her to skip the lawyer and just fill out the paperwork (he did that for his first divorce at age 19). They had no shared assets, but she had retirement savings and money towards a down payment on their house. She knew he had nothing but debts. Her lawyer was able to compel him to reveal the extent of his debts (well more than double her estimate), and was able to write a separation agreement that would hold up in court separating her from his debts. The paperwork was prepared in such a way that this year she can file the same documents to obtain her divorce as soon as the one year mark rolls around. She considers it $1500 well spent. Her xh was an asshole throughout the process.
I hired a lawyer, I did not trust my ex-husband even though we had an "amicable" separation. He was hiding money though and doing shady things. I paid about 2k to the attorney for the separation agreement and divorce total. We did not have problems, but it was for my own protection and so I could rest easily. He just signed all her documents and did nothing about hiring anyone for himself.
When my brother got a divorce I did all the paperwork, but I have a paralegal background so was familiar with most of it. I never gave his ex advice though, just sent her the forms. I think I would still consult a lawyer and ask their advice to make sure you aren't missing anything. They didn't have kids or any assets to split so was pretty easy.
Lawyer always. He may seem nice about it now but that could change, not saying it will, but protect yourself. Mediation is good but if it starts going sideways, get your own to protect your own.
That seems SUPER cheap. Ay yi yi. I would be concerned. Attorneys fees average about 300/hour (here). So three+ hours of work? I don't know how they'd even do proper discovery in that amount of time.
That seems SUPER cheap. Ay yi yi. I would be concerned. Attorneys fees average about 300/hour (here). So three+ hours of work? I don't know how they'd even do proper discovery in that amount of time.
If it's an easy, uncontested divorce, it's probably a fixed fee, which is much different (and for OP better) than an hourly rate.
That seems SUPER cheap. Ay yi yi. I would be concerned. Attorneys fees average about 300/hour (here). So three+ hours of work? I don't know how they'd even do proper discovery in that amount of time.
I'm in a LCOL if that makes a difference.
My friend used this lawyer for her custody battle and he did fantastic. It's a well known firm and they have many good reviews. I told him that it would likely be uncontested and gave him the details of our situation.
I made the call! Does $1k for everything sound reasonable?
It's downright cheap. My divorce was almost $10k, and aside from our house (which he bought me out of) we had just retirement account assets to split. Be aware that your lawyer fees may go up as a result of him/his lawyers failing to do their work in a timely or accurate fashion (that's what happened in my case, as my husband's lawyers were incompetent).
I made the call! Does $1k for everything sound reasonable?
What is his hourly fee in case your STBXH decides to not be as amicable? Would he give you a reference or two for people who have used the specific services he's offering for $1k? I've hired a couple of attorneys that weren't what I thought because the recs I received were from people with entirely different situations.
That seems SUPER cheap. Ay yi yi. I would be concerned. Attorneys fees average about 300/hour (here). So three+ hours of work? I don't know how they'd even do proper discovery in that amount of time.
If it's an easy, uncontested divorce, it's probably a fixed fee, which is much different (and for OP better) than an hourly rate.
Yes. And that's how it 'sounds' now. That doesn't mean that's how it's going to end up. If her STBex decides that he wants more, then $1000 isn't going to cover it. At the very least, the attorney should be looking at all aspects of what her H has/doesn't have/could be hiding. It just doesn't add up for me. If she's going this flat fee route, she might as well do a DIY divorce (which I do not recommend).
I live in a med COL and $1000 just seems super, super cheap. If she has enough cash to just give him their house, I would be leery of just hiring a flat fee attorney. I guess I'm in the camp of you get what you pay for.
Also, my view is clouded by my brother's divorce which took 3 years and cost fuck ton of money.
Glad to hear you’re going to consult an attorney. You have way to much to lose in this situation not to protect yourself by having a conversation. I would also be very frank with the attorney and talk about ways to control the cost to you. They are used to those discussions, I promise.
If you had no assets or dependents, maybe, but I’d recommend that you at least hire a lawyer to handle things for you. If he doesn’t want to hire a lawyer and is ok signing off on the paperwork without debate, that’s fine.
Post by nextbigthing on Jan 17, 2018 7:11:09 GMT -5
$1000 is reasonable if it's uncontested and just two signatures.
My divorce cost me $15k but the majority of that was custody stuff keeping DS safe.
If your STBXH decides to argue, see what the hourly rate is. Stop communicating with STBXH other than day to day stuff. And definitely get him off of the accounts that are just yours and if he is a beneficiary on anything change that.
Agreed that $1,000 could very easily do the job for an uncontested divorce. Also anticipate a court filing fee on top of the $1,000. In the event things aren't so amicable, I'd ask about the hourly rates for everyone in the firm, as well as the billing increments. Do they charge by the tenth or quarter hours?