We have a rule that showering is a must at least once a day. Also hair washing 3 times a week. She is 8. Sometimes on the weekends she slacks on the showering but she knows before any school or public activity she must be clean. She has recently started shower exclusively. To me this is a don't pass go situation. This is not a option. Especially with flu season.
Recently we started talking about watching for dry skin. I make her use lotion as I noticed her skin is super rough. So woman hygiene talks are starting. She asked me to get her better shower soap and she also picks out her shampoo and conditioner.
We had this battle with SD, who pretended to not understand what showering every meant. If she showered in the morning one day, she would argue with us about showering at night - SHOWERING AT NIGHT IS FOR THE NEXT DAY. It was annoying to have the same argument all the time.
Honestly we sort of shamed her for it. She is active and it's important for everyone to shower daily as puberty approaches, etc. We told her she was being gross, etc. and we had a toddler who we sent in sometimes to "check on her" while she was supposed to be showering to make sure she wasn't just running water. (She is older now and so is the toddler obviously so we don't do this anymore. But it did help at the time, lol)
I can commiserate my just turned 12 year old is the same way. Makes me feel a little better knowing I am not alone. I just do what I can to lesser my frustration when she actually lets me try to guide her.
Do you guys have some sort of master calendar somewhere that's like "We haven't talked about how filthy we are in a few weeks, time to start a new thread!" and then people try to one up each other in their filth until someone shames them... I'm fascinated.
It’s nice though. It’s like a timer set to remind me to buy new washcloths! LOL! #washyoass
SHAME THEM. MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW BADLY THEY STINK. MAKE THEIR SIBLINGS JOIN IN.
This is what happened with my son who's 13. He and his 10YO sister were wresting around and he put her in headlock (gentlely, not mean, lol) and she started gagging. She was like "R!! You smell like Fajitas . . .and not it a good way!!"
Hmmm... that's interesting. I figured that would happen on its own. How is it possible that nobody has said anything yet? There was a girl bullied for YEARS for this reason when I was in school.
I'd honestly be concerned about a 15 year old girl who didn't care about going to school smelling bad.
I really don't know. They live about 45 minutes away, I can't testify as to the situation at school since I never see her before school. I only know after school on Friday sometimes there's an issue (although it's improved from always to sometimes/occasionally). I just cant imagine from what ive observed that this is only a friday evening issue and doesn't happen at school but who knows.
I have mentioned to DH and asked her directly about depression. When I talked to her, she seemed offended and she couldn't believe I would think that. After that she seemed like she was getting better but there are still some issues.
For those who have kids who fight showering/bathing so hard, did they bathe daily when they were younger? I'm just curious since it seems that a lot of people don't bathe their kids daily.
yes there’s no difference between now and when she was little except she showers instead of bathes. When young, bath was play time. Now it’s not so fun I guess.
Post by vanillacourage on Feb 14, 2018 12:46:32 GMT -5
I remember my 7th grade teacher telling the whole class “I am not going to single anyone out but let me just say that if you are not wearing deodorant every day by now....you need to.” DS1 is in 4th and they just did a unit on this, so it must start earlier than this.
Honestly I’d make a chore chart for daily hygiene and just make being a clean human a prereq to doing anything they enjoy. Especially for teenagers!
SHAME THEM. MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW BADLY THEY STINK. MAKE THEIR SIBLINGS JOIN IN.
This is what I have to do to remind my H about hygiene. Grown ass man and I need to remind him to take showers or shave his face.
I should point out, it is much better now--he showers every other day. But when he was younger and we were in college and just moved in together? I would be like, dude, you smell. until you clean yourself you are not coming near me. same with brushing his teeth. It was like he never learned hygiene despite his parents being clean people!
Post by definitelyO on Feb 14, 2018 12:48:59 GMT -5
DS is 12 and sounds the same. he could go for days w/o brushing his teeth. GROSS!
we do remind him to shower - and he showers every other or every 3rd day. he used to argue about it , but now when we tell him he'll take the shower.
and as a child he took a bath/shower every other day or so. we've never had him take a daily shower (unless his activities required it) and once he's in the shower he loves it and will stay in there for 20 min!
Post by lolalolalola on Feb 14, 2018 12:49:12 GMT -5
I’m feeling defensive and don’t know if a lot of these responses are targeted at me as the OP. I do force her to clean herself! My question was when will she start doing it out of self respect vs viewing as a chore. I mean it’s great that cleanliness is not an option in your house but it isn’t in mine either.
Post by yourmother on Feb 14, 2018 13:01:03 GMT -5
I don't want to pile on...
BUT, I'm very surprised that this issue is arising with teen girls in this thread. I realize not every girl has her period early (mine started at age 11), but don't they WANT to shower every day? I just can't wrap my mind around all this.
I personally shower twice a day, it's just what I've done since forever.
My SD's are 14 and 16 and both shower every night and do their laundry weekly. I have only lived with them full time since September (so they were 13/15) but they are both very hygienic and definitely care about being clean.
My ds is 7 and I help him shower every other day in the winter, every day in the summer. He would gladly not shower if I let him but he usually relents pretty easily.
For those who have kids who fight showering/bathing so hard, did they bathe daily when they were younger? I'm just curious since it seems that a lot of people don't bathe their kids daily.
In my case, yes! And he loved his bubble baths, lol.
I can’t get my 16 year old daughter out of the shower.
My 18 year old will shower but fails to wash his hair, will forget deodorant, and sometimes puts on dirty clothes afterward. He is very much the “absent minded professor “ type and when he was younger, would have gone to school with inside out clothes if I didn’t stop him.
I don’t know what will make him change. Getting a girlfriend, maybe?
Post by mrsbutters on Feb 14, 2018 13:23:03 GMT -5
I've always encouraged and been on top of hygiene and my older kids (8 & 6) are very motivated on their own to smell good and be clean. We regularly talk about cleanliness and brushing teeth, etc for your own sake and others.
They love good smelling soaps, shampoos and lotions so maybe taking her to pick out some she really likes would be fun.
Showering should just a basic daily habit that's not negotiable just like teeth brushing.
It does make me wonder if you or your husband are laid-back in a similar fashion, just as far as what she sees modeled.
My kids nuzzle my neck all the time and tell me how good I smell so maybe my kids are just weirdos who have really sensitive noses
For those who have kids who fight showering/bathing so hard, did they bathe daily when they were younger? I'm just curious since it seems that a lot of people don't bathe their kids daily.
In my case, yes! And he loved his bubble baths, lol.
I can’t get my 16 year old daughter out of the shower.
My 18 year old will shower but fails to wash his hair, will forget deodorant, and sometimes puts on dirty clothes afterward. He is very much the “absent minded professor “ type and when he was younger, would have gone to school with inside out clothes if I didn’t stop him.
I don’t know what will make him change. Getting a girlfriend, maybe?
Liking girls and wanting to date them is what did it for my nephew. He was a handsome young man but he stank lol.
I've always encouraged and been on top of hygiene and my older kids (8 & 6) are very motivated on their own to smell good and be clean. We regularly talk about cleanliness and brushing teeth, etc for your own sake and others.
They love good smelling soaps, shampoos and lotions so maybe taking her to pick out some she really likes would be fun.
Showering should just a basic daily habit that's not negotiable just like teeth brushing.
It does make me wonder if you or your husband are laid-back in a similar fashion, just as far as what she sees modeled.
My kids nuzzle my neck all the time and tell me how good I smell so maybe my kids are just weirdos who have really sensitive noses
WTF. Yes my Dh and I are clean. And I have mentioned multiple times in this thread, including the OP, that it’s not negotiable for my DD either.
BUT, I'm very surprised that this issue is arising with teen girls in this thread. I realize not every girl has her period early (mine started at age 11), but don't they WANT to shower every day? I just can't wrap my mind around all this.
I personally shower twice a day, it's just what I've done since forever.
Based on personal experience, sometimes there are other things going on that manifest themselves in neglecting personal hygiene. This is absolutely not speaking for the OP or anyone else's kids in this thread, but two factors I'd imagine to be pretty common for teen girls, unfortunately, are depression and some sort of shame or even abuse.
Lol, if OP was laid back about hygiene she wouldn't be here asking the question. Come on!
OP, unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue with teenagers. All you can do is mention it as you see/smell it and make it clear that this is a rule in your house. Everybody must have basic hygiene habits: shower everyday, brush teeth everyday, use deodorant... Going shopping with her to get her own products might also be good idea. Are her friends the same way?
We dooooooo. We've been doing this for like 3 years!
My 5 year old told her she's not allowed to sit on his bed during story time because it'll smell. I felt bad about that but...still nothing.
Pay someone at school to start too, lol.
This is like my least favorite conversation to have as a school nurse. It's so awkward. Please bathe your kids regularly and make sure their clothes are clean and stink free. I have tons of sympathy for families that needs help with resources and will launder clothes at school or provide hygiene products as needed, but most of the kids I call down do not have these factors.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
I didn’t start caring until about 7th grade. After my crush asked me if I had gel in my hair when it was just super greasy.
Little BIL didn’t start caring until about the same time. We’d tell him to go take a shower. He’d take one, but not actually wash. We had to ask if he used soap and shampoo and the answer was always the same. Nope. And then we’d have him go take a real shower.
Little SIL has always cared. More so about her appearance at the beginning of middle school. But she was at a performing arts school where a class was literally about applying stage makeup and appearance.
SHAME THEM. MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW BADLY THEY STINK. MAKE THEIR SIBLINGS JOIN IN.
Last year C started to have stress sweat which smells seriously funky. I do tell her when she smells because we bought her deodorant and she does bath every day but she needs to wear her deodorant every day and then every now and then I will wipe her clean pits with apple cider vinegar.
Also, people who think you do not smell, you might and might not be aware of it. I can smell dirty hair and I am pretty the person is not aware of it.
Lol, if OP was laid back about hygiene she wouldn't be here asking the question. Come on!
OP, unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue with teenagers. All you can do is mention it as you see/smell it and make it clear that this is a rule in your house. Everybody must have basic hygiene habits: shower everyday, brush teeth everyday, use deodorant... Going shopping with her to get her own products might also be good idea. Are her friends the same way?
I agree. I'm sure you're already doing most of this but keep it up - DS is almost 12 and only just now gets in the shower without complaining after years of us getting on his case and reinforcing it. We still need to prompt him though, and he still needs reminders to brush his teeth and use deodorant. We also remind him that he can't smell his own stench but we (and his classmates) sure can. He would swear he didn't need to shower when he clearly did. We also talk about how being unclean can lead to rashes, itchiness, etc, and that seems to have helped.
Do you think it would help to have her pedi talk about hygiene at her next appointment, or even have another loved one have a talk with her (gramma, an aunt, older cousin, etc)? Sometimes DS will listen to anyone else but us, KWIM?
The one other thing I might consider is if she might have some depression, or is getting bullied.
I love how these threads go. It starts with a legit question or concern, has someone brag about their own nastiness and then inevitably we get to the people insisting they shower 47 times/day and that everyone else is disgusting.
oh man, I love showering. It's one of my favorite things in the world. I shower twice many days. Doesn't have to be a long shower, even just a quick shower is so refreshing.
My kids do fight it sometimes (they are 3 & 5) When they were younger it was no big deal but now I find even skipping one day and they begin to smell, especially 5yo. I have no hesitation in telling them they smell though. My son (3) thinks its funny, but my daughter does express slight interest in not smelling like a butt.
My H says he didn't want to bathe when he was a kid but it was around when he became interested in girls that he began showering every day lol
I love how these threads go. It starts with a legit question or concern, has someone brag about their own nastiness and then inevitably we get to the people insisting they shower 47 times/day and that everyone else is disgusting.
remember the time somebody kept bragging about how they hadn't washed their kids hair in like two months and the kids only got a bath once a week or was it even less ... I can't quite recall
I’m feeling defensive and don’t know if a lot of these responses are targeted at me as the OP. I do force her to clean herself! My question was when will she start doing it out of self respect vs viewing as a chore. I mean it’s great that cleanliness is not an option in your house but it isn’t in mine either.
I don't think anyone is thinking you don't care. I thin it was others that sparked more of the comments. I am not sure when I cared about it more. I think it was a routine when I was little and then I fell in love with baths. Also, i never really liked the idea of smelling bad, either due to bad hygiene or dirty clothes.
I guess I would just look into things that help her clean sufficiently and yet are not time consuming. And maybe even having shorter hair would be better for her, I don't know. And let her pick out her stuff. Oh and H started washing his hair with baking soda (his scalp reacts poorly to certain soaps) and his dandruff has cut down dramatically. He said his scalp feels better too. And it does not add tons of time to his shower. I guess my thought is if you can make it fairly quick and efficient, maybe she won't fight it quite to much.