When will my kid start caring about personal hygiene?

[lolalolalola]

She is 12 and I still have to ‘remind/force’ her to shower. She complains most of the time. She has dandruff and does not care at all (I remind her to use the special shampoo but I don’t think she leaves it in long enough). Her glasses are covered in fingerprints, her hair is full of tangles, etc. I asked her if she wanted to go to my full service salon with me this weekend and she said she would prefer to stick to Supercuts because it’s faster and she doesn’t care about her hair... I am on top of her so she looks decent most of the time but I’m wondering when she will care more about self-care. I thought it would be by now...

Any experience or advice?

[riverrider]

My son is 14 and within the last year he has been better about it and I don't have to tell him to take a shower. Still needs a reminder that he doesn't need to spray himself down with axe but getting there. Thankfully in the last 6 months or so he has decided he doesn't always need it and we won't be buying another bottle.

The 11 yr old girl is still like pulling teeth to get her to shower or brush her hair.

[CrazyLucky]

You guys are not giving me hope! My kids are 5 and 7 and showering is not a struggle, but brushing teeth and hand washing is. I don't know how many times I've given a "this is how we wash our hands" clinic.

[stephogirl]

My son is 12. When I tell him to comb his hair, I often get a "it's not like we're going to a funeral or something, Mom." Because, apparently, that's the only time he needs to look presentable. He will still comb his hair (with water and his fingers...hates using a comb) but it's a constant reminder.

So...not 12. I'm hoping for 13.

[redshoejune]

I am 35 and can relate to all the the things you said about your daughter.
I hate showering, don't clean my glasses until I can't see, and sometimes put my hair in a bun so I don't have to comb it out (or shower). I have never been to a salon.

So, um good luck?

[glitzy07]

Yeah...we still have to remind my 11yo step-son daily that he needs to brush his teeth and put deodorant on. This post is not making me hopeful.

[lolalolalola]

Thanks ladies. I know it’s personality based as my 10 year old does not require the same reminders. I honestly thought 7th grade would be a turning point for her. It’s comforting to know others are in the same boat!

[tacokick]

I’m in the camp of as long as they are clean and don’t smell, let them look as they want to. She must not be feeling any negative effects from it socially (or doesn’t care) so if she wants to have messy hair or smeary glasses I don’t see how it matters .

However, my brother was someone my mom had to remind him to shower and wash his hair. He was like 17 and my mom was still arguing with him over whether he needed to wash his hair everyday—even after the long walk home from school in 95° weather when he’d be dripping with sweat. It must have never sunk in because he is still sort of stinky. I don’t know how his wife lives with it. Or maybe he is happy with being stinky and she loves the stench. Not my problem.

[redshoejune]

Feb 14, 2018 11:09:21 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:01:18 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

I am 35 and can relate to all the the things you said about your daughter.
I hate showering, don't clean my glasses until I can't see, and sometimes put my hair in a bun so I don't have to comb it out (or shower). I have never been to a salon.

So, um good luck?

Lol, I expected that. I do what I have to do to not smell, but I would not say it is something I will ever really care much about.

[cajunmom]

I still have to nag mine to shower regularly and they're almost 12 and 15. The 15 y.o. has gotten better this last year but she'll still go without showering for days during school breaks if I don't say something.

[lolalolalola]

Feb 14, 2018 11:18:52 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Do you guys have some sort of master calendar somewhere that's like "We haven't talked about how filthy we are in a few weeks, time to start a new thread!" and then people try to one up each other in their filth until someone shames them... I'm fascinated.

Hey I’m forcing cleanliness on her!

ETA- . I’m a clean person. My parents taught me to use washcloths.

[CurlyQ284]

SD1 snapped out of that around 14 I think, she's now 16. SD2 is 15 now and it's still an issue.

I have no clue what to do, other than make her shower and put on deoderant, she will eventually with a lot of complaining but I don't know how to make her want to do this on her own.

[glitzy07]

I just don't understand how SS doesn't feel disgusting not brushing his teeth the moment he wakes up. Like, dude, get with the program. You've been doing showers and teeth every single day for the last 11 years, how do you not remember that it's part of what happens in this house?

Of course, I have no clue what he does at his mom's house, but come ON.

[CurlyQ284]

Feb 14, 2018 11:26:49 GMT -5 @natariru said:

SHAME THEM. MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW BADLY THEY STINK. MAKE THEIR SIBLINGS JOIN IN.

We dooooooo. We've been doing this for like 3 years!

My 5 year old told her she's not allowed to sit on his bed during story time because it'll smell. I felt bad about that but...still nothing.

[orangello]

I know most of these posts are about children and they are odd little creatures, so most can be forgiven. But adults who don't shower regularly? COME ON. I hate doing dishes, but I do, because y'know, I'm a functioning adult. Also see - paying my taxes. Showering is way better than both those things.

[eddy]

J is 10 and we are just ramping up with this. It is amazing when they become more self- aware that they then want to start fighting things like hygiene. I remember doing the same.

J acts personally insulted when we remind him EVERYDAY that he should brush his teeth morning/night, put on his deodorant and actually wash his hair when he showers. 

[redshoejune]

Feb 14, 2018 11:20:52 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:14:02 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Lol, I expected that. I do what I have to do to not smell, but I would not say it is something I will ever really care much about.

Do you care this little about the cleanliness of your home and clothes too? Just curious.

I care about those things a bit more

[jenny1980]

Ella would shower multiple times/day if we let her (she's 4). Lucy is will sometimes whine about it, but she'll do it (she's 8). Both girls are great about brushing their teeth morning and night and brushing their hair. (I have told them if they don't wash, brush and take care of their hair I am doing what my mom did to me and will give them a pixie cut lol).

The big issue we're having is that Lucy can't seem to eat without turning her clothing into a buffet. It's ridiculous.

I would say by 12 my expectation would be that a daily shower is part of their routine. I mean, I don't know what to say other than I would tell them to do it and they would do it LOL. Not that my kids can't be sassy, but cleanliness is not a point of negotiation.

[CurlyQ284]

Feb 14, 2018 11:28:57 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:27:53 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

We dooooooo. We've been doing this for like 3 years!

My 5 year old told her she's not allowed to sit on his bed during story time because it'll smell. I felt bad about that but...still nothing.

Pay someone at school to start too, lol.

Hmmm... that's interesting. I figured that would happen on its own. How is it possible that nobody has said anything yet? There was a girl bullied for YEARS for this reason when I was in school.

[mooselovah]

Do you think she is using it like a mask.  Sorta, if I don't care about me, then I don't care if my classmates are mean to me as well?

Are you addressed it as a hygiene is a way we love ourselves, keeps ourselves clean and show the world we matter? 

[itsme]

It took my kid until her freshman year of high school to start caring. Before that we had to force her to shower daily.  She thought she could trick us by turning on the shower and standing there but it was very obvious she was doing that when she emerged from the bathroom just as nasty as when she walked in as evidenced by her dirty hair.

[raangoli]

Feb 14, 2018 11:32:43 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:20:52 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Do you care this little about the cleanliness of your home and clothes too? Just curious.

I care about those things a bit more

A bit more is not reassuring or makes me think I would eat something you brought to a potluck. Not that I would eat food from a pot luck because, well...this. 

(I brought up the potluck on purpose!)

[nomad100]

Um, my 20yo SS stinks. And sshowers every day (or at least hangs out in the bathroom with the shower running). I don't think he knows how to use soap or shampoo. He also rarely washes his clothes. It is really quite awful. So yeah, I don't have any good news for you.

He no longer lives with me but he came over the other day to pick up some mail and see the dogs and my house reeked of stinky boy funk after he left.

[jenny1980]

Feb 14, 2018 11:33:30 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:28:57 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Pay someone at school to start too, lol.

Hmmm... that's interesting. I figured that would happen on its own. How is it possible that nobody has said anything yet? There was a girl bullied for YEARS for this reason when I was in school.

I'd honestly be concerned about a 15 year old girl who didn't care about going to school smelling bad.

[formerlyak]

Feb 14, 2018 11:26:49 GMT -5 @natariru said:

SHAME THEM. MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW BADLY THEY STINK. MAKE THEIR SIBLINGS JOIN IN.

This seems to work with my 11 year old ds. If he tries to half ass his shower and still smells, I tell him he smells like butt and kids at school will make fun of him and call him the smelly kid if he doesn't shower right. Yep, I'm a bitchy mom. But when I say that he gets back in the shower without being asked. It's gotten a lot better in the last few months.

[jeekerbeeker]

DSS is almost 9. We tell him to shower, brush his teeth and comb his hair and he does it with minimal complaining. He used to ask, but whyyyyy, so it's definitely gotten a lot better. We are really trying to make him understand that he needs to have good hygiene and look presentable when he leaves the house. 

He tells us that sometimes he doesn't shower or brush his teeth for a whole weekend when he is with his mom so we are trying our hardest to do what we can at our house to get him to understand that he shouldn't have to be told to do these things.

Clean clothes, brushed teeth and neat hair are non-negotiable in our house. If you are going out in public then you are going to look nice.

[jeekerbeeker]

Feb 14, 2018 11:53:52 GMT -5 melmaria said:

Feb 14, 2018 11:50:26 GMT -5 jeekerbeeker said:

He tells us that sometimes he doesn't shower or brush his teeth for a whole weekend when he is with his mom so we are trying our hardest to do what we can at our house to get him to understand that he shouldn't have to be told to do these things.

We are in the same boat with this.  SD goes to her mom's one weekend a month, and doesn't shower or brush her teeth for days.  She's 12 and should know better, so I don't put the blame on her mom per se, but I always wonder why her mom doesn't say anything because SD always stinks when she comes back.  

It's frustrating. Awhile back, his mom was dropping him off at our house and I was going to take him somewhere.  I asked if he'd brushed his teeth and he said, no and I didn't brush them all weekend! His mom was right there and laughed and gave him a nudge and goes, shhhh you aren't supposed to tell anyone that!

I was like, WTF go do it right now. DH questioned her on it and she said it isn't worth the fight to get him to do it.  Sooo, IDK. It's not something we can force when he isn't with us so we just have to do better when we have him.

[redheadk]

For those who have kids who fight showering/bathing so hard, did they bathe daily when they were younger? I'm just curious since it seems that a lot of people don't bathe their kids daily.

[jeekerbeeker]

Feb 14, 2018 12:05:34 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

I’m a sweaty person. I have shower every day. I sometimes showering twice a day.

Same here.  I take a bath at night and a shower in the morning.  I live in NOLA and between the humidity and warm temps most of the year I usually feel like I need a shower as soon as I step out of the door.  lol

[gummybear]

Showering is one of the highlights of my day. I will not get into bed with the stink of the day on me and will often reshower in the morning and always after a workout. My 6 year-old is semi-feral and up until this point, has been one big messy dog. But I tell her animals will build nests in her hair and bugs will come in her clothes. Tough love. She's getting better now. I would be slightly concerned about an adolescent or teen who would rather smell than bathe. can you maybe have her ped bring it up with her (without you in the room)?