Food allergies and school (update)

[boiler717]

Update in comments

DS’s (Private Montessori) school is peanut / tree nut free; he is an anaphylactic allergy to tree nuts and a dairy intolerance (vomiting / diarrhea). His teacher is definitely receptive of needing supplies that are safe for him, but didn’t realize that things like flour, oats, etc could be an issue (they bake a lot in class). I think it’s just not on their radar much.
They had a fall picnic this past weekend and parents all signed up to bring food. I brought a lunch for him so he could have safe food. I realize that most food will probably be cross-contaminated or at least not checked so we don’t give it to him, but there were at least 3 dishes that contained actual nuts. It concerns me because of the age of the kids and doing lots of activities during/after eating without having hand washing.
In addition, there were several food-based activities (donuts on a string, candy apples, etc) that weren’t safe for him. I would have brought safe alternatives for him so he could participate had I known these would be there.
Two questions for the group:
1) is it reasonable to request that parties/pitch ins still respect the no nut policy of the school?
2) ask that I be informed ahead of time about any food-related activities so I can provide a safe alternative?
Thanks!

[Ashley&Scott]

1) Our school is nut free so I don't think it's unreasonable at all.
2) Our district does not allow food to be used as a manipulative so I don't think it is unreasonable to ask to be notified of food related activities. For our class parties food can only be used for the actual snack & must be nut free. Food can not be used as part of any craft or game.

[icedcoffee]

I think it's 100% reasonable for this picnics to be nut free. Honestly, I think anyone who brings things with nuts to a kid event in this day is kind of a jerk. We have no nut allergies in my circles that I even know of and I still wouldn't.

I'd remind them that if they can to give you a heads up about the food related activities, btu I do think that's a little harder as they might add them last minute or whatever. I still think it's ok to ask.

I'm sorry. That sounds stressful.

[BeagleMama]

DD has a peanut and tree nut allergy and her preschool is completely nut-free including anything brought in (all has to be packaging, no nuts, nothing homemade ever) so I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect the school being nut-free really means nut-free in all instances including parties and/or activities (I'm shocked they had any sort of food game at all).

[VillainV]

1) NOT UNREASONABLE. That is exactly the scenario these rule are designed for. Every school we’ve been in with a nut-free policy strictly enforced any items brought in for any reason (and limited the number of events where parents brought things).

2). I think being notified of ANY event involving food products is absolutely reasonable to ask since your child could have a very serious reaction.

I don’t have an allergic kid, but I think you be justified in leaving the school if they can’t uphold their own policies regarding food and can’t commit to keeping your child safe.

[vtdiamond]

At my daycare they specify that no nut food items are allowed and none made in a nut facility. I think it's reasonable for them to do the same at any school sponsored event.

I just signed up to bring stuff to their class Halloween party next week and this was stated on the sign up sheet.

[Blue Moon]

I would expect my kids' school to accommodate his anaphylactic allergy at all times, parties included.

[starburst604]

Both are reasonable requests. Our daycare (also PN/TN free) hosts a Trunk or Treat every Halloween. It’s in the school parking lot and outside school hours, but they ask that all candy be nut free. They also ask that people keep choking risks in mind if people bring non-food treats, because of so many very little ones.

I would be sad at that donut game, because my DD couldn’t participate either.

[undecidedowl]

Your requests are completely reasonable and I seriously judge anyone who wouldn't comply.

DS2 is peanut allergic. His daycare center is nut-free and that includes all food brought in. They remind people of this on every newsletter and before every holiday. People are jerks and still bring food with nuts. I guarantee parents will hand out snickers and reese's for halloween. When food with nuts is brought to the center, they confiscate it until the end of the day and then give it back. So, at least it's not opened and being eaten in the center.

[dochas]

I think if it's a school sponsored thing and there are no nuts allowed in the school then there should be no nuts allowed at the event.

What kind of food based activities? They had to touch the food, or the food was available to eat? If it's something where the kids are encouraged to handle food, then it should be safe for all.

I also think it's reasonable to ask that anyone who brings homemade stuff also supplies a list of ingredients. When there has been a nut allergy in my son's class and we were allowed to make treats, I always gave a list of ingredients to the teacher and/or nurse in advance so the parents of kids with allergies could decide whether the child could have it.

[ECB]

Ditto - expecting them to uphold their policies at parties is 100% reasonable.

As far as food related activities - also reasonable.

Our school no longers allows parents to send in treats for birthdays. I think the rule was started a year or two before we started in K and it was cycled out - like I think 3/4/5 grades could still do it, but 2nd and younger couldn't. And now that DS is in 4th - no grade is allowed treats.

I LOVE IT!!! I no longer have to stress about "but what if it's someone's b-day and DS is the only kid who can't have a cupcake!?". Parents were initially a little "WTF" about it - the idea that a birthday can be celebrated w/o food was a shocking idea!!   But hey, guess what?  It's so normal now, no one thinks twice about it.

Expecting the school to fully accommodate your son isn't unreasonable.  It can be done.  

[momin2013]

Both of those expectation are absolutely reasonable. The first one in particular, though: obviously the school needs to work harder to get the message across to parents that it is a nut-free school. I'd absolutely be contacting them about that issue; it shouldn't be that difficult for them to do.

[MDmomof2]

Totally reasonable! My kids' elementary school has the same treats at every holiday party. Fruit, veggies, popcorners (one flavor), Oreos (original), and I think Skittles. They are approved in all of our counties schools so I assume that someone did their research on them. It's nice to have healthy, and unhealthy treats at the same time. Their cafeteria is not a nut free zone, but they have designated nut free areas. For parties in the classroom it's important to stay allergen free as those surfaces aren't wiped down as thoroughly as the cafeteria is. I hope your daycare can adopt a similar policy - it takes the guesswork out of it for parents like me who don't have a kid with allergies and don't know what to look for!

[cabbagecabbage]

Our public grade school is not but free but does have nut free classrooms and, therefore, the whole lunch table is but free.

They have a newish district policy of no shared/given foods. That means class parties are food free, birthday treats are not allowed unless they are on-food, and teachers cannot give food. People grumble about it but I think it’s great. They don’t need more candy and cupcakes and junk anyway.

[farmvillelover]

I'm so WTF at parents who knowingly and willingly bring a nut dish to any school function or party.  Esp at a daycare/preschool where the kids are way too little to know better and advocate for themselves.  That actually pisses me off.

The school should definitely be making this clear before ANY EVENT.

I was that parent that before any school-wide event involving food, I emailed reminding them of my son's anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, and asked that they put a sign on the door as a reminder AND also emailed all the parents in advance of the no nut policy.  My H also attended. And guess what? Some moron STILL brought PBJ sushi (rolled up in bread).  I'm sure a good number of parents eyeroll at parents like me and my preshus but it truly is a life or death matter so I feel I have every right to be. The alternative is that we don't participate in school events involving food at all, which also sucks.

[erbear]

Those are both reasonable suggestions. I bristle sometimes about the requests of parents at my school (kid is vegan, can we not do pizza? kid is gluten free but by choice) but an actual allergy or intolerance is different. That should be the rule and if people aren't following it, the school should address it. And it would be nice to know what was coming so you could send in alternatives. I'd definitely ask.

[JayhawkGirl]

Our district has a nut safer list of foods that all in class snacks and party treats must come from. Nothing homemade at all. For parties, the nurse checks every food item at the door. If I want to make a “party mix” with safe foods, they have to come in in their separate bags and I mix them in the classroom.

The list is kept at the district level. New foods/brands are added annually if requested.

[redheadk]

Oct 23, 2018 13:51:28 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

I'm so WTF at parents who knowingly and willingly bring a nut dish to any school function or party.  Esp at a daycare/preschool where the kids are way too little to know better and advocate for themselves.  That actually pisses me off.

The school should definitely be making this clear before ANY EVENT.

I was that parent that before any school-wide event involving food, I emailed reminding them of my son's anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, and asked that they put a sign on the door as a reminder AND also emailed all the parents in advance of the no nut policy.  My H also attended. And guess what? Some moron STILL brought PBJ sushi (rolled up in bread).  I'm sure a good number of parents eyeroll at parents like me and my preshus but it truly is a life or death matter so I feel I have every right to be. The alternative is that we don't participate in school events involving food at all, which also sucks.

I mean, what's more traumatic, little Susie missing out on PBJ sushi or watching your child go into anaphylactic shock? I do not understand why people have so many issues with this.

[farmvillelover]

Oct 23, 2018 22:38:55 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Oct 23, 2018 13:51:28 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

I'm so WTF at parents who knowingly and willingly bring a nut dish to any school function or party.  Esp at a daycare/preschool where the kids are way too little to know better and advocate for themselves.  That actually pisses me off.

The school should definitely be making this clear before ANY EVENT.

I was that parent that before any school-wide event involving food, I emailed reminding them of my son's anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, and asked that they put a sign on the door as a reminder AND also emailed all the parents in advance of the no nut policy.  My H also attended. And guess what? Some moron STILL brought PBJ sushi (rolled up in bread).  I'm sure a good number of parents eyeroll at parents like me and my preshus but it truly is a life or death matter so I feel I have every right to be. The alternative is that we don't participate in school events involving food at all, which also sucks.

I mean, what's more traumatic, little Susie missing out on PBJ sushi or watching your child go into anaphylactic shock? I do not understand why people have so many issues with this.

Have issues with having to miss out? We have definitely held DS2 back from a few school sponsored parties when either me or my H couldn't attend. Not a risk we were willing to take to trust a teacher to watch over him with unknown food around.

[ellipses84]

DS1’s public elementary school is nut free and they are very strict about it. They have signs up everywhere and they remind parents before events. There is a child with a severe peanut allergy who attends school there. No treats are allowed for bdays. For their trunk or treat event in the evening, they reminded people not to bring candy with nuts. I was glad, because I think that would be an easy event to bring whatever candy you bought for Halloween to, without thinking about it. The one thing they aren’t clear on is the cross contamination concern.

DS2’s private preschool doesn’t have any food restrictions, but as far as I know, none of the kids have serious allergy issues. I pack the kids lunches at the same time, so I keep both nut free.

I think your requests are reasonable. It sounds like the school and other parents need to be educated about allergies. Maybe they could send out a handout before the next event.

[boiler717]

Ugh, I sent an email. Here’s the reply I received:

“Honestly, I hadn’t really considered our Nut-Free Policy applying to our social gatherings held outside of school. When we host school-wide events, such as picnics, we usually send the Sign-up Genius to have parents select the foods they would like to bring. This gives you a good idea of what will be served. I think for future events, such as a picnic, it would be a good idea to have parents ‘label’ what they bring especially if it contains nuts or an exposure to nuts. This might be a good solution to help our families with allergies.”

People really just don’t get it. I don’t really know how to respond but I’m not happy about it.

[boiler717]

Oct 23, 2018 11:10:44 GMT -5 dochas said:

I think if it's a school sponsored thing and there are no nuts allowed in the school then there should be no nuts allowed at the event.

What kind of food based activities? They had to touch the food, or the food was available to eat? If it's something where the kids are encouraged to handle food, then it should be safe for all.

I also think it's reasonable to ask that anyone who brings homemade stuff also supplies a list of ingredients. When there has been a nut allergy in my son's class and we were allowed to make treats, I always gave a list of ingredients to the teacher and/or nurse in advance so the parents of kids with allergies could decide whether the child could have it.

It was school sponsored but on a weekend, so not part of the school day.

[starburst604]

Oct 23, 2018 22:38:55 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Oct 23, 2018 13:51:28 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

I'm so WTF at parents who knowingly and willingly bring a nut dish to any school function or party.  Esp at a daycare/preschool where the kids are way too little to know better and advocate for themselves.  That actually pisses me off.

The school should definitely be making this clear before ANY EVENT.

I was that parent that before any school-wide event involving food, I emailed reminding them of my son's anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts, and asked that they put a sign on the door as a reminder AND also emailed all the parents in advance of the no nut policy.  My H also attended. And guess what? Some moron STILL brought PBJ sushi (rolled up in bread).  I'm sure a good number of parents eyeroll at parents like me and my preshus but it truly is a life or death matter so I feel I have every right to be. The alternative is that we don't participate in school events involving food at all, which also sucks.

I mean, what's more traumatic, little Susie missing out on PBJ sushi or watching your child go into anaphylactic shock? I do not understand why people have so many issues with this.

AND, it’s such an easy switch to use soy butter instead of peanut (understanding that some kids have soy allergies but keeping with no nuts).

I’m sorry Boiler - it really sucks that people still don’t take allergies seriously. Kids don’t even mind about making accommodations for their friends with allergies, it’s the adults that have stupid hangups.

[bostonmichelle]

I’d be pissed to begin with and that email is awful. My DD doesn’t have allergies but I was lactose intolerant during my pregnancy and we have many friends and family that have life threatening allergies. I’m that mom that asks everyone like a million times if it’s okay that so and so has a cracker or whatever we are having for snack. I help run a playgroup and we do potlucks and parties and ask for people to label stuff for allergens. I don’t think it’s that hard or uncommon to do that.

[momin2013]

Yeah, that email response just really sucks. I think I remember you said this was a Montessori school - how many years were you thinking of having him go there? I'm assuming that email was to the teacher? If so, the teacher just seems to not understand the seriousness of allergies (which actually is shocking), which would make me feel concern for my son's safety.

If that email was to the teacher, I'd probably take one further step of either emailing or meeting with the director. If I wasn't confident in THAT response I'd honestly consider moving him to a different school. Allergies need to be treated with the same seriousness as any other potential harm that could come to a kid, and it seems like the attitude here is pretty lackadaisical.

[boiler717]

My kid isn’t even 3! He can’t read! Plus my concern isn’t with direct exposure, it’s from indirect exposure of having nuts on hands, contaminating other food, etc. Labeling doesn’t help that.
I think I’ll respond asking what concerns she has about having a nut free policy at events and explain my concerns about indirect exposure. Also, the CDC guidelines for managing food allergies in classrooms and early care programs states that field trips and events should be consistent with food allergy policies so I’ll link that as well.

[boiler717]

Oct 24, 2018 6:38:56 GMT -5 momin2013 said:

Yeah, that email response just really sucks. I think I remember you said this was a Montessori school - how many years were you thinking of having him go there? I'm assuming that email was to the teacher? If so, the teacher just seems to not understand the seriousness of allergies (which actually is shocking), which would make me feel concern for my son's safety.

If that email was to the teacher, I'd probably take one further step of either emailing or meeting with the director. If I wasn't confident in THAT response I'd honestly consider moving him to a different school. Allergies need to be treated with the same seriousness as any other potential harm that could come to a kid, and it seems like the attitude here is pretty lackadaisical.

He just started primary so he will be there at least 3 years, if not 4 since he’s young. The email was from the director/owner. She was the one who sent out the food sign up for the picnic so I contacted her directly. I really love the school outside of this so I’d like to figure out a way to make it work.

[momin2013]

Huh. I mean, it's so strange. It's like she's saying, hey let's be sure to keep kids with allergies safe while they're in school, but if we do a weekend thing, we no longer care because it's...on a weekend.

I seriously think she doesn't understand about cross-contamination/kids with peanut buttery hands going around touching stuff, etc. I mean, we all know you can't control the whole world (making it an incredibly scary place for allergic kids and their parents), but you CAN have control over school-run events, and it's such a small thing to request that an event be nut-free.

The fact that she, as an educator, honestly doesn't seem to understand what the issue is here really is shocking to me.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Wow. I think both of your requests were totally reasonable. I can almost understand them not taking better precautions from the start if your child is the first they've had (or first in a long time) with serious allergies, but once they have a child with serious allergies and the issues are brought to their attention, they should be all over enforcing the policies they have and making sure your child is safe.

That email response is NOT acceptable to me, in any way. I'm so sorry, that puts you in a really difficult position. I know I would not be comfortable sending my kid to a place where they are so blase about allergy safety, but if you don't want to leave, that leaves you with the options of attending events where you child could possibly have a reaction, or not attending any out of school activities, and that sucks.

[redheadk]

Oct 24, 2018 0:56:58 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Oct 23, 2018 22:38:55 GMT -5 redheadk said:

I mean, what's more traumatic, little Susie missing out on PBJ sushi or watching your child go into anaphylactic shock? I do not understand why people have so many issues with this.

Have issues with having to miss out? We have definitely held DS2 back from a few school sponsored parties when either me or my H couldn't attend. Not a risk we were willing to take to trust a teacher to watch over him with unknown food around.

No, other parents having issues with skipping foods that can kill their kids classmates.