Questions 3/26

[starryfish]

What questions do you have today?

I have 2 for my 27mo. 

1. What do you do in the car when your toddler is not behaving, but yelling at them doesn't work? Ex. she has started spitting, and wouldn't stop with me telling her not to spit. 
2. Any suggestions for a toddler hitting? My DD does it usually when she is upset/mad.....she hits me and her friends....of course she doesn't hit DH (but she is with me like 10X more often than him)

[Mrs.flang]

I refer to Janet Lansbury for pretty much all my discipline questions. I love her advice because it makes me feel like I can parent without losing my mind on my kids. This podcast looks like it might cover both your questions, but she has a lot of other articles on hitting as well.

www.janetlansbury.com/2016/04/aggressive-toddler-behavior-hitting-biting-spitting/

[numbers]

Mar 26, 2019 12:07:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

1. What do you do in the car when your toddler is not behaving, but yelling at them doesn't work? Ex. she has started spitting, and wouldn't stop with me telling her not to spit. 
2. Any suggestions for a toddler hitting? My DD does it usually when she is upset/mad.....she hits me and her friends....of course she doesn't hit DH (but she is with me like 10X more often than him)

1. Ignore

2. Calmly redirect, try to help her "use her words" instead, and read the "Hands Are Not For Hitting Book" like one million times. Been there!

[dcn]

1. Ignore, don’t give it attention.

2. Grab her hands and say “I can’t let you hit.” Then either move away from other kids or have a time out with her to talk about being gentle, etc.

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:15:31 GMT -5 numbers said:

Mar 26, 2019 12:07:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

1. What do you do in the car when your toddler is not behaving, but yelling at them doesn't work? Ex. she has started spitting, and wouldn't stop with me telling her not to spit. 
2. Any suggestions for a toddler hitting? My DD does it usually when she is upset/mad.....she hits me and her friends....of course she doesn't hit DH (but she is with me like 10X more often than him)

1. Ignore

2. Calmly redirect, try to help her "use her words" instead, and read the "Hands Are Not For Hitting Book" like one million times. Been there!

i JUST bought the book from amazon and it came in but we haven't read it yet. Will read tonight!

Ok, ignoring I can do for sure 100%. 

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:19:30 GMT -5 dcn said:

1. Ignore, don’t give it attention.

2. Grab her hands and say “I can’t let you hit.” Then either move away from other kids or have a time out with her to talk about being gentle, etc.

Thanks. I definitely do the time out where I put her there and talk to her about "not hitting, soft hands, gentle, etc"

[Mrs.flang]

My question is for DD1 (2.5).  We just this past weekend took the side off her crib because she was climbing in and out like a maniac on Friday night.  Saturday she fell asleep ok, but Sunday night she was in and out of bed grabbing different books and "reading" to herself.  It was actually adorable, but she was up until past 10, which created a monster for me on Monday morning.  There were a few times she opened her door and I had to lead her back to the bed, but if she stays contained in her room do I just let her do what she wants?  What if she pulls out toys?  How do I stop her from staying up until all hours if I can't restrain her to the bed?? I guess the novelty of being able to leave bed will wear off soon enough?

[oswin]

Mar 26, 2019 12:07:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

What questions do you have today?

I have 2 for my 27mo. 

1. What do you do in the car when your toddler is not behaving, but yelling at them doesn't work? Ex. she has started spitting, and wouldn't stop with me telling her not to spit. 
2. Any suggestions for a toddler hitting? My DD does it usually when she is upset/mad.....she hits me and her friends....of course she doesn't hit DH (but she is with me like 10X more often than him)

1. Threaten to pull the car over. Pulling over lets them know we're serious. Doesn't always work though (my kids went through a phase where they'd take shoes and socks off and then put their toes in their mouth - long past the time when it's cute when babies do it). 

2. NPR had a cool story - we haven't tried it yet, but could be worth a shot: www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/03/21/702209976/can-inuit-moms-help-me-tame-my-3-year-olds-anger Also that Hands are Not for Hitting book (we have most of that series).

[oswin]

Mar 26, 2019 12:22:07 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

My question is for DD1 (2.5).  We just this past weekend took the side off her crib because she was climbing in and out like a maniac on Friday night.  Saturday she fell asleep ok, but Sunday night she was in and out of bed grabbing different books and "reading" to herself.  It was actually adorable, but she was up until past 10, which created a monster for me on Monday morning.  There were a few times she opened her door and I had to lead her back to the bed, but if she stays contained in her room do I just let her do what she wants?  What if she pulls out toys?  How do I stop her from staying up until all hours if I can't restrain her to the bed?? I guess the novelty of being able to leave bed will wear off soon enough?

So yeah, it might wear off, and you'll be fine. Other things you can try - threaten to (and follow through) take toys out of her room if she is playing with them. Turn off the night light (if there is one) if they're up playing. Or just verbally tell her to go to bed/sleep (probably won't work but always worth a shot).

Probably not at this age, but stopping kids from reading at night can be a losing battle, they just get sneakier. I'd know, I spent years staying up late reading by the light of my night light (which I claimed to need). As an adult I still often stay up late reading...

[mbcdefg]

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

[loira]

I have a question: at what age do kids start making actual friends? Like playing together and enjoying each other's company? My DD is 3 and while she talks about other kids at preschool, I don't know that she actually interacts with them much, but it's hard to tell because H takes her to school and back. She goes out of her way to avoid kids at the local playground, preferring to use whatever equipment is kid-free, although she does like watching other kids. FWIW, she lives in a house with 5 adults who converse with her all the time and she's comfortable interacting with new adults she meets (waiters etc). This question brought to you by that thread about kids being friends after switching daycares, and I thought "do preschoolers really have friends?" I don't care if she just likes doing her own thing, but I also want her to have peer friends eventually.

[kath16]

Mar 26, 2019 12:50:15 GMT -5 loira said:

I have a question: at what age do kids start making actual friends? Like playing together and enjoying each other's company? My DD is 3 and while she talks about other kids at preschool, I don't know that she actually interacts with them much, but it's hard to tell because H takes her to school and back. She goes out of her way to avoid kids at the local playground, preferring to use whatever equipment is kid-free, although she does like watching other kids. FWIW, she lives in a house with 5 adults who converse with her all the time and she's comfortable interacting with new adults she meets (waiters etc). This question brought to you by that thread about kids being friends after switching daycares, and I thought "do preschoolers really have friends?" I don't care if she just likes doing her own thing, but I also want her to have peer friends eventually.

my 3 year old definitely does. 

i try to ask who he played with each day to keep track and there is definitely a pattern. other parents say the same thing back "oh you're John's mom? Winston talks about him all the time!" etc.

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:39:48 GMT -5 oswin said:

Mar 26, 2019 12:07:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

What questions do you have today?

I have 2 for my 27mo. 

1. What do you do in the car when your toddler is not behaving, but yelling at them doesn't work? Ex. she has started spitting, and wouldn't stop with me telling her not to spit. 
2. Any suggestions for a toddler hitting? My DD does it usually when she is upset/mad.....she hits me and her friends....of course she doesn't hit DH (but she is with me like 10X more often than him)

1. Threaten to pull the car over. Pulling over lets them know we're serious. Doesn't always work though (my kids went through a phase where they'd take shoes and socks off and then put their toes in their mouth - long past the time when it's cute when babies do it). 

2. NPR had a cool story - we haven't tried it yet, but could be worth a shot: www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/03/21/702209976/can-inuit-moms-help-me-tame-my-3-year-olds-anger Also that Hands are Not for Hitting book (we have most of that series).

I tried #1 and it didn't work........sigh. I will just ignore for now and see how that goes. I am pretty sure it will work bc she is not getting the attention she wants from me...

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

we still use ours at 27m.....I dont plan to stop until she is in a big girl bed and is sleeping good in it. It gives me peace of mind....

[hamster]

I read hands are not for hitting and my kid hits me while we read it. Sooo...

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:50:15 GMT -5 loira said:

I have a question: at what age do kids start making actual friends? Like playing together and enjoying each other's company? My DD is 3 and while she talks about other kids at preschool, I don't know that she actually interacts with them much, but it's hard to tell because H takes her to school and back. She goes out of her way to avoid kids at the local playground, preferring to use whatever equipment is kid-free, although she does like watching other kids. FWIW, she lives in a house with 5 adults who converse with her all the time and she's comfortable interacting with new adults she meets (waiters etc). This question brought to you by that thread about kids being friends after switching daycares, and I thought "do preschoolers really have friends?" I don't care if she just likes doing her own thing, but I also want her to have peer friends eventually.

My Dd (27m) definitely has a few friends. Right now they are not in her class bc she moved up and they haven't yet. We do play dates almost every weekend bc the 3 of us moms have DHs who work a lot on the weekend, so its a nice break for us, and we enjoy each other's company. My DD asks for her BFF ALLL THE TIME.....my DH used to question whether they were really "friends" bc he thought you couldnt have them that young (this was several months ago), but now he gets it and sees how much they love each other. If I didnt like the other moms, I probably wouldnt do playdates at this age. (plus we all live in the same neighborhood)

[starryfish]

Mar 26, 2019 12:58:20 GMT -5 hamster said:

I read hands are not for hitting and my kid hits me while we read it. Sooo...

I liked your post for solidarity....ugh toddlers....

[dcn]

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

My kids are 6 and 3 and share a room and I still use it to yell at them to get back in bed. Lol.

[numbers]

starryfish "Teeth Are Not For Biting" is also a gem. I have it memorized. My kids are... not gentle little wallflowers.

Mar 26, 2019 12:58:20 GMT -5 hamster said:

I read hands are not for hitting and my kid hits me while we read it. Sooo...

Eh, he's still little. Think of it as planting seeds for future good behavior. (lol)

[mbcdefg]

Mar 26, 2019 13:07:23 GMT -5 dcn said:

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

My kids are 6 and 3 and share a room and I still use it to yell at them to get back in bed. Lol.

MH went into DD's room one day while the camera was still on but DD was in the living room with me and the portable screen. MH flashed her Elmo doll in front of the camera and now DD thinks the baby monitor is a little TV that plays Elmo whenever she wants. Oops.

[starburst604]

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

We just stopped using it when we set up her big girl bed. She comes and finds us juuuuuust fine when she needs something, lol. The camera is still aimed at her bed so we CAN see her if we need to, but we don't sleep with the receiver on or take it with us downstairs now when she's sleeping like we did before. 

[ohgillian]

My memory is terrible. TERRIBLE. Is it ever going to go back to baseline or am I just permanently screwed since having kids? I get plenty of sleep.

I literally just texted my DH something that happened in a meeting about our kid and it turned out that he was there. I forgot he was there.

[pooh8402]

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

We still use ours at 3y8m. It's nice to be able to check on him quickly to see if he *really* needs us. For some reason, E1 won't just get up and come get us. He yells.

[andi]

Mar 26, 2019 12:45:55 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

When did you stop using a baby monitor?

I've wondered this lately, too. DD is 4.5 and we still use one on her, and I don't see us stopping anytime soon. She doesn't get out of bed for things (bathroom, drink, etc.) but she will call for us from her room and I would never hear her otherwise. Also, it's nice peace of mind in the summer when we are on the patio and kids are asleep inside.

[brooke77]

Tricycle recommendations? DS has been trying to take other kids bikes every time we go to a playground, so I think he needs his own. Would love something he can use now and also will grow with him. He’s pretty tall for his age (was 36.5 inches at his 18 month appt).

[Mrs.flang]

brooke77, we got one like this when DD was almost 18 months and it's been great so far!

www.amazon.com/Radio-Flyer-Stroll-Trike-Red/dp/B0716ZKHK3/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_21_bs_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=4ZJQ8FS2SKJ37Z090MM7

[mbcdefg]

Mar 26, 2019 14:12:02 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Tricycle recommendations? DS has been trying to take other kids bikes every time we go to a playground, so I think he needs his own. Would love something he can use now and also will grow with him. He’s pretty tall for his age (was 36.5 inches at his 18 month appt).

DD got this one as a first birthday gift and really likes it, although even at 21 months she still can't quite reach the pedals. For now we push her around (that being said, if you will be pushing him maybe go for something with a handle so you don't have to stoop over) and she likes putting stuff in the back compartment.

But she's really short so your DS would likely do fine: www.walmart.com/ip/Radio-Flyer-Folding-Trike-Pink/17117928 

[kath16]

Mar 26, 2019 14:12:02 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Tricycle recommendations? DS has been trying to take other kids bikes every time we go to a playground, so I think he needs his own. Would love something he can use now and also will grow with him. He’s pretty tall for his age (was 36.5 inches at his 18 month appt).

the four-stage ones with the straps and handles! 

my parents went rogue on a christmas gift when DS1 was two and got a regular tricycle one. we had to rig it to push it with poles. i banned them from buying another one for DS2 to ensure we got the kind with the handle.

[hamster]

At what age is it appropriate to start enforcing the division of responsibility when it comes to eating? We've been pretty lax up until now, but he's starting to get that toddler finickyness.

[pooh8402]

Mar 26, 2019 14:15:44 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

brooke77, we got one like this when DD was almost 18 months and it's been great so far!

www.amazon.com/Radio-Flyer-Stroll-Trike-Red/dp/B0716ZKHK3/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_21_bs_img_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=4ZJQ8FS2SKJ37Z090MM7

Same one we have, E1 liked it for a while.