Post by supertrooper1 on May 30, 2019 12:23:38 GMT -5
I got an offer late last night on my house. I really hope STBXH doesn't screw us by wanting to counter the offer. I'm ready to be done paying rent and a mortgage each month.
DDOT: I just spoke to a coworker who said she was probably going to be giving me training. It would be myself and the other new person. They are both in Philadelphia and I'm on the West Coast. Management suggested Newark for the training site. Of course I'd rather not travel all the way across the country, but why wouldn't I just go to Philadelphia instead of all of us having to travel? Or have us meet in the middle of the country if they need another site.
Post by covergirl82 on May 30, 2019 12:40:47 GMT -5
DDOT: I'm on a "town hall" WebEx for work, and it seems a bit poorly planned. They provided a WebEx for employees who are off-site, and there are a number of people in a conference room as well, but the time provided for those in the conference room to discuss reflection questions amongst everyone at the table is a waste of time for those on the WebEx.
DDOT: I resprained my back driving home from the beach. I am so tired of pain you guys. I just want to be able to work out and run. I’m losing my mind.
DDOT: the three kids are doing different things in different places this first week of summer. So far they all love their things. I feel like I am nailing this parenting thing. DH being in town to drop one off in the morning has been awesome. No one is playing season long team sports - all camps and tournaments only - and it’s fun to have evening free time.
TWERK: Swapping a meal with a neighbor once a week has really been awesome. The last two weeks I have done a salad bar (no extra needed - it makes so much!) and not cooking one night a week but having fresh food is amazing. Sometimes we eat together, sometimes we pick up and drop off. Last night they brought wine. Just a real value add overall.
Post by traveltheworld on May 30, 2019 13:30:55 GMT -5
2chatter, swapping meals sound like such a great idea! I wish we had neighbours we are close enough with to do that.
DDOT: it's been 2 weeks since DH got laid off. I know it's early days yet, but I'm starting to get worried. He hasn't had a single call for an interview. And after the initial set of job opportunities, there doesn't seem to be much coming up.
traveltheworld - DH got laid off right after he proposed. It sucked. He initially looked for a pretty specific thing, but ended up settling. He ended up at a Firm he always said he would never work for. It took six months. So....are there things he is discounting or not considering? Widening the cast may bring more into the net to evaluate, and who knows where that can lead. Good luck - it’s a nervous anxious time.
DDOT: My boss made an asshole comment yesterday and doesn't realize he insulted me in the process. I thought maybe I was reading too much into it, but even DH agrees. It's not really even anything I can call him on or address and doesn't have any long-term consequences, other than some ruffled feathers.
TWERK: We are FINALLY getting our moisture work done under the house. We've had about 90% humidity in our crawl space since I started tracking it in February (I think?) and tomorrow was their first date available to do the work. I'm cross fingers like crazy that we didn't develop a huge problem in the interim. Remember how I said that I solved CA's drought by planning outdoor parties? Pretty sure I'm starting a new one by dropping $10k on fixing a moisture issue under the house that hadn't been a big issue until this year.
DDOT: I signed up for to work/run a 5k this weekend. It is for work, but I will run also. Now Ds has some fishing thing on the other side of town and DD has a vball tournament. We didn't even know she was supposed to play until today. Why don't people plan in advance? I do, but obviously it does no good. DH was taking DS, and I can get a ride for DD, but I hate to miss her first high school play.
TWERK: After waiting 7 months for a notice from the IRS to see if the discrepancy they found on our taxes in 2016 was cleared up: we just had something wrong and fixed it, I called yesterday. They said the case has been closed. Thanks for the notice. I can finally close the last account from my dad's estate after 3 years.
DDOT: I just really need some down time with no family and no children. Love them all to death, but I'm feeling totally burnt out. I spent my last kid-free weekend with my mom and sister. This past weekend I took the kids to visit my folks for the weekend. And now this weekend I have no kids, but will see my family both days. Saturday we have a family graduation party and Sunday they're helping me build a swing set since they'll be in town. And on Sunday, even though it's not technically my day, my kids have their last race of the season so I'm going to attend. I just want some space! I need to just regroup, in my house, totally alone. I want to do errands without kids, clean my house, and just lounge around with no expectation of socializing. Add in all the after school pick ups I'm doing every day, and I'm over it. I feel like such a jerk for just wanting to not see my kids for a hot minute. Ugh.
Post by librarychica on May 30, 2019 15:05:33 GMT -5
TWERK: It remains unseasonably hot. I thought I was a good, heat tolerant Floridian but it’s sweltering and so humid. It’s 98 as I walk to my car at 4pm. I need to find a way to live in my pool.
I continue to threaten my spouse with various relocation options, despite not wanting to actually leave my job. He, the telecommuter, continues to yell “bring it!” across the house. We shall see who flinches first.
DDOT: all my payroll clients who get paid either today or tomorrow waited until 1pm to send me payroll. Twiddle my thumbs all morning and now a rat race. Argh
librarychica - good timing. I spent part of last night looking at houses in Tampa. DH could transfer, I love the coastal idea and the school district here is being a total train wreck with DD’s 504 - to the tune of she may not be able to finish her freshman credits over the summer which blows up her sophomore plans. Despite the fact we met about this multiple times. I’m atomic.
traveltheworld - DH got laid off right after he proposed. It sucked. He initially looked for a pretty specific thing, but ended up settling. He ended up at a Firm he always said he would never work for. It took six months. So....are there things he is discounting or not considering? Widening the cast may bring more into the net to evaluate, and who knows where that can lead. Good luck - it’s a nervous anxious time.
Unfortunately he had a really specialized job. A lot of his skills are transferable, but he doesn't necessarily have the requisite experience for most accounting/finance jobs that are not entry-level. He is applying to everything that fits, but it's just not easy.
I know I shouldn't be so bleak since it's only been 2 weeks; but neither of us have ever been unemployed before. Growing up poor, financial security was/is everything to me, so yup, not dealing with it well.
On a brighter note - DDOT: I got complimented by DS's soccer coach about what a nice kid DS is. Apparently he has been very kind and encouraging towards his teammates. This is a HUGE deal! No one has ever complimented us on DS being nice and kind, ever.
Updates: I got the detective phone number on my uncles cold case. Any tips for talking to a detective? He might want to know what I know but I was 8 at the time and living across the country so not much. supertrooper1.
DH’s uncle passed away yesterday during heart surgery. With his mom breaking her ankle, and my Grandma passing away, and all the other stuff we are on the struggle bus this spring.
librarychica - good timing. I spent part of last night looking at houses in Tampa. DH could transfer, I love the coastal idea and the school district here is being a total train wreck with DD’s 504 - to the tune of she may not be able to finish her freshman credits over the summer which blows up her sophomore plans. Despite the fact we met about this multiple times. I’m atomic.
That sucks about her 504. I don’t care much for Tampa, personally, but there are some lovely beaches in driving distance. I live in a different city but can often be found fighting the portion of the interstate nicknamed malfunction junction while visiting my in-laws, so we could hang!
Post by covergirl82 on May 30, 2019 20:49:10 GMT -5
So I got the story on why MIL was driving her dad's car yesterday... She is in a financial pickle (which is what I suspected).
BIL called DH tonight to let him know that MIL called BIL from a dealership a few days ago to ask for a discount code (he works for a car company). She was going to trade her less than 1 year old new car for a "less expensive" new car but lease instead of purchase. It would save her a whopping $50/month. BIL told her not to sign anything and go home and think about it for at least a night. Well...she didn't take his advice (because that's her style) and signed the lease. BIL called her dad that same day or the next day to see if he could talk some sense into her, and he ended up taking her to the dealership and helped her get out of the lease (not sure if/what that cost). So now she has no car of her own.
Apparently, she also racked up a bunch of credit card debt because she couldn't afford other things with the car payment she had. (As a note, she's on SSI disability, so limited income. She makes a little extra dogsitting for a friend.)
BIL mentioned to DH on the phone that maybe one of our families should have her live with us (until she can get fixed financially). DH told him no chance of us doing that. (She and SIL would kill each other if they lived together again, so no chance of that happening either.) At some point, she's going to have to be responsible for her bad financial decisions. (Her dad is always bailing her out. Not to mention that I've been with DH for 15 years, and she's never been in a stable position financially, and I know she wasn't financially stable before that, because she did live with DH for a little while, but he had to tell her to move out because she couldn't pay him rent and he couldn't afford to cover it for both of them (he was still in college at the time, and also working full-time).)
DH is going to call her tomorrow to talk to her about letting us help her with a budget and then helping her stick to it. I'm sure she won't be happy once we start telling her she needs to cancel her cable and other "luxuries" and only buy the absolute necessities, but if she doesn't want to move back in with her dad and step-mom, or get a roommate, then hopefully she's agreeable to us helping her figure out how to get back on track financially.
ETA: And I can't remember if I mentioned in a previous post that MIL turned down a free car from SIL and BIL a month or two ago...yeah. No rational person would do that if they need to get out of a car payment.
Post by erinshelley21 on May 30, 2019 21:54:52 GMT -5
After a few years of wanting to move very badly... we are having a friend that is an architect draw up plans to remodel our current house lol. The neighborhood has gotten better, the housing market is at a stand still around us due to a large solar farm going in in the rural parts of our county, and our mortgage and property taxes are just really freaking cheap. Granted, a room addition will cause the taxes to go up, but they will still be rather cheap compared to other places.
We are selling our camper. We had someone look at our camper last Friday and we haven't heard from him. I submitted an appraisal request from a dealer and they offered us $4k less than the first one did, so we are probably going to have to eat about $5k to get rid of it. That sucks, but we have money to do it so I'd rather just get it over with.
I posted a couple months ago about DS having some self-confidence issues that he is picking up from my niece. He is starting to pick up the habit of talking back and basically just crying all the time. I'm about to lose my shit on my SIL if she doesn't start actively parenting her children. It's to the point that DH and I have been considering sending the kids to a daycare 3-4 days per week so we don't have a painful summer. The days DS isn't around them, he is a typical 5 year old. When I pick the kids up and they are there, my kids are a total shit show because they think it's fine. MIL tries to discipline them, but gets no support from SIL. I told my mom its like she likes to watch MIL struggle with having control because MIL is a strong and confident woman who just has her shit together. MIL has noticed what DH and I are dealing with and is on the same page as us as far as DS is being unfairly influenced. She also said the cousins won't be there much this summer, so we've held off on arranging other care. Well, they've been there 2/3 days this week, so I'm guessing SIL gave MIL a line of crap.
covergirl82, I can relate. That is the story of my mom. She has never been financially stable. Her mom bailed her out until she passed, then her brother, until he couldn't do it anymore. I always "play" poor to my mom. Never let on that I have any extra money. When my dad died, I gave one brother his part of the money from the estate, and I made sure not to do it in front of her or talk about it. She got wind of it and asked him for a "loan" (He still lives with her). My other brother doesn't play poor and she is always talking about his money. Once when we went on our first and probably only family vacation, the rental was supposed to be split 3 ways. We get down there, and she says she doesn't have it and expects my brother to pay her share. I ended up giving him half because it wasn't fair to him. He also picked up all of her meals, which I refused.
DH and I have talked about it and we refuse to help financially. It would be like throwing money in a dark hole. She would blow through anything you gave her. My stance is I am not financing someone who had their entire lives to get their shit together (this was not some sickness or disaster issue). That would be taking away from our kids because any money to others would reduce the ability to take care of ourselves in retirement (burdening our kids), and pay for college. I always say my life is the grasshopper and the ant.
covergirl82 , I can relate. That is the story of my mom. She has never been financially stable. Her mom bailed her out until she passed, then her brother, until he couldn't do it anymore. I always "play" poor to my mom. Never let on that I have any extra money. When my dad died, I gave one brother his part of the money from the estate, and I made sure not to do it in front of her or talk about it. She got wind of it and asked him for a "loan" (He still lives with her). My other brother doesn't play poor and she is always talking about his money. Once when we went on our first and probably only family vacation, the rental was supposed to be split 3 ways. We get down there, and she says she doesn't have it and expects my brother to pay her share. I ended up giving him half because it wasn't fair to him. He also picked up all of her meals, which I refused.
DH and I have talked about it and we refuse to help financially. It would be like throwing money in a dark hole. She would blow through anything you gave her. My stance is I am not financing someone who had their entire lives to get their shit together (this was not some sickness or disaster issue). That would be taking away from our kids because any money to others would reduce the ability to take care of ourselves in retirement (burdening our kids), and pay for college. I always say my life is the grasshopper and the ant.
Thank you, rere. The bolded parts of your response was my exact thought last night. It would be one thing if it was an illness or disaster issue, but she hasn't figured out finances for probably 20+ years, and we aren't going to give her money to continue to make bad decisions. She's been enabled too long and now expects to be bailed out by someone.
sdlaura , thanks for asking about my foot. Recovery is very slow going but it is getting better. I found a sandal with a Velcro strap across the toes so I was able to wear a shoe other than my tennis shoes for the first time yesterday. I saw my doctor this week and he said to keep on keeping on. Probably another month with restricted activities and looking like a 6 month recovery plan. My foot balloons up by afternoon every day and still painful to walk with every step. I will probably start PT next month. I've started biking and elliptical so that has helped my stress and mood. Are you 100% better now?
I fired our cleaning lady this week. She has been doing a poor job and I found another service that was 100x better the one week we tried them.
mellym I was in a walking boot for 6 weeks so I’m impressed you’re in a shoe of any kind already! I’m 4 months out and starting to jog again. The only exercise that still feels a bit weird is lunges when I put my weight on my toes and bend them back. My mom and dad have both had bunion surgeries and told me it was a year before they never ever noticed any weirdness with their feet. I am glad it’s behind me though!
Post by mustardseed2007 on May 31, 2019 9:08:28 GMT -5
mellym, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW CLEANING PERSON.
For real, for me to fire help we have around the house takes a major act of incompetence only because it would feel like getting someone else would be a major deal. So I am very glad for you!
Ugghhh the parents who don’t have it together — Dh’s ex lives in her car because her own mother kicked her out. My ex is living with a friend, whose house was just hit by a tornado. I’m so glad he’s been on board with “the girls don’t overnight with you unless you have your own place.”
My exh already hits up my kids for money. I watch DD’s bank account and she has bought him gas so he can get back home, food when they have gone out, and her own things like pads or socks at Target (which I would buy for her). I have told her I will pick she and her sister up anywhere, I will sort out money with him, but never - NEVER - should kids support parents. I asked if Mimi or ILs would ever ask us for money and she looked at me like I was crazy. I keep telling her this will only intensify and she has to develop good boundaries now. That if we end up with student loans her dad will absolutely ask her for a loan and while he has the absolute best intentions that she cannot loan him money - no matter what. Refer him to me. I told her she can send him to me for her whole entire life, as if her parents were still married that’s what would happen if she had an issue, and I want her life to be normal. I divorced him and she should not have to deal with it alone.
DH’s ex kicked off the year by taking out credit cards in SS’ name and maxing them out. He won’t press charges. Now I regret never giving her my social for medical because I would absolutely press criminal charges. She’s an awful person.
I often wonder how out of four adults (DH, me and our exes) I am the only one who saves and budgets and sticks to it. I was a single parent with a fat savings account when DH and I started dating. He as a single parent who gave 90 percent of his money to his ex voluntarily. Craziness.
Post by covergirl82 on May 31, 2019 10:08:46 GMT -5
2chatter, that is so sad your XH asks your kids for money. That should never happen, especially when the kids are still kids! I also am in general amazement at DH turning out the way he did. When we met (he was 23), he had a good job, ambition, his own place (which was clean and neat), and lived within his means. He has worked his whole career in finance and accounting, which is mind-boggling given that his mom is such a hot mess (as are 2 of her siblings and her dad isn't much better - he got a reverse mortgage) when it comes to finances.
Post by mustardseed2007 on May 31, 2019 10:12:05 GMT -5
At least he asked. When my niece started college her dad set up a bank account for her. Which is rich because for a long time he didn't have a bank account himself.
Anyway, he put a couple hundred dollars in it for her...but then drained it to pay for her half sister's birthday party. I mean, yeah he put it in to start with, but for real?