I’m an essential worker—childcare question

[sunflower17]

I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old. I’m going back to work after maternity leave in 2 weeks. My schedule is going to be very different than my normal 730-530 x 4 days. Like sometimes 9-am-8pm sometimes 8-5.
H is a teacher so working from home—it’s not regular schedule either. He has to teach, plan and “attend” meetings as well.
We have had our toddler home from daycare for the past 3 weeks.
I hate to send them to daycare in the midst of all this. Hate.
BUT, it’s definitely difficult to work from home with a toddler and a newborn. And especially for H to be alone for like 12 hrs with them on top Of working.
The thing is, my only other option would be to have my mother come stay with us which is really NOT appropriate since she’s 68 and doesn’t live with us.
WWYD?

[ellipses84]

Your safest bet may be to find a temporary nanny who lives alone and is cautious about exposure in a low risk group, but ok with being around your family. There are a lot of people out of work right now who would jump at the opportunity, based on posts I’m seeing in a local nanny search group. If they need to work, being around 4 people is better than 100s of customers in a different type of job.

Our daycare is open with strict protocols in place, like temperature checks at the door and is only accepting children with both parents as essential workers outside the home. So WFH teacher wouldn’t even qualify based on their interpretation but obviously it’s impossible to do that alone with kids that age. As a last resort, I’m sure your DH would be able to take a leave of absence to care for the kids.

[nicolewi]

I would find a way to have them stay at home. I'm so sorry you have to go back in the middle of all this. It sounds like it's definitely not possible to extend your leave at all, huh?

Could you hire a college student who is low risk and doing shelter-in-place themselves to come be a nanny during this time? Maybe someone local to you?

I have often been alone with my kids a LOT due to the nature of DH's job. I SAH now but when I was working, I had many, many evenings and weekends alone with them after work b/c of DH's job. It's hard but not impossible. But what would be really tough for your DH would be any time he needs to be on-camera/in person with people while you are at work. That seems next to impossible with a 2 year old and a newborn.

[thebreakfastclub]

I would not use your mom because she's abusive to you.

[sunflower17]

Apr 3, 2020 17:45:03 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

I would not use your mom because she's abusive to you.

Yeah my mom is a very difficult person—but we are on speaking terms. It’s just not ideal.

[lemoncupcake]

I wouldn't send them to daycare unless you absolutely, 100% had no other choice.

I'd look into the possibility of a nanny that is socially distanced and works just for you, or having your H just juggle work and his job. Obviously it's not going to be enjoyable or ideal - but is there a way that he can make it work?

[Mrs.flang]

What is your H leaning toward doing? I'd probably try to push to have him figure out how to make it work. It's obviously not ideal and it SUCKS, but we're all making sacrifices during this time. I'd have a very hard time using the daycare but obviously essential workers still need to.

[usuallylurking]

I’m sorry, but technically it doesn’t appear that your H is an essential worker, so as inconvenient as it is the kids should stay home with him. I’d hire a nanny before asking your mom to help.

ETA: I’m not sure if your state has a stay at home in place, but if so most (all?) states that have this in place are pretty explicit that daycare is not to be used unless both parents are working outside of the home as essential workers.

[imojoebunny]

Is there a college student, who has been quarantined for 2+ weeks, who would be willing to babysit for your kids for the time that your DH would need to teach? It is allowed here for nannies and daycares to be available for those who have to work. Your DH really cannot teach with a 10 week old and toddler to care for. I don't expect a lot of teaching at this time, but I don't see how he could do any teaching, without help. It is a flat out shitty time, and I appreciate the essential workers who continue to go to work every day.

[ribollita]

If you’re asking me what I would do, I would use daycare during the hours your husband has to work. In my area, both healthcare workers and educators are essential workers. It’s one thing to manage school-age kids are older but I have no idea how anyone thinks he could possibly work with kids those two ages. Best of luck to you!

[minniemouse]

Oh man. I’m not sure what I would do. I think you need to hire someone, which I know is a risk, but less of a risk than daycare. I am having a very hard time working from home while dealing with schoolwork for a 1st grader and 5th grader. There is no way I could get anything done at all with toddler and infant, even if they somehow miraculously napped at the same time.

[kershnic]

If you can hire a college student or similar, I think that would be a great option. If that didn't work out and you can find a daycare that will accept you I would consider sending the 2 year old during your H's working hours and having the newborn stay with him. I don't think expecting him to get any work done while caring for both kids together alone is realistic.

[sdlaura]

I would use your mom if you have a good relationship and assuming that she’s been self-isolating - but it sounds like you don’t have a good relationship. I may consider keeping the baby at home and sending the toddler in your situation.

[konapoppy]

Are you under a SIP order? If so, I would (and did) send the toddler to daycare. Spots should be extremely limited. Control everything you can outside of daycare to self isolate.

[campermom]

I wouldn’t send my kids to daycare in that scenario. I’m in education and we all have our kids home. Is it easy? No. Not at all. Will it be easy with a 2 year old and infant? Nope. But I’d do this over sending them in.

All of the meetings that I’ve attended have allowed and actually expected teachers to turn out mics and cameras off bc we all have our kids at home and it’s too distracting to the other participants. We turn the mic on when we speak and then back off again. Teachers are posting to virtual learning, “grading” (feedback) and recording lessons when their kids are asleep. We are to keep “office hours” to be available by email or phone if we choose. But no one With kids is actually able to keep office hours.

I hope I’m not coming off as one-Uppy here bc that’s not what my intention is at all. I just don’t know anyone in my education system who is sending their kids to daycare. Not even supervisors or principals-I also know two admins with little babies.

[sunflower17]

Apr 3, 2020 22:09:44 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

Are you under a SIP order? If so, I would (and did) send the toddler to daycare. Spots should be extremely limited. Control everything you can outside of daycare to self isolate.

Yes we are SIP.

[konapoppy]

Apr 4, 2020 0:00:06 GMT -5 sunflower17 said:

Apr 3, 2020 22:09:44 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

Are you under a SIP order? If so, I would (and did) send the toddler to daycare. Spots should be extremely limited. Control everything you can outside of daycare to self isolate.

Yes we are SIP.

I would send the toddler or have your mom come. I would lean towards mom if you are a healthcare worker/in a role with significant exposure to the public right now.

[sunflower17]

Apr 4, 2020 5:24:40 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

Apr 4, 2020 0:00:06 GMT -5 sunflower17 said:

Yes we are SIP.

I would send the toddler or have your mom come. I would lean towards mom if you are a healthcare worker/in a role with significant exposure to the public right now.

I’m in healthcare and our area is expected to have an increase in cases within the next few weeks. For this reason they’re putting us 2 weeks patient facing with more and longer hours than usual and 2 weeks “virtual”, but still in the building. The hours during “virtual week” will be a bit less.

[sunflower17]

Apr 3, 2020 20:28:20 GMT -5 ribollita said:

If you’re asking me what I would do, I would use daycare during the hours your husband has to work. In my area, both healthcare workers and educators are essential workers. It’s one thing to manage school-age kids are older but I have no idea how anyone thinks he could possibly work with kids those two ages. Best of luck to you!

Yeah with the 2 together, it’s very difficult to do anything. With just one, you can typically have pockets of time to get stuff done.

[mccallister84]

Disclaimer: I taught in a state with a strong union and was tenured. It was basically impossible to fire a teacher unless they were doing something illegal.

I SAH now with a 3 year old and an 21 month old. H and I have discussed what we would do if I still worked. We would keep the girls home with me and I would do the best I could but honestly teaching wouldn’t be my number one priority, the girls would be. I’m sure they would be popping up in videos if I had to do them and my response time would be delayed. I’d have to do some work on weekends and at night but it would just be what it would be. And honestly from Facebook that seems to be what my teacher friends are doing.

This would be different if I had been at any risk of losing my job.

[cricketwife]

I hate these impossible situations for everyone. I would do everything I could to avoid using daycare. I want to know more about your H’s teaching job. Can he basically do a crap job and not get fired? Is he in a field where if he did get fired, he could find another job fairly easily after all this? Clearly, he won’t be able to do his job while taking care of an infant and toddler.

[konapoppy]

Apr 4, 2020 6:36:13 GMT -5 sunflower17 said:

Apr 4, 2020 5:24:40 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

I would send the toddler or have your mom come. I would lean towards mom if you are a healthcare worker/in a role with significant exposure to the public right now.

I’m in healthcare and our area is expected to have an increase in cases within the next few weeks. For this reason they’re putting us 2 weeks patient facing with more and longer hours than usual and 2 weeks “virtual”, but still in the building. The hours during “virtual week” will be a bit less.

Thank you for going back to work. ❤️ I imagine it isn’t easy emotionally.

I would definitely recommend your mom to help him if possible. If not, I would do daycare (daycare as second, because the risk of you exposing the other families would be higher).

Having two small kids who cannot be independent for more than a few minutes is extremely challenging. With my two year olds, I can’t be on my laptop without them coming over and smashing the keyboard (unless I am standing), or talk on there phone without them wanting to play on the phone. Your husband could always try it solo for a few days if he wants, just to see. What he wants is also really important here.

[brooke77]

I’m sorry you and your family are in this situation. My brother’s wife is a nurse and he does IT for the only major hospital in their city. He is WFH alone with their 2 year old and it is extremely stressful. His coworkers have given him so much grace being a man and knowing his wife’s profession. I hope your H’s coworkers and student’s parents are just as understanding.

OK - so obviously first preference is they stay home with your H. That may not be realistic. Second preference (assuming you aren’t paying for daycare) would be to find a nanny to come into your home for a few hours a day only when absolutely necessary. Maybe a laid off daycare worker you know and trust?

[awkwardpenguin]

Our daycare is open for essential workers, and class sizes are very small and illness policies are very very strict. They are doing everything they can to be a safe environment for the kids right now. I would be comfortable sending the two year old, and maybe the baby in another month or so (maybe after 4 month vaccines?).

[cari]

I would have them stay home with my H. We are both teachers working from home with a 9 and 6 year old, who we are now homeschooling, plus two 3 year olds. It’s not ideal but we bang stuff out during nap/room time and after the kids go to bed. We attend the meetings we have to attend with them running around in the background. It’s very challenging but it’s possible. I feel confident that both h or I could do it on our own with a newborn and two year old. It won’t be pleasant but nothing is pleasant right now.

[vamoose]

Well, step one for me would be to look at the law in your state / is your H considered essential or does the law allow the use of childcare with only one parent as an essential worker? Daycare may not be an option depending on where you live.

Step two - What does distance teaching entail for your H? For my kids, their teachers post videos and assignments in google classroom and then maybe have 1-2 live meetings per week (we just finished week three - who knows how this will evolve). In theory, a teacher could do most of their work on the weekends (plan the lessons, post assignments, record videos, etc) or in the evenings. It would be an exhausting schedule, but something to consider.

[sunflower17]

Apr 4, 2020 8:24:25 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

Apr 4, 2020 6:36:13 GMT -5 sunflower17 said:

I’m in healthcare and our area is expected to have an increase in cases within the next few weeks. For this reason they’re putting us 2 weeks patient facing with more and longer hours than usual and 2 weeks “virtual”, but still in the building. The hours during “virtual week” will be a bit less.

Thank you for going back to work. ❤️ I imagine it isn’t easy emotionally.

I would definitely recommend your mom to help him if possible. If not, I would do daycare (daycare as second, because the risk of you exposing the other families would be higher).

Having two small kids who cannot be independent for more than a few minutes is extremely challenging. With my two year olds, I can’t be on my laptop without them coming over and smashing the keyboard (unless I am standing), or talk on there phone without them wanting to play on the phone. Your husband could always try it solo for a few days if he wants, just to see. What he wants is also really important here.

Thanks. It’s hard enough to leave a newborn to return to work, but during this situation it’s even harder.

[SusanBAnthony]

I am not seeing behind the scenes, but based on what I am seeing as a parent, which is my son's teacher doing video calls with his baby on his lap, I'd keep the kids at home with him.

[sunflower17]

Apr 4, 2020 7:13:23 GMT -5 mccallister84 said:

Disclaimer: I taught in a state with a strong union and was tenured. It was basically impossible to fire a teacher unless they were doing something illegal.

I SAH now with a 3 year old and an 21 month old. H and I have discussed what we would do if I still worked. We would keep the girls home with me and I would do the best I could but honestly teaching wouldn’t be my number one priority, the girls would be. I’m sure they would be popping up in videos if I had to do them and my response time would be delayed. I’d have to do some work on weekends and at night but it would just be what it would be. And honestly from Facebook that seems to be what my teacher friends are doing.

This would be different if I had been at any risk of losing my job.

cricketwife

So H is in the public school system in the major city in our state. It is the highest paying public school system local to us. There is no union here, unfortunately, so he could potentially lose his job.
He’s been required to teach live several times each week and also attend several meetings with video conferences. The thing is, it’s not a regular schedule at this point because a lot of decisions haven’t been made by the school district. So it’s like hey tomorrow at 12 there’s a meeting etc. and he also has to be available at certain times.
Our daycare is open to whatever families need it, they do not require both parents to be essential workers. There are much less students at this point though. I’m still paying for my toddler, but not yet my newborn. They said they’ll still have her spot available if we delay her start date due to this situation.
ETA vamoose

[maudefindlay]

I would keep kids home with your H. As much as possible your H needs to get up early or work at night on lesson planning/uploading work/anything that can be done outside certain hours to free himself up more during the day.