I think that Sent has moved far beyond the specific scenario in the OP. She posted about how she would “yell and cause drama” to advocate for herself (which is rich, considering that she later said her own brother advocating for her was important), as if those that needed support were just to weak to do that ourselves or something. And then this:
My brother was not there to advocate during the birth of either of my kids. My husband was with me the day I went to the hospital with some weird symptoms while we were on vacation, 800 miles from home. I was misdiagnosed about an hour after I arrived. I was left to languish all day with my husband there with me as nurses came by and I questioned them about why my health was rapidly getting worse. At the end of the day he left to go back to DD because he trusted the doctors knew better than him or me despite me questioning their misdiagnosis. He sucked as support. My brother showed up an hour later, I discussed my concerns with him and we came up with a plan.
The biggest difference in this situation versus my 2 C-sections was that there was no doctor to advocate for me like there would have been if something went wrong during my births.
Have all the support you want. These are not normal times. Husbands aren't being allowed into many hospitals. Your choices are to accept it and walk in alone or go have your baby at home. Shitty choices for all families.
Yes, I would yell and cause drama if someone tried to do something I didn't agree with during my births though I doubt it would get to that.
I think that Sent has moved far beyond the specific scenario in the OP. She posted about how she would “yell and cause drama” to advocate for herself (which is rich, considering that she later said her own brother advocating for her was important), as if those that needed support were just to weak to do that ourselves or something. And then this:
My brother was not there to advocate during the birth of either of my kids. My husband was with me the day I went to the hospital with some weird symptoms while we were on vacation, 800 miles from home. I was misdiagnosed about an hour after I arrived. I was left to languish all day with my husband there with me as nurses came by and I questioned them about why my health was rapidly getting worse. At the end of the day he left to go back to DD because he trusted the doctors knew better than him or me despite me questioning their misdiagnosis. He sucked as support. My brother showed up an hour later, I discussed my concerns with him and we came up with a plan.
The biggest difference in this situation versus my 2 C-sections was that there was no doctor to advocate for me like there would have been if something went wrong during my births.
Have all the support you want. These are not normal times. Husbands aren't being allowed into many hospitals. Your choices are to accept it and walk in alone or go have your baby at home. Shitty choices for all families.
Yes, I would yell and cause drama if someone tried to do something I didn't agree with during my births though I doubt it would get to that.
Clearly in this scenario, the husband was allowed there. So that point isn’t relevant. Obviously if it’s not allowed, then you have to suck it up and deal.
I just bristle at the idea that people who want/need their husbands with them are irrational. It’s totally normal to want them there as your support, and people who feel otherwise are the exception, not the rule.
But I know I can advocate for myself. I nearly died with a rare illness between my two pregnancies. My husband watched me deteriorate for 10 hours but trusted the doctors and had no idea what to do with me. He left hours before my brother showed up and listened to me and moved me to another hospital against medical advice. So perhaps I am in the minority.
You do see why your anecdote illustrates exactly why sometimes people need outside support to get the medical care they need, right?
I knew what I needed. I let the nurses know. It only happened to the degree my husband was able to help. Just like you knew what you needed but only got it because your brother could help.
Yes I do. But I also went into birth #2 knowing how a planned C-section works and had a physician that I knew would advocate for me. The only surprise was when the c-section would happen as both of mine showed up several weeks early like the OP's situation.
I have never had a vaginal birth so I don't know how those work and what the role of the husband is in those. Whatever it is, mine likely would have fainted and been useless if he was expected to be there. He would have been much better off caring for the toddler at home.
You do see why your anecdote illustrates exactly why sometimes people need outside support to get the medical care they need, right?
I knew what I needed. I let the nurses know. It only happened to the degree my husband was able to help. Just like you knew what you needed but only got it because your brother could help.
Yes I do. But I also went into birth #2 knowing how a planned C-section works and had a physician that I knew would advocate for me. The only surprise was when the c-section would happen as both of mine showed up several weeks early like the OP's situation.
I have never had a vaginal birth so I don't know how those work and what the role of the husband is in those. Whatever it is, mine likely would have fainted and been useless if he was forced to be there. He would have been much better off caring for the toddler at home.
My SIL was a planned repeat C that turned very emergent a few weeks before. So emergent that she had to be rush put under general to get the baby out ASAP, which obviously nobody could have predicted. Having her husband there to advocate for her and their daughter turned from luxury to absolutely critical on a dime. FWIW they’re both MDs and she has no trouble advocating for herself, but when you’re out under general that obviously changes everything. I think most hospitals did decide to allow secondary parents present for birth, partly due to the medical risks inherent in birth.
You do see why your anecdote illustrates exactly why sometimes people need outside support to get the medical care they need, right?
I knew what I needed. I let the nurses know. It only happened to the degree my husband was able to help. Just like you knew what you needed but only got it because your brother could help.
Yes I do. But I also went into birth #2 knowing how a planned C-section works and had a physician that I knew would advocate for me. The only surprise was when the c-section would happen as both of mine showed up several weeks early like the OP's situation.
I have never had a vaginal birth so I don't know how those work and what the role of the husband is in those. Whatever it is, mine likely would have fainted and been useless if he was expected to be there. He would have been much better off caring for the toddler at home.
Last post and then I’m out of here - You know that your trusted physician is typically only there for a small portion of your hospital stay, right? My OB, who I trust, was there for about 5 minutes of pre-op, the c-section itself, and then 5 minutes post op. Another doctor checked on me 5 minutes per day the remaining hospital stay.
If you’re laboring, the doctor is frequently not there. Even if you have fantastic doctors and nurses, you may still need someone to advocate for you. There are about a thousand scenarios in which that could be needed.
Yes I do. But I also went into birth #2 knowing how a planned C-section works and had a physician that I knew would advocate for me. The only surprise was when the c-section would happen as both of mine showed up several weeks early like the OP's situation.
I have never had a vaginal birth so I don't know how those work and what the role of the husband is in those. Whatever it is, mine likely would have fainted and been useless if he was expected to be there. He would have been much better off caring for the toddler at home.
Last post and then I’m out of here - You know that your trusted physician is typically only there for a small portion of your hospital stay, right? My OB, who I trust, was there for about 5 minutes of pre-op, the c-section itself, and then 5 minutes post op. Another doctor checked on me 5 minutes per day the remaining hospital stay.
If you’re laboring, the doctor is frequently not there. Even if you have fantastic doctors and nurses, you may still need someone to advocate for you. There are about a thousand scenarios in which that could be needed.
Yeah I know they are only there for a small amount of your stay. I spent 4 years as a hospital resident, I am aware how it works.
I think every woman’s husband plays a different role. DH and I did 30-some hours of hypno birthing classes before our first kid and he was my single very important support person/nearly a doula. My OB hasn’t been there for any of my 3 births - the first one she was on vacation and the other two happened too quickly - so I haven’t had that support.
I think so much depends on what number kid you’re having, what kind of labors you have, etc. It’s totally reasonable for any woman to say there’s no way she’d want to have a kid without her husband there. And reasonable for another woman to say she’d rather her husband be home with her kids vs. leaving them with someone she doesn’t know well. I think it totally makes sense for the OP to think about contingency plans for childcare, especially given the current state of the world.
Some of you have clearly never been around military folks or others who live away from old friends/family by necessity. I cannot count the number of relative strangers' children I've watched overnight or for days while people were in the hospital, for L&D or illness.
And the whole idea of "I'd have no problem advocating for myself to the point of yelling and screaming" is rich. A large segment of the population would be labeled non-compliant and be referred to social services to have their babies taken at birth if they yelled and screamed at medical staff. The "angry black lady" myth is a not-insignificant contributor to the vastly unequal and horrifying maternal mortality and morbidity in this country.
Also, from a group of people who regularly, and justifiably point out the inherent misogyny of the "baby-friendly" hospital designation, suggesting that every woman, no matter what birth experience she has or what mental or physical condition she's in, should 100% care for a newborn completely by herself from the moment she gives birth until she is discharged, is absurd. If she doesn't have a partner with her and no other family is allowed in to visit, how is she supposed to even take a shower since she can't send the baby to the nursery?
It is 4000% reasonable and not-infrequently life-or-death to have one's partner with them during childbirth and immediate postpartum.
Some of you have clearly never been around military folks or others who live away from old friends/family by necessity. I cannot count the number of relative strangers' children I've watched overnight or for days while people were in the hospital, for L&D or illness.
And the whole idea of "I'd have no problem advocating for myself to the point of yelling and screaming" is rich. A large segment of the population would be labeled non-compliant and be referred to social services to have their babies taken at birth if they yelled and screamed at medical staff. The "angry black lady" myth is a not-insignificant contributor to the vastly unequal and horrifying maternal mortality and morbidity in this country.
Also, from a group of people who regularly, and justifiably point out the inherent misogyny of the "baby-friendly" hospital designation, suggesting that every woman, no matter what birth experience she has or what mental or physical condition she's in, should 100% care for a newborn completely by herself from the moment she gives birth until she is discharged, is absurd. If she doesn't have a partner with her and no other family is allowed in to visit, how is she supposed to even take a shower since she can't send the baby to the nursery?
It is 4000% reasonable and not-infrequently life-or-death to have one's partner with them during childbirth and immediate postpartum.
I am here. I have been quarantined in the house since March 12th, so I take social distancing very seriously, but I see early labor/wanting your husband there as a justifiable emergency. I think it was on OP’s husband to state that the family would not be comfortable watching the toddler if that was the case. It can be very life/death to have someone with you in the hospital. When my BIL was in the hospital, he kept telling his caregivers that something was wrong. They would not listen. My sister had to come to the hospital in the middle of the night to advocate for him. It was a major emergency issue with his bladder.
I see a birthing partner/hospital partner as an important need.
Some of you have clearly never been around military folks or others who live away from old friends/family by necessity. I cannot count the number of relative strangers' children I've watched overnight or for days while people were in the hospital, for L&D or illness.
And the whole idea of "I'd have no problem advocating for myself to the point of yelling and screaming" is rich. A large segment of the population would be labeled non-compliant and be referred to social services to have their babies taken at birth if they yelled and screamed at medical staff. The "angry black lady" myth is a not-insignificant contributor to the vastly unequal and horrifying maternal mortality and morbidity in this country.
Also, from a group of people who regularly, and justifiably point out the inherent misogyny of the "baby-friendly" hospital designation, suggesting that every woman, no matter what birth experience she has or what mental or physical condition she's in, should 100% care for a newborn completely by herself from the moment she gives birth until she is discharged, is absurd. If she doesn't have a partner with her and no other family is allowed in to visit, how is she supposed to even take a shower since she can't send the baby to the nursery?
It is 4000% reasonable and not-infrequently life-or-death to have one's partner with them during childbirth and immediate postpartum.
I was coming in here to say the same about military families. I have both watched kids I barely knew and have left my kids with people I don’t know super well. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I really sympathize with this lady because we live far from family and it can be a really helpless feeling. Even more so with the pandemic.
You do see why your anecdote illustrates exactly why sometimes people need outside support to get the medical care they need, right?
I knew what I needed. I let the nurses know. It only happened to the degree my husband was able to help. Just like you knew what you needed but only got it because your brother could help.
Yes I do. But I also went into birth #2 knowing how a planned C-section works and had a physician that I knew would advocate for me. The only surprise was when the c-section would happen as both of mine showed up several weeks early like the OP's situation.
I have never had a vaginal birth so I don't know how those work and what the role of the husband is in those. Whatever it is, mine likely would have fainted and been useless if he was expected to be there. He would have been much better off caring for the toddler at home.
sent, I think your view may be colored by the fact that your H is generally pretty useless and unsupportive. I don't doubt that you do not have the kind of partnership with him where his being there would be a comfort. It sounds like you're on your own for most things so I'm not surprised this doesn't feel any different (also, that sucks for you and I'm sorry).
I think most people going through a major medical event of any kind would want a support person there with them, whether it's a spouse or family member or friend. Advocacy aside, being in the hospital and in pain is scary and childbirth is (ideally) joyful and having to go through all that alone sucks. And then if something does go wrong, you can't trust that the random nurse who is assigned to help you that day is prioritizing you when they have a ton of other patients and demands to also prioritize (this is not meant as a dig at nurses, they have impossible jobs).
If someone can't be there, they can't be there but i think doing whatever you can to have someone with you when your child is born is completely understandable.
One of the things that freaks me out the most about the idea of getting sick with COVID (or anything right now, really) is the idea that I'd be suffering in a hospital by myself with no loved ones there for comfort. I have a lot of health anxiety and I think this would push me over the edge.
Clearly in this scenario, the husband was allowed there. So that point isn’t relevant. Obviously if it’s not allowed, then you have to suck it up and deal.
I just bristle at the idea that people who want/need their husbands with them are irrational. It’s totally normal to want them there as your support, and people who feel otherwise are the exception, not the rule.
Did someone say it’s irrational?
Not directly, but that’s how I interpreted her statement about fathers only being there because society tells us they should be or some shit.
Post by killercupcake on Apr 27, 2020 12:10:10 GMT -5
I didn't sleep for a week thinking about having to go through the birth of this one alone. So I don't find it unreasonable that they would ask someone to watch the toddler so dad could be there.
My "hell no," for the record, was directed to grandma waltzing into the house after getting off a plane. Nah uh. lol
As someone who has given birth twice before I understand that it is preferable to have someone with you. But why are the health needs of the pregnant mother the only ones that count during this pandemic? If my husband or I caught COVID-19 from this toddler, dad dropping her off or the grandma, our risk of death would be higher than giving birth without a partner. The covid mortality rate is much higher than maternal or even infant mortality rate.
All that said, I still would have taken the toddler. I would have appreciated a phone call from the mom asking me personally if I would do this favor for her. And I would have appreciated an acknowledgement that this was a huge ask during these current times.
I don't think anyone said the health needs of the pregnant mother are more important, but they did ask your H for a favor and they were told yes. I think the communication could have been better from both sides of this situation. There's no question about that.
With that said, I believe strongly that the reason social distancing is important is so that in emergencys like this people can open themselves up a little bit. I hope none of you were exposed to COVID though, obviously.
sent , I think your view may be colored by the fact that your H is generally pretty useless and unsupportive. I don't doubt that you do not have the kind of partnership with him where his being there would be a comfort. It sounds like you're on your own for most things so I'm not surprised this doesn't feel any different (also, that sucks for you and I'm sorry).
I think most people going through a major medical event of any kind would want a support person there with them, whether it's a spouse or family member or friend. Advocacy aside, being in the hospital and in pain is scary and childbirth is (ideally) joyful and having to go through all that alone sucks. And then if something does go wrong, you can't trust that the random nurse who is assigned to help you that day is prioritizing you when they have a ton of other patients and demands to also prioritize (this is not meant as a dig at nurses, they have impossible jobs).
If someone can't be there, they can't be there but i think doing whatever you can to have someone with you when your child is born is completely understandable.
One of the things that freaks me out the most about the idea of getting sick with COVID (or anything right now, really) is the idea that I'd be suffering in a hospital by myself with no loved ones there for comfort. I have a lot of health anxiety and I think this would push me over the edge.
I disagree that having to go through childbirth alone sucks. I was not sad in the OR and have happy memories of them being born. I did not feel alone with an entire medical team around me doing their routine jobs. And he got to have special first moments with them too.
Yeah, he sucks when it comes to emotional support but hospitals are also not his thing. However, we are both practical people and would not think to impose on any of his friends like this. If the friends caught COVID and had a bad outcome because of our decision to expose them to a toddler and a grandma who just got off a plane and is not taking distancing seriously, I know I would never be able to live with that guilt.
sent , I think your view may be colored by the fact that your H is generally pretty useless and unsupportive. I don't doubt that you do not have the kind of partnership with him where his being there would be a comfort. It sounds like you're on your own for most things so I'm not surprised this doesn't feel any different (also, that sucks for you and I'm sorry).
I think most people going through a major medical event of any kind would want a support person there with them, whether it's a spouse or family member or friend. Advocacy aside, being in the hospital and in pain is scary and childbirth is (ideally) joyful and having to go through all that alone sucks. And then if something does go wrong, you can't trust that the random nurse who is assigned to help you that day is prioritizing you when they have a ton of other patients and demands to also prioritize (this is not meant as a dig at nurses, they have impossible jobs).
If someone can't be there, they can't be there but i think doing whatever you can to have someone with you when your child is born is completely understandable.
One of the things that freaks me out the most about the idea of getting sick with COVID (or anything right now, really) is the idea that I'd be suffering in a hospital by myself with no loved ones there for comfort. I have a lot of health anxiety and I think this would push me over the edge.
I disagree that having to go through childbirth alone sucks. I was not sad in the OR and have happy memories of them being born. I did not feel alone with an entire medical team around me doing their routine jobs. And he got to have special first moments with them too.
Yeah, he sucks when it comes to emotional support but hospitals are also not his thing. However, are both practical people and would not think to impose on any of his friends. If the friends caught COVID and had a bad outcome because of our decision to expose them to a toddler and a grandma who just got off a plane and is not taking distancing seriously, I know I would never be able to live with that guilt.
There's just so much to unpack here I don't even know where to start.
As someone who has given birth twice before I understand that it is preferable to have someone with you. But why are the health needs of the pregnant mother the only ones that count during this pandemic? If my husband or I caught COVID-19 from this toddler, dad dropping her off or the grandma, our risk of death would be higher than giving birth without a partner. The covid mortality rate is much higher than maternal or even infant mortality rate.
All that said, I still would have taken the toddler. I would have appreciated a phone call from the mom asking me personally if I would do this favor for her. And I would have appreciated an acknowledgement that this was a huge ask during these current times.
I don't think anyone said the health needs of the pregnant mother are more important, but they did ask your H for a favor and they were told yes. I think the communication could have been better from both sides of this situation. There's no question about that.
With that said, I believe strongly that the reason social distancing is important is so that in emergencys like this people can open themselves up a little bit. I hope none of you were exposed to COVID though, obviously.
I think the conversation has moved past this point but just to be clear, we did not say yes. The dad assumed based off a half assed happy hour conversation that they hard a firm plan in place (I now understand we were their plan A) and the wife just took his word for it instead of confirming this major ask with the woman who would be caring for their toddler. Based off this careless behavior I absolutely do not trust that they’re taking anything seriously. I now know that their first was 3 weeks early so this wasn’t as much of a surprise as we were first led to believe.
I disagree that having to go through childbirth alone sucks. I was not sad in the OR and have happy memories of them being born. I did not feel alone with an entire medical team around me doing their routine jobs. And he got to have special first moments with them too.
Yeah, he sucks when it comes to emotional support but hospitals are also not his thing. However, are both practical people and would not think to impose on any of his friends. If the friends caught COVID and had a bad outcome because of our decision to expose them to a toddler and a grandma who just got off a plane and is not taking distancing seriously, I know I would never be able to live with that guilt.
There's just so much to unpack here I don't even know where to start.
I have to go take care of my kids now. I can't explain anymore. I am very much in the minority here and I already said it was an UO. I understand anyone else wanting to bring their spouse or mom or whomever with them to the hospital.
We know what the OP did. The parents are very lucky people to have the OP and her husband be there for them in a time like this. It's not the choice I would have made if I was the mom in this situation.
Post by mccallister84 on Apr 27, 2020 13:44:18 GMT -5
For me, I don’t think the parents were wrong for asking. I also don’t think you would have been wrong for saying no. But it seems like overall there was a lack of communication everywhere.
But personally, if my husband had told me he had taken care of this I would have believed him and not called the other persons wife to double check (unless of course it was relayed to me that they wanted me to check in).
One of the things that freaks me out the most about the idea of getting sick with COVID (or anything right now, really) is the idea that I'd be suffering in a hospital by myself with no loved ones there for comfort. I have a lot of health anxiety and I think this would push me over the edge.
What keeps me up at night is the truly awful version of the above scenario. If I go into the hospital, it means DH also has it. Who the fuck takes care of our kids? This isn't a healthy, quarantined two year old who will slobber for the time it takes for grandma to fly in. It's weeks with two likely carriers, one with asthma. Who takes them? My pregnant sister in law? My mid 70's grandma who gets pneumonia every time she gets a cold? The 80 something grandma with and autoimmune disease and heart problems? Or the even older great aunt with early stages dementia? Child services? Would a foster family even take two sick kids?
For me, I don’t think the parents were wrong for asking. I also don’t think you would have been wrong for saying no. But it seems like overall there was a lack of communication everywhere.
But personally, if my husband had told me he had taken care of this I would have believed him and not called the other persons wife to double check (unless of course it was relayed to me that they wanted me to check in).
Yes, this. Husbands are adults, and parents of these same children/decision-making members of these same households. I am sort of irritated by the implication that the wives would have needed to connect directly or that this particular favor was a favor for the wife giving birth rather than the husband who is also expecting a child and clearly would like to be there. FOR SURE the OP’s husband should have been clearer with a yes or a no but I dont see how that is really on the other family. He volunteered you for this and I see no reason why they should have doubted him just because he’s a husband. (And if he’s telling you it wasn’t really a plan I suspect that wasn’t clear to the other party involved or that he is downplaying that conversation now that he knows you are mad about it.)
All of this is a total aside to the grandmother tromping through your home which is in no way ok. That’s a situation where even if she had walked right in I would have no qualms saying directly that she needs to wait outside and you will gather the toddler’s things.
sonrisa, why do you assume you both have it in that scenario? I’ve read that the chance of getting it from someone you live with is something like 10%. If you both have it, chances are your kids may already have it, too. And the chances of you both being symptomatic to the point of needing hospitalization/complete inability to take care of your kids alone are very low, given what we know about how it affects people by age and that the vast majority of under 50/60 people have mild symptoms.
I’m not trying to minimize your anxiety, just saying the scenario you laid out is very unlikely. There are many couples who both work in hospitals/ERs taking care of COVID patients that I’ve read about/know personally, and this scenario has not happened to them, so I think it’s unlikely it would happen to non-essential medical personnel.
Maybe the grandma just got caught up in a normal life thing. One of our friends dropped off a birthday present for our DS on Sunday and he tried to bring it into our house. Like he would if life were normal. Sometimes your brain just goes in auto pilot. *shrug*
Also, fwiw, my H had no choice as to whether he was to be present at his own child's birth. I made the choice for him as I was the one doing the hard part. He got to be present. Period. He wanted to be so it was no issue, but still. When he pushes a baby out of his body he chooses who is present as his support person.
The only thing that bothers me in this scenario is the grandmother. I would 100% take a child in this situation. But I would be PISSED about grandma, and the fact that the family (presumably) didn’t go through ground rules with her or give you a heads up that she was arriving.
These people sound clueless in general though. Their plan A was to leave their child with people the child doesn’t know at all? For several days/nights? Even without Covid, that’s a terrible plan for their older child who is about to have her world turned upside down with a new sibling. Making sure our daughter felt safe when l was in the hospital with her brother was a priority.
It wasn't their plan A, reread the post. OP and her H were the backup plan. The grandmother was meant to come out 2 weeks before her due date, but she went into labor 4 weeks early.
The only thing that bothers me in this scenario is the grandmother. I would 100% take a child in this situation. But I would be PISSED about grandma, and the fact that the family (presumably) didn’t go through ground rules with her or give you a heads up that she was arriving.
These people sound clueless in general though. Their plan A was to leave their child with people the child doesn’t know at all? For several days/nights? Even without Covid, that’s a terrible plan for their older child who is about to have her world turned upside down with a new sibling. Making sure our daughter felt safe when l was in the hospital with her brother was a priority.
Grandma was supposed to come 2 weeks before due date. But even if this was their Plan A....that doesnt make them clueless. They could have NO local family in the area, and they might be new to the area and dont have close friends yet. I have NO local family to me, so if I deliver early (good chance) she will have to go to a friends house. I am LUCKY to have these friends, but I am also aware not everyone has close friends they would leave their child with, so they have to choose other options. That is NOT worthy of shaming them.
mofongo I know two whole families with young kids who had it, but like other non-COVID illnesses, they had it at different times/a few days apart, and no one developed super serious symptoms. So it was no fun like when another illness goes through the house, but they managed fine without outside help.
One of the things that freaks me out the most about the idea of getting sick with COVID (or anything right now, really) is the idea that I'd be suffering in a hospital by myself with no loved ones there for comfort. I have a lot of health anxiety and I think this would push me over the edge.
What keeps me up at night is the truly awful version of the above scenario. If I go into the hospital, it means DH also has it. Who the fuck takes care of our kids? This isn't a healthy, quarantined two year old who will slobber for the time it takes for grandma to fly in. It's weeks with two likely carriers, one with asthma. Who takes them? My pregnant sister in law? My mid 70's grandma who gets pneumonia every time she gets a cold? The 80 something grandma with and autoimmune disease and heart problems? Or the even older great aunt with early stages dementia? Child services? Would a foster family even take two sick kids?
This is definitely terrifying to think about Hopefully if you both do get sick (which as someone else said, is actually not terribly likely) at least one of you will be well enough to care for your kids. I think with a decent amount of handwashing and disinfecting, a sick parent could probably take care of a child without exposing them further to getting sick. And as much as you hate to think of kids being sick, most kids are tolerating this much better than adults so the chances of something really awful happening to your child while caring for them are pretty low.
I'll also throw in that we've been super careful about exposure and staying home, but if I had a friend who was in a situation where both parents were being hospitalized and their kids had nowhere to go, I'd take in the kids without question. I am scared of getting sick but realistically this scenario would be unlikely to kill me, so I'd be most concerned with helping out a family I care about in a terrible situation. So hopefully if it really came down to it, you have someone in your circle you could call on to do this.