Post by cinnamoncox0 on Apr 28, 2020 18:26:04 GMT -5
sonrisa I don’t mean to minimize your worry but I have a friend who had it and recovered at home and they were careful and his wife and young child did not get sick. I know another woman who had it and her dh stayed at his base job instead of coming to potentially get exposed and she recovered at home whilst caring for two children . They weren’t toddlers so “care” meant they ate and stayed clean, but she was doing laundry and stuff.
So it is very possible to not infect everyone and end up in foster care.
I think the conversation has moved past this point but just to be clear, we did not say yes. The dad assumed based off a half assed happy hour conversation that they hard a firm plan in place (I now understand we were their plan A) and the wife just took his word for it instead of confirming this major ask with the woman who would be caring for their toddler. Based off this careless behavior I absolutely do not trust that they’re taking anything seriously. I now know that their first was 3 weeks early so this wasn’t as much of a surprise as we were first led to believe.
Was your husband out of town/at the office, and did the wife know that? If BF told me he'd set this up with a male coworker, I would assume that it meant the (presumably capable) adult male who already cares for children of his own would be fine caring for my toddler.
It sounds like the dad overstepped, grandma should not have come inside, and either way I would have expected the H to call you before they left their house to confirm it was go time, but I'm not putting any of this on the wife or on some idea that the women should have firmed up plans.
Maybe the grandma just got caught up in a normal life thing. One of our friends dropped off a birthday present for our DS on Sunday and he tried to bring it into our house. Like he would if life were normal. Sometimes your brain just goes in auto pilot. *shrug*
Also, fwiw, my H had no choice as to whether he was to be present at his own child's birth. I made the choice for him as I was the one doing the hard part. He got to be present. Period. He wanted to be so it was no issue, but still. When he pushes a baby out of his body he chooses who is present as his support person.
Yeah that’s not the same. Now or pre COVID, you don’t just walk into someone’s house if you’ve never met them before. And you sure don’t just go walking around inside their house.
I think the conversation has moved past this point but just to be clear, we did not say yes. The dad assumed based off a half assed happy hour conversation that they hard a firm plan in place (I now understand we were their plan A) and the wife just took his word for it instead of confirming this major ask with the woman who would be caring for their toddler. Based off this careless behavior I absolutely do not trust that they’re taking anything seriously. I now know that their first was 3 weeks early so this wasn’t as much of a surprise as we were first led to believe.
Was your husband out of town/at the office, and did the wife know that? If BF told me he'd set this up with a male coworker, I would assume that it meant the (presumably capable) adult male who already cares for children of his own would be fine caring for my toddler.
It sounds like the dad overstepped, grandma should not have come inside, and either way I would have expected the H to call you before they left their house to confirm it was go time, but I'm not putting any of this on the wife or on some idea that the women should have firmed up plans.
You’re right. It’s not the responsibility of the women. I suppose I said that because we’re the ones not working at the moment. My H has been working nonstop since mid March and the dad knew that. It would seem to make sense to contact me directly. Unless the dad lied to his wife and said that he had a solid plan, SOMEONE needed to follow up. If I were the mom or dad you better believe I would be checking in frequently to see if anybody in the other house has been sick, how we have been socially distancing, etc. I honestly cannot wrap my head around going through life so cavalierly. My Type A brain does not compute. I will choose to let this go and be grateful if everyone from both families come out of this healthy.
sonrisa , why do you assume you both have it in that scenario?
Sorry, if/when I get it, it'll be from him because he's the one who is exposed (at least four people from his work already have gotten it and have infected family members). None have been hospitalized, although recovery hasn't been fast or easy. I don't assume either of us will need to be hospitalized. However, if I got to the point of being hospitalized, then it's likely that he has it. People who live with someone with a serious case are more likely to get a serious case than otherwise. So in the event I were to be hospitalized, he might not be in a position to care for our kids.
While my anxiety mind doesn't usually go to "I'm definitely headed to the hospital," on the occasion when it goes there, it jumps straight to "and what about the kids." It's irrational and stupid. But at 4 am my mind gets irrational and stupid.
Was your husband out of town/at the office, and did the wife know that? If BF told me he'd set this up with a male coworker, I would assume that it meant the (presumably capable) adult male who already cares for children of his own would be fine caring for my toddler.
It sounds like the dad overstepped, grandma should not have come inside, and either way I would have expected the H to call you before they left their house to confirm it was go time, but I'm not putting any of this on the wife or on some idea that the women should have firmed up plans.
You’re right. It’s not the responsibility of the women. I suppose I said that because we’re the ones not working at the moment. My H has been working nonstop since mid March and the dad knew that. It would seem to make sense to contact me directly. Unless the dad lied to his wife and said that he had a solid plan, SOMEONE needed to follow up. If I were the mom or dad you better believe I would be checking in frequently to see if anybody in the other house has been sick, how we have been socially distancing, etc. I honestly cannot wrap my head around going through life so cavalierly. My Type A brain does not compute. I will choose to let this go and be grateful if everyone from both families come out of this healthy.
Yes, it’s understood that you would have handled things differently. But I agree with previous posters that I don’t think it’s particularly shocking you personally weren’t followed up with just because you’re the wife/woman. People are different.
I hope you and your family stay healthy. And I’m sorry that granny traipsed through, that would be stressful to me too.
It wasn't their plan A, reread the post. OP and her H were the backup plan. The grandmother was meant to come out 2 weeks before her due date, but she went into labor 4 weeks early.
Downthread OP says: (I now understand we were their plan A). Can read. But thanks.
That is the annoyed OP's opinion.
The grandmother was flying in and the baby came early. This is an extremely common scenario and you are wrong HTH.
Was your husband out of town/at the office, and did the wife know that? If BF told me he'd set this up with a male coworker, I would assume that it meant the (presumably capable) adult male who already cares for children of his own would be fine caring for my toddler.
It sounds like the dad overstepped, grandma should not have come inside, and either way I would have expected the H to call you before they left their house to confirm it was go time, but I'm not putting any of this on the wife or on some idea that the women should have firmed up plans.
You’re right. It’s not the responsibility of the women. I suppose I said that because we’re the ones not working at the moment. My H has been working nonstop since mid March and the dad knew that. It would seem to make sense to contact me directly. Unless the dad lied to his wife and said that he had a solid plan, SOMEONE needed to follow up. If I were the mom or dad you better believe I would be checking in frequently to see if anybody in the other house has been sick, how we have been socially distancing, etc. I honestly cannot wrap my head around going through life so cavalierly. My Type A brain does not compute. I will choose to let this go and be grateful if everyone from both families come out of this healthy.
I think you are right--and also taking responsibility for your portion of the confusion..but--if the dad/family thought they DID have a clear plan, then why would they follow up?
Like, I'm imagining them in this scenario: It starts to become time for the baby to come and they start to enact their Plan A, as they imagined they confirmed it thinking that everyone was on board? If the two dads had talked at some point, and they felt it was a go, then why--would you be following up? I'm not positive it's a slacker move to assume this part of the plan is in place?
I do think that this is a perfect scenario of mind reading and jumping to conclusions, and also to your point, acting like the same way you would have pre-pandemic. I totally agree that in hindsight they should have adapted their plan and called to confirm at some time in that period between late March and now b/c so much was changing and flexing....but I don't think anyone has adapted perfectly.
Sorry, if/when I get it, it'll be from him because he's the one who is exposed (at least four people from his work already have gotten it and have infected family members). None have been hospitalized, although recovery hasn't been fast or easy. I don't assume either of us will need to be hospitalized. However, if I got to the point of being hospitalized, then it's likely that he has it. People who live with someone with a serious case are more likely to get a serious case than otherwise. So in that scenario, he might not be in a position to care for our kids.
While my anxiety mind doesn't usually go to "I'm definitely headed to the hospital," on the occasion when it goes there, it jumps straight to "and what about the kids." It's irrational and stupid. But at 4 am my mind gets irrational and stupid.
Do you have any further info on if you’re living with someone with a serious case you’re more likely to get a serious case? I’m not sure I follow that.
Sorry - let me go find the article a physician friend posted on Facebook about a week ago. It talked about how prolonged physical proximity correlates not just with increased chance of getting the virus but also increased severity. For some reason, I thought I also saw it around here at the time but perhaps not.