Update in OP: All good thoughts for DD please

[katfco]

Big PDQ
Deleted OP

1st UPDATE a bed opened up, so we’re in inpatient. I’m waiting for the charge nurse to go through paperwork. It’s all so overwhelming. I’m definitely going to need therapy when I get home.

She was happy to be coming over, but as we got closer to the moment, her anxiety took over and now she’s pretty freaked out.

MORNING UPDATE
Last night we both had a hard time trying to sleep, partly because of the nursing staff, who were hanging out in the alcove right outside our room. One of them was just repeatedly snapping and shuffling a deck of cards while they all talked. Finally I went out and commented that it was kind of loud. 

This morning she met a few of the other kids and it amped up her anxiety. One was in a safety dress and seemed...artificially cheerful to her. Unfortunately, this girl also told her that the girl across the hall is "crazy" and tried to kill the last girl who was in DD's room. She asked the nursing staff later and they said that's not what happened, but she's still on high anxiety. She doesn't like loud noises, or new places or new kids and this is the place that's supposed to get her better. 

I know it'll help, but it's hard to see her like this. I left when they started bringing breakfast by (they never got her breakfast order last night), and just broke down in the bathroom. I'm still crying as I'm typing. I think I've held it in so long I can't stop leaking. 

DH is texting saying, "let me know what I can do to help," and that he's here if I want to talk. I don't WANT to talk, I just want all this to go away 

SUNDAY UPDATE 
So on Friday, I met with two people from her therapy team, and after evaluating her, they think she has more OCD than anxiety (anxiety is still there, but more caused by OCD). It totally makes sense, once they explain it. Today, she and I talked in her room for an hour, just hanging out, and she told me everything in the house she wishes she could change because she hates it--things like "X doesn't match" or "I don't like the feel of the floor" or "someone [not her] needs to neaten up the wood pile". It explains why she hates being outside--she can't stand the idea of bugs or dirt. Ever. She loves the beach, but not tree/grassy areas. 

I told her we're not cutting down our trees or repainting the house, but she and I can research if staining the deck ourselves is a possibility, and she can help me with planning out areas to landscape next summer, which I was going to do anyway. 

She's doing okay. The only thing is, she's okay HERE because her main obsessions (home invasion, kidnap, etc) can't happen. I told her we're not buying a deadbolt for her door or getting an alarm system. 
The place is good for her, although one of the girls has serious anger issues and has been disruptive the last 36 hours. She's nice to DD, but the noise bothers her. 

I got to go home for a couple of hours. I had a few things to print for work; I took a shower, even. Tomorrow's going to be interesting. I'm not taking any more sick days, so I'll be doing my online PD here. 

I really appreciate everyone's support. From time to time I go through and reread the comments. 

I'm also really, really, gad I have good insurance. 

[pinkly]

Much love to you, mama. You’ve done an amazing thing, taking this incredibly difficult step. You and your DD will be in my thoughts. I hope she finds what she needs.

[Leeham Rimes]

I’m so sorry. I hope your DD gets the help that she needs ASAP. (((Hugs)))

[ginandjucie24]

I will send all my good thoughts for your DD and for you. I hope they do keep her. You are such a strong Mom to listen to your child and to have your child tell you what she needs and know that you will get it for her is remarkable. You can get through this.

[keyslover]

Sending hugs and good thoughts to you both.

[goldengirlz]

I’m sorry. This is so hard but she’s lucky to have you as her advocate. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Thinking of your family.

[sofamonkey]

I am so glad you’ve made it comfortable and easy for her to talk with you honestly about such a difficult thing. Hugs & good thoughts to you all. I hope she can get the help she needs. ❤️

[latte]

Send you, her and your family hugs. She is lucky to have you.

[campermom]

I’m impressed with her honesty to you. You are doing an amazing job. This is really hard, and we will listen. Hugs to you.

[winecat]

I'm so sorry. Big hugs... I hope she gets the right help asap.

[lurkie22]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're amazing for taking your DD seriously and getting her help. I hope you also have people who will support you, too.

[RockNVoll]

Sending all good thoughts to you and your family. I can't imagine what you're going through but it's good that she was honest with you and asked for help. I hope she continues to get all the support she needs. All the hugs.

[rosiebear]

All the love and strength to you. The fact that she came to you and was honest with you is a testament to your wonderful parenting.

[lexus]

I’m sending good thoughts your way.

[mysteriouswife]

Big hugs and love! I am so happy she was brave enough to be honest.

[lilac05]

Sending all the love, hugs, positivity, and support your way tonight. It’s really telling of your relationship and your communication with her that she felt open to talking with you about what she was feeling. And you did an incredible job of really listening and getting her the help she needs tonight.

[gogadgetgo]

Sending you so much love and good thoughts. You absolutely did the best thing possible for your DD

[Captain Serious]

You are doing everything right. I know you feel lost and out of control, but there's not much else you can do but support your child with all the tools you have at your disposal. You are doing that. I give you an A+ for everything you're trying.

Much love and strength as you navigate this new challenge. I have no doubt that you will all be better off, based on the way you are approaching this as a team that is there for and supports one another.

[katfco]

They’re keeping her overnight. There’s no room in inpatient, so we’re going to the main wing. She’s calmer, and feels comfortable about staying. At the moment, she wants to do inpatient, which is more intensive.

One thing is, the dr was asking me if she’d experienced any trauma when this all started to present itself, and I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure it out even before tonight. It presents like trauma would, but there’s nothing.

No clue what the next days will be.

I still have to figure out how to do my teacher professional development for the next couple of days.

[audry80]

You are doing such a good job. I do not have such an open relationship with my Mom, and she is so lucky to have you.

[flamingeaux]

Aug 26, 2020 0:39:00 GMT -5 katfco said:

 I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure it out even before tonight. It presents like trauma would, but there’s nothing.


I still have to figure out how to do my teacher professional development for the next couple of days.

First of all huge hugs and major props.  You've clearly done an amazing job of teaching her about all aspects of health, and made it comfortable for her to come to you with her needs.  That is no small feat.

But I also wanted to say that sometimes things are traumatic, without us realizing it's traumatic. She may not even know yet, or rather she might not realize how badly something has affected her. I only realized after speaking with a therapist how traumatic my last teaching job was for me.  I knew it was unpleasant and I was depressed about it, but I didn't realize how strongly it was affecting me, (it wasn't any one particular incident, it was a matter of death by 1,000 paper cuts type of situation).

[mountaingirl]

Sending good thoughts and love. What an amazing young woman you have raised, for her to be able to say that she does not feel safe. I hope by now you are home and she is safe in a facility. Hang in there and I hope you are able to get some rest tonight.

[expatjen]

Sending you and your DD so much strength and care. She’s already such a strong girl for recognising she needs help and so incredibly brave for speaking up. I hope she gets the help she needs to overcome this battle.

[mrsukyankee]

She sounds so motivated to get well and as a therapist, that would give me hope. You've been amazing through this and it's tough. Sending all the hugs and best hopes your way!

[snipsnsnails]

I’m holding you and your DD and your whole family in love right now-right in this moment. I will continue. xoxo

[wambam]

She’s so lucky to have you. I hope she gets the help she needs.

[SwimDeep]

I remember feeling the way she felt - scared they wouldn't take me because I wasn't sick enough. That feeling actually kept me from seeking help for a long time.

Also, as others have said, I couldn't point to a singular traumatic event to explain my feelings/actions. It was a long, slow buildup for me.

Sending all the love and light I have to her and you and your family. She's in a place where she can get immediate help, and she's there because of your support and the trust she has in you. That's incredible!

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I recently went through something similar with my son. Multiple trips to the ER before we were finally able to get him in to a Crisis Center and have him admitted to a rehab center. He spent two weeks in the rehab doing therapy and getting his meds squared away, but has really come out on the positive side of things now 3 months later. It's so hard but you are doing a great job. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

[icedcoffee]

Hugs. You’re doing a great job! I hope she’s feeling better and gets what she needs.

[cinnamoncox0]

You are such a great mom you’ve been so supportive of her and the fact that she’s comfortable speaking to you about this speaks volumes to her trust in you that you love her and will help her.
I’m glad she’s getting the help she needs.
Trauma can be tricky. I found out through therapy I had ptsd due to a traumatic medical even my son went through. So it can be different for different people. Could be little things building up, etc.

Please please make sure you are giving yourself the same care you are giving her. Hugs and thinking of your dd and your family in general.