Post by Patsy Baloney on Sept 29, 2020 9:49:42 GMT -5
What a jackass.
I’m sorry. That must be incredibly difficult. Quite honestly, it’s mean. Like, who cares about something as superficial as attraction when we’re all just floating along trying to survive. Jackass.
I’ll be thinking about you and I hope you’ll have peace and healing as you navigate this. Also, if you run him over with your car, that seems ok, too.
I’m so sorry. What a hurtful thing to say. I hope he continues to go to counseling, too, as he needs to learn how to deal with...everything. Shifting the blame onto you is not fair.
Please take care of yourself. You have so many wonderful qualities. Don’t let his obvious difficulty handling this 2020 nonsense affect the way that you see yourself.
Post by amandakisser on Sept 29, 2020 9:52:47 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I know I would feel heartbroken if my H said he was no longer attracted to me. I mean, for fuck's sake, I cannot imagine he is Brad Pitt himself, and we ALL age, gain weight, lose weight, have times where we don't focus on our appearance, etc. It happens to EVERYONE.
I can't get on board with this being his only reason...
What a jerk! You deserve so much better. Please don't think this has anything to do with you at all. I hate the excuse he gave you. I'm local if you ever need someone to talk to.
I am so sorry Bernadine. What a shitty thing to say. "I still love you BUT...." is the coward way to place the blame on you. TBH, I wouldn't be surprised if it came up that there is someone else. I am angry for you!
Post by downtoearth on Sept 29, 2020 10:29:50 GMT -5
So sorry - that is a cop out excuse, and not a true reason for divorce. Sounds like he is not honest or kind right now. I hope you get a therapist and support. Oh and that phrase is so commonly used by people who are cheating or emotionally cheating to avoid talking about real reasons for divorce that it has an internet abbreviation in online cheating boards. I hope you hear and get to heal from the real issues he has, and if he doesn’t ever come clean with his real issues, I hope you move on and know that it isn’t about your attraction or ability to share love... it’s about him. Hugs.
Post by formerlyak on Sept 29, 2020 11:08:19 GMT -5
I hate to ask this, but is there a possibility that he met someone else? I ask because when my first husband decided he was done, it was, "You don't make me happy and that's a wife's job." Like attraction, a spouse can't make their partner be happy all the time. It ebbs and flows. Any time things seem sudden, I wonder what else is going on.
Regardless, you can't save a marriage alone. And if your H isn't willing to even try in counseling, it won't work. I do hope you are getting some counseling of your own. It worked wonders for me when I was going through this.
I hate to ask this, but is there a possibility that he met someone else? I ask because when my first husband decided he was done, it was, "You don't make me happy and that's a wife's job." Like attraction, a spouse can't make their partner be happy all the time. It ebbs and flows. Any time things seem sudden, I wonder what else is going on.
Regardless, you can't save a marriage alone. And if your H isn't willing to even try in counseling, it won't work. I do hope you are getting some counseling of your own. It worked wonders for me when I was going through this.
Someone else in the picture was my initial thought too. I didn't post it because I wasn't sure if I was projecting but since others have mentioned it, it might be a reason why he said it. It's a bullshit excuse either way. Don't believe him. But if he is, getting yourself tested for STDs isn't a bad idea.
Post by sapphireblue on Sept 29, 2020 11:29:11 GMT -5
I am so so sorry!
He is a jerk. There was no reason he had to use that reason. It's so mean. It's also immature. People change over the course of years together and it all ebbs and flows.
I did also wonder if there was someone else. I have known a few marriage that broke up due to this sort of reason and then it came out later that there was someone else involved.
You guys. I’m heartbroken. He still loves me, but he’s not attracted to me anymore. We went to marriage counseling last night, but I don’t think we’ll continue. I can tell he already has one foot out the door.
I don’t even know what to say.
I don't see how this can be the whole story from him. He's just not attracted so oh well, let's just throw the marriage in the trash? There's no one perfect marriage with someone who checks all your boxes 100% of the time. I'm sorry you're going thru this.
This is pretty much how my exH ended our marriage. He didn't really like me anymore*, that's that. (I have suspicions about other stuff, but meh it's not even worth trying to figure out.)
*he specifically referenced my feelings on politics. Not that I changed, but it annoyed him more than it did when we met. Ok.
I'm sorry, OP. Like a PP said, it's hard but being the only one in the marriage is miserable. How he feels isn't a reflection on you at all.
Post by lust2hart on Sept 29, 2020 12:14:45 GMT -5
I'm sorry, Bernadine. I imagine that was really painful to hear. I can't remember what, if any, your religious leanings are, but if you're a Christian, you and he might find "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim and Kathy Keller helpful. I wish you the best!
I hate to ask this, but is there a possibility that he met someone else? I ask because when my first husband decided he was done, it was, "You don't make me happy and that's a wife's job." Like attraction, a spouse can't make their partner be happy all the time. It ebbs and flows. Any time things seem sudden, I wonder what else is going on.
Regardless, you can't save a marriage alone. And if your H isn't willing to even try in counseling, it won't work. I do hope you are getting some counseling of your own. It worked wonders for me when I was going through this.
This was my first thought as well. I've been there (in a previous relationship) and that excuse is word for word out of the cheater's handbook. I really hope that is not the case. Individual therapy helped me a lot to deal with everything once the truth came out.