This is so hard to hear, I heard something similar from my ex-H. (I don't want to project my experience onto your marriage but he was in the midst of an affair at the time) Did he say anything after this regarding his thoughts of next steps re counseling or what this means?
A marriage isn't about one single thing that makes it work or another, it's a whole bunch of things that can evolve and for him to say and put such focus on only that is mean. It isn't your job or reality (and he tries to imply it is with the "I love you but..." part of the statement) to ensure he's completely enamored with all parts of the marriage at all times. He needs to own his part of it.
I'm sorry that you had to hear that from him. Please think of yourself now and what you need next, and what you can do to protect your interests, in the event that is needed.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please protect yourself (get tested, but also just have your guard up, watch your finances, and please continue individual counseling), this isn’t about you - so don’t go down the rabbit hole thinking you could have done anything differently. Big hugs to you as you try to process all of it in the days ahead.
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 29, 2020 13:58:21 GMT -5
I am so sorry! What a hurtful thing to say. Something similar happened to my sisters friend. He insisted he didn’t love her ever (after two kids and 25 years of marriage.) He denied an affair. She hired a PI. He had two long term affairs and his comment was purely manipulative.
You are a wonderful person and don’t deserve what he said. Marriage is a whole lot more than attraction
I am so sorry. I cannot offer you any advice as I'm in the middle of my own marital implosion but I just want to offer you hugs and strength. We're going to be ok.
I am so sorry. I cannot offer you any advice as I'm in the middle of my own marital implosion but I just want to offer you hugs and strength. We're going to be ok.
Post by aprilsails on Sept 29, 2020 14:51:09 GMT -5
That is an ugly thing to say and it provides proof to his lie that he still loves you. That’s not how a marriage is supposed to work.
I’m so sorry you are going through any of this and I want to offer you the biggest of hugs. In the land of anecdotes my parents are both so much happier after their divorce and subsequent remarriages. There is better for you than this.
I think he really needs to examine what it is he is feeling. Because a lot of this might be about him and not you at all. Is he not really wanting sex? Well, maybe that is about his head space in this dumpster fire of a year and has nothing to do with you (but it is easier to put that on you rather than own it). Attraction and desire are not always constant, at least not in my experience. THere are too many outside forces that can impact it and it is most certainly not a fault of the partner.
I hope he gets his head out of his ass, goes into counseling with an open mind and realizes he is wrong.
Well, he is an asshole. Why did he have to use such hurtful words? I am sorry, those words are so mean. I hope you will realize this is a blessing in disguise. Please copy all your financial records and get an attorney ASAP.
Post by kittycatlove on Sept 29, 2020 18:05:00 GMT -5
I'm mostly a lurker here, but wanted to say I'm so sorry. There is no excuse to say such hurtful words. My exDH said the same to me, and reading that yours said it too makes me so angry and hurt for you too.
Hugs. If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me.
Hugs, lady. I am so sorry you're being dragged down with this. You are going to be ok.
@@@
Also, don't you have a one-year-old? His comment is ridiculous and cruel on a good day, but in 2020 while you're parenting a very young child? SMH. I'm not a violent person but I am furious for you and would love to clean his clock.
Hugs, lady. I am so sorry you're being dragged down with this. You are going to be ok.
@@@
Also, don't you have a one-year-old? His comment is ridiculous and cruel on a good day, but in 2020 while you're parenting a very young child? SMH. I'm not a violent person but I am furious for you and would love to clean his clock.
She’s actually 4 now. I need to take that ticker out of my sig. 🙂
Hugs, lady. I am so sorry you're being dragged down with this. You are going to be ok.
@@@
Also, don't you have a one-year-old? His comment is ridiculous and cruel on a good day, but in 2020 while you're parenting a very young child? SMH. I'm not a violent person but I am furious for you and would love to clean his clock.
She’s actually 4 now. I need to take that ticker out of my sig. 🙂
Back again just checking on you. I hope you’re hanging in there!!