Second marriages; prenups

[bluestreet]

Was recently discussing with fellow divorced girlfriends about how going through a divorce affects our approach to finances in second marriages/LTRs. Some of us felt more inclined to have pre-nups in place in second marriages while others weren’t more or less inclined.

Partner and I are talking about the future, and it’s on my mind. XH and I haven’t fought a lot about finances, but I do feel more protective having experienced the dissolution of what I thought was a lifetime commitment.

Curious what y’all think.

[mags]

I did not have one for my 1st. We didnt have anything at the time so didn't really think about it. After a divorce and owning my own home 100% got one for the 2nd marriage.

[bluestreet]

Jul 10, 2021 14:42:25 GMT -5 mags said:

I did not have one for my 1st. We didnt have anything at the time so didn't really think about it. After a divorce and owning my own home 100% got one for the 2nd marriage.

Thanks! Did you consult with a financial advisor and a lawyer, or was a lawyer sufficient?

[thedutchgirl]

I did not have one for my first and didn’t do one for my second either. Just got married a couple of weeks ago. Objectively, as the current higher earner, I perhaps should have but I didn’t want to do so. Totally okay understand why people would, though.

[acr]

I did for my 2nd just because there were some things with my family biz that were a headache to deal with in the divorce (and my divorce attorney suggested I do one if I married again). Figured I’d square that away just in case the 2nd time around.

Not romantic at all to do!

[rikki]

None of the options apply to me. I had one in my first because my former husband is going to inherit the equivalent of Tyson Chicken here, but in Venezuela. I do not have one in my current marriage.

[pandorica]

I didn't with either, but I was young and broke for both. If I was to get divorced now and then remarry at this point in my life, maybe?

[sadlebred]

If I got remarried today I'd do one to protect my retirement and house.

[bcv513]

I would do one to protect my retirement. I had no idea I could be forced to give up half of my retirement to an ex. Especially when he has the option of contributing to his own retirement plan and chose not to

[moreace01]

Divorced and didn't have a prenup for the first. Luckily, the divorce was somewhat amicable. We never combined accounts, but I did have assets he could have come after if he had had a lawyer (although I was also underwater on a mortgage). There is no question in my mind that I'd get a prenup for the second though - mainly to protect my retirement. That is, if I ever bother to get married again.

[irishbride2]

I have one and have not been divorced so I definitely would with the second! IMO there is no downside.

[mags]

Jul 10, 2021 14:45:24 GMT -5 bluestreet said:

Jul 10, 2021 14:42:25 GMT -5 mags said:

I did not have one for my 1st. We didnt have anything at the time so didn't really think about it. After a divorce and owning my own home 100% got one for the 2nd marriage.

Thanks! Did you consult with a financial advisor and a lawyer, or was a lawyer sufficient?

I used an attorney to draw it up!

[goldengirlz]

I would, definitely.

When H and I got married, we were both in our mid-20s and neither of us had any assets to speak of.

Now, that’s not true at all. Unless I married someone wealthy, I assume I’d have the bigger net worth. And I’d want to protect that.

H and I currently have separate finances, so the idea of keeping things separate isn’t that strange to me.

[wildrice]

I didn't have one for either marriage. My first marriage, neither of us had any assets anyway when we married. My 2nd marriage, I did have some retirement but nothing else. I guess we could have done one because of that, but I am not worried about it. At present, it seems most of our long term "wealth" will be built together anyway.

[starburst604]

Well I’m only married once but if for some reason I found myself single and getting married again, I’d probably consider a prenup. I’d be coming into it with either H’s life insurance money if I were a widow plus any of our other assets, or if divorced I stand to inherit a good sum from my dad in the future so I’d want to protect that and whatever else I had.

When we married, I really had no assets and my parents in my mind were young so I never thought about that. I’m more of a realist as I’ve aged so yeah, if there were a next time I’d probably want to protect myself and DD.

[W.T.Faulkner]

My parents asked me to consider it with H, not to protect my own assets but to protect theirs, which I will eventually inherit. They were concerned, at the time, that H could conceivably cut and run after they died and walk away with half of my share of their wealth.

We never did sign that prenup, but my parents no longer seem to be concerned with this. I guess they either found a way to structure their will to protect me, they assume H won’t do that to me, or they said, “fuck you” to both me and H and are now leaving everything to our children. lol

edit: should I ever find myself single again I am 100% signing a prenup if I choose to remarry, since I now have 1 and will have 2 children along for the ride, and I want them to get the $. 

[brooke77]

I did not have one for my first marriage. It would not have helped because we acquired everything during the marriage and made equal salaries. I do not have one for my current marriage. We briefly discussed one but decided against it. If we got divorced I feel like our biggest argument would be surrounding custody and not finances.

[themoneytree]

We went to see a financial advisor and went through all of our assets with him. Turns out that our financial situation while made up of very different things was pretty much even, so we just determined that we are financially 50/ 50 and as such a pre-nup was kind of superfluous. I considered having one to protect my house, but as I was thinking of selling it anyway there didn’t seem much point.
H’s portion of our net worth has grown quite a bit more than mine over the past few years, so right now he’s worth more than me, but it all happened during the marriage.

[jane6672]

I would do one to protect my retirement and the house that I’m bringing in.
I’m the higher earner in my current relationship, but if we marry and worst case eventually divorce, I’m fine with splitting the assets we earn together during the course of the relationship. I would just want to protect those big things I’m bringing in.

[mrsjuleshs]

If I do ever remarry I will insist on a prenup. I got screwed on the divorce when I had to buy him out on the equity of my house because my parents gave me a large amount off (bought from them) as part of my inheritance They didn’t document it as such.

[puppyluv]

Im not in this situation now but if I were to find myself there in the future, I probably would if I had more assets than my hypothetical future partner. I have a pension and other retirement assets I would want to protect. H and I had very little assets when we married so it was a non-issue back then.

[sonrisa]

I don’t, but that’s because I was familiar with the property and estate laws in CA when we married and we both agreed we wanted the default property treatment. We had no kids and little assets. I researched to be sure I wouldn’t inherit his debt upon marriage (and he mine) since we had just finished law and med school. If he got hit by a bus on our honeymoon I didn’t want to be saddled with his debt. Now I have kids so it would be essential if something happened and Wither of us entered into a new marriage.

Prenups are not just relevant for divorce - they are also crucial after the death of a spouse.

You can only devise (ie. give away in a will or be given by a court on your behalf absent a will) the property *you legally own*. And what you own is set by the marital property laws of your jurisdiction or your prenup. So property you may think is yours and you want to leave to your kids may not be yours to legally give. And similarly, you may lose something you thought you owned after the death of your spouse because you didn’t realize it was separate property and by statute a premarital children inherit a significant portion. A prenup helps all parties understand the status of property ownership.

If you have kids, you need a prenup. (Kids who don’t name your spouse on their birth certificate). If you have assets but not kids, or you stand to earn a lot during the marriage, you should think about a prenup.

Btw: inheritances are usually separate property. So while future significant inheritances are often motivations for seeking a prenup, they actually need one less than the average, broke, preexisitng baby does.

[WOT?*]

My husband was a fool. He can't afford to divorce me now! bwahahaha! (evil cackle.)

No, we don't have a prenup. We've been together for 27 years and married for 16. When we met we were both poor, though he had the opportunity and education to do well. (He'd graduated law school the year prior.) I had kids (now grown) and a decidedly less rosy future as a newly divorced and not as educated single parent. Didn't have one in my first since we were both young and stupid.

I rather like the guy I'm married to, and he's of the opinion that we'll be together until death do us part, so I think we're good even without it. It's worked out so far.

[boxertdog]

Not divorced but no prenup in marriage and if something happened with us I WOULD do one in a second one just because I now have assets and a good paying job which I did not have when I got married to H.

[jwright]

We don’t have a true pre-nup, but we did make an amendment to some partnership agreements so the interest is protected. I would most likely use a prenup if I divorced and remarried now.

[nomad100]

I did for my first and will again for any remarriage especially since I am in a much better financial situation now than I was back then. Though the reality is I plan to "live in sin" vs getting married again at this point. Ha! Not sure I have the interest to entangle myself financially with another person again because even with the prenup my ex was an asshole about things.

[pearls]

I didn't, but I did consult an attorney and basically at that time I didn't have a lot of assets (only my 401k, small savings and car) and don't have kids so I felt like it wasn't necessary. I did ensure my car was paid off because I plan to keep it as a collector type item and didn't want any martial funds to be considered to go to that purchase. Had I had a bit more more assets or had children though, I think I would have done it.

[stemmie]

I didn't have one for either, but neither of us had any debt, real property or major investments going into the 2nd marriage.

[bugandbibs]

No pre-nup, but I did have MH sign a quit claim deed for the house which I had bought before we were married (and would have become community property in my state).

Honestly and truly, if he were to lose his mind and try to divorce me he would never find all the money. I’m in charge of the finances.

[momof2]

We have a daughter with profound special needs and will likely have several million in assets if one of us dies fairly young. We have everything going into trusts now and then things flow through to kid trusts once we both die.

That said, I thought one of the best pieces of advice we got is that if one of us dies, the other is required by the rules of the trust to get a prenup if the living spouse remarries. I’m probably not explaining the legalities well, but it forces the person remarrying to bring up the topic and “blame it on the trust” essentially. It doesn’t dictate what the prenup has to say.

The fact is that I totally trust my husband would always work to do the right thing by my kid, but I could also see him being very uncomfortable bringing up a prenup with the new love of his life. He just wouldn’t want to see worst case scenario.

I was very happy with this advice a few years ago, and I’m even happier now that my dad is remarried. Everything my mom worked for is likely going to his new wife, which is very hard to see. And their marriage is already rocky.