ADHD folks, I have a question

[cleo29]

Do you find that you have a hard time sticking with things? I mean in general, like your nightly face cleansing routine, working out, diets, etc. Anything that requires real consistency.

This is definitely an issue for me, one that I find getting worse actually. 

Totally unrelated, but I have not weighed as much as I do since I was post partum with K. I think I need to buy a bigger size of jeans, which makes me sad. Maybe this does related actually. lol 

[mskitkat]

I can’t stick to a routine that is self-driven. For example, if I’m meeting a friend at the gym Sunday at 8 am, I can do that. If I’m going to the gym myself? It won’t happen unless it’s part of something else, like I stop at the gym on my way home from work.

Now that I’m working from home and not meeting friends at the gym anymore, I can’t work out at all. No amount of wishing and planning has changed that. Sigh.

[lightbulbsun]

Absolutely. I got into a good workout routine while I was working from home full time, but as soon as I started working in the office again it just became so hard.

I also change hobbies frequently. I'm generally really into something for a while and then lose interest. That goes with working out, too. I've gone though phases of running, yoga, weight lifting, muay thai, boot camp, etc. Once I get bored with something it's really hard for me to force myself to do it, so I try to find something else that will keep me motivated for a while.

[winecat]

1000000%

[gummybear]

Yes 100%

And the flip side is I get super obsessed with some routines and freak out about deviation from the schedule. I’m either all in 1000% to the point of unhealthiness or I’m riding the hot mess express of disorganization.

[lilac05]

Yes. 100%.

And if I’m lucky and manage to do something consistently for a “long” period of time, if I skip one day, I might not ever do it again. And it might be months before I even realize that I have stopped doing it.

[gretchenindisguise]

Oct 21, 2021 22:30:01 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Yes. 100%.

And if I’m lucky and manage to do something consistently for a “long” period of time, if I skip one day, I might not ever do it again. And it might be months before I even realize that I have stopped doing it.

This is me right now with swimming. I finally got back into it in June and July, then at the end of July I got really sick. I haven’t been back since.

I just signed my kid up for swim team though, and I can swim while he is at practice - so that may actually be what gets me back in the pool. Thank you 6 year old. Lol.

[Bernadine]

Yes, absolutely.

[omgzombies]

Yes. It has to do with the lack of dopamine. Most people get a little burst of it from completing a menial task, not a lot but enough to sort of give you a steady flow. ADHD brains don't generate that dopamine from task completion. We really only get it from things that create interest. This is also why we hyperfocus. We don't regularly get dopamine in the right amounts, so when something DOES give you dopamine, your brain is so starved it refuses to do anything else but the thing that makes it feel good.

One of the best things you can do is try to find ways to hack your dopamine. There are four things that stimulate an ADHD brain, interest, novelty, challenge, and urgency. If it's not interesting, find ways to alter a task to make it novel, a challenge, or urgent. For example I routinely switch out my facial skin care products and toothbrushes/toothpaste so I always have something "new". I make a game out of doing the dishes to see how fast I can do them. Having your friend waiting for you at the gym creates urgency.

And be kind to yourself when you fall off the wagon of whatever task you are trying to make a habit. It's HARD. The important thing is to just recognize that it's the way your brain works, and that sometimes you'll stop, but that you can always start back up again. Letting go of that guilt isn't easy, but it really does help.

[twinmomma]

Oct 21, 2021 21:46:59 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Yes 100%

And the flip side is I get super obsessed with some routines and freak out about deviation from the schedule. I’m either all in 1000% to the point of unhealthiness or I’m riding the hot mess express of disorganization.

YES
This is me exactly. 

[twinmomma]

omgzombies, I always joke to my boyfriend that I'm a grown woman who is motivated by sticker charts. Peloton gives me badges for doing stuff - I'm in! Water bottle tracks my water intake and I can get streaks - love it!

[tiki]

Oct 22, 2021 6:57:31 GMT -5 omgzombies said:

find ways to alter a task to make it novel, a challenge, or urgent. 

Unfortunately procrastination is by far the easiest way to make a task more urgent. 

[omglol]

I am not joking when I say I could open a store with all the things I’ve bought for projects and crafts and other amaaaazing (lol) ideas I’ve had. Boxes and boxes of stuff that isn’t even open.

Literal piles of notebooks with three pages filled out. Fancy planners for “hacking” my life that make it to January 4 (if even that). Long, detailed todo lists and sticker charts and reward systems. I’m great at setting myself up for success. I’m bad at following through. I loooove the act of writing out lists and plans, but unfortunately I’m even better at putting those plans in a pile and forgetting about them for several months.

Books and memberships and so many good intentions, all unused and sad. I’m scared to even make posts here or on social media anymore bc I forget to respond. I deleted all social except insta because it was all too much for my brain to handle. I never respond to DMs/emails bc I completely forget those things exist. Text is the only way to get my immediate attention, and even that is hit or miss and then the shame spiral from not responding eats away at my soul.

This is a major source of adhd grief/anxiety for me. This is also why treating me for depression my whole life (pre-adhd diagnosis) was sooo wrong. Depression was the byproduct of untreated adhd. Once I figured that out, things made a lot more sense. Of course, my adhd is fully out of control right now so everything else is falling apart, but I’m working on it. Sort of.

[mskitkat]

Oct 22, 2021 8:02:22 GMT -5 tiki said:

Oct 22, 2021 6:57:31 GMT -5 omgzombies said:

find ways to alter a task to make it novel, a challenge, or urgent. 

Unfortunately procrastination is by far the easiest way to make a task more urgent. 

And then if you are comorbid with anxiety, everything goes straight to hell. *glares at work to do list*.

[lilypad1126]

Oct 21, 2021 21:46:59 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Yes 100%

And the flip side is I get super obsessed with some routines and freak out about deviation from the schedule. I’m either all in 1000% to the point of unhealthiness or I’m riding the hot mess express of disorganization.

So much this. And it doesn't help that H's ADHD manifests in different ways. So while I'm super obsessed with routine, he doesn't pay attention to what the routine is, so has to ask me 5 million times "what the plan is" and then I'm frustrated and can't refocus b/c now we "off" my routine. It's....super fun at my house some days!

[spindle92]

omglol do you want to open a store together?
The amount of paper products I own is ridiculous. From planners to notebooks to journals.......all unused.

except because of our ADHD, we would never follow through with actually opening.

[twinmomma]

Oct 22, 2021 9:41:31 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

omglol do you want to open a store together?
The amount of paper products I own is ridiculous. From planners to notebooks to journals.......all unused.

except because of our ADHD, we would never follow through with actually opening.

Can I consign my items to your store? Except really, the items will ride around in my trunk for months before I drop them off... 

[omglol]

Oct 22, 2021 9:41:31 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

omglol do you want to open a store together?
The amount of paper products I own is ridiculous. From planners to notebooks to journals.......all unused.

except because of our ADHD, we would never follow through with actually opening.

Lol! Do you know how many business plans I’ve written? So many ideas, so little ability to do anything about them. 😂

And yes…so many good intentions riding around in my trunk for two years.

[spindle92]

Oct 22, 2021 11:06:04 GMT -5 omglol said:

Oct 22, 2021 9:41:31 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

omglol do you want to open a store together?
The amount of paper products I own is ridiculous. From planners to notebooks to journals.......all unused.

except because of our ADHD, we would never follow through with actually opening.

Lol! Do you know how many business plans I’ve written? So many ideas, so little ability to do anything about them. 😂

And yes…so many good intentions riding around in my trunk for two years.

I have wasted so much money on items that I need to return that sit in my trunk for so long, the returm period has expired and I am SOL.  It's ridiculous.

[mrsukyankee]

Another, yes. I look back at my young adult days and I spent so much money on one or another "passion" only to lose interest at some point. I know that it's how I work and now I am much more cautious about it but I still get hooked into 'passions'.

[omgzombies]

Oct 22, 2021 8:02:22 GMT -5 tiki said:

Oct 22, 2021 6:57:31 GMT -5 omgzombies said:

find ways to alter a task to make it novel, a challenge, or urgent. 

Unfortunately procrastination is by far the easiest way to make a task more urgent. 

Yes it is.  But I heard a psychologist speak about ADHD once, and she said something that helped me change my perspective on this particular issue.  She talked about how we are trained to think of procrastination as laziness (whether laziness actually exists is a whole other topic), as the worst thing ever.  And while that might work for a neurotypical brain, it's important for ADHD brains to realize it's a tool for them, and one that they will need to utilize.  It does have its uses and its time and place.  It can help us get into our flow, and actually produce good work (assuming that we've given ourselves at least some of the time needed for the project). Once we stop feeling so guilty about it, we're able to utilize it more effectively and channel it to help our brains perform better.  

[amberlyrose]

Oct 22, 2021 8:32:29 GMT -5 omglol said:

 Once I figured that out, things made a lot more sense. Of course, my adhd is fully out of control right now so everything else is falling apart, but I’m working on it. Sort of.

Can I sit next to you? I'm finally getting home/fitness back to normal but work is falling apart. My old lead and I could openly discuss when I was having bad spells, but my new lead is just.. not that type of person. I agreed to move to her team thinking that she was, so I'm feeling like I took a million steps back. A neurotypical person would see it as a challenge and step up, but I'm currently hitting a wall. 

[mskitkat]

Oct 22, 2021 11:08:39 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Oct 22, 2021 11:06:04 GMT -5 omglol said:

Lol! Do you know how many business plans I’ve written? So many ideas, so little ability to do anything about them. 😂

And yes…so many good intentions riding around in my trunk for two years.

I have wasted so much money on items that I need to return that sit in my trunk for so long, the returm period has expired and I am SOL.  It's ridiculous.

My people.

[lilac05]

Reading this thread is so therapeutic. I’m laughing and nodding my head so much. I could have written so many of these word for word.

It also helped to read some of these to my husband. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be married to me…sharing that I’m not alone in my “quirks” really helps him see that it’s not just me.

I have often thought about opening my own clinic, but know it would be a logistical nightmare. But the more I learn about myself and my ADHD, the more I learn to play into my strengths and find people to bring balance with ideas. If you need ideas, I’m your person. If you need something actually implemented, you’re going to have to keep looking!

[notaregular]

Oct 22, 2021 8:32:29 GMT -5 omglol said:

I am not joking when I say I could open a store with all the things I’ve bought for projects and crafts and other amaaaazing (lol) ideas I’ve had. Boxes and boxes of stuff that isn’t even open.

Literal piles of notebooks with three pages filled out. Fancy planners for “hacking” my life that make it to January 4 (if even that). Long, detailed todo lists and sticker charts and reward systems. I’m great at setting myself up for success. I’m bad at following through. I loooove the act of writing out lists and plans, but unfortunately I’m even better at putting those plans in a pile and forgetting about them for several months.

Books and memberships and so many good intentions, all unused and sad. I’m scared to even make posts here or on social media anymore bc I forget to respond. I deleted all social except insta because it was all too much for my brain to handle. I never respond to DMs/emails bc I completely forget those things exist. Text is the only way to get my immediate attention, and even that is hit or miss and then the shame spiral from not responding eats away at my soul.

This is a major source of adhd grief/anxiety for me. This is also why treating me for depression my whole life (pre-adhd diagnosis) was sooo wrong. Depression was the byproduct of untreated adhd. Once I figured that out, things made a lot more sense. Of course, my adhd is fully out of control right now so everything else is falling apart, but I’m working on it. Sort of.

Yes, yes, yes to the bolded. I relate to some of the characteristics of ADHD but I've always felt like it wasn't "enough" and brushed it off. Maybe I shouldn't look at it through this lens and explore it more. 

[sparkythelawyer]

I'm an Aries with ADHD. This is the literal story of my life.

[TBM]

Oct 22, 2021 14:21:45 GMT -5 @kar said:

Oct 22, 2021 13:01:38 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I have often thought about opening my own clinic, but know it would be a logistical nightmare. But the more I learn about myself and my ADHD, the more I learn to play into my strengths and find people to bring balance with ideas. If you need ideas, I’m your person. If you need something actually implemented, you’re going to have to keep looking!

This is so me. I've been thinking I need to find a way to be an idea consultant in some area.

For years my brother and I have joked about starting a family 'think tank' of sorts. We have had so many ideas that we didn't do anything with, but someone else had the same idea and did something with it many years later.

When the two of us are together, we feed off of each other and the ideas come fast and furious. It's so much fun to have someone to bounce ideas off of, but it would be even more fun to see even one to fruition.

[cleo29]

cleo29,mskitkat,lightbulbsun,winecat,gummybear,lilac05,gretchenindisguise,Bernadine,omgzombies,twinmomma,tiki,omglol,lilypad1126,spindle92,mrsukyankee,amberlyrose,notaregular,@kar,sparkythelawyer,TBM,

Thank you so much! I feel not only seen, but less of a failure, especially because my ADHD has never been managed properly. I was diagnosed at 8 and the only real help i got, well in school, was untimed testing.

And I agree, that under pressure, I am actually great. Too much time on my hands generally does not work in my favor at all. I do get annoyed that I cannot "stick" with things, well other than relationships. that is an area that I am loyal and have staying power.

And a small vent, but I get annoyed when a friend says, "total ADD moment" when she is running around trying to get things done. I am 99% she does not have ADD. She does run late to things, but other than that, I don't think see anything else in how she lives or functions that would make me think she does.

It is also hard to look back at my anxiety as a kid (which meant not sleeping well at all), depression as I got older, not attempting things because I know it will trip me up mentally, being overwhelmed easily when having to manage multiple things at once and lastly, struggling to keep my house in order. I actually like things neat and things in their place, but I can get overwhelmed so easily and the whole having a hard time with routines also means I don't stick with cleaning routines either. I look forward to trying medication to at least help in one area and get other tools to help too.

My high school's unofficial motto was "Function in disaster, finish in style" and I have realized that it sums me up pretty well. I can pull it all together in the end, but the lead up is a fucking mess. lol

[lilac05]

Oct 22, 2021 18:59:11 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

My high school's unofficial motto was "Function in disaster, finish in style" and I have realized that it sums me up pretty well. I can pull it all together in the end, but the lead up is a fucking mess. lol

I’ve not heard this before, but it definitely describes me. And I think that’s why I always feel like such an absolute hot mess, but others think I’ve got my act together. It’s not that I’m fake or trying to convince people of anything…it’s just that by the time other people see me/my project, it has all come together decently. It was likely a nightmare getting to that point, but it generally looks smooth and effortless in the end.

[sofamonkey]

If any of you still use Facebook, I’d recommend follow a page called Jenn has ADHD. It’s a person in New Zealand, and she posts really interesting things, some funny things, and some questions for discussion “from a peer” format. It’s been really nice to have that resource.