Post by expectantsteelerfan on Jan 30, 2023 18:20:32 GMT -5
I answered both something else and they let someone else physically discipline me. My grandma and aunt (who live together) watched my brother and I often, and often for weekends at a time, and also took us on vacations. They had a wooden spoon that was used to threaten us with that they would spank our butts with if we misbehaved. I don't remember if I was ever actually hit with it, but I'm pretty sure my brother was. I know it was threatened and brought out often.
The BIG threat of physical discipline at our own house when we were little was my dad's belt, and I do know that he did use it again on my brother, not me, at least once. I remember regular spanking being threatened often as well, but the belt seemed like a whole different level.
Post by BlondeSpiders on Jan 30, 2023 18:24:23 GMT -5
Question to all those who got slapped a lot: how many years did it take you to stop flinching whenever someone raised a hand anywhere near you? My first serious boyfriend and I fought about this all the time. When he got frustrated,, he'd bring a hand up quickly to smooth his hair. Every time I'd panic and flinch, he'd be furious with me, yelling, "I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU!"
I can remember being spanked once, because I found some Christmas presents and opened them early. I was pretty little. I do not remember it ever happening again. I think sometimes my mom would like, raise her hand in anger as if she were going to smack me, but then came to her senses and didn't actually do it.
Post by sugarbear1 on Jan 30, 2023 18:50:33 GMT -5
I do not remember being spanked or hit. I think my brother was spanked a couple times. My dad was rough though-- he would grab an arm or shove us, or pull back a fist in a threat. I excuse a lot of his parenting fails though. He was a widower and single parent of two very young kids. He was raised with parents who spanked or slapped and I'm not sure he really knew better. He has a lot of regrets now and we talk about them openly.
Spanked and my mom also liked a slap across the face.
I remember the last time it ever happened. My mom slapped me and I wound up and slapped her right back. She looked SHOCKED. She then decided no more hitting!
Yep. Spanked, soap in the mouth. My father would talk about picking out his own switch from the tree growing up. One small thing I am proud of is never raising a hand to my kids. We had a extended family dinner once where we parents were talking about how we were punished growing up, and our kids were all kind of shocked!
Post by RoxMonster on Jan 30, 2023 19:10:54 GMT -5
I remember my mom spanking me one time and then immediately feeling awful about it and crying. I have a vivid memory of this; I remember it was a sunny day and we were in the living room and out the window, I could see someone walking past the house. Weird the details we remember.
Otherwise, no, I was never spanked and my parents didn't do any other forms of physical discipline.
My mom broke a wooden spoon or two by slamming it on the counter as a threat. She would have never gone through with it though. My Dad was rough with me. Like physically picking me up and putting me outside. We were never grounded to our rooms, we always had to go outside and figure out what to do with ourselves. I usually just went to my Grandma's next door and raided her cookie jar or got my cousin to go ride dirt bikes. It never really felt like punishment so I don't get what the point was other than giving everyone time to cool off.
I think each parent spanked me once. We don’t and won’t do that, but my son is exactly the age and attitude I was when my mom spanked me and hooo boy, I can kind of see how she got to that point.
Yes, my bio father used a belt, but it was honestly preferable to the emotional abuse. I don't like to go into it but it was extreme. He was only allowed court-supervised visitation with us after one particularly traumatic event but there were many and he threatened to kill me and my mother on multiple occasions. Luckily, he was out of my life totally by the time I was 12 and barely around those five last years when he couldn't access me or my brother without a hassle. My brother has no memories of him. He died when I was 20 living by himself in Alaska, which is exactly what he deserved.
My mother slapped me a few times when I had a "smart mouth." It never hurt.
As far as when I stopped flinching there are still times when I have to remind H that I was a child from an abusive household. I don't like people to touch my neck or touch me unexpectedly at all. I've noticed even in work meetings when men yell or are angry I have an emotional response.
I would never physically discipline my child. Ever. But more than that, I make sure every day that he hears that I love him, no matter what, even when we're angry, and that I value him and everything about him.
ETA: I feel obligated to add the stereotypical you would have never known we were going through this note. There were no stressors, no alcoholism, no money troubles. He was just a bad man and I am lucky my mom finally got the courage to leave him and have it stick. She left him for the first time when I was 18 months old and left for good when I was 8.5.
The only instance I remember of my losing her temper was when I was 7 or 8 and we were in McDonald's. I was wearing boots and swinging my legs which kept hitting HER legs. She asked me to stop and told me that hurt. I kept doing it and she kicked me hard back. I cried and she felt horrible but I got over it quickly.
Now my dad had a temper but would just yell. My mom had that I am very disappointed in you look down pat and woof I can still see it.
Post by newnamesameperson on Jan 30, 2023 19:48:02 GMT -5
No hitting. They are great parents but I’m first generation so there were major cultural differences and an overall disconnect due to circumstances beyond their control.
I’ve faced a situation, that I’ll limit the details to, that makes me flinch when a man yells at me. I hate it and often lived in a world of self blame. I’m working on it.
My husband was hit A LOT. He doesn’t talk about it, minimizes it and it’s hard to reconcile considering how his parents are now. His mom has admitted to it and regrets it but it’s never really mentioned or addressed. His dad I suspect did a lot of it. I assume my h and his older sibling took the brunt of it.
My mom told the story of how she swatted my sister once when my sister locked my mom out of the house, but my sister had a diaper on so it didn’t count.
I was a late 70s/early 80s child. I think the biggest issues is we had no seatbelts (or car seats! My mom held us on her lap in the car) and my dad used to put me literally in a backpack he wore as he rode his bike. I mean….
I was a latchkey kid and by the standards of today I was “neglected” but honestly I think we have swung way too far to thr other extreme (not speaking of physical abuse etc) and we need to figure out a happy medium.
I was never hit as a child, nor were my parents every emotionally abusive. We also do not hit our kids or touch them in anger. I remember a lot of love and hugs, and I'm pretty grateful for that.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Question to all those who got slapped a lot: how many years did it take you to stop flinching whenever someone raised a hand anywhere near you? My first serious boyfriend and I fought about this all the time. When he got frustrated,, he'd bring a hand up quickly to smooth his hair. Every time I'd panic and flinch, he'd be furious with me, yelling, "I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU!"
That shit lasts.
I think I still have a bit of that, as well as a lot of anxiety around yelling/raised voices.
ETA: My mom goes from 0-100 pretty fast, and will do a lot of crying and wailing to get her way. Even to this day.
Question to all those who got slapped a lot: how many years did it take you to stop flinching whenever someone raised a hand anywhere near you? My first serious boyfriend and I fought about this all the time. When he got frustrated,, he'd bring a hand up quickly to smooth his hair. Every time I'd panic and flinch, he'd be furious with me, yelling, "I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU!"
That shit lasts.
I think I still have a bit of that, as well as a lot of anxiety around yelling/raised voices.
It comes out in weird ways. In my 20s, I was working retail and saw a grandma type with her young (3,4?) granddaughter who was not behaving and the lady pulled back and slapped her so hard. I just lost it. I had to go in the backroom to hide my panic attack and meltdown. I wish I could have said something to her but I felt so afraid.
Sometimes I remember when I was maybe 7 or so. My brother and I were both seeing a child psychologist for some reason? I felt like it had to do with something my brother was going through, like he was evaluated for a learning disability, but I don't know why we both ended up there, but it was for several months. Anyway, the psychologist asked me what one thing I'd change about both my parents. I remember saying I wished my dad didn't hit so hard, because even though my mom would slap me all the time, when my dad hit you, it was a big deal. It was a real spanking. Anyway, apparently he had a conversation with my parents and my mom then had a conversation with ME about how the psychologist would need to tell the police if I didn't take it back and I didn't want dad to get in trouble, did I? So I needed to say I didn't mean it.
So in the last few years I've thought about that a few times and I'm like SERIOUSLY WTF about it. And that was maybe my first indication that not everyone got spanked or something.
Question to all those who got slapped a lot: how many years did it take you to stop flinching whenever someone raised a hand anywhere near you? My first serious boyfriend and I fought about this all the time. When he got frustrated,, he'd bring a hand up quickly to smooth his hair. Every time I'd panic and flinch, he'd be furious with me, yelling, "I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU!"
That shit lasts.
I still have an overdeveloped startle response. I've had therapy and take anxiety meds but I think I will live in a heightened state the rest of my life.
Omg, there are so many shitty parents. I’m so sorry. I have a lot of emotions surrounding my relationship with my dad, but it is all emotional stuff- I was never spanked and never will with my own kids.
Post by lilypad1126 on Jan 30, 2023 21:10:48 GMT -5
Yes, my parents spanked us. I recall one specific time my mom spanked my sister, she was probably 3 or 4. It was after my sister opened the car door when my mom was driving 45 mph down the road and when mom pulled over to close the door, her reaction was to spank her. Wtf, maybe a hug to make sure your 3 year old is ok would be a better reaction? It was the mid-80s, and spanking for bad behavior was “socially acceptable.” I remember my mom threatening with the wooden spoon but she never hit/spanked me with it. I don’t know if she hit/spanked my sister with it. Just knowing that I could get spanked was enough to keep me from doing things that make that happen.
My dad wasn’t above spanking either, but he was definitely more of the banish to your room type. Oh, and the raise his voice to yell type. He no longer yells but does say things in a disgusted tone and heavy sighs when he’s irritated.
I feel like this makes my parents sound like terrible people. I have a great relationship with my mom and literally hadn’t thought of this until this post. My dad can be difficult to be around and part of his problem now is overuse/addiction to opioids.
I don't flinch, but someone muttering/talking to themselves under their breath where I can't make out what they're saying is a huge source of anxiety to me.
The threat of a spanking occurred much more often than an actual spank. I can’t really remember ever being spanked, but I can remember the threat!
Same. I remember my dad threatening with his belt, but don’t remember it ever actually happening. I was scared of him, but more of in a respectful way as I aged. I also remember my mom threatening me (divorced) and me laughing at her. Not sure why I felt one deserved respect while the other could be mocked. Unfortunately I still have a strong difference of opinion on them.
I was firmly in the no spanking position and my parents often questioned my judgment. But my sister DID spank and they question her parenting too, so it’s not the spanking that made them better at gaining respect. Still don’t know what it was, but I know my kids are more emotionally open with me so I’ll call that a win.
Yes, I used to get whipped by a belt. I can remember clearly running and hiding often and being found. Fck that to anyone who says that is ever okay. And my parents to this day will never acknowledge that they did anything wrong ever. But trust me, it stayed with me. I also had anger/aggression issues when I was younger and I think it was all due to seeing and learning to react a certain way.
Post by maudefindlay on Jan 30, 2023 21:59:50 GMT -5
My older brother and I rarely got in trouble, but when we did my Dad spanked us and he did it way too aggressively. We were never grounded or had toys/things taken away, it was a spanking. It was always my Dad, even if what we did was only when Mom was around, she'd wait for him to be home and had him do it. It was like it was the only way he knew to punish us. It was rare though, could go years, but I knew he had no other tools when I was a teenager and hadn't been spanked in years and I said something unkind and he started to raise his arm back to spank me. I pulled away and looked him in the eye and said "I am 15 years old. You are NOT spanking me." He just looked at me shocked, but he didn't do it. He got spanked with a spoon and switches, my Mom with switches and a hand.
Eta Mom always tells the story of the time she got in trouble as a kid and her Mom told her to get a belt and Mom came back with one of her little belts and Grandma started laughing and didn't do anything. Eta I never got in trouble at school, but was in elementary school in the 80s and kids got paddled.
Question to all those who got slapped a lot: how many years did it take you to stop flinching whenever someone raised a hand anywhere near you? My first serious boyfriend and I fought about this all the time. When he got frustrated,, he'd bring a hand up quickly to smooth his hair. Every time I'd panic and flinch, he'd be furious with me, yelling, "I'M NOT GOING TO HIT YOU!"
That shit lasts.
I’m so sorry that he’d get mad about that rather than be understanding.
One of the most egregious instances of my mom‘s abuse was when she grabbed a fistful of my hair and shook me by it, to the point that clumps came out when I ran my fingers through it. It took me a VERY long time to be okay with someone touching my head.
When I was little-I must have been really little since I don't remember any of it-my dad spanked me so hard he left marks. My mom told him never to do that again. I got spanked a lot with my dad's open hand-mostly for stuff my sibling did. They were are the golden child of the family that no one touches. Spanking stopped by the time I was around 8-9 and could fight back. My mom's verbal jabs didn't end until she passed. By the time I was in college I realized what she was doing and told her that her comments didn't matter to me anymore. She never stopped.