I was reading along on mobile all day, which I find typing hard on. So just getting around to replying. But holyshit! We’ve going from questionable, but also plausible he just wants the walk away from everything to…. RUSSIA?! Does the visa align with when he was in “turkey”?
I hope your first call in the morning is to the best lawyer you can find. Do not dwell on this.
Post by sleepyheads on Apr 24, 2023 18:48:33 GMT -5
I had an appt for next Monday, but I called and said I think he’s trying to flee, so we have a phone call on the morning. And the timing could not be worse because I’m supposed to go with a bunch of girls to Las Vegas for our 40th on Wednesday…he will definitely know something is up if I cancel. Thank god our passports for the kids are expired.
Post by sleepyheads on Apr 24, 2023 18:57:37 GMT -5
My sister in law and brother looked at the visa and she said it must have been in the process more than 6 months. His first turkey visit was Oct-Dec, the second Jan-Feb.
Didn't want to quote, but fake covid. Say you tested positive and need to be home. It's the get out of jail free card of unexpected canceling of plans.
Post by notsopicky on Apr 24, 2023 19:12:41 GMT -5
I haven't responded to the core question(s) in the post b/c I see the group as a whole is pretty much on the same page (get a lawyer).
Re: this visa information and your trip coming up, consider this: if you go and he flees (w/ or w/o kids, I realize the passport issue is a non-starter for the kids because expired), how are you going to feel VS. if you don't go and nothing happens, how are you going to feel?
Post by sporklemotion on Apr 24, 2023 19:13:12 GMT -5
I wouldn’t go to Vegas. Even if it tips him off that you’re suspicious, it’s better than going and hoping for the best. The news about his retirement, etc. is enough for you to say that you need to process it all and explore your options and it’s not the time for a trip, never mind the other stuff you’re learning.
Do you think he’s been radicalized by like Q anon or something and could be dangerous? This is all so odd. I don’t know much politically about the other places he’s visited or plans to, but Russia seems to only have support from right wing wackos. I hate to jump to worst case but I would be pretty concerned by the Russia thing and would not leave my kids with him.
That doesn't mean a divorce isn't the right answer.
Some people get divorces giving one party all the assets and the kids specifically because the other party knows it is the best way to protect those people and things long term from their own psychotic episodes. Not saying that applies here. But mental illness(in the small likelihood that applies) isn't a reason *not* to separate legal and financial matters, even if you stay in each other's lives.
I had an appt for next Monday, but I called and said I think he’s trying to flee, so we have a phone call on the morning. And the timing could not be worse because I’m supposed to go with a bunch of girls to Las Vegas for our 40th on Wednesday…he will definitely know something is up if I cancel. Thank god our passports for the kids are expired.
Do you turn in expired passports? My point is, what if he had new ones made for them without you knowing it? Can that happen?
I would be tempted to hide his passports. And maybe take the kids' birth certificates and give them to a friend for safe keeping. Basically, anything he would need as proof for them I would get out of the house to a safe place.
Post by emilyinchile on Apr 24, 2023 19:50:31 GMT -5
Just to add some calm here, US citizens need a visa in advance to visit Russia. As PP mentioned you need exact travel dates, hotel reservation, local support (if I'm remembering correctly and it hasn't changed recently, which obviously it could have), so it's not something you get in 5 minutes, but it doesn't indicate he's thinking about moving there or has like KGB connections or anything. And also FWIW when my ex and I were in the process of separating and divorcing he also took random "find myself" trips and actually at one point said he was just going to stay in Mexico until I was like no, sorry, you need to come back to Chile so we can do the paperwork for our divorce and then you can go do whatever you want with your life. He was not having a mental health crisis as far as I know, he was just a man child.
Still get a lawyer for sure, but all this might not be spy-level kidnapping prep or bipolar mania or anything more than a lost guy trying to run from his problems.
fryjack2, I am so sorry. Your mom was incredibly brave, I am assuming she was fleeing you and your siblings because it was not a safe situation. I can't imagine the terror and courage that would take.
Do you turn in expired passports? My point is, what if he had new ones made for them without you knowing it? Can that happen?
Just went through this with my kids. Both parents had to be present to sign for the new passports. DD had an expired one and it was like she never had one.
Thanks cleo . I was 11, so not privy to all the details but we were not in imminent danger that I was aware of. I think my mom knew she was going to file for divorce and needed to be on US soil with us when she did otherwise my dad, and the rules of the county would have made it impossible for her to leave with us. Not sure why she couldn't just take us back on another "trip" home like we did every summer that we lived abroad.
I got to see the pyramids in Egypt as part of the trek across the globe, so that was cool?
I had an appt for next Monday, but I called and said I think he’s trying to flee, so we have a phone call on the morning. And the timing could not be worse because I’m supposed to go with a bunch of girls to Las Vegas for our 40th on Wednesday…he will definitely know something is up if I cancel. Thank god our passports for the kids are expired.
Do you turn in expired passports? My point is, what if he had new ones made for them without you knowing it? Can that happen?
I would be tempted to hide his passports. And maybe take the kids' birth certificates and give them to a friend for safe keeping. Basically, anything he would need as proof for them I would get out of the house to a safe place.
Both parents still need to be there, or you need notarized statements, in order for children to get new passports. You can't renew children's passports like adults through the mail.
Post by Velar Fricative on Apr 24, 2023 20:13:02 GMT -5
It is not normal to go through the process to travel to Russia if there are no familial ties there when they are in the middle of a war and there is an advisory against Americans traveling there. I’m so sorry, OP. Don’t blame yourself for anything, just make sure you protect yourself and the kids.
Just to add some calm here, US citizens need a visa in advance to visit Russia. As PP mentioned you need exact travel dates, hotel reservation, local support (if I'm remembering correctly and it hasn't changed recently, which obviously it could have), so it's not something you get in 5 minutes, but it doesn't indicate he's thinking about moving there or has like KGB connections or anything. And also FWIW when my ex and I were in the process of separating and divorcing he also took random "find myself" trips and actually at one point said he was just going to stay in Mexico until I was like no, sorry, you need to come back to Chile so we can do the paperwork for our divorce and then you can go do whatever you want with your life. He was not having a mental health crisis as far as I know, he was just a man child.
Still get a lawyer for sure, but all this might not be spy-level kidnapping prep or bipolar mania or anything more than a lost guy trying to run from his problems.
Thank you for this. I’ve been in extreme panic mode today and keep going back and forth as to if this is a big deal or not. My main concern is him being a father and supporting his children, of which he has not done much of in the past. He cannot just go flying off to another country and abandon them physically and financially.
Didn't want to quote, but fake covid. Say you tested positive and need to be home. It's the get out of jail free card of unexpected canceling of plans.
Or claim the trip is postponed bc another one of the travelers has a COVID + maybe. OP I haven’t replied bc I don’t have my advice that hasn’t already been given. I wish you the best for everyone, no matter what´s happening.
Post by maudefindlay on Apr 24, 2023 20:24:40 GMT -5
I looked at your post history and sounds like he has kept secrets before. 6 months of private hip hop lessons without your knowledge.
But yes, this has spiraled to something very off. I hope your lawyer will be a big help to you. Do you have someone you can share this with irl? I think it's time to do that.
Just to add some calm here, US citizens need a visa in advance to visit Russia. As PP mentioned you need exact travel dates, hotel reservation, local support (if I'm remembering correctly and it hasn't changed recently, which obviously it could have), so it's not something you get in 5 minutes, but it doesn't indicate he's thinking about moving there or has like KGB connections or anything. And also FWIW when my ex and I were in the process of separating and divorcing he also took random "find myself" trips and actually at one point said he was just going to stay in Mexico until I was like no, sorry, you need to come back to Chile so we can do the paperwork for our divorce and then you can go do whatever you want with your life. He was not having a mental health crisis as far as I know, he was just a man child.
Still get a lawyer for sure, but all this might not be spy-level kidnapping prep or bipolar mania or anything more than a lost guy trying to run from his problems.
I don’t disagree, but spending months in Turkey, and then her finding this Russian visa is…a lot!
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Right. My MUD radar was going off, big time. But past posts line up.
OP, this will be hard and possibly messy. But, in the end, you’ll be better off. I’m glad to hear you’re getting a lawyer. Hugs.
Maybe this is connected to the secret dance lessons. He’s going to try and hit it big in Russia.
I am shocked by myself in that dance lesson post. I'm so bright eyed and willing to be charmed. I can tell that's pre-45 and pre-Covid me. Now, I'd be like FUCK YOUR DANCE ASPIRATIONS.
This past post history does not change my instinct that a lawyer is a good idea.
She does now that she found a rich 7th husband. My belief is she is the majority of why he has turned out this way. He was absolutely physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused by her. Imagine eating a snack after school that you weren’t supposed to, and your mom forcing you to eat the entire box until you threw up. That was his mother.
I don’t disagree, but spending months in Turkey, and then her finding this Russian visa is…a lot!
I admit I skimmed the previous trips and thought it was that he'd gone to Turkey 2 months ago, not for 2 months - x2! Something is weird AF for sure, no one normal is trying to go sightseeing in Russia right now or randomly going to Turkey for 4 months. I was mostly inspired to reply by someone who said he was clearly trying to go live in Russia and then good ol' ML coming to the conclusion that the most likely answer is that dude's a spy haha.