My H drives my car, but I don't love it because he moves the seat and mirrors and messes with the radio even if he's not going far.
He has two cars, a small commuter car that I can't drive bc it is manuel. And a truck that I could technically drive, but I don't. It's 4 years old and I think the only time I drove it was a coffee run when we were on vacation and it was our only vehicle. It is big and I'm just not super comfortable driving it. He doesn't forbid me to use it, I just wouldn't drive it unless there were no other options.
It feels weird to flat out forbid a spouse from using a vehicle that they presumably partly own, but I could see getting petty about it if they were consistently leaving trash in it or taking it when I needed it or something.
Yes, which vehicle we use is based on circumstances (are we bringing dogs? All the kids? Short trip vs road trip?). The idea of not "letting" H drive my car is crazy, especially with shared finances.
My 2004 Ford Escape only has 130k miles. Where is this guy going?
We have primary cars, but we trade a lot. My car is pretty terrible in the snow so we use the other car for skiing. The idea of never letting anyone drive my car seems (even on road trips) seems very petty.
You must realize that that's low mileage for a car that old, though. I think the average driver puts something like 12k miles on per year.
My H and I share a car, but previously when we had 2 cars we never really did a yours/mine thing. I primarily drove the older car to work because he didn't like driving it, but when we were together we always took the newer car and I drive 99.9% of the time. I also would take the newer car when he was home and I was going somewhere without him.
yes. We each have "our car" that we primarily drive, but when needed we drive each others. But we have friends the the couple in the OP. They only drive their own.
This is the first time in our 13 (almost 14) year marriage that we do have cars we each prefer to drive AND a 2 car garage so we don't have to shuffle cars around in a one car garage with a one car driveway. H WFH so I drive 'his' car sometimes to make sure it's getting driven on a regular basis. He can drive 'my' car whenever he wants but he rarely does.
He drives my car. I do not drive his jeep. It's a stick shift, I was pregnant when he bought it and then he lifted it and put off road tires on it. I couldn't get into it in later pregnancy and then I had a newborn so I just never got around to it. And as I mentioned in the other thread it's messy and gross so I don't want to drive it.
We aren’t weird about it but what we find comfortable in seats in seating is different so we normally don’t. There have been times when we’ve had to drive each others cars for a period of time but we go back to our own. He pretty much only drives mine when we need to haul something I can’t handle myself and he’s with me.
Honestly, neither of us drive much and my ideal would be only having one car but ours are both paid for and serve different functions. I have a Matrix and can fit a full sized bed in the back and I use it pretty often to transport large items. His is a small commuter type car.
My 2004 Ford Escape only has 130k miles. Where is this guy going?
We have primary cars, but we trade a lot. My car is pretty terrible in the snow so we use the other car for skiing. The idea of never letting anyone drive my car seems (even on road trips) seems very petty.
That’s what I’m saying ! I’m not at 100k on my 2004 car. Are they driving cross country every week?
My 2004 Ford Escape only has 130k miles. Where is this guy going?
We have primary cars, but we trade a lot. My car is pretty terrible in the snow so we use the other car for skiing. The idea of never letting anyone drive my car seems (even on road trips) seems very petty.
You must realize that that's low mileage for a car that old, though. I think the average driver puts something like 12k miles on per year.
My H and I share a car, but previously when we had 2 cars we never really did a yours/mine thing. I primarily drove the older car to work because he didn't like driving it, but when we were together we always took the newer car and I drive 99.9% of the time. I also would take the newer car when he was home and I was going somewhere without him.
Of course my mileage is very low- perk of city living everything is within 3 miles. But 160k miles is over 40k year or over 100 miles a day everyday. That’s a lot of car time!
We share our two vehicles, though tend to drive the minivan a little more often than he does. When we first got together and in the early years of our marriage, we were still driving the cars we owned before we met, so we tended to stick to driving the one we brought to the relationship. Everything we've bought together is fair game for either of us!
We drive our own cars mostly because we also don't hesitate to switch if needed, like if he's parked behind me and I need to just run DD somewhere. If we know the other person won't be leaving the house while we are gone, we don't ask. We wouldn't take each others cars for a whole day without a heads up, though.
My 2004 Ford Escape only has 130k miles. Where is this guy going?
We have primary cars, but we trade a lot. My car is pretty terrible in the snow so we use the other car for skiing. The idea of never letting anyone drive my car seems (even on road trips) seems very petty.
That’s what I’m saying ! I’m not at 100k on my 2004 car. Are they driving cross country every week?
I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. I’ve averaged 20-25k/year most of my driving career. Save for high school and Covid. I keep marveling that my 2015 only had 87k.
In acknowledged stupid, petty shit reasons. H prefers WYPR, the NPR station in Baltimore. I like WAMU out of DC. I commute toward DC and will lose WYPR, whereas WAMU is strong enough for all of Baltimore. So he should just adapt, dammit! 😂 it’s the thing that always strikes me… why are we so stubborn on our NPR choices. It’s really the same except for about 10 minutes every hour, but I guess we each have our comfort voice there.
Related, DD often gets in the car before us when we leave the house (for a quick or long trip). It gives me a chuckle when she picks the wrong car we planned to drive.
Post by goldengirlz on Apr 25, 2023 8:57:43 GMT -5
Yes, definitely
H often wants to take my car on the weekends because it’s an EV. I’ll still drive more often than not (because I love driving my car) but sometimes I’ll tell him he has to drive.
I don’t like driving his car because it feels huge to me, so I only drive it when I absolutely have to. But he has no problem with me driving it.
We have three cars right now...sort of. H has a company car that I'm not allowed to drive because of company policy. We've thought about selling his car, but then he'd have to report personal usage of the company car and they increased how much they would charge him for that so it doesn't make sense anymore.
I greatly prefer driving my car because I've got everything set just right. I don't mind him using my car, but he has to adjust the seat and mirrors and can't really put them back (he prefers his car for these same reasons).
His car has two settings for the seat, so when I drive his I just switch it to my setting and then put it back to his when I'm done. I don't mess with the mirrors, though, because I know I wouldn't be able to get them back right.
It gets interesting for us because we only have two assigned spots for our townhouse. We use an "open" space across the street for whichever car is the odd one out (usually mine so that we're not playing musical cars every day). So if I need to go somewhere during the week, I just take his car. This lets him use both the company car (almost every day) for work and his car for the gym (every day).
I would not be okay with sharing one car. We've done that in the past, and that's when I learned just how important independence is to me. As in, I get angry. Quickly. Usually over things that are completely unrelated 😬
You must realize that that's low mileage for a car that old, though. I think the average driver puts something like 12k miles on per year.
My H and I share a car, but previously when we had 2 cars we never really did a yours/mine thing. I primarily drove the older car to work because he didn't like driving it, but when we were together we always took the newer car and I drive 99.9% of the time. I also would take the newer car when he was home and I was going somewhere without him.
Of course my mileage is very low- perk of city living everything is within 3 miles. But 160k miles is over 40k year or over 100 miles a day everyday. That’s a lot of car time!
Before we moved into our new house closer to our jobs, DH and I each drove over 100 miles round trip every day. Now I only do about 30 miles and his commute is about 60 miles round trip. However, there are still days he will do 100 miles with all of the sports running for our DSs.
We drive one another’s cars, too. His is used for work mainly, has a lot of mikes on it, and is packed with his work junk, so I don’t like to drive his. Family stuff, we almost exclusively drive mine, and he usually drives, not for any other reason than that I like the break.
I have an SUV and DH has a truck. We can use any vehicle, but I hate the truck so I'd only use it if my car is getting work done.
DH uses my car often. He has a trailer hooked up to his truck most of the time, so it's easier for him to take my car if it's a quick errand. I'm mostly working from home, so I wouldn't drive my car for days. Plus, my SUV is nicer (more bells & whistles) and better on gas.
When we're together, we pretty much always take my car and DH will drive. He's a terrible passenger, so I hate driving when he's in the car.
Post by InBetweenDays on Apr 25, 2023 9:05:51 GMT -5
Yes. One car is primarily mine and one is primarily his, but we trade off depending on the situation. I can't imagine "not allowing" him to drive my car.
Post by chilerellanos on Apr 25, 2023 9:06:21 GMT -5
Well, we don’t live together. So there’s not really a need to share vehicles.
But I know he’d let me drive his vehicle. And I’d trust him to drive mine if needed.
ETA: I definitely prefer to let him drive when we are together. He’s a terrible passenger, so even though his music is terrible, I’m the better passenger.
CW said that they take his vehicle everywhere because his wife refuses to drive when they go places or on road trips and she won’t let him drive her vehicle. Nothing specific happened (like an accident)- she just doesn’t let him.
eh. I find his word choices (refuses, won’t let him, etc) to be more loaded than the idea that she doesn’t want to drive/is the primary driver on one car. I wouldn’t take his description at face value.
This reminds me of a couple I know where he is controlling *and* she has extremely high driving anxiety. He dismisses it as ‘nothing’
Yes. Whoever is going further takes the full electric car (mine). If I were to take his (hybrid), on my in office days I’d have to use gas to get the last bit home, and, no thanks. He has two offices right now and for the far one he takes mine, so he’s just using charge. The closer one, he can both get to and from without gas in either car, but he can charge for free there, so will sometimes take mine just to do that.
We each prefer our own cars but usually do what makes the most sense.
Post by dancingirl21 on Apr 25, 2023 9:26:26 GMT -5
Yes, he drives my car always when we are together as a family going somewhere. He has a large full-size truck so I drive that as rarely as possible and he takes that exclusively when he is going somewhere alone.
Yes, we exchange vehicles pretty regularly. My Passat runs on biofuel, which is cheaper and better for the environment, so we use that way more. Then during the winter months, his Camry gets most of the action because it’s a little too cold for biofuel, and diesel is godawful expensive right now. We share finances and both mostly work from home so it’s NBD. I think adding both of our mileages together it’s 10k miles per year.
Post by mccallister84 on Apr 25, 2023 9:30:36 GMT -5
We both drive each others cars, but I wouldn’t drive his car without a reason (aka I’m going somewhere solo and he’s taking the girls). He is more likely to grab my car to just run an errand. My car is the family car. On long drives one of us usually drives one way and then we swap for the drive back.
I'll add - as most couples, we each came into our relationship with each of our own cars that really were "his" and "mine". But when it came time to replace those cars, the circumstances of how we replaced them/ our commutes/ etc - we really lost the tie to each having our own car. We replaced his car first, but as I 'm the one with the long commute, I got the newer car and he took mine. Then when we replaced my car, he really wanted to drive the car I had been driving for a year (manual BMW that was just fun to drive), so I got the next "new to us" car while he took the BMW.
THEN when we had DS, we were super broke and only bought one car seat. So whoever was in charge of DS that day/week would use the van.
So we REALLY lost the feeling of "my" car/ "His" car.
I know some people share a vehicle, but if you both have a vehicle that’s primarily yours, would you allow your SO to drive it?
H was talking to a coworker yesterday and CW mentioned that his truck has 160k miles on it (it’s a 2020). H commented that was a lot and CW said that they take his vehicle everywhere because his wife refuses to drive when they go places or on road trips and she won’t let him drive her vehicle. Nothing specific happened (like an accident)- she just doesn’t let him. So his vehicle has high miles and hers has barely any (which is also a source of contention I guess because he wants a new vehicle). They don’t keep separate finances.
eh. I find his word choices (refuses, won’t let him, etc) to be more loaded than the idea that she doesn’t want to drive/is the primary driver on one car. I wouldn’t his description at face value.
This reminds me of a couple I know where he is controlling *and* she has extremely high driving anxiety. He dismisses it as ‘nothing’
This… so true. I think it’s common in many marriages to use the spouse as an out for something you don’t want to do or don’t want to explain. For the purpose of small talk, it’s easier to say “she won’t let me drive her car” than a nuanced explanation, like we keep the miles on this car and I leave shit in the car and change the stations, and it’s not as comfortable for long trips.