Post by onomatopoeia on May 17, 2023 12:01:58 GMT -5
Years ago I saw my PCP for an annual and I started telling her how I was feeling overwhelmed and depressed. My dad had just died, I had just recovered from a severe bout of Lyme disease (which wis a whole other bad medical experience story), and I was working mom in grad school with a young kid with undiagnosed special needs. I was feeling very vulnerable and was hoping for a referral to a therapist or maybe even some meds, which was a big step for me. She immediately started talking about how hard being a mom was, her own struggles as a mom of twins, and ended by telling me that I should basically just expect life to be hard and to suck it up. I think she meant it as a pep talk but it sure didn't feel that way. I've had other bad experiences but that one still sticks in my mind because of the feeling of helplessness I had after that.
@@ When my DS was 9 we took him to a child psychiatrist who met with us for 20 minutes, met with him for 10 minutes, and then diagnosed him as bi-polar and prescribed lithium. We immediately got a second opinion and a proper dx of ADHD and autism, and he is now 16 yo and doing great. I still shudder when I think about how things may have gone if we'd just accepted that diagnosis and medication, and did not have the resources or confidence to get a second opinion.
Post by litskispeciality on May 17, 2023 12:04:08 GMT -5
My goodness I'm so sorry for what you've all been through.
One that sticks out more recently is a male GYN who did an internal exam about a year and a half, maybe 2 years ago now, with no gloves, and didn't wash up before touching me. I got stuck with him because my awful GYN had just retired and I was having major bleeding issues. I saw horrible reviews of bad IUD issues by this doc and was scared, but needed something. I had a hard time getting this practice to send my records when I finally was able to switch. The poor admin was so nice, trying to switch me to yet another doctor, but no thanks I needed a whole new view. I seriously hope that man doesn't practice medicine anymore, esp on pregnant women.
ETA: I don't know if this counts, but I also had a bad counselor after my mom died. The counselor was independent, no secretary or anything. She didn't take notes during the apt, and then would forget things during the next session or following sessions. You'd have to go back around and around to stuff that was important (like DH's schedule being so different than mine and the strain it put on our marriage). I switched after just a few sessions because it wasn't worth it. *I get why she'd save money on an admin, but it made her super late to every apt because she'd also schedule new apts. It took forever to get a call back to reschedule or if there was an issue on her end etc. Knowing what little I do of becoming licensed independently I give her a lot of credit for getting that far, but it's frustrating for the client.
Mine was nothing compared to many of these, and I am sure I've shared it before. But a few months after moving here, I was really struggling - my job was awful and I was completely unmotivated, so I just spent every workday feeling bad about myself and I think there was some mourning of the job I left behind in our old state. I went to a psychiatrist because I thought if I could get my ADHD under control, that might help a lot with feeling better about myself and maybe improving the job situation. I went in for a first visit, and she basically told me that she learned in medical school that ADHD isn't a real diagnosis (which is SO odd, she was probably around my age so she should have had current training) and that she probably wasn't going to be able to do anything to help me. I got really teary and she completely ignored it, didn't ask why I was crying or what I was upset about, and just kind of dismissed me. I spent the next couple of hours more or less sobbing, which was SO out of character for me - I rarely cry! But I just had felt like that appointment was a lifeline that got ripped away from me. I was definitely not in a good place if that was my reaction.
Later I was more angry than anything - I ended up fine but you should not dismiss mental health patients who are clearly very upset without trying to figure out what was going on. What if I was a risk for self harm? I later emailed the practice to see if I could be switched to another provider, and they basically said that in order to do that I'd have to see her again first. Nope.
Post by dancingirl21 on May 17, 2023 12:21:57 GMT -5
I was in my early 20's and went to a new GYN for the first time. I complained of a bit of pain that I was having and she said "well, it's hard to say. I see that you shave and with all the strange things women are doing with their pubic hair these days, I expect it's that". It was internal pain and that was her answer. A year later when I saw her again (young and didn't change), I had gained about 5 pounds. She said something like "I see you've gained weight. It's time to lay off the chips". And when it was found that I had an abnormal pap from that appointment and a LEEP was scheduled, she interrogated me about my sex life. DH and I were engaged at that point and had been together for 2.5 years, no one was sleeping around. Before the LEEP I was told to not eat anything, so I didn't. I was shaking pretty badly and she was visibly annoyed and kept saying "stop shaking. Why didn't you eat anything so you aren't shaking?" At the time none of this seemed all that bad but thinking back on it now, I'm horrified that I kept going to her.
My first pregnancy we went to an ultrasound with my regular OB around 7 weeks. She very sympathetically told us she didn't see a heartbeat yet and she thought the pregnancy may not be viable, but she wanted us to come back in a week for another ultrasound to be sure. She was on vacation during that time so I had to schedule with another OB in her practice. He was so nonchalant and came in and immediately said, "no this is not a viable pregnancy. Look at the screen, there's nothing there." And then abruptly walked out as I was crying. It was a horrible first experience. He has since been charged with being intoxicated on the job and no longer practices.
wanderingback Your care and concern for women is so clear. I feel lucky to have gone on to have had really excellent OBGYN care from other practitioners like you - including a male doctor who delivered my son. I think what makes some of these experiences stand out is the level of trust we have in doctors. Many times it is earned but clearly not in other cases.I think my aunt and I are both little shocked realizing it wasn't "just us" and he has a pattern of this behavior. I know my doctor pretty well and it must really eat her up that this guy is still practicing because I can't imagine her sharing this out of turn. But I have guilt for not sharing my experience before because there shouldn't have to have been more than one woman involved for me to realize it was wrong.
Fwiw I also take care of men too
Yes, the power dynamic is the problem. Plus throw in racism and sexism it’s all sorts of fucked up. The system sucks and I’ve def had to advocate for my Black and Hispanic patients (both women and men) because of rampant racism. I do other work outside of the formal medical system and it’s a breath of fresh air but I stay in the system for now to hopefully help and advocate for our patients 1 by 1.
I ended up fine but you should not dismiss mental health patients who are clearly very upset without trying to figure out what was going on. What if I was a risk for self harm? I later emailed the practice to see if I could be switched to another provider, and they basically said that in order to do that I'd have to see her again first. Nope.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I had a similar situation when my kids were young. The only doctor I was seeing regularly was my ob/gyn for annual check ups. They had prescribed antidepressants for me after the birth of my second kid, but I had stopped taking them after a while (this was a mistake). At my annual I worked up the nerve to ask them to prescribe them again.
She was dismissive and just said that they don't do that and I would have to see my PCP. (I did not actually have a PCP at the time, I rarely go to the doctor).
The steps that I would have needed to go through to find a PCP who was taking new patients, and had available appointments, and took my insurance, just seemed completely insurmountable to me at the time. I wasn't in a good head space. I never did get help.
I ended up being OK, but I also think about the same questions that you have--- what if I had gotten worse, or was at risk of harming myself or my kids?
Incidentally, I think I only went back once more for an annual after that. I am years overdue at this point.
Post by dreamcrisp1 on May 17, 2023 12:52:39 GMT -5
My 1st birth, they gave me a medicine that you shouldn’t give to people allergic to penicillin. I told every single person I came into contact with about my allergy. I reacted so severely. My blood pressure dropped scary low. My husband thought I died. And I didn’t get to meet my new baby until 3.5 hours later.
My 2nd miscarriage was also a pretty awful experience (on top of how awful a miscarriage already is) and I had 3 horrible doctors who didn’t care at all.
And now I have to give birth at that same hospital because the other hospital I wanted doesn’t have capacity to take me as a patient. So I’m pretty upset and hoping I’ll feel better after meeting with them. I hope it was a “we were just overwhelmed and too busy” and not that they just didn’t care because I’m not white and don’t speak the language.
And my entire experience with my oldest and trying to diagnose his allergies was all traumatic. I will always wonder if they would have listened to me if I was white. Probably. But instead it took almost 6 months to diagnose something that should have been done at 7 weeks. And created a lifelong issue for him with many more allergies than he should have had. I will never fully trust a doctor again.
I ended up fine but you should not dismiss mental health patients who are clearly very upset without trying to figure out what was going on. What if I was a risk for self harm? I later emailed the practice to see if I could be switched to another provider, and they basically said that in order to do that I'd have to see her again first. Nope.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I had a similar situation when my kids were young. The only doctor I was seeing regularly was my ob/gyn for annual check ups. They had prescribed antidepressants for me after the birth of my second kid, but I had stopped taking them after a while (this was a mistake). At my annual I worked up the nerve to ask them to prescribe them again.
She was dismissive and just said that they don't do that and I would have to see my PCP. (I did not actually have a PCP at the time, I rarely go to the doctor).
The steps that I would have needed to go through to find a PCP who was taking new patients, and had available appointments, and took my insurance, just seemed completely insurmountable to me at the time. I wasn't in a good head space. I never did get help.
I ended up being OK, but I also think about the same questions that you have--- what if I had gotten worse, or was at risk of harming myself or my kids?
Incidentally, I think I only went back once more for an annual after that. I am years overdue at this point.
I'm so sorry! I hope you can find a new doctor to do your annual appointments - they are so important, especially as we age! But I understand completely not wanting to go back there. It just feels awful to be dismissed like that. I gaslight myself enough about medical/mental health concerns, I don't need a physician doing the same!
I know there are plenty of great MDs out there, but I try to find PAs or NPs when I can. They tend to have better people skills and I think tend to have a little more time to spend with patients, which leads to better care. I've been seeing a PA for my psychiatry needs for a few years now and he's wonderful. He still hasn't solved my ADHD issues (I think I'm a lost cause) but he acts like he genuinely cares and has been helpful when it comes to anxiety and other issues have come up since.
Post by tacoflavoredkisses on May 17, 2023 13:06:47 GMT -5
I am so sorry for all who have dealt with this kind of trauma.
DDs birth was really awful from start to finish. I was induced and she was not responding well to the induction. The resident and nursing staff blew me off for hours as I was asking to speak to someone from my OBs office to see if we could have a C-section (the resident literally told me that I was not a priority because I wasn’t in labor). Finally after 21 hours in the hospital and a poorly placed epidural, DDs heart rate plummeted and I was rushed back to the OR. It was really scary for me as they threw a hair cap half over my head and left DH behind running down the hall. They wouldn’t give me any additional meds until she was out so I felt everything on the right half of the incision spot, and threw up from the pain. I remember feeling like I was going to black out and having this very horrifying instinct feeling that if I closed my eyes I wouldn’t wake up. They finally gave me something and then I sat there for ages waiting for an X-ray- they didn’t have time to count the tools and wanted to make sure they got them all before closing me up (I’m grateful for this). I ended up leaving on day 2 because the nurses were unreliable with my pain meds and I knew I could better manage on my own. And they fucked up her birth certificate. I also had IUGR that was missed despite having a few extra ultrasounds for growth checks, but that was on the OB. Anyway, I ended up getting my hospital bills waived after I talked to their patient advocate about everything that happened.
I had DS at a different hospital with a different OB practice and it was incredible how much better it was.
When I was 19 I had appendicitis. I went to my doctor with the initial symptoms and she suspected appendicitis so she sent me to the ER. The doctor there was convinced it HAD to be pregnancy. Once the test came back negative, he didn't even check my appendix, just sent me home. My appendix ruptured at home a couple days later and I ended up with sepsis and a week long hospital stay.
I thought of another one, but it's DD1's experience more than mine. I feel guilty for not knowing better and preventing it from happening.
PDQ
Her labia minora were fused together, and our pediatrician at the time was examining her while telling me the options for addressing the issue. Then, without warning, she just ripped them apart. It was quick, and it's not like it caused permanent harm, but I was horrified. DD1 was so little - I can't remember exactly how old, but definitely younger than 3 - and she screamed so loud. The doctor hadn't asked for consent, hadn't offered anything to numb the area, etc. I was so mad!! But I also felt so guilty and ashamed. I had no way of knowing she was about to do that, but I felt complicit somehow. I never addressed it with her, I just found a new pediatrician.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on May 17, 2023 14:49:39 GMT -5
yes
Miss R's entire journey to her ADHD dx. The first doctor we saw never did the most basic diagnostic assessment - the Vanderbilt Survery - when 8yo R presented for disruptive classroom behavior and anxiety. 9 months later we get a 2nd opinion as there had been no improvement. I show him the behavior log for the week prior and the first words out of his mouth were 'we have significant behavior issues, have you completed a Vanderbilt Survey' my startled response .. no ?!?
A second opinion, 4 therapists, a pandemic, the 2nd opinion doctor retiring, 2 more pedis who were clueless and FINALLY a pedi who know exactly what to do and BAM 5 1/2y later we have our medical dx for ADHD. I can only imagine how different life would have been had the initial doctor done their job and have the Vandy Survey done and the dx would have come at 8 instead of 13.
When I was first having trouble with my gastroparesis-- I was in a major "flare up"-- I was seeing this GI doc. I would go into his office carrying a barf bucket, they'd weigh me, he would see me for a minute or two, and then write me a Rx for an oral medication to help. Despite the fact that I wasn't keeping anything down. After a few visits like this, my H came with me. He asked the doc when we would be discussing options for a port or feeding tube for me. And the doctor responded, "why, is she losing weight?" At that point, I had lost over 40 lbs. I was aghast that he would even have to ask since they weighed me at each visit. I was really upset, but my H just said to be quiet and we would find another solution. We left there, and drove straight to our PCP's office. My PCP was off that day, but my H's PCP was in. They immediately put me in a room, and Dr. R came in to see me. He was so kind and so caring. He called a former student of his (who was a GI doc) on his cell phone right there and told him about me. He said we'd try one more med, but that I'd likely be in the ER the next day. And asked that he see me. All of that happened, and the new GI doc met me in the ER. I'll never forget that day-- he sat on the bed next to me in the ER and promised that one day this would all be a bad dream. I credit him with saving my life. I did call the other GI doctor and fired him. I ripped him a new one-- told him how appalling it was that he didn't notice that I'd lost that much weight, that he needed to work on his bedside manner, and that I hoped to never see him again.
A few years ago, I had an incredibly heavy period that lasted way too long. I was literally hemorrhaging. I went to the gyn (a new doctor for me). She asked me how far along I was-- didn't even read my paperwork or start off with "what brings you here today." She put me up in the stirrups, and then didn't even lay a finger on me as I bled on the table. I felt like an absolute leper. She sent me to the ER. I saw the gyn on call in the ER who had a better bedside manner. I scheduled a follow-up in the same practice but with a different doctor-- a man. He was the absolute kindest person. I ended up getting an IUD inserted.
This is minor compared to what many have gone through. I took DS1 to urgent care one night when he was maybe 6 or 7? He had a 103 degree fever and just no energy - he rarely got sick and was clearly in need of help. The dr we saw was so condescending and horrible. He told me I was wrong to bring DS1 in because he clearly was only suffering from allergies (with a fever? WTF?) and then told me I obviously don’t keep a clean enough house otherwise he wouldn’t be suffering that much (again WTF? Also, i’m a ridiculous neat freak and this personally offended me). I asked for a strep test (I think it was going around?) and he basically mocked me. Said I clearly was an anxious parent and it was bad psychologically for my kid to put pretend illnesses on them. At this point DH was basically restraining me because I was so enraged. I requested the strep test again and the dr rolled his eyes and said “fine. But I promise you he doesn’t have strep”. 20 minutes later he comes in and says “he’s positive for strep. The prescription has been sent in” and just walked out. OMG, he was such a fucker
THEN we get to CVS pharmacy right before they closed for the night and that dick had written the prescription for the giant horse pills of antibiotics, not liquid. It was a whole deal because CVS couldn’t change it without permission, I can’t recall. But what an asshole.
Post by maudefindlay on May 17, 2023 16:25:20 GMT -5
Many years ago my aunt went into labor and her OB was golfing. Two nurses held her legs together till the doctor arrived. The head was literally right there and she wanted to push so bad. The inner sides of her legs were black and blue from the bruises.
When my Mom was in labor with my older brother her pushes were apparently not progressing things along and a nurse climbed up on the bed and straddled my Mom's belly and pushed with her body.
A friend's Dad became suddenly ill at their home and the EMTs dropped him on the way up the basement steps. Same guy needed a kidney removed, doctors removed the healthy one.
@@ My TFMR was at 25 weeks, which meant a D&E wasn't an option. I was told I had to go through labour and that a morphine PCA would be enough for my pain because my baby was smaller than a full term baby. I vaguely recall being off my head on morphine, screaming to get an epidural but being refused. I had otherwise amazing experiences with all my NHS doctors and midwives in the UK but that one was pretty traumatic.
When I was pregnant with DD I moved back to Canada at about 6 months into my pregnancy, which was high risk. Unlike in the UK, there's no central records system, so I had to go through my traumatic pregnancy history with every new doctor I saw. While the doctors themselves were very good, it just added a whole other level of anxiety to an already anxious time in my life.
Post by shadyblue42 on May 17, 2023 17:22:16 GMT -5
I had a sore throat and went to my PCP who barely examined me, said my throat was red from drainage and sent me home. The next morning I woke up and couldn’t swallow, could barely talk, and I was in so much pain. I tried to just suck it up and deal with it since my doc said it was just drainage.
That night I ended up at the Urgent Care where they ran a strep test that came back negative and did a quick exam before they sent me on my way.
Still in pain the next day to the point that I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for 2 days now, I called my PCP office and they couldn’t get me in until the following day and I couldn’t even see my PCP. Finally, on what is now the 4th day, I get in to see the PA and pretty much had to refuse to leave their office until someone fixed my problem. The PA spoke with my PCP who then sent me to the ER in a town 30 minutes away to see an ENT specialist.
Get to the ER and am immediately given IV fluids, pain meds, and antibiotic. See the ENT who was so amazing and he diagnosed me with an abscess from a tiny piece of leftover tonsil from when I had a tonsillectomy at age 5. He did a scope and prescribed antibiotics and a liquid pain med for me and I immediately felt better. He told me that if they had just given me an antibiotic on day one I never would have ended up in the ER at all.
I have not been back to that office since and it’s been about 10 years now.
I’m so sorry for all of these experiences! I’ve always thought it would be rewarding (though I’m sure disheartening) to work for a state medical board and go after the licenses of some of these types of people.
Post by verycontrary247 on May 17, 2023 20:20:44 GMT -5
When I was 16 my appendix was infected and needed to be removed. During the early "figuring out why I'm in debilitating pain and throwing up straight bile over and over" process, my PCP heavily implied to my parents multiple times that I was exaggerating my pain for attention and that it was just menstrual cramps.
I had a tooth extraction with no Novocaine. They did administer it but didn't get the whole area and I felt everything, it was the worst pain I have ever experienced.
I was screaming so loud people could probably hear me down the street, and the dentist brought in other staff to help hold me down. He realized I was not numb and said the tooth was half way out so they were just going to finish.
I never went back but never did anything about it, I wish I had because it has been over 5 years and I have a lot of fear going to the dentist now.
My brother did - he fell at the top of a half pipe skateboarding. Went to the ER and the docs just dismissed him as a little banged up - we think they thought he was a drug seeking punk. He wasn't well at all, laid on our couch for ~a day or two w/the color draining from his face. He was bleeding internally with a ruptured spleen. He had to have emergency surgery and was in the hospital for over a week. We'll never know how bad it was b/c I'm sure they wouldn't tell us, but it was awful.
I've also had docs try to put my dislocated shoulder back in all sort of ways. I remember 1 ER doc was insistent he could slowly do it and it was like torture, which btw didn't work. I had told him it wasn't my first rodeo, it dislocated 20+ times, and went through all the ways it had been reduced. He just brushed me off and got angry when his method didn't work...I don't think he enjoyed the screaming either b/c they didn't give me pain meds.
Post by basilosaurus on May 18, 2023 8:11:49 GMT -5
I've had a few although none criminal. Nothing as horrifying as these but still affect me to this day.
Like a pp, a horrible experience with (the best!) pediatric dentist. He slapped me and told me only babies cry after extracting 4 teeth when I wasn't fully numb. My dad got me in with his after seeing how I shook like a leaf when leaving (parents weren't allowed back), who didn't usually take children. I was ripe old age of 11 and still have fears.
I went in with misdiagnosed appendicitis. It turned out it was a burst ovarian cyst. I'd gone to ED, gotten CT, results were inconclusive, was told not to take painkillers and to return if pain didn't go away. It didn't. I was admitted. Still no confirmation. I was told I'd meet the surgeon in pre-op the next morning. Although I was by that point on a dilaudid drip, I was able to communicate to my partner my issues with this and to get the patient advocate involved. But I knew my stuff, was trained, I cannot imagine what someone less knowledgable, less empowered would have done. It was so dismissive of my "do I have an actual diagnosis before you cut into me and remove something" concerns.
But, the most egregious and actually criminal happened to my sister. @@@ She was newly pregnant. Right before a grad school trip overseas, technically mandatory, she found there was no embryo. It turned out to be molar, although they didn't know that at the time. She'd informed the school of the early pregnancy, they called her doctor, who then divulged every bit of her medical history after that ultrasound. My sister hadn't approved that. Huge HIPAA violation. The school wouldn't let her go on the trip for fear she might miscarry on the plane (which, um, could have always happened, as an aside). I begged her to report it and leave that practice. She ended up with d&c because she never passed it, which is quintessential molar behavior, and we're so glad it was caught that early as that is a pre-curser to cancer. But, damn. She still stayed with that practice after that.
I don't want anyone to feel guilty that they accepted bad behavior, especially about women's healthcare. We're indoctrinated into that as so many of you have articulated. The shame we feel at someone else's horrible failure. I know my sister just wanted to put it behind her and move on. She didn't even have a doubt it was wrong as can happen with young vulnerable women like many of you have shared. But the socilaization to just move on, don't make waves, is oh so strong.
After I had my wisdom teeth removed at the hospital, I was reacting to the anesthesia. It made my neck muscles contract and my head was turned 90 degrees to one side. Nothing I could do against it. My dad was with me at the hospital. The surgeon came for his post op visit and I mentioned this. He then talked to my dad outside the room and told him I was making this up to get some attention, not to worry.
I’ve had similar experiences to [mention]lucybrown [/mention] . Full up fat shaming, offering up ineffective (and dangerous!) diet advice, and dismissing other symptoms because of my weight.