@ High school parties..

[k3am]

DH and I are nowhere near high school, so I don’t really have a dog in this fight. My boss will randomly explain parties that his kids go to. His kids are at a wealthy private school that apparently the average parent has tons of money to spare.

The most common scenario is that the parents are gone for the party, they hire a bartender to serve alcohol to minors, and security to ensure that no one is driving and things don’t get out of hand.

I have never been in that world. Is this kind of thing normal by you?!? Regardless of if it is/isn’t, do you have strong feelings about it one way or another?

I’m not sure how I feel. I know kids will likely drink regardless, so part of me thinks this is a great way to limit the risks involved. And the rest of me is screaming that this is very illegal and a lawsuit waiting to happen.

My first drinking experience was a complete shit show, so this actually would have been GREAT compared to what I did/experienced, so that probably contributes to me not being sure about how I feel about it.

[wanderingback]

The uber wealthy live vastly different lives, so this doesn't surprise me at all.

However, yes I agree with you that it seems like a very bad idea and I'm not even that "pearl clutchy."
TW....
What if someone got raped, or someone put something in someone's drink?
What if someone got injured and an ambulance had to be called?

Even if no one is drinking and driving, there are so many things that could go wrong in a situation with underdeveloped brains and alcohol, so why would one encourage that by providing not only the alcohol, but a bartender? I'm all for a variety of harm reduction methods, but I don't see how this actually limits risk.

[keh2oblue]

My daughter is heading into HS and my reaction is hell to the no. I’m not naive that parties happen and even under age drinking, but I won’t be condoning it. We have these talks already about not drinking and driving, not getting into a car with anyone who has been drinking, and that we will pick her up anytime (no questions asked), so she’s safe.

[sugarbear1]

I teach the uber wealthy. This is not at all how they party. Maybe it's #regional.

[mpm]

Just telling this story would be a great way to give an insurance defense attorney or claims adjuster a stroke.

[agnes]

Nah, that’s not normal even for rich kids around here

[Patsy Baloney]

What the fuck.

I am just not cut out for this world.

I find myself kind of bristling at the, “They’ll just do it anyway,” line of thought. Let’s reduce harm, not put harm on the payroll. Yes, I can let my kid know they can always call me for a ride, no questions asked, or not engage if they sneak a beer at a barbecue in the back yard when I’m not looking. No, I don’t need to hire them a bartender!

[mysteriouswife]

Not that I know about. DD incoming JR. Tells us about parties she has been invited. They are in the woods by the lake. She also tells her friends to call us if they need a ride. Somehow she is not interested at all in going.

ETA- we live in a mixed income area. She went to public elementary school with a very famous grandson. He now lives in CA. She goes to school with a few B-lister’s kids and grandkids. Our neighbor is the child of another very famous multimillionaire country artist. So there is money here. I just don’t think this happens here.

FTR- we don’t have a fancy house and are solid middle-middle class

[waverly]

It is not normal here. I find it difficult to believe that most bartenders would serve to minors because of the liability. I just don’t see that happening here.

While there may be some uber responsible parents that serve alcohol to minors safely. The norm here are more the idiots having high school parties, serving alcohol, allowing them to drink and drive and getting the cops called on them. Sometimes by us because they are doing wheelies in our pretty small driveway and shooting off M60 fireworks. And no, I don’t live in the country either.

I am not going to serve alcohol to minors because I don’t need the liability. How do you know the parents are cool with it? If I need to be the one to introduce alcohol to my children then I would do that as a family unit. My husband studied abroad in Germany in high school. He likes the European cultural approach to teenagers and alcohol which is more laid back, but also strongly against drinking and driving. If you are talking about binge drinking I think that is culturally less with this generation, so I’ve heard.

Neither of us had bad experiences but I think his parents are more puritanical and mine allowed the occasional wine at the older teen ages like 17/18.

[k3am]

waverly I’m 100% planning to be the one who introduced my kids to alcohol, but I’d never be comfortable doing it for another parent’s kid. My kids both know that when they’re considering drinking anything with a friend, I want them to do it at home with mom.

My first experience with alcohol involved 4 coronas, followed by four shots of tequila, which I later found out were doubles. And then I puked in the lawn, crawled through it to find a clean space to sleep, and woke up with a strange guy rubbing my legs (and puke). My mom had NEVER discussed alcohol with me, I had no idea about anything, and clearly, it was totally messed up and I got very lucky that nothing worse happened. So in that vein; the idea of a bartender who could have told me “wtf no, you’re 100 lbs and going to be screwed” seems like an improvement. But also wouldn’t have mattered, because it wasn’t a high school party anyways.

But still, the idea of this type of party doesn’t sit well.

[shopgirl07]

Well, it’s illegal as can be. And a lawsuit waiting to happen. I’m sure a lot of parents look the other way, but this level of planning is criminal. So, no, not a fan.

[rubytue]

A friend of mine with a 15 year old found out her party in the basement last Halloween got into his bar while he was upstairs, and he was so distraught, going on and on about how he was going to jail (he didn’t). So yeah, I don’t think that is common around here.

Oh, and he no longer has a bar in his basement. 

[gummybear]

Our daughter goes to a private school that is pretty expensive and many of her friends go to other (equally or more) expensive schools and I have never heard of such a thing.

[pinkplasticdoll]

My nieces are wealthy high school kids and they don't party like this.

[devonpow]

I live in an area where there are a lot of very wealthy people. There’s a lot of stupid stuff and blind eye turning, but I’ve never heard of/seen a bartender hired (just two weeks ago there was a huge 16th birthday party where the mom rented an entire club in downtown Boston for for the evening and had private security etc - but the bouncers/security kept confiscating alcohol kids were trying to bring in). There are definitely a lot of parties that happen when the parents are away/traveling, but not a clear condoning of partying so much they are hiring bartenders. What kind of bar tenders are they getting??? I’ve hired bartenders for parties and they are all crazy with their license and insurance. The last one we hired wouldn’t put the bar table where I wanted because he thought it was a trip hazard area. I can’t fathom someone taking money to serve clearly underage kids?? Sounds weird

[InBetweenDays]

I do know of several parents that turn a blind eye to drinking at their house. Their kids have parties and they either leave for the evening or stay upstairs. They know drinking is happening, and while they aren't providing the alcohol they are basically allowing it to happen.

We are HELL NO to any of that. We've had numerous talks with our kids about drinking - especially our 11th grader. She knows she can always call us if needed if she or someone else has been drinking and they need a safe ride home. But there is no way I'm willing to take on the liability of basically allowing drinking at our house.

As a side note - we know someone who allowed her daughter to have a small party while the mom went out to dinner (dad was out of town). Her address was leaked on social media and they had over 200 people show up from areas as far as 20 miles away. Their house was trashed.

[mofongo]

How can they legally hire someone to serve minors? We did it the old fashioned way, we had parties when parents were out of town!!

[mofongo]

Jun 3, 2023 21:53:59 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I do know of several parents that turn a blind eye to drinking at their house. Their kids have parties and they either leave for the evening or stay upstairs. They know drinking is happening, and while they aren't providing the alcohol they are basically allowing it to happen.

We are HELL NO to any of that. We've had numerous talks with our kids about drinking - especially our 11th grader. She knows she can always call us if needed if she or someone else has been drinking and they need a safe ride home. But there is no way I'm willing to take on the liability of basically allowing drinking at our house.

As a side note - we know someone who allowed her daughter to have a small party while the mom went out to dinner (dad was out of town). Her address was leaked on social media and they had over 200 people show up from areas as far as 20 miles away. Their house was trashed.

So I have seen this, actually more so with my friends with older HS aged kids than when I was in HS. I don’t have a significant issues with this, no one drives and there is some level of monitoring. To me, this sets kids up for a healthier relationship with alcohol. Idk, we have drive-thru daiquiris here and go cups, so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

[k3am]

Jun 3, 2023 22:22:41 GMT -5 mofongo said:

How can they legally hire someone to serve minors? We did it the old fashioned way, we had parties when parents were out of town!!

I definitely don’t think it can be legal. But also not sure if it’s much worse than the old fashioned way? Either way, kids are drinking illegally, but potentially with some kind of (VERY questionable) limiter/oversight?

[mofongo]

Jun 3, 2023 22:26:06 GMT -5 k3am said:

Jun 3, 2023 22:22:41 GMT -5 mofongo said:

How can they legally hire someone to serve minors? We did it the old fashioned way, we had parties when parents were out of town!!

I definitely don’t think it can be legal. But also not sure if it’s much worse than the old fashioned way? Either way, kids are drinking illegally, but potentially with some kind of (VERY questionable) limiter/oversight?

It’s way worse from a liability standpoint!! The server would also have to be a huge dumb ass!

ETA: and the parents are also huge dumb assess, to be clear, everyone is a dumb ass!

[tacokick]

Where are they finding bartenders and security that are willing to do this? I guess people will take big risks for money but would you want them around your children?

The idea that “kids will drink anyway” always seems odd to me. I guess they might but why encourage it? Or codify the idea that to have fun you need to drink?

When I was a teenager we went to actual clubs and concerts. Sitting around someone’s house with a bartender poured cocktail sounds so boring and a waste of youth lol

[mofongo]

Jun 3, 2023 22:32:01 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Where are they finding bartenders and security that are willing to do this? I guess people will take big risks for money but would you want them around your children?

The idea that “kids will drink anyway” always seems odd to me. I guess they might but why encourage it? Or codify the idea that to have fun you need to drink?

When I was a teenager we went to actual clubs and concerts. Sitting around someone’s house with a bartender poured cocktail sounds so boring and a waste of youth lol

Well, for me as a teen, the more something was forbidden the more I wanted to do it, and would then go wild when I could. I know not everyone is like that, but I think there’s something to be said for making alcohol not this big, bad forbidden thing with teens. 

[k3am]

Jun 3, 2023 22:29:03 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jun 3, 2023 22:26:06 GMT -5 k3am said:

I definitely don’t think it can be legal. But also not sure if it’s much worse than the old fashioned way? Either way, kids are drinking illegally, but potentially with some kind of (VERY questionable) limiter/oversight?

It’s way worse from a liability standpoint!! The server would also have to be a huge dumb ass!

ETA: and the parents are also huge dumb assess, to be clear, everyone is a dumb ass!

Oh, I totally agree from a liability standpoint. But part of me is just thinking from a weirder point of view, I guess.

Again, my kids are in elementary, and we don’t know rich people, so it will likely/hopefully not be a consideration.

[circa1978]

This sounds more like the plotline of a WB drama than something that happens in real life.

[InBetweenDays]

Jun 3, 2023 22:26:02 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jun 3, 2023 21:53:59 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I do know of several parents that turn a blind eye to drinking at their house. Their kids have parties and they either leave for the evening or stay upstairs. They know drinking is happening, and while they aren't providing the alcohol they are basically allowing it to happen.

We are HELL NO to any of that. We've had numerous talks with our kids about drinking - especially our 11th grader. She knows she can always call us if needed if she or someone else has been drinking and they need a safe ride home. But there is no way I'm willing to take on the liability of basically allowing drinking at our house.

As a side note - we know someone who allowed her daughter to have a small party while the mom went out to dinner (dad was out of town). Her address was leaked on social media and they had over 200 people show up from areas as far as 20 miles away. Their house was trashed.

So I have seen this, actually more so with my friends with older HS aged kids than when I was in HS. I don’t have a significant issues with this, no one drives and there is some level of monitoring. To me, this sets kids up for a healthier relationship with alcohol. Idk, we have drive-thru daiquiris here and go cups, so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I'd be way too worried about liability if something were to happen. Because there are times where they are still driving home from the parties. Or drinking way too much. Or doing other stupid drunk teen things. Also from what I've heard these kids don't have anywhere near a healthy relationship with alcohol. It's not like they're having just one or two drinks. They're still getting shit faced.

ETA I know DD has drank. She's told us and it doesn't bother me. I don't disagree with the idea that high schoolers having an occasional drink can help them have a better relationship with alcohol. I just think it's dangerous (from a liability standpoint) to knowingly provide an opportunity for kids to get drunk.

[al dente]

I don't believe there are bartenders there (not that OP is lying, but something is getting changed between the kids-boss telephone lol). Maybe parents are down there making drinks "bartending", but no professional is taking on that liability. Or the person that would be willing to take on the liability is not someone I would want around a bunch of young drunk teenagers.

Anyways, that being said... In highschool some of the biggest parties I went to were at a state troopers house and he would be down there with us getting drunk. At the time I thought it was kinda weird, and now looking back I find it even stranger. We all would drive a long way home after too. I only ever went to one party where parents took keys. It was a big party and kids were still calling up friends and driving anyways so that's not a guarantee that no one will drive.

[tacokick]

Jun 3, 2023 22:42:22 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jun 3, 2023 22:32:01 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Where are they finding bartenders and security that are willing to do this? I guess people will take big risks for money but would you want them around your children?

The idea that “kids will drink anyway” always seems odd to me. I guess they might but why encourage it? Or codify the idea that to have fun you need to drink?

When I was a teenager we went to actual clubs and concerts. Sitting around someone’s house with a bartender poured cocktail sounds so boring and a waste of youth lol

Well, for me as a teen, the more something was forbidden the more I wanted to do it, and would then go wild when I could. I know not everyone is like that, but I think there’s something to be said for making alcohol not this big, bad forbidden thing with teens. 

I wonder if parents use this logic with other things like weed or cigarettes/vapes? I always hear it about alcohol, even as a kid, but no one was ever buying their kids cigarettes or smoking them up even if the parents were smokers themselves.

Especially now that weed is legal (for adults) so many places.

[mofongo]

Jun 3, 2023 23:29:34 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Jun 3, 2023 22:26:02 GMT -5 mofongo said:

So I have seen this, actually more so with my friends with older HS aged kids than when I was in HS. I don’t have a significant issues with this, no one drives and there is some level of monitoring. To me, this sets kids up for a healthier relationship with alcohol. Idk, we have drive-thru daiquiris here and go cups, so 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I'd be way too worried about liability if something were to happen. Because there are times where they are still driving home from the parties. Or drinking way too much. Or doing other stupid drunk teen things. Also from what I've heard these kids don't have anywhere near a healthy relationship with alcohol. It's not like they're having just one or two drinks. They're still getting shit faced.

ETA I know DD has drank. She's told us and it doesn't bother me. I don't disagree with the idea that high schoolers having an occasional drink can help them have a better relationship with alcohol. I just think it's dangerous (from a liability standpoint) to knowingly provide an opportunity for kids to get drunk.

I can only speak from what I am aware of. The parents are all on the same page. No one has keys, so they can’t drive. I mean, yes, they could drink too much but parents are there, etc. 

I am also coming from the perspective of getting hammered whenever possible in HS, lying, sneaking around, AND driving b/c it was SO forbidden.

[rosiebear]

I think that is insane. Such a good point about driving hardly being the only danger involved.

I have to wonder, as an aside, if any teenager in the history of the world has ever actually called their parent in a drinking/drugging situation. Every parent (including my own) gives the “we will come get you, no questions asked” talk, and every kid I know (including myself) promises to call but never ever does.

[mofongo]

Jun 3, 2023 23:49:14 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Jun 3, 2023 22:42:22 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Well, for me as a teen, the more something was forbidden the more I wanted to do it, and would then go wild when I could. I know not everyone is like that, but I think there’s something to be said for making alcohol not this big, bad forbidden thing with teens. 

I wonder if parents use this logic with other things like weed or cigarettes/vapes? I always hear it about alcohol, even as a kid, but no one was ever buying their kids cigarettes or smoking them up even if the parents were smokers themselves.

Especially now that weed is legal (for adults) so many places.

Well, weed and alcohol are different, to me, than vaping/cigarettes. We know cigarettes are terrible for you, and who knows what you’re vaping, I guess unless it’s from a regulated source? If that exists.

ETA: what about sex education? Birth control? Condoms? I don’t see it as being terribly different than that.