A name question

[Jalapeñomel]

If you have a child with an unusual name or a name from a different language/culture (unusual in the US), do you just constantly correct people when the pronounce it wrong? Do you send a note in on the first day of school on how to pronounce it?

I teach HS kids, so they’re fairly good at telling me how to pronounce their names and correcting me if I get it wrong, just not sure how this works when they can’t.

I also realize this comes from a place of white privilege, as POC (and many immigrants) have been dealing with this forever.

[katiecj6]

I live in Brazil, so my name and my son's name are often pronounced the Portuguese way...or just wrong.

I correct people that I'll see often and don't bother with the others for the most part.

My son is autistic and much prefers not to talk to anyone, so he doesn't correct pronunciation for the most part. He will answer if someone asks.

But like you, I feel like I'm answering with a white privilege point of view. And I think it is different.

[namasteak]

People have a lot of trouble with Ds2s name. We always get a call from teachers before school starts and they always ask how to pronounce it.

[mccallister84]

I have an unusual first name, absolutely 100% not phonetic. In pre-k and K teachers still did home visits before the first day of school so I’m assuming they learned to pronounce it there. No idea how my first grade teacher knew(at a different school).

But I have a vivid memory of my second grade teacher mispronouncing it all day long on the first day of school. I was too timid to correct her. My first grade teacher came in at the end of the day and said hey could mccallister show my walkers where to go. The second grade teacher said there’s no student by that name and my first grade teacher was like yea she’s right there. So God knows how long that would have gone on had she not popped her head in.

I think after that word just got out about my name. I don’t remember having a problem in elementary school and by middle school I just anticipated it and could head it off.

[mcppalmbeach]

In all of the younger grades we have always had a meet the teacher before the first day of school so I always introduce my child using their name. I guess if we came in to school after that had happened I might send in a greeting note letting the teacher know how to pronounce the name. I’ve also sat in with two separate specials teachers during their first meeting with kids kindergarten age and if there was a name they didn’t feel confident in then they would ask the child.

[plutosmoon]

Not quite the same, but, my mom has an uncommon Polish first name, she just constantly corrected spelling and pronunciation. She had a nickname for years to make things easier for other people and then decided people can learn it, and now goes by her full polish name. People usually get it wrong on their first try, she corrects them and they usually get it right after. My maiden name is German and my married name is Scandinavian, I corrected a lot as a kid and now as an adult. I had a boss that spelled my married name wrong for over a year in spite of constant corrections, some people are jerks and don't want to learn, but I do think most people will ask and work to get it correct.

As a student facing admin in higher ed, if I don't know how to pronounce a name, I ask and repeat it to get my pronunciation correct, I'm not sure if this is the best approach, but at the moment I don't have a better one. We are getting a new system and one of my requests was a name button where students can say their names and we can listen before meeting them, or a field where students can enter the phonetics of their name if they want.

[SusanBAnthony]

My name is often mispronounced. I correct if it's someone I will see a lot but I ignore it a lot.

My kid has a non American name and it really bothered her to be mispronounced. She eventually decided to go by an easy to spell and pronounce nickname. She is much happier.

[seeyalater52]

For a kiddo as young as yours I’d send a note with the pronunciation and also try to speak to the teacher to at least introduce her with the correct spelling and pronunciation either on the first day of or prior to starting in a new class/with a new teacher.

It will be much easier in a couple of years when she can chime in with how to say it correctly!

[7costanza]

My son has a name with two common pronunciations, I will usually correct people who use the wrong one. I didn’t think about sending a note to the teacher when he starts school but that’s a good idea.

[imimahoney]

My name is a non-traditional spelling of a commonish name. It was mispronounced constantly growing up (and still is) and I would always correct them.

[dale]

I gave up and let people say what they want. My mother named me a name that has a short vowel sound in her culture. We moved and the area we moved to said that name in a long vowel sound. My grandmother from Ireland said it completely different. My husband got confused early on and just calls me "Babe."

[sproctopus]

I do correct people for my son's (and husband's) name. I taught my son to correct people too. He's had a soccer coach this season that puts the emphasis in the wrong place and changes the way his name sounds and my son corrects him every time. I'm really proud of him when he pushes people to get it right.

My husband usually gives up or goes by his initials/nickname.

When my students have new-to-me names, I usually ask them to pronounce it first for me and write it down phonetically so I can get it correct. A few years ago, I had a student tell me at the end of the semester that she really appreciated not having to make her name "less difficult just so it wouldn't be butchered". It makes such a big difference to them.

[sent]

I introduce myself with the incorrect pronunciation. Just don’t feel like having the name conversation anymore.

[expectantsteelerfan]

My dd's name gets mispronounced often, but by the time she was in kindergarten she could reliably pronounce it correctly herself, so I coached her on how to correct people if they mispronounced it (if it was a teacher/coach/someone she needed to interact with frequently and she was first meeting them without me present). But hers isn't difficult and the mispronunciation isn't far off from what it really is, if that makes sense (her name is Lorelei, pronounced Lor-a-lie like I'm going to tell a lie, but people often pronounce it Lor-a-lee. So when she corrects them, it's not hard for them to get it. If it was much harder, I probably would have been tempted to do more.

[mala]

My name is extremely unusual, I only correct once if it's someone I know I'm never going to see again. I will correct several times if it's someone I need to have some kind of relationship with. I do give up after awhile if they just don't get it. My 8th grade english teacher didn't get it right until the last month of school, I gave up after the first few weeks of class. She only corrected herself when she heard someone in the office use my name. As I've gotten older, more people get it right on the first try, I think it's a shift in how more names are straying from the traditional.

I do about the same with Little Kid, who has a less well known name in the US, though it's apparently more popular in Europe. Her name is more common than mine, though. (PDQ) For a limited time, she's (redacted while I remember).

EDIT to answer your actual question. I'll introduce her correctly at meet and greet, with reference to the movie where I know the name is used for how it's pronounced. Little Kid doesn't pronounce her own name very clearly yet, we've always called her by a nickname that isn't really a good one for school ("Bug"). After that I"m not going to sweat it unless Little Kid tells me she's bothered by it.

[neonpink]

My name is typically mispronounced. It’s a commen Eastern European name but spelt the same and pronounced different in Spanish speaking countries.

I usually correct people. I made the mistake once of not correcting a yoga teacher thinking he’d be temporary at my studio. Years later he was still saying it wrong and I felt ridiculous that I couldn’t correct it after so long. :/ so always correct people at least once is my new go to.

[konapoppy]

I have a child with an often mispronounced name, even though there are several b list celebrities with the same name and is only three syllables. Her aftercare just immediately started calling her a nickname I don’t love (it’s slightly off from the actual nickname we use, so why couldn’t they just learn that?), but she is okay with it. I made sure her teacher knew how to pronounce it. I think she figures it is better than calling her by her twin’s name?

Also, I never correct people who will only see her once. She basically never corrects people.

[sadlebred]

I have an easy to pronounce last name that is often mispronounced. Think Jones but often said to me as James, Jonas, etc. I will correct almost everyone unless I won't see them again. I find it helpful to say "it's pronounced like Catherine Zeta Jones." Don't get me started on what I get called with my first name if my legal name is written down.....think Catherine. Cathy, Kathleen, Kath, Katie, Kay. No, I got by Kat. Oh, Kathy. No, Kat. Like a kitty cat. Meow.
(I am saying this from the POV of privilege of course. They are European names but have variations in many cultures.)

I would definitely introduce a kid with the correct pronunciation of their name to a teacher. One of my pet peeves is for *me* to mispronounce someone's name and call them something incorrect. I hope I'm never rude to someone when I say "Please help me with the correct pronunciation of your name."

[underwaterrhymes]

H and our kids have very common names and they’re never mispronounced.

My name is also very common, but it’s spelled in a way that causes people to say it wrong all the time. I’ve gotten used to correcting people.

I would just send in a note on the first day.

[ECB]

DSs name is often mispronounced. When he was young, I didn’t make a point to tell his teachers - I think either when I met them, I’d say it. And also from a yound age, he was able to say his name correctly. It’s never been an overwhelming issue.

[mrsslocombe]

My name has at least three common pronunciations. In school I would just say "Actually it's ___" early in the year. It wasn't really a problem though because I went to a really small school and had the same teachers multiple years.

Now as an adult IDGAF and I just answer to any of the options.

I had a half-Brazilian cousin named "Danielle" but it was supposed to be pronounced the Brazilian way, but she was too shy to correct people. Instead she went by Danny.

[loira]

I grew up bilingual but my very anglo parents gave me an Irish name that doesn't sound at all the same when pronounced with a French accent. I always hated that because it didn't sound like me, but never corrected my teachers or classmates because it also seemed weird for them to adopt an English accent in our otherwise French conversation just to say my name. When I lived in Brazil, I loved the way they pronounced my nickname so adopted that version of it the entire time I was there. I have also used the Spanish version of my name when travelling around Cuba and Argentina. But I recognise my privilege gave me this choice as opposed to it feeling like a necessity. I gave DD a name that is pronounced the same in several languages, but we still have to correct the occasional person who tries to pronounce it like the pronunciation in Frozen.

Agree with sending a note if you're worried. I would like to hope most people want to get it right.

[cuadrado]

This is me. I have an uncommon name and people mispronounce it all the time. I didn’t have as much trouble in school actually. It was when I became an adult and started working. I’ve had bosses who mispronounced my name for the entire time I worked for them despite me correcting them. Now I go by a nickname.

[mcppalmbeach]

Jun 18, 2023 21:42:32 GMT -5 sadlebred said:

I have an easy to pronounce last name that is often mispronounced. Think Jones but often said to me as James, Jonas, etc. I will correct almost everyone unless I won't see them again. I find it helpful to say "it's pronounced like Catherine Zeta Jones." Don't get me started on what I get called with my first name if my legal name is written down.....think Catherine. Cathy, Kathleen, Kath, Katie, Kay. No, I got by Kat. Oh, Kathy. No, Kat. Like a kitty cat. Meow.
(I am saying this from the POV of privilege of course. They are European names but have variations in many cultures.)

I would definitely introduce a kid with the correct pronunciation of their name to a teacher. One of my pet peeves is for *me* to mispronounce someone's name and call them something incorrect. I hope I'm never rude to someone when I say "Please help me with the correct pronunciation of your name."

I am the same way about names and also spellings and dh is also. I hope this doesn’t sound jerky, but I would also suggest if there is a “trick” to pronunciation like the name rhymes with something or is a character in a movie that you share that. We have a friend with what I’m pretty sure is a pretty common ethnic name. When dh met him the first time he didn’t quite catch it and he asked me how to say it and I didn’t know so we googled it and found a few different possible pronunciations. I think H whiffed it embarrassingly a couple times even after asking for clarification and he finally heard him introduce himself as “x” rhymes with “y” to someone else and was like “ohhhhh” Both of us have no diagnosed hearing issues, but can struggle to hear (like I always watch tv with the cc on).

[Jalapeñomel]

I’m glad no one has said they regret their name choice or hate their own name!

PDQ: my daughter’s name is XXX…I absolutely love her name, but I worry, with a life of mispronunciation, she will grow to hate it.

[cattledogkisses]

Oh that's a beautiful name! I love it.


I have a French surname that English speakers usually struggle with, and to add an extra wrinkle my family pronounces it the Quebec way, which is slightly different from the European French way, so even native French speakers get it wrong sometimes. Honestly, I usually just roll with it and assume that people are trying their best, but that definitely comes from a place of white/European background privilege, and is absolutely not a judgement of what I think other people should do or feel. Everyone is entitled to have their name said correctly.

[imimahoney]

Jun 19, 2023 6:52:12 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I’m glad no one has said they regret their name choice or hate their own name!

PDQ: my daughter’s name is Nuala…I absolutely love her name, but I worry, with a life of mispronunciation, she will grow to hate it.

I actually hated my name growing up because of it's spelling and wanted to go by my much more common and easily pronounced middle name.

But I am named after a deceased relative so they said nope, sorry just live with it.

I am now neutral about my name.

[shauni27]

Jun 19, 2023 6:52:12 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I’m glad no one has said they regret their name choice or hate their own name!

PDQ: my daughter’s name is …I absolutely love her name, but I worry, with a life of mispronunciation, she will grow to hate it.

that sounds beautiful! Is it pronounced Noo Al ah? 

My name was mispronounced regularly (and often still is) and while I do not love my name, I do not hate it and I love that it is unique and has meaning behind it.

[shauni27]

funny name story--I started my job about 18 months ago and my secretary somehow thought my name was shana instead of what it is. I never corrected her on day one and after that I couldn't correct her because it had been going on for so long. she went on calling me shana for a couple of months and I just kept joking to my friends that shana was now my name. I was like Chandler from friends, the guy at work kept calling him Toby, lol.

Finally our director made a point to tell her "you know, her name is SHAUNI, not shana, right?" lol.

[TR]

Jalapeñomel - I remember googling how to pronounce your daughter’s name when you posted about her being born lol I love Irish names