I really think I would never speak to this cousin again or be very icy to her when forced to interact at family events. There’s no way I would attend the reception. What an asshole.
I wouldn't attend the ceremony or reception and neither would my daughter. However close you feel you are to this cousin, she clearly doesn't share the sentiment and that is all I would need to know.
Or you could show up at the reception WITH your daughter and claim that surely she was joking about the flower girl not coming to the reception. Because who would do all that hype and then disinvite.
Post by UMaineTeach on Aug 14, 2023 13:42:58 GMT -5
I would -participate in the ceremony -no one goes to the reception, no show -try to get some photos taken -make reservations at a nice restaurant (unless kid wants to go home and eat a pint of ice cream in her sweatpants) to wear the dresses -complain to all the family -and I would be 100% truthful with my kid about why we aren’t going. I’m not going to lie. Cousin has decided to uninvite you. She’s not being kind and it’s very hurtful. Sometimes people are rude and make others feel bad. This is an example of that. I love you.
Or do give her a gift, but the gift is just a picture of you flipping the camera a middle finger placed in a very lovely envelope.
Too much energy. The gift is OP paying for her DD's outfit to walk down the aisle and throw rose petals or whatever. Then leaving when ceremony is over.
All the people saying to tell the bride that you're not going to go to the reception: no. You make her pay for that meal and then just don't show. Duh.
Also really waiting to hear what the deal is with the 13 year old.
I mean, you know my level of petty. I would absolutely no show the reception. If someone did this to one of the girls? I'd bring it up at every holiday and event. I'd still be talking shit at their funeral.
Or you could show up at the reception WITH your daughter and claim that surely she was joking about the flower girl not coming to the reception. Because who would do all that hype and then disinvite.
I would -participate in the ceremony -no one goes to the reception, no show -try to get some photos taken -make reservations at a nice restaurant (unless kid wants to go home and eat a pint of ice cream in her sweatpants) to wear the dresses -complain to all the family -and I would be 100% truthful with my kid about why we aren’t going. I’m not going to lie. Cousin has decided to uninvite you. She’s not being kind and it’s very hurtful. Sometimes people are rude and make others feel bad. This is an example of that. I love you.
Seconding this plan. I would not white-lie to your DD; sounds like there’ll be enough family drama about this (spread that word far and wide, make sure EVERYONE knows) that she’ll find out the real story.
Please also report back post-ceremony so we can hear how it all went down!
My jaw was on the floor for the first few pages of this thread and then when you said cousin told her mom to butt out, it detached from my skull and skittered across the room.
I have a 10 yo daughter and I’d absolutely tell her the truth, and I would have three years ago, too. I’d say something about the bride changing her mind for some unknown reason, and tell her that it’s unacceptably rude, and that it’s ok to feel however she feels, and that if she no longer wants to participate in the wedding, that’s fine. Then I’d buy a wedding card and enclose a bill for everything you’ve bought (shower dress, flower girl dress, shoes, etc.)
Post by Velar Fricative on Aug 14, 2023 15:10:01 GMT -5
Even if OP has a talk with the bride about this and the bride changes her mind and lets DD attend the reception, there's no way this relationship will be the same for some time. And I feel like the bride will want all the accolades for ultimately doing the right thing and will wonder why the relationship has changed.
I have a 10 yo daughter and I’d absolutely tell her the truth, and I would have three years ago, too. I’d say something about the bride changing her mind for some unknown reason, and tell her that it’s unacceptably rude, and that it’s ok to feel however she feels, and that if she no longer wants to participate in the wedding, that’s fine. Then I’d buy a wedding card and enclose a bill for everything you’ve bought (shower dress, flower girl dress, shoes, etc.)
I think it's fine to be honest with her DD but to be sure she understands they decided not to invite children, so her DD doesn't think it's just her personally that she doesn't want there. Then talk ALLLLL the shit about how inconsiderate and rude it is.
Even if OP has a talk with the bride about this and the bride changes her mind and lets DD attend the reception, there's no way this relationship will be the same for some time. And I feel like the bride will want all the accolades for ultimately doing the right thing and will wonder why the relationship has changed.
To this point, in the short term, if she changes her mind after I tell my kid, we are NOT going. If she changes her mind before I tell my kid I’m going to have to put on some big fake positive attitude to take my kid.
Even if OP has a talk with the bride about this and the bride changes her mind and lets DD attend the reception, there's no way this relationship will be the same for some time. And I feel like the bride will want all the accolades for ultimately doing the right thing and will wonder why the relationship has changed.
It would already be forever affected for me, whether we talk or not. It’s just such a shitty thing to do. And the “butt out” is just omg. But if she changes her mind, OP’s DD would get her fun wedding experience, which is what’s important here.
Go to the reception, light a table on fire, flip it, and leave.
Don’t forget to yell “I feel sorry for your husband” and then mic drop on the way out.
I would want to add something like “good thing you didn’t decide at the last minute to make it a bitch-free wedding because you wouldn’t have been able to attend” but that is too wordy so probably just add Bitch…. I do like to swear.
Don’t forget to yell “I feel sorry for your husband” and then mic drop on the way out.
I would want to add something like “good thing you didn’t decide at the last minute to make it a bitch-free wedding because you wouldn’t have been able to attend” but that is too wordy so probably just add Bitch…. I do like to swear.
I'm with cap and UMaineTeach about being honest AND how what the bride is doing is really crappy.
As this is clearly a family wedding, I'm sure you want to go to the reception to see other family. IF that is the case - I get it. If for some reason it isn't, then I fully say "don't go" either. BUT - even if you want to go, depending on how your DD reacts to this, I'd keep it open as an option to not go or even bail on her being in the ceremony - then the two of you get dressed up and go out that night, OR if she still wants to be in the wedding, go out to dinner after.
You know your DD, and the dynamics of your family. But be ready to pivot depending on how your DD takes this.
I would absolutely white lie to my kid because protecting my child comes first for me. a 7 year old will think they were disinvited because of some flaw they have - no matter how much an adult tells them the bride is the problem and at fault.
My brother and his wife had our kids in the wedding but not at the reception (same for the bride’s nieces and nephews). They were up front and well in advance. It was still tricky to explain to the kids. But we scheduled them a really fun sleepover with family friends and they got cake before they left. I hope however things shake out, your daughter can come away from this with as little pain as possible.
I am another person who wants to know what the story is with the 13 year old. I wouldn’t breathe a word to my kid or decide how to act until that is squared away.
How I handled the day would depend on what I think would hurt my child least, but going forward our relationship would be irreparably harmed.
I keep going back to the bride has had the child involved so much in the wedding - the t shirt, similar dresses to the shower and now she's yanking it all away 2 weeks before the wedding.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
If the 13 year old is going, I’d just bring my kid anyway because clearly she ‘changed her mind’ about a kid free reception. And hell no to paying for hair and makeup your kid doesn’t even want. No matter what else happens.