I totally agree and even thought about what I would do which is not actually make that happen, but in telling the cousin to be the bearer of the news I think it would force her to consider the emotional impact on a 7 year old since otherwise she would normally be able to conveniently avoid that, and then she would say “oh Nevermind she can come”
But I’d still hold a grudge. Let’s be honest
I saw a meme that sais something like, "If you were ever mean to me, just know that my mom knows and she hates you." I'm not much of a grudge holder, but don't mess with my kids!
This is exactly how I feel!
I'm not going to pull C out of the ceremony. That would just hurt her even more. I probably won't even tell her she was uninvited. I'll probably tell her something like the place doesn't allow kids because there is alcohol. Bride didn't know until just now, and she feels bad too. This might work because C always wants to sit at the bar at a restaurant and I have to tell her no kids at the bar lol.
However, just because I'm going to sugar coat it for my kid, it's ON with the rest of the family. This is my mom's side of the family and she is furious too. But she is very much a "don't say anything to rock the boat. Just be mad at home" kind of person. I'm not. Two aunts were there when she told me (one of them being the bride's mom.) Bride's mom cried and said it wasn't right. Bride told her to butt out. I have another cousin who has a 13-year old in the wedding. I'm going to text her to ask if her kids are invited to the reception.
I saw a meme that sais something like, "If you were ever mean to me, just know that my mom knows and she hates you." I'm not much of a grudge holder, but don't mess with my kids!
This is exactly how I feel!
I'm not going to pull C out of the ceremony. That would just hurt her even more. I probably won't even tell her she was uninvited. I'll probably tell her something like the place doesn't allow kids because there is alcohol. Bride didn't know until just now, and she feels bad too. This might work because C always wants to sit at the bar at a restaurant and I have to tell her no kids at the bar lol.
However, just because I'm going to sugar coat it for my kid, it's ON with the rest of the family. This is my mom's side of the family and she is furious too. But she is very much a "don't say anything to rock the boat. Just be mad at home" kind of person. I'm not. Two aunts were there when she told me (one of them being the bride's mom.) Bride's mom cried and said it wasn't right. Bride told her to butt out. I have another cousin who has a 13-year old in the wedding. I'm going to text her to ask if her kids are invited to the reception.
Post by Velar Fricative on Aug 14, 2023 11:42:31 GMT -5
Now I am dying to know if the 13-year-old is still invited to the reception. But omg at her own mom crying when she said it and telling her mom to butt out.
Okay, I understand just telling DD yourself she can't go to the reception but then I still wouldn't go either. Just go to the ceremony and leave together afterward.
I saw a meme that sais something like, "If you were ever mean to me, just know that my mom knows and she hates you." I'm not much of a grudge holder, but don't mess with my kids!
This is exactly how I feel!
I'm not going to pull C out of the ceremony. That would just hurt her even more. I probably won't even tell her she was uninvited. I'll probably tell her something like the place doesn't allow kids because there is alcohol. Bride didn't know until just now, and she feels bad too. This might work because C always wants to sit at the bar at a restaurant and I have to tell her no kids at the bar lol.
However, just because I'm going to sugar coat it for my kid, it's ON with the rest of the family. This is my mom's side of the family and she is furious too. But she is very much a "don't say anything to rock the boat. Just be mad at home" kind of person. I'm not. Two aunts were there when she told me (one of them being the bride's mom.) Bride's mom cried and said it wasn't right. Bride told her to butt out. I have another cousin who has a 13-year old in the wedding. I'm going to text her to ask if her kids are invited to the reception.
See, these are the petty moments that are MEANT for the family email chain/text thread/whatever public schaedenfraude you can generate:
To the masses:
OK, so, since children are no longer welcome at the wedding, I'll just have (13 year old) take 7 year old back to the hotel and babysit. That way all of the now verboten children have been removed and bride can have whatever child free vision she is JUST NOW AT THE LAST MINUTE deciding she has to have.
That way, when there's pushback, the next response is, "You told me that children weren't welcome. Either no children are welcome or you're going to need to do a much better job of explaining why MY child that's in the wedding is going to be excluded.
Then wait.
FTR? I have ZERO problems with kid free weddings, and had one myself. It is the way she's pulling this malarkey that is the problem. Not that she's doing it at all.
For the record, I think the bride is the asshole, not you. However, I probably wouldn’t stir the pot too much so close to the wedding as it will create a ton of family drama.
The drama already started and the pot has already been overly stirred - by the bride pulling the invite Don’t put this drama part on the OP for saying how unacceptable this is to the bride. If the bride didn’t want drama she shouldn’t have started with drama.
Post by litskispeciality on Aug 14, 2023 11:57:50 GMT -5
100% what sparkythelawyer , said in the family text chain. I would lose my sh!t if the 13 y.o. can still go to the reception but not the 7 y.o. two weeks before the wedding. Also I'm going to take a guess that the parents of the 13 y.o. don't know about the drama with the younger kids, and will get a lot of glares and crap from the parents of the younger kids for bringing their 13 y.o. daughter to the reception when it was made "adult only". At some point you have to draw a line what means child and what means older cousin, niece, friend etc. at an adult only reception (or must all guests be 18+ to be invited?), but 7 and 13 aren't that big of a difference that it's ok to have one and not the other, never mind when you've already invited all of them to the wedding!
OP after your updates I really dislike your cousin. Weddings are a huge PITA, but this is going too far.
I saw a meme that sais something like, "If you were ever mean to me, just know that my mom knows and she hates you." I'm not much of a grudge holder, but don't mess with my kids!
This is exactly how I feel!
I'm not going to pull C out of the ceremony. That would just hurt her even more. I probably won't even tell her she was uninvited. I'll probably tell her something like the place doesn't allow kids because there is alcohol. Bride didn't know until just now, and she feels bad too. This might work because C always wants to sit at the bar at a restaurant and I have to tell her no kids at the bar lol.
However, just because I'm going to sugar coat it for my kid, it's ON with the rest of the family. This is my mom's side of the family and she is furious too. But she is very much a "don't say anything to rock the boat. Just be mad at home" kind of person. I'm not. Two aunts were there when she told me (one of them being the bride's mom.) Bride's mom cried and said it wasn't right. Bride told her to butt out. I have another cousin who has a 13-year old in the wedding. I'm going to text her to ask if her kids are invited to the reception.
I would handle it the same way when it come to my DD but upset? I wouldn't be upset. I would be fucking livid. And I would burn it all the fuck down and not give two shits the impact it has on her wedding.
Fuck caring more about adult feelings than that adult cares for my child's. Uninviting her at this late date is beyond rude, it is hateful.
eta: 30 years old? So not even a beebee bride? Fuck her.
Her mom cried and told her she was being ridiculous? And she told her mom to butt out? Wow.
Since you guys are close and you daughter is excited, I’d tell cousin that what she is doing makes no sense and is shitty. Then I’d leave after the ceremony and take C to her fav restaurant/ type of food for dinner. I’m not sure I’d tell her anything other than the reception is for adults and the kid part is the wedding and wasn’t clear before.
You would know better than any of us whether this is a one off momentarily lost her mind bridezilla moment or this is par for the course for her.
I get having a kid free wedding. That's what I did, but kids that were in the wedding party were invited to the reception. It's the way that your cousin is handling this that is so completely wrong and out of touch. I like the advice that a few others have given - go the ceremony, but leave right after. No gift, and then you and your daughter go out and have a fabulous evening just the two of you. There is obviously no talking to your cousin at this point, and if it were me with my Olympic Gold in grudge holding, I might never talk to the cousin again.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Aug 14, 2023 12:22:44 GMT -5
I would be so angry words couldn’t describe. This isn’t a “no kids” issue, which I totally get and don’t care about. This is about someone being so selfish and uncaring about a family member there’s no way on earth I’d attend the reception. I’d do the ceremony and peace out and do something with my kid. Cousin can pound sand. She can’t be the butthurt one when she’s the direct cause of all the conflict.
And I would be direct with cousin about this. I would not ever take this on the chin for her. Newp.
Last Edit: Aug 14, 2023 12:24:06 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I'm not going to pull C out of the ceremony. That would just hurt her even more. I probably won't even tell her she was uninvited. I'll probably tell her something like the place doesn't allow kids because there is alcohol. Bride didn't know until just now, and she feels bad too. This might work because C always wants to sit at the bar at a restaurant and I have to tell her no kids at the bar lol.
However, just because I'm going to sugar coat it for my kid, it's ON with the rest of the family. This is my mom's side of the family and she is furious too. But she is very much a "don't say anything to rock the boat. Just be mad at home" kind of person. I'm not. Two aunts were there when she told me (one of them being the bride's mom.) Bride's mom cried and said it wasn't right. Bride told her to butt out. I have another cousin who has a 13-year old in the wedding. I'm going to text her to ask if her kids are invited to the reception.
There is obviously no talking to your cousin at this point, and if it were me with my Olympic Gold in grudge holding, I might never talk to the cousin again.
I would still try, just so I knew I did everything I could to make this situation better for C. My expectations that she’ll reconsider are pretty low after telling her own mother to butt out, but I’d still give it a shot. OP probably knows her well enough to know if this is cousin’s norm, if she was having a bad day, or if she’s lost her GD mind.
Also I work in the industry and if I found out one of my couples did this I would be incredulous, and then probably melt into the floor from the German embarrassment.
I don’t know if I could recover from this and go back to the close relationship we previously had. Maybe there is a scenario with a heartfelt apology and understanding that she made a shitty, hurtful choice, but I doubt it.
Yes, I would be upset. I can get onboard a child-free wedding if that’s what the bride & groom prefer and want and plan. I CANNOT get onboard dis-inviting a flower girl because you decided you want a child-free wedding two weeks before the wedding.
The invitations have gone out. It is too late to change your mind with anyone offering you grace or permission to do so.
I really hope there is some huge back story that we are missing. Because a casual “not invited anymore because the other flower girl isn’t going to go dancing and eat cake” is horrible.
My emotions may be coloring giving advice on what to do. But I really dislike offering your 7 year old a white lie about the venue not allowing children and the bride just finding out. She’s old enough to realize or realize in the near future that you told that lie to save her feelings. And that’s not good for you. I would absolutely decline going to the reception if my child was dis-invited so heartlessly. She’s only a little girl, but I would really prefer the story being “The bride said she would prefer a child-free reception. So, if you’re not going, we’re both not going.”
I wouldn’t even be a bitch about it. I’d tell my cousin straight - “I am happy to go to your wedding & stand up for you at the church. You invited both of us to the reception and we both accepted. Did you really expect me to go to the reception after you dis-invited my daughter? It’s needlessly hurtful and disappointing.”
Post by yourmother on Aug 14, 2023 12:48:01 GMT -5
I would tell the family gossiper about this and make is as clear as possible that C was UNINVITED two weeks prior to the wedding.
I have a feeling cousin is going to spin this that you’re pissed it’s a child-free wedding (which is NOT the case).
Also, this would hugely impact my relationship with cousin moving forward. Mess with my feelings, ok I might get over it….but mess with my kid’s feelings??? Aww…hellllll naaawww.
I don’t know if I could recover from this and go back to the close relationship we previously had. Maybe there is a scenario with a heartfelt apology and understanding that she made a shitty, hurtful choice, but I doubt it.
Right? Someday the 7 y.o. is going to grow up and hear about this story, and probably be really upset they were disinvited after the cousin knew how excited the flower girl was for the frigging wedding. I'd love to be in the brides head to know if she's considered the child at all, or if she just thinks the kid won't care?
Also thinking about this more, extra Stephanie Tanner "How Rude" to make OP go to the frigging dress fitting, then go "oh and p.s., your kid can't come to my wedding in 2 weeks. Sorry not sorry you can't get the dress money back, aaaand you have to find a babysitter". I'm sure it was followed by "so where are we all brunching after this?" tee hee. Oy I'm so upset for OP!
Post by fluffycookie on Aug 14, 2023 12:57:41 GMT -5
I keep going back to the bride has had the child involved so much in the wedding - the t shirt, similar dresses to the shower and now she's yanking it all away 2 weeks before the wedding.
I keep going back to the bride has had the child involved so much in the wedding - the t shirt, similar dresses to the shower and now she's yanking it all away 2 weeks before the wedding.
Right? It’s just inexcusable. I can’t believe how pissed I am about this.
I keep going back to the bride has had the child involved so much in the wedding - the t shirt, similar dresses to the shower and now she's yanking it all away 2 weeks before the wedding.
Yeah the word I want to use for her is too impolite.
Post by emilyinchile on Aug 14, 2023 13:13:08 GMT -5
All the people saying to tell the bride that you're not going to go to the reception: no. You make her pay for that meal and then just don't show. Duh.
Also really waiting to hear what the deal is with the 13 year old.
I keep going back to the bride has had the child involved so much in the wedding - the t shirt, similar dresses to the shower and now she's yanking it all away 2 weeks before the wedding.
Yeah the word I want to use for her is too impolite.
All the people saying to tell the bride that you're not going to go to the reception: no. You make her pay for that meal and then just don't show. Duh.
Also really waiting to hear what the deal is with the 13 year old.
I mean, you know my level of petty. I would absolutely no show the reception. If someone did this to one of the girls? I'd bring it up at every holiday and event. I'd still be talking shit at their funeral.