This is probably the best idea. I should've done this a long time ago.
I say this with love and concern, but you should have already changed every password to anything that was ever yours. And I understand not wanting to change the locks and kick him out because of the complications surrounding that, but you should never be alone in the house with him. And the second your hearing is over, those locks need changed.
This is probably the best idea. I should've done this a long time ago.
I say this with love and concern, but you should have already changed every password to anything that was ever yours. And I understand not wanting to change the locks and kick him out because of the complications surrounding that, but you should never be alone in the house with him. And the second your hearing is over, those locks need changed.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
I've schedule the flu and Covid shots next week, for myself and my mother. It's funny how my little 91-year-old mother never seems to feel the effects, while I know the next day will be rough for me. But I kind of intentionally scheduled it so I can take a sick day if I need it, because honestly I could use a break from work. Even if it is to curl up and nap the aches away.
From the "tales from my yard" file, I was on a conference call yesterday at noon and saw a raccoon in my yard, walking a little unstably. By the time I got off my call, it had moved off behind the neighbors' houses, but I put the call out to warn folks because I'm fairly sure it had rabies (out in daytime, unsteady walk). My neighbor warned her lawn team and they even postponed mowing just to avoid the risk of an encounter.
DH asked me why I didn't schedule mine during the work week and I was like, huh. Missed an opportunity there.
I say this with love and concern, but you should have already changed every password to anything that was ever yours. And I understand not wanting to change the locks and kick him out because of the complications surrounding that, but you should never be alone in the house with him. And the second your hearing is over, those locks need changed.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
How would he know you're dating based on camera footage? How does he know where you're going when you leave the house?
I say this with love and concern, but you should have already changed every password to anything that was ever yours. And I understand not wanting to change the locks and kick him out because of the complications surrounding that, but you should never be alone in the house with him. And the second your hearing is over, those locks need changed.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
I can't remember but is he out of the house? Is this a situation where you need to get a protective/peace order? He is violating your privacy and you shouldn't be afraid to change the locks on your own home and fear that he will break in. That's nuts.
I say this with love and concern, but you should have already changed every password to anything that was ever yours. And I understand not wanting to change the locks and kick him out because of the complications surrounding that, but you should never be alone in the house with him. And the second your hearing is over, those locks need changed.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
A restraining order will follow along quite nicely with that divorce hearing and lock changing.
It's cooled down and raining today, but I'm not mad about it. I'm looking forward to snuggling up on the couch tonight, watching a movie and maybe even flipping on the (faux electric) fireplace.
I have lunch plans with some former coworkers and I'm just hoping the rain lets up because the restaurant doesn't have parking.
Our original plans for the weekend were to paint the bathroom Saturday. However, now that we're doing a mini remodel/facelift (see yesterday's randoms) we can't get that done this weekend. We'll probably go shop for some stuff and price out the project. The house needs a good cleaning, so I'm going to do that and use the carpet cleaner on all the couches. The dog also needs a cleaning (bath, LOL). And the car.
Sunday is an early football game (Bills playing in London). I'm going to make some sort of breakfast bake so we can have an easy breakfast while watching. Then we have dinner at my parents for my grandma's 93rd birthday. I also have to make a cake. I'm thinking a French apple cake because we apple picked last weekend, so I have about 10lbs of apples to use up.
Dd got her interim report yesterday and for the first time, we got a note that dd is a pleasure to have in class. It seems like the ADHD meds are working for school, and I’m so happy.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
How would he know you're dating based on camera footage? How does he know where you're going when you leave the house?
I don't really have a social life otherwise, and I'm generally a sweats kind of gal. So when he sees me leaving the house dressed up and then not getting home until late at night, he has put two and two together. And I'm a terrible liar so when he confronted me about it, I caved. And keep in mind, this man has had a whole ass girlfriend since January. I have no idea why he cares what I do with my personal life.
I already did, at least for the things that are linked just to me. Unfortunately, all of our cameras and security system are all linked to his email. I have hesitated changing the WiFi password because I didn't want to punish his kids when they are here, but it might be past that point that I need to worry about that. Even once I change the locks, he's a freaking locksmith. He does mostly security stuff now, but if he wants to get in somewhere, a new lock isn't going to stop him. He's done some pretty heinous things that I have not posted about here for obvious reasons (not a safe place) but I'm becoming more and more worried about my personal safety. He is not handling the fact that I am dating well, to the point that I'm seriously considering stopping because he is making my life miserable. And it's not like I told him what I'm doing, but again, he's tracking me on the Ring camera.
I can't remember but is he out of the house? Is this a situation where you need to get a protective/peace order? He is violating your privacy and you shouldn't be afraid to change the locks on your own home and fear that he will break in. That's nuts.
He is still in the house. He won't leave until I pay him out his equity but he won't agree on a settlement, so I can't pay him his equity. He's basically living here to torture me and because he's paying the mortgage every other month (and no other bills) I don't have grounds to file for Exclusive Possession.
How would he know you're dating based on camera footage? How does he know where you're going when you leave the house?
I don't really have a social life otherwise, and I'm generally a sweats kind of gal. So when he sees me leaving the house dressed up and then not getting home until late at night, he has put two and two together. And I'm a terrible liar so when he confronted me about it, I caved. And keep in mind, this man has had a whole ass girlfriend since January. I have no idea why he cares what I do with my personal life.
The dog I'm sitting for slept better last night, but was up against me all night so every time she shifted I woke up so I'm still really sleepy today.
I'm supposed to have brunch with Simone Biles' BFF tomorrow. The last time wasn't bad so when she asked to do it again I said ok. I really don't think I'm going to feel like it, but this is a reschedule so I'd feel bad canceling again. But I just feel so worn out right now.
I don't really have a social life otherwise, and I'm generally a sweats kind of gal. So when he sees me leaving the house dressed up and then not getting home until late at night, he has put two and two together. And I'm a terrible liar so when he confronted me about it, I caved. And keep in mind, this man has had a whole ass girlfriend since January. I have no idea why he cares what I do with my personal life.
My son has off from school on Monday, so we all took off today too and are going to our vacation place for a long weekend. I think the leaves are already changing so it should be really pretty. More rain than I'd like, but hopefully it won't be a rainout. I will officially be working full-time starting Monday (even though I'll be off LOL), so I'm actually glad we're getting a little vacation in before I have to worry about PTO. I'm happy to take days without pay instead of using my now precious days since I'm used to less salary now anyway. It took a long time to iron out the details and make this all official so this timing is perfect. I can have a 4 day, stress-free weekend and start fresh Tuesday!
And now I can't wait to get some great cider and get into fall!!
I utilize grey rocking the majority of the time which tends to only infuriate him more. Sometimes he corners me in a room and he's a big guy and very intimidating so I cave. It's honestly not a healthy environment for me and I'm doing my best to avoid him, going to therapy, trying to not cause conflict (which is incredibly difficult with someone who is very high conflict), etc. But I truly don't know what else to do. My last option would be to move out, but he can't afford the bills without me, so my credit would be absolutely destroyed.
I found a love note son's bestie wrote to him. They are 9 and it was the sweetest thing ever. He must have left it in his bed and when I went to wash the sheets after the housekeeper stripped them it was in the laundry room.
It was re-hidden, I'll never mention it to him... But OMG I'm dying to know if he wrote back.
I'm so glad it's Friday! This week seemed to drag by for some reason. And extra exciting is that for the first time in a long time I don't have to set an alarm on Saturday because kid doesn't have to be at field for cheer until 2:00 - I've been waiting for an alarm free day for so long!!
I want to do some Fall centered activities, there are a ton in my area so lots of options but this is always something that sounds like a great idea until it's actually time to leave and do it and then I think about all the people that will be there LOL
I can't remember but is he out of the house? Is this a situation where you need to get a protective/peace order? He is violating your privacy and you shouldn't be afraid to change the locks on your own home and fear that he will break in. That's nuts.
He is still in the house. He won't leave until I pay him out his equity but he won't agree on a settlement, so I can't pay him his equity. He's basically living here to torture me and because he's paying the mortgage every other month (and no other bills) I don't have grounds to file for Exclusive Possession.
Ugh. Life is too lifey these days. Work is stressful. We are having “cousins day” tomorrow, which I really look forward to. Annually, most of the women cousins get together for a potluck and craft fair party and it’s a lot of fun. My one sister just wrote that she is “still deep in her addiction” and probably won’t go. I knew this would be so, despite her lying her ass off recently about her “sobriety being intact.”
I’m disengaging, per the good advice of many of you here. She’s also a big martyr, which is annoying. Her H is very close to another BIL, so they generally hang out while their wives are at cousins’ day. Sister wrote: “I’ll just go in the bedroom while BIL visits so they can enjoy their time together.” Sigh. Ok, Eeyore, you do that.
On a happier note, I was in an all-women comedy show last night and it was magical and the room sold out. So - yay for that!
He is still in the house. He won't leave until I pay him out his equity but he won't agree on a settlement, so I can't pay him his equity. He's basically living here to torture me and because he's paying the mortgage every other month (and no other bills) I don't have grounds to file for Exclusive Possession.
Wait, I thought he wasn't paying the mortgage?
Only every other month. Literally just the bare minimum so I can't get him kicked out. He pays nothing else. He's even started eating my food again.
@sameoldstory, maybe it's time to contact a domestic violence organization and ask for advice? He may not be physically abusive but it sounds like he's being emotionally abusive and controlling. If you fear your safety, something needs to be escalated to get him out of there. He can't just do this forever without any recourse - there must be SOMETHING that can be done.
wanderingback, happy birthday! Your weekend sounds awesome, I hope you enjoy.
I don't have any fun plans this weekend because I'm kind of drowning in work and have way too much scheduled this fall on top of it. I was OOT last weekend and my friend is coming to visit next weekend, so this is the weekend to catch up on stuff that would otherwise be more spread out. I think my H and I might be doing brunch tomorrow, but I'm honestly not sure I even should. We also plan to watch sports but I have a feeling I won't be doing much watching. I have only a little over 2 weeks left of the class I'm teaching, and I can't wait. I hope I remember this for next year and either turn down teaching or avoid scheduling a bunch of personal stuff during these 8 weeks. Probably the former, since the personal/social stuff is far more important to me!
I utilize grey rocking the majority of the time which tends to only infuriate him more. Sometimes he corners me in a room and he's a big guy and very intimidating so I cave. It's honestly not a healthy environment for me and I'm doing my best to avoid him, going to therapy, trying to not cause conflict (which is incredibly difficult with someone who is very high conflict), etc. But I truly don't know what else to do. My last option would be to move out, but he can't afford the bills without me, so my credit would be absolutely destroyed.
If that's the only reason you aren't moving out, move out and take the utilities out of your name.
Our dryer stopped working last night. I hate how they charge to come out to look at it. I understand it but as a freelancer I wish I got $100+ just to see if I could do the work or not.
Anyway, putting that off until after the weekend because we have day trips planned and my husband is currently at my dad’s to do the laundry there while I organize our new bookshelves.
How would he know you're dating based on camera footage? How does he know where you're going when you leave the house?
I don't really have a social life otherwise, and I'm generally a sweats kind of gal. So when he sees me leaving the house dressed up and then not getting home until late at night, he has put two and two together. And I'm a terrible liar so when he confronted me about it, I caved. And keep in mind, this man has had a whole ass girlfriend since January. I have no idea why he cares what I do with my personal life.
do you need a ring camera? Take it off. Get rid of it. Get a new one that only you have access to.
I don’t know this other system you mentioned - blink? - that you think are hidden. Are they hardwired? I’m confused a bit. But there are definitely ways to cut off access.
Post by emilyinchile on Oct 6, 2023 10:15:47 GMT -5
rubytue I was honestly just thinking about you on the way to work this morning and wondering if things were better at all now that your H is working - I'm so glad there's some improvement!
jinkies I've had tendinitis on the top of my foot that was similar pain. Treatment was to try to stay off it as much as possible and take anti-inflammatories. I went to a sports med doctor, but I was also in college at the on campus clinic, so I don't know how it works with US grown up insurance if you need to go to your PCP first.
@sameoldstory I hope you're sharing all of this with your lawyer and police as mentioned so that you are as safe as is legally possible right now. I would stop dating for a while not to appease your ex but because you just aren't in a good space personally. I'm honestly not criticizing, but not realizing you can and should remove wifi access from the cameras that are stalking you shows that you're still really wrapped up in the fucked up "normal" that this man created for so many years. Which makes sense! It's a process! But it's also not a great place from which to be evaluating new people or potentially starting a new relationship. You've got to get yourself sorted first, then go out and enjoy dating.
How would he know you're dating based on camera footage? How does he know where you're going when you leave the house?
I don't really have a social life otherwise, and I'm generally a sweats kind of gal. So when he sees me leaving the house dressed up and then not getting home until late at night, he has put two and two together. And I'm a terrible liar so when he confronted me about it, I caved. And keep in mind, this man has had a whole ass girlfriend since January. I have no idea why he cares what I do with my personal life.
Control. Everything you have described is a person who wants control over you. You may want to have a serious (and private) review of all the ways he has real and substantial control over you bc knowledge is power. I do not recommend you take back some areas of his control until you can do so without putting your safety at risk. I say this with compassion, you have been and are at high risk for violence.
I've schedule the flu and Covid shots next week, for myself and my mother. It's funny how my little 91-year-old mother never seems to feel the effects, while I know the next day will be rough for me.
My mom, too.
She sees it as a sign of her superiority. She doesn't understand it's because her immune system is worn out and can't muster as robust a response as a younger person can.