Hello, Monday

[dglvrk2]

How was the weekend? What are plans for this week?

[rere]

Great weekend. I had a relaxing day yesterday and Dh and I browsed for new couches and mattresses Saturday.

In other news, Ds thought he locked his only key in his car. Called a locksmith and it's not there. It's somewhere between his front door and his car and he can't find it? And we are supposed to meet him on vacation Friday.

Dd had a whirlwind weekend. And then gets some downtime Sunday night and is homesick. She's stressed about midterms. She just needs to get through this week and she's on fall break and meeting us on vacation.

[mae0111]

It was another busy weekend. The kids had Friday off but DH and I had to work. They helped our cleaning people while I got a few things done, then I ran some errands. DD1 had a major meltdown mid-afternoon, so that was hours of dealing with that. I was hoping that DH and I could sneak out for a quick dinner to chat for a bit but we were both too drained by the time we were able to talk her down.

Saturday morning DD2 had a soccer game. She got hurt about 10 mins into the game. So rather than go to a baby shower, we went to urgent care. DH offered to take her, but I would have just been worried the whole time and I didn't know anyone at the shower except for the mom, so I was OK missing it. No break but she's still in a good amount of pain. So now I'm on hold with the orthopedist to try and get her an appointment today or tomorrow. She was supposed to have tryouts for spring soccer but we skipped it - she was too uncomfortable. From the sounds of it, a ton of kids missed it.

Yesterday DD2 had a birthday party 30 mins away. I had also bought tickets for the Taylor Swift concert movie, but she wanted to go to the party instead. So DD1 went to the movie with some friends. Then I raced to get DD2 while DH grabbed DD1, we met back at home and ran to a club soccer game. Another loss, but the team played great. They were missing a lot of players, but I thought that most of the team worked really well together - some of the kids that missed can be kind of disruptive on the field. DD2 played with a brace on her arm. The other team was rough so I was glad she had it. Then I got to come home and wash/dry/fold 6 loads of laundry, make dinner, clean the house while DH watched football. We shall be having a chat about that.

[dglvrk2]

I'm happy to go to work today where I don't have to parent, cook for a family, settle a dispute over markers or do laundry. The weekend was fine, but I'm over the domestic stuff.

DD1, age 12, had a short meltdown Saturday afternoon. She said she was bad at all of her extracurricular activities - gymnastics, volleyball (starts tomorrow) and band- and wanted to quit them all. She later came around on her own and said she liked everything, but was feeling overwhelmed. WPs with middle school aged kids, has this happened with your children?

She's becoming disenchanted with gymnastics. (This is not new.) Her teams practice schedule has more than doubled since last year and she's plateaued with her skills recently. She also had a huge growth spurt this year which hasn't helped anything including her skills or self image. If genetics play any role in this, she's 99% done growing (like I was at her age) and she'll be getting more comfortable with her body while other girls are still growing. But being in the moment, it's really hard.

She's not the next Simone Byles, so we both know gymnastics will end for her eventually. It's tough to say when to walk away from a spot one's been doing for 6+ years and when to stay with it. I wish she and I had more certainty with this.

I don't want her to burn out on everything. So I'm trying to listen and give breaks when we can. She's playing hooky from gymnastics today. She's never done this. The only times she's missed a practice are when she's ill or we've been out of town.

Any advice on preventing burn out? T I A:)

[twinmomma]

The weekend was good. I got a lot done around the house and for school. I did some major kitchen cabinet purging/organizing. When we moved in we just kind of randomly chose where to store stuff but now that we've lived here a while, I needed to rearrange for things to make more sense. It feels so good to have accomplished that project!

Yesterday DH and I did the Making Strides walk with my company. We had a really good group show up with lots of kiddos, which made it really fun. There were so many toddlers, it was really fun to get to play with them all. DH is such a sucker for a baby/toddler. I think if I agreed, he'd be ready for us to have our own kid together tomorrow. Sometimes I feel a little guilty that I'm a hard no on more kids. Pregnancy and babies were so, so hard for me and I've finally made it through to older kids, I cannot imagine going back to the beginning at this stage of my life. I know DH would be an amazing support during pregnancy and babies and a total contrast to ExH. But it's still a hard no for me. I don't want high schoolers and preschoolers simultaneously. That sounds miserable.

This week should be pretty chill and just the normal stuff, which is good because I'll be in the office every day next week.

xctsclrx how is school going? Hanging in there ok? 

[mustardseed2007]

We had a whirlwind weekend that I kind of already posted about.

The big news this week is that, in the wake of my dad's passing, my sister and niece are going to move in with my mom. I'm very relieved. In a way it's a clear win-win, my mom gets someone to live with her and help her with her bills. My sister gets a big reduction in her own expenses.

The only issue is my mom lives on the north west side of town whereas my sister and I currently live on the west side, much more central. Taking on that commute is going to be a bitch for my sister who works in the central east side of town. I'm still relieved she's doing it.

It will at least give us time to explore other options because my mom can stay where she is and have her bills paid while we put in life insurance claims and get paid back by my inlaws estate for their final death expenses.

[waverly]

It had been raining for 3 days, so DD's 2 soccer games were canceled. Saturday was mom's night out. My neighbor (that I posted about before) invited me to walk down, and I couldn't really say no because we were going in the same direction. It was really eye opening about how she has chosen this other friend and how gossipy and braggy they are, so that was disappointing, but not unexpected. I will continue to be friendly because the guys are friends, but I definitely don't see us doing anything together anymore, and I know taking a step back is the right move because I hate that "I only invited you because my other better friend was coming" thing. Plus, after drinking, I really did not sleep well at all.

Sunday, DD and I went to the Eras movie, and it was fun. Kind of long at the end because she sings for 3 hours almost. But it was better than freezing my butt off at DS's soccer game like DH did.

[waverly]

dglvrk2 , DD got overwhelmed last year, but that was mostly because 100 kids signed up for band, and despite there being about 10 teachers helping it was very chaotic. More than half dropped out, and I think it is more manageable this year. Since it was the very first week of practice we encouraged her to hang in there.

She has Girl Scouts and soccer, but Girl Scouts is becoming very meh to her, and this is her last year. I strongly encourage her to attend things, but we miss a lot as well. We had 2 field trips in October and a field trip and Spaghetti Dinner in November plus 2 meetings for those months. So she is doing 1 field trip and 1 meeting, and definitely the Spaghetti dinner, not sure on the November meeting yet. So I guess we are only hitting about half nowadays. We don't need badges to bridge so the troop is OK with it. I think about half will quit this year.

For DS, we did 2 sports at the same time last year and it was too much. This year, he opted out of flag football and is only doing soccer. We are making him try out for the MS basketball team, but it should fit nicely between soccer seasons with only a couple of week overlap. That is if he makes the team which he may not, but he doesn't seem like he would be upset if he doesn't make it. Horseback riding was summer, so we just try to stagger everything in between soccer seasons.

I think if gymnastics is all year long then adding volleyball and band to that is a lot.  So I think she is valid in saying it is overwhelming, and I would listen closely to what she wants to do.  We will be quitting Girl Scouts after being in it since Kindergarten, but it is very clear and the writing has been on the wall all last year.  We only did it this year to just kind of close it out and say goodbye.  

[supertrooper1]

It was a pretty good weekend. Saturday we went to the pumpkin patch, came home for a bit, and then used a free room offer at a local casino to take DS and Beau's grandson swimming. We didn't stay the night, but we ordered room service and the boys had fun. We didn't do much Sunday. We usually drive Beau's grandson home the 45-minute trip each way, but he talked his DIL into coming to pick him up. I was glad because I probably would have stayed home with DS since I didn't feel like going anywhere. I did some much needed cleaning.

The morning work gossip is someone I used to work with locally and had been promoted to a high level in Washington DC was arrested for soliciting an undercover police officer. I feel a little bad for him and surprised he would make such a stupid decision.

[sdlaura]

Our travel back from New Hampshire yesterday wasn't too bad! It was a 2-hour drive to Boston and then our non-stop flight was on time, and we got home in time to put our kids to bed.

My parents did pretty well with the four kids. We got rides to sports and had babysitters Saturday evening and yesterday afternoon, so they survived. They did say they're not doing it again anytime soon I'm so lucky that my mid-70's parents are in good shape.

DH and I had a great weekend seeing old friends and enjoying the nostalgia of visiting the town we lived in for two years 15-17 years ago, before we got married. We also got good sleep, ate good food, and enjoyed pretty fall leaves. Now this week is going to be nuts because we leave for Hawaii on Saturday for fall break!

[mae0111]

dglvrk2, my 5th grader kind of melted down in a sad way last week. When she was able to calm down and articulate how she was feeling, she said that everything was "a lot" and she was struggling. She's very busy but it's all stuff that she asked to do. She has something every day... school soccer M-F, piano Mon, therapy Tues, club soccer Tues/Thurs/Sun, rec soccer Wed/Sat. Fri is the only "free" day and she still has school soccer practice. Lots more homework this year as well. I don't push her to attend anything if she feels overwhelmed. She's only been to one rec soccer practice all season - no cares. She has missed several Thursday practices for club because that's game day for school, and between a later end time and homework, she just can't get it together for a 7pm practice.

I think that's really all you can do - listen and give her breaks when she needs them. I don't often force DD2 to go to practices, because she usually wants to go. Every now and then if she's missed too many due to other commitments, etc., I will strongly encourage her to attend. But most of the time I'll listen to her and let her skip if she needs to.

I've taken the position that she will stop when it's not fun. With soccer, she's not anywhere near that. We seem to be rapidly approaching that point with piano, but a love of drama seems to be ramping up. She's not a huge basketball fan, but I'm hoping that with more exposure and actual real refs, she'll start to like it more. If not, bummer, but that's ok.

I think that letting her feel in control of her schedule is incredibly helpful. The practice times are set, but if she feels like she can't do it... then she doesn't have to go.

[mae0111]

And another update... just back from the orthopedist, and her wrist is, in fact, fractured. 4-6 weeks in a splint, cleared to play sports. So, annoying, but could have been much worse.

[waverly]

If it helps our schedule for XC is:

DD- 3 nights per week, Soccer Tues and Thurs, Band Wed and Thurs. Band is more fun on Thursday so even though she has 2 things, it works out. Soccer about 2.5 hours, Band 1.5 hours. Girl Scouts ad hoc, about 1-2 hours per month. 

DS- 2 nights a week. Soccer Mon and Wed, Tutoring Wed. Soccer 3 hours, tutoring 1 hour.

Plus soccer games.  We will drop GS first, then DS is doing better but not sure when to drop tutoring....

[sdlaura]

dglvrk2 my DD is middle school aged but 6th grade is still elementary here (which I'm glad about)! DD still wants to do all the things, but this year she has more homework, so she's had to try to fit that in.

In past years, when she had two practices in one night that overlapped, she'd try to do both. But this year she usually picks one. Like on Wednesdays she has soccer 4:45-6 and softball 5:45-8 and they're about 10 minutes apart location-wise. But she's just been going to softball, in part because those practices have gotten longer and more intense. She also has both flag football and softball on Tuesdays, and lately has just been skipping flag football, even though they only practice one day a week for flag football. I ask her each week which one she wants to go to, and she's been picking softball. We know she's not playing for the same flag football coach in the spring, and she knows all the plays and does great at quarterback, which makes me less worried about her missing.

We haven't yet had an evening where she feels fine and just wants to skip something and rest. But I would let her do it if she wanted to - probably with the caveat that she didn't just sit on her iPad for hours in place of it.

We do get out of school super early here - 2:20 pm Mon-Thurs and 12:45 on Fridays. Relative to if she wasn't getting home until, say, 4 pm - it feels like she mostly has plenty of time for her afternoon and evening stuff.

[186momx]

dglvrk2, I PMed you

DH came home with a man cold on Friday. He got annoyed that we were having a quiet afternoon on Saturday and stormed off to go wander the home improvement store.

DD rode on Sunday. The lady she has been riding with husband got a new job about 4 hours away. She is looking at selling her horses because the new job pays more but the rest of their bills will be going up and she really wants to be a SAHM. I told DD we would look at horse buying when she was 16 and could drive herself. She offered us one of the horses plus all the tack and blankets/grooming stuff DD would need for it for $5500 which is an amazing price. I just don't know if I want the added responsibility of driving her to the barn every day.

[sandandsea]

Happy tax day. 10 more hours until the deadline at midnight. I think I have all of my stuff done or at least waiting on government acceptance at this point. But now I have a mountain of billing and other stuff to do that’s been put on hold. Tomorrow we have off so I have a massage scheduled and am trying to schedule a haircut too.

This weekend was nice. Dh and DS skipped their race because it was too much with DHs dad’s passing and being so busy and emotional and everything the past few weeks. So we all went to ds2s soccer, ds1 went to a bday party, I cleaned out the hot tub and refilled it and we test drove a car and I bought a different car! I’ve been on a waitlist since February for the new Prius at a zero markup dealer. I’m number 10 on the list now which means “a few months”. The dealership where I bought my last Prius is now charging a $3k markup and my car needs all new tires. So I went for it. They have one coming on the 5th that is the color and package i want so I reserved it and agreed to pay the markup. I’ll give them the opportunity to make up the difference on the trade in value or I’ll sell my old one to car max once the new one comes in. I’m excited though. I’ve loved my Prius and really really love the new design.

Also ds is failing accelerated math. The class is crazy high expectations, like college with 70% of the grade being weighed to tests, for 6th graders. So we had a meeting with his teacher, she’s nice enough for adults but is insufferable to try to talk to. And basically grades mean nothing. Like really nothing. If he fails he moves on to 7th grade accelerated math but doesn’t go into algebra. Which is totally fine as he doesn’t really need to do algebra until 8th grade. They will “never force a kid to repeat a class”. Which baffles me. I’m thankful ds understands the math concepts well and is just bombing tests which pulls down his grade because otherwise they’re just swept through the system and may not actually ever learn anything.

Oh! And ds made the middle school soccer team as a 6th grader which is super hard to do and impressive so I’m totally stoked for him. And one F doesn’t disqualify him from sports so his 5 As offset the one F.

[sdlaura]

sandandsea I'm headed for the post office shortly to get my tax mailings postmarked today Congrats on making it to the finish line!

[186momx]

sandandsea, congrats! We have the last couple clients coming in any minute. The one client finally brought us the missing papers this morning. We refused to work over the weekend and are hoping to leave by 4 today. Working tomorrow as I need to get quarterly payroll reports done.

[dglvrk2]

mae0111 ,You're the fourth wife I've heard say their husband completely ignored responsibilities yesterday because of football. Don't they get how consuming this is? It's not like an episode of TV that takes 20 minutes to watch....

And I'm sorry your DD1 had such a meltdown on Friday I hope she was more regulated the rest of the weekend.

[dglvrk2]

Oct 16, 2023 12:49:24 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

And another update... just back from the orthopedist, and her wrist is, in fact, fractured. 4-6 weeks in a splint, cleared to play sports. So, annoying, but could have been much worse.

Yikes!  Thank goodness you went to the orthopedist.

[dglvrk2]

Oct 16, 2023 14:17:59 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

dglvrk2 my DD is middle school aged but 6th grade is still elementary here (which I'm glad about)! DD still wants to do all the things, but this year she has more homework, so she's had to try to fit that in.

In past years, when she had two practices in one night that overlapped, she'd try to do both. But this year she usually picks one. Like on Wednesdays she has soccer 4:45-6 and softball 5:45-8 and they're about 10 minutes apart location-wise. But she's just been going to softball, in part because those practices have gotten longer and more intense. She also has both flag football and softball on Tuesdays, and lately has just been skipping flag football, even though they only practice one day a week for flag football. I ask her each week which one she wants to go to, and she's been picking softball. We know she's not playing for the same flag football coach in the spring, and she knows all the plays and does great at quarterback, which makes me less worried about her missing.

We haven't yet had an evening where she feels fine and just wants to skip something and rest. But I would let her do it if she wanted to - probably with the caveat that she didn't just sit on her iPad for hours in place of it.

We do get out of school super early here - 2:20 pm Mon-Thurs and 12:45 on Fridays. Relative to if she wasn't getting home until, say, 4 pm - it feels like she mostly has plenty of time for her afternoon and evening stuff.

Good point about the school dismissal times.  DD1 starts school with 0-period jazz band at 8:00 am.  This seems like a reasonable time except school doesn't dismiss until 3:20. If she takes the bus home, she doesn't get home until 4:00.  She has nearly an hour at home until we leave for gymnastics, but doesn't get home until 9:00 on gymnastics nights. This is primarily because we live 30+ minutes from the gym.  We live in a rural mountain community where most things far away from one another.  Still, car time is not down time. 
 
Yesterday, she skipped gymnastics.  We had a nice evening at home.  DD1 and I hot tubbed before dinner and had a good girl talk session Our family ate dinner together at a reasonable hour.  Most importantly, both Ds were in great moods all evening. (Knock on wood!!!)  

I'm taking one day at a time with her.  I want her to appreciate that sports and other activities will be more challenging/demanding as she progresses.  Yet, downtime is key too.  

Thanks for your thoughts, WPs <3

[k3am]

DD has now had.. 4 nights of ADHD medication. It's supposed to take 5 days or so before we start seeing any effects, but...she's been pretty lovely. She and DS have had a handful of spats, but she's stayed relatively calm through the whole thing. She tidied her room yesterday. She stayed up and chatted about school and friends and whatnot before bed last night.

She also has grown about an inch in 3 weeks and dropped some of the baby fat from her face and is looking so much more mature. I'm honestly not sure if the changes we're seeing with behavior are medication related or maturity related.

[xctsclrx]

twinmomma I am hanging in there. Really trying to settle into a good routine, work is really slow right now which is not helpful when I am trying to be structured but helpful that it's not crazy during this time.

School is going pretty well. Our first assignments are due tomorrow but mine have been turned in for over a week now. I am working on the second set and I'm almost done, but he doesn't open the modules early so finishing early doesn't help much. I am burned out of school but I know in just six weeks I get a break and then it's only one more class.

Kids are adjusting better now that he is actually gone, the weeks leading up to this were brutal and the day of was awful.

DS is doing jiujitsu and is loving it. We have been going for about 6 weeks and he has already learned so much. And he has made friends. DD is going to start in January. Hopefully she takes to it as well. One activity for both kids would be amazing

I don't know how some of you guys do the extra curriculars. Multiple activities between multiple kids. I would be in a constant state of chaos. Our limit is two activities per kid. If they want to do something else they have to drop something. We have only hit that limit once and I am not sure I could do it again without DH being around.

[waverly]

xctsclrx , DH traveled for work for 7 years but the kids were younger, so not as many extra curriculars. There is no way that I would let DS do travel soccer without DH because the practices are from 7:30-9, and I am a delicate flower that needs to have my couch time by 8:30 ish.

When the 2 needed to be someplace at the same time, one of them had to say no to their obligation.  Mostly thinking of Tuesday Girl Scouts and Basketball or my neighbor took them.  

[xctsclrx]

Oct 17, 2023 12:16:08 GMT -5 waverly said:

xctsclrx , DH traveled for work for 7 years but the kids were younger, so not as many extra curriculars. There is no way that I would let DS do travel soccer without DH because the practices are from 7:30-9, and I am a delicate flower that needs to have my couch time by 8:30 ish.

When the 2 needed to be someplace at the same time, one of them had to say no to their obligation.  Mostly thinking of Tuesday Girl Scouts and Basketball or my neighbor took them.  

I legitimately cackled at delicate flower. That's how I feel. I need to be home and done by 8

[mae0111]

xctsclrx, it was really hard to do multiple activities for multiple kids when DH was traveling more. My parents helped a little bit here and there, but finding carpools was really the key for a long time.

DH almost never does any driving to activities even now that he's home most of the time because he often has late calls that go beyond standard east coast business hours (lots of west coast clients). Right now, DD1 is only playing sports through school, and one of DD2's soccer teams is through school. No extra drop off/pick up for me, I just have to make sure I can get to the games or find a proxy when I can't. Piano and therapy are done at the house/via zoom. The winter means 2 town rec basketball teams, but 0-1 club soccer practices. Spring is dicey when DD2 goes back up to 2 soccer teams and DD1 plays softball (both in addition to school teams). But having the extra activities at home or built into the school day is incredibly helpful.

DD2 plays soccer with kids that are also playing club basketball, club lacrosse, acro, horseback riding, dance, Gaelic football, etc. etc. Club basketball nearly killed us - 2 practices a week for 1h15min, 6 tournaments per season. You know which weekends have tourneys, but you don't get the schedule until the Thursday before the Saturday games. The games can be anywhere up to 90 mins away. It was awful and totally not worth it for us.

Along the lines of insane schedules, one of DD2's teammates is actively trying to get her to join her Gaelic football club. Her mom is actively trying to recruit her through me. Yikes - more things, DD2 with a freshly fractured wrist... I'm thinking....NO.

[mae0111]

Oct 17, 2023 12:29:58 GMT -5 xctsclrx said:

Oct 17, 2023 12:16:08 GMT -5 waverly said:

xctsclrx , DH traveled for work for 7 years but the kids were younger, so not as many extra curriculars. There is no way that I would let DS do travel soccer without DH because the practices are from 7:30-9, and I am a delicate flower that needs to have my couch time by 8:30 ish.

When the 2 needed to be someplace at the same time, one of them had to say no to their obligation.  Mostly thinking of Tuesday Girl Scouts and Basketball or my neighbor took them.  

I legitimately cackled at delicate flower. That's how I feel. I need to be home and done by 8

OMG the late practices/games are the WORRRST.  Most of DD1's home basketball games for her school team last year were all at 8pm on Friday nights, 25 mins away.  Having to drag myself back out into a cold January night after a loooong week was the absolute worst.  And since I was coaching, I could rarely pull DH into it...

DD2 now practices at 7pm twice a week.  I make myself stay and walk while she's practicing.  If I went home after drop off I would never leave the couch.

[186momx]

I'm so glad DD is done at 7:30 and we are home before 8. When she wants to stay for open gym Friday nights it sucks because pick up is 8:30 and I want to be in my pjs by then. But having gymnastics from 4-8:30 equaled instant babysitter before she could stay home so that was a trade off.

DD had a rough night. I made her wear her orthodontic head gear from 4-5 and 5:30-8 last night after not wearing it for a while and it caused her sinuses to go crazy. I listened to her blow her nose all night long. She skipped academic support this morning and went to school and hour late. I figured it was better to keep her home than send her to school and get a call an hour in saying to come get her.

Am I crazy for actively thinking about getting DD a horse of her own?

[librarychica]

Oct 17, 2023 12:29:58 GMT -5 xctsclrx said:

Oct 17, 2023 12:16:08 GMT -5 waverly said:

xctsclrx , DH traveled for work for 7 years but the kids were younger, so not as many extra curriculars. There is no way that I would let DS do travel soccer without DH because the practices are from 7:30-9, and I am a delicate flower that needs to have my couch time by 8:30 ish.

When the 2 needed to be someplace at the same time, one of them had to say no to their obligation.  Mostly thinking of Tuesday Girl Scouts and Basketball or my neighbor took them.  

I legitimately cackled at delicate flower. That's how I feel. I need to be home and done by 8

Same. I live in a hothouse. Everyone needs to be home by 8, the oldest can stretch that to 8:30 but my kids still go to bed early. They’re much more likely to thrive in a before-school activity than an evening one. 7:30 am running club? Yes. But DD2 nearly joined her bff in softball this year and that kid was heading to batting practice after STEM night last week, so 7pm, and I’m walking us home to get ready for bed going “dodged that!” We just really struggle as a family with evenings. The almost 12yo is asleep by 9:30 and up around 6 without an alarm. That’s just how they are.

[supertrooper1]

186momx, I don't think you're crazy for considering a horse. If it doesn't work out, I think they're pretty easy to sell. I had one from about 5th-8th grade, but I was in a little different situation. I lived on a farm and we always had a barn full of hay and grain. I sold him because I got into sports more than riding. It is a big time commitment!