Post by expectantsteelerfan on Dec 2, 2023 7:40:57 GMT -5
There are things now that I wish we had done differently, but it was as much of what I wanted at the time as I knew of that we could afford and make happen. A lot of what I would do differently is just being older and knowing better now/having experience to know what not only I would like more, but what would go over better and be appreciated more by guests.
I don't know. I was really young and thought that I "had" to have a big wedding, and it's what my parents (who were paying) wanted. I'd never been someone who dreamed about my wedding, so I had no real thoughts about what I wanted or didn't want. At the time it just seemed like something I had to do. Within that context, I did what I wanted-- skipped things (like favors) that I didn't care about and didn't stress over any of the decisions because I really didn't care.
It is not the wedding I'd have today, but I'm 20 years older now so my whole worldview is pretty different than it was in 2003.
I’m sorry to those of us that felt pressured to please other people. And the line about how relationships changed really sticks with me. I even looked at my DH differently after (and eventually got therapy - dealing with other stuff as well).
However, I will say we are very different people today and given the chance to do it all over again, my DH sure as heck would do it my way, low maintenance and pleasure by ourselves only.
It’s really shaped how I plan on approaching my DS’s wedding (should he ever decide to have one). To stay out of it. Show support however he’d like, but make sure he’s pleasing himself and his partner.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Dec 2, 2023 8:44:52 GMT -5
Yes. I was 33 when I got married and my H and I paid for our wedding 100%. We had around 75 guests and did a non religious ceremony and reception at a nice golf club. I walked myself down the aisle. It was a fun night!
I was 26, so I got what 26yo me wanted. It was an awesome day, but I’m not sure I would do it the same now that I have hindsight and maturity. My parents paid for everything except the RD and honeymoon.
Also my ILs were horrific to DH and I, but we really tried to not let that happen. Thank God for my Dad. He basically pulled rank on the wedding coordinator and managed a ton behind the scenes. I didn’t find out until DH told me a few days later.
Mostly. I didn't really ever have a "dream" wedding in mind. We were both finishing up grad school in CA so we had our wedding there (on Stanford's campus, because DH was a student) rather than back home in Ohio (where both of us are from). That meant that it was small, mostly family and our local friends--people only came if they really wanted to be there. It was intimate and fun and we had a great time. I made/put together a bunch of things myself to keep the costs down. I also appreciated that the distance meant that we didn't have to worry about family-related drama on who was invited or not, we could send out courtesy invites and know that chances were slim that people would actually come.
I do kind of wish we'd had a different honeymoon--actually being able to do a beach location. But we were poor grad students, so we drove 3 1/2 hours to Tahoe and spent a week there. It was beautiful and we were happy, so it was good. Maybe someday we can do Fiji or Bora Bora for an anniversary trip.
Post by mysteriouswife on Dec 2, 2023 9:11:10 GMT -5
Nope. I tried asking H to elope. He wanted the real wedding. I was happy in the end and wouldn’t change anything. Actually, I would have had an off site reception with booze. Being raised Baptist that wasn’t an option.
Post by blondemoment123 on Dec 2, 2023 9:17:43 GMT -5
No. I dreamed of the fairy tale church wedding growing up. When I was actually engaged we were so young I wanted to just go to the JOP, but my grandmother would be heartbroken. We settled for a log cabin on the water on the military base where H was stationed. It was lovely.
Nope. I wanted to elope or have a very small wedding. Instead we had an open invitation with 200+ in attendance. Once I gave up on having it my way, I let H's sisters plan most of it and I just showed up.
Same. My MIL wanted so many people and the fancy banquet hall. I chose my dress and bridesmaids dresses and let her do the rest. H and I planned the ceremony though and that was exactly what we wanted so that helped.
I was only 22 when we got married. Now 20 years later, I recognize how I didn’t stand up for myself when it came to the reception.
I got married at 23. So I did what 22/23 year old me thought I should do. I got married in the church I grew up attending. I invited most of the older people I grew up with at church and a bunch of my twin sister's close friends because she insisted. I will say, the reception at the fire station training center was a genius idea and perfect for me. Casual and cheap ($400 for 48 hours). No dancing allowed in the building.
It's been 14.5 years and honestly if I had to redo my wedding now it would be similar to the friends' wedding I went to last spring. Just family and close friends. Non religious. It was a really fun wedding. I still laugh when I think of the whose been married the longest dance. No one there had been married longer than 20 years, if that. The MC jumped from one year married to 20 years. Everyone left the dance floor laughing and calling out how long we'd been married because most of us had been married 10-15 years. The vast majority of the guests were in their 30s or 40s.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Dec 2, 2023 9:32:37 GMT -5
Although if I was planning it today, I would do something very different, I wouldn’t change a thing because of all of the loved ones we had together in one room. We won’t ever experience that again since some of our family and friends have since died. It was a day full of joy and it was perfect.
We didn’t live in the area and traveled back to our families for it which made planning very difficult. Planning was ugh, and my mom was being a bitch because she demanded a present opening party. We planned and paid for the rehearsal dinner and ILs helped with the reception. All my mom did was pay for the flowers. She didn’t help with anything else so I don’t know why she demanded another party be planned and paid for 3 weeks before the event. That was the first I heard that I had to do this for her. She declined when I suggested she pay for a restaurant so that was what I was dealing with. Demanded a party but didn’t want to plan or pay for it.
But the actual wedding and reception were fine, nice, what we wanted. IL’s asked people over for pizza afterwards so my mom got her present opening party which was stupid because it was 99% checks. But she got what she wanted.
It's a long story, but basically the owner of the inn that we had booked for everything-- ceremony, reception, all the guest rooms, and brunch-- blew it up six weeks before our wedding (and was later convicted of insurance fraud).
We scrambled because people had already bought plane tickets. Another local inn-- much, much fancier and tens out thousands of dollars outside our budget-- offered us their basement ballroom. I couldn't do it. Our original plan was to be outside, with the Cascades in the background. Within a week, they came back to us and said they would honor our contract if we agreed to be guinea pigs for another venue. Turns out, there was a beautiful, working farm, down the road. The owner wanted to start renting her home for weddings because she was traveling so much. We did it, and it was fantastic. Would change nothing. The new inn catered, honored the guest rooms and brunch we had booked. Their invoice was over $80k and we paid $15k.
And the house belonged to Dr. Pepper, from Married at First Sight.
Nope. I wanted to elope or have a very small wedding. Instead we had an open invitation with 200+ in attendance. Once I gave up on having it my way, I let H's sisters plan most of it and I just showed up.
Same. My MIL wanted so many people and the fancy banquet hall. I chose my dress and bridesmaids dresses and let her do the rest. H and I planned the ceremony though and that was exactly what we wanted so that helped.
I was only 22 when we got married. Now 20 years later, I recognize how I didn’t stand up for myself when it came to the reception.
We were 21. I have grown more of a backbone since then and would definitely do it my way now. At the time I was so concerned about not coming off as a snotty baby bride that I didn't advocate for the things that were actually important to me. We did write our own vows and that is something I still cherish.
Yes, overall it was a really nice wedding. We had a small wedding at a beautiful boutique hotel overlooking the ocean, and it didn't cost a ton because we got married in winter and had a lunch reception immediately following the ceremony. I had thought we might have the ceremony outside on the balcony if weather was nice enough but it was pretty cold and I figured my guests (especially my gran) wouldn't enjoy that so I changed my mind and we moved indoors. I'm very glad we did. The food was amazing and everyone enjoyed themselves. I guess if I had to do it over I'd have tried to make sure more of H's family could be there. I felt bad that only his mum and step dad could come.
Meh. It wasn’t what I’d pick today but it was lovely
This is how I feel. Really the only reason we had the wedding we had was because I was the first grandkid to get married and it would have broke my grandma’s heart if we didn’t have a wedding.
NOW I would elope.
Eta: that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy my wedding. It was short and sweet and everyone had plenty of day left to do what they wanted.
For the most part, yes. I wish we would have widened the circle a little more and invited some more friends. We were trying to keep it small, but 10-20 more guests wouldn't have broken the bank. Everything else was perfect, wouldn't change a thing.
I did. My wedding day is still one of the best days of my life. We had so much fun, and were able to share it with so many people we love.
I wanted a traditional wedding, and that’s exactly what we had. My dad insisted on paying for it, and I was mindful of the costs of things because of that. My husband and I both have large, extended families so we had a lot of guests. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing, except maybe my hair 😂. I also didn’t have a videographer (in an effort to cut down on costs) and I do regret that. I would love to look at video of that day today.
I wanted a beach destination, H wanted the big wedding and it's one of the few times he got his way, lol. Looking back, it's not a big deal, we have a happy marriage where he is always doing things to make me happy so it's not an area of contention or anything I really think deeply about until these threads.
Aside from a few details, yes, we had the wedding we wanted.
I also have the marriage I want. My husband and I, while not perfect, strive to be better for each other every day.
What I do not have is the extended family that I would want. It took me a long time to see the smoke and mirrors. The topic looms like a dark cloud in the distance, honestly.
Post by turkletsmom on Dec 2, 2023 12:15:49 GMT -5
Yes- I wanted a big formal wedding and got it. We saved up and paid for 95% of it ourselves. I was someone that always dreamed of what my wedding would be like. I don't think I'd do the same thing now at all, but I look back on it with good memories.
Post by cricketwife on Dec 2, 2023 12:16:27 GMT -5
I’d say 99% it was exactly what we wanted. We were in our mid 30’s and paid for it ourselves. We had about 100 guests and our friend s hosted the recption at their beautiful home. The only not perfect part is H had limited attendance on his side since he’s English and we married in the States. He was fine with that overall except his dad ended up with a heart surgery and wasn’t allowed to fly over for the wedding. H knew he wouldn’t have a lot of guests, but obviously would have wanted his dad there.
1st one I was younger and wanted the whole typical wedding.
2nd one I actually wanted to elope but H having not been married before wanted one. So, we agreed to a small outdoor day wedding on a lake and it was perfect. The only regret is not having some video of it.
I had the wedding I wanted when we got married (I was 26). We had it here in Boston where we lived but we both grew up in different parts of the country, so it was basically a destination wedding for 90% of our guests. It kept the guest list small - only good friends and family. No input from our parents on either side. The reception was on a harbor cruise which was really fun for us.
Now, with hindsight and more money (I think we spent $15k total? Not nothing but not crazy expensive) I would definitely do things differently - like we didn’t have a cocktail hour, I would have done better food etc. But it was a fun wedding that I don’t have any regrets over
First wedding: mid-20s, marrying college sweetheart, big fancy formal evening affair at a downtown location. I was kind of a beebee bride and it’s what I wanted at the time.
Second wedding; early 30s, destination-ish: outdoors on a lake about 4 hours away. I wouldn’t have wanted another big wedding necessarily, but it was my H’s first marriage, he has a huge family that he is super close to, and he had a child from a prior relationship so it was important to him to have her be part of any ceremony/celebration we did (elopement was off the table for him and I get why). It was a lot more laid back than my first, but a ton of fun - honestly more fun. If I were getting married again today I’d do the same thing.
I don't remember anymore. I'm glad my friends were there and had a good time. The food was good and the cake was good. The venue was fine. But there was so much unnecessary drama. And so much expectations of "we are Indian and this will be an Indian wedding." All of our events had to be held at "suburban place with lots of parking & easy to get to" to accommodate my parents' friends even if we wanted city venues or other cool venues for stuff.
Post by dreamcrisp1 on Dec 2, 2023 14:21:38 GMT -5
Yes! It was beautiful and perfect. I wanted everyone to eat good food and have a great party and we achieved that. We had an abundance of delicious food and great music. We danced until 2-3 am! And we hit our bar tab max we had set at 10pm and had to extend it so a good party was had by many. 😂😂😂 I have no regrets at all about every single moment of that day.
Post by penguingrrl on Dec 2, 2023 17:58:12 GMT -5
Mine was fantastic and we were very happy with it. I had never really thought about a wedding before getting engaged so I didn’t have many preconceived ideas about what I wanted. We had it at a restaurant we both love that was on the water and really pretty. ‘
I have a really close knit large family and I couldn’t imagine not inviting all of them, so a big wedding was going to be because I wanted my loved ones there and everyone made it, which meant a lot to me. The most important thing to me was to be surrounded by loved ones that day and to share the day with them.
It wasn’t the fanciest or most expensive wedding I’ve been to, and that was exactly perfect. Our focus was on making sure it was a really nice time for our guests, which it was.
We did have the “dreaded” Catholic gap because our reception was at 6, but our church’s latest slot for a wedding ceremony is 2:45, but since we couldn’t choose the church (it was Hs childhood parish and MIL worked there and the priests don’t perform marriages outside the church) and the families on both sides are Catholic and used to that schedule, nobody commented or cared because it’s not unusual in our area.