I mean, the end product was that I got married, so....sort of?
I was pretty young when I got married, and among the first of my friends, so didn't have a lot of other wedding experience to pull from. My parents also paid for it, so I was pretty beholden to what *they* wanted. Big picture yes, I mostly got what I thought I wanted, but it was mostly their friends, not ours. "No, how could we NOT invite all 15 of our neighbors? They've known you since you were little?" And H's family is giant, so between them, and my parents inviting *their* friends, it wasn't exactly a hopping party.
And I had the genius idea (from reading on the knot) that you should have list of groups of people that you want pics with. So I gave that to the photographer, but the timing got messy, and he *stopped the dj,* shut down the dancing, to take group pictures on the dance floor. So....that brought the vibe to a screeching halt, lol. Oh well! It wasn't "bad," but I have a strong enough memory of it to know what I *won't* be doing if either of my kids ever get married.
Post by redheadbaker on Dec 2, 2023 19:28:13 GMT -5
Considering we missed our wedding because the cruise ship had to miss the USVI port where we had a ceremony planned, thanks to a drunk guy severely injuring himself and requiring the ship to get him to a hospital, no, didn't get the wedding I wanted.
I really came as close as humanly possible considering that my grandparents no longer owned the cottage where I wanted to get married on the waterfront, and my Dad no longer owned the house I grew up in on the river. Instead I had a big tented reception in my Uncle's backyard (which would have been the plan for my dream wedding as well) and a church ceremony that we wouldn't do again, but was us bending to family pressure.
I would still do the big tented reception. It was awesome. I could not possibly convince DH to get married in the church again, and considering that came with a lot of drama and bad feelings for me (my parish priest refused to marry us since we were living together out of wedlock... In 2009), I would not want to do that either.
Yes but we had to tell MIL a million times it would be nice and was what we wanted. We stuck to our guns and afterwards she said she was “glad she didn’t say anything because it was perfect”. Lol. There were things that didn’t go perfectly and important people who couldn’t make it (Dh and my families live 2500 miles apart) but it was still perfect and our day. We had it on a beach (our thing), didn’t have alcohol (family reasons) and had a luncheon instead of dinner. So not traditional at all but perfect for us.
Yes. I floated the idea of using the big wedding money to do a destination with the wedding party but it was a no go for a lot of reasons. We both have a big family and didn’t want so many people to miss it. I worked hard to keep costs down and plan it the way I wanted it. H’s side of the family came to town in a chartered bus. Turns out, he was the only cousin to get married/do a wedding, so it was a bit of a milestone family event forever. Anyway, the week we spent together on our honeymoon was really special. I wouldn’t have traded it for hosting everyone for anything.
Post by wanderlustmom on Dec 2, 2023 22:26:49 GMT -5
Yes except for our not so great photographer we had the wedding we wanted. Nothing about our wedding was exceptional but it was everything I wanted. We had all of our family and close friends, we got married on the water and I love water, we had a lot of special touches that I wanted (our getaway car was my dad's boat, we had a string quartet, we had social plans for three nights before the wedding and luncheons for the both of us and we all went to a minor league baseball game. We made gift bags for all the hotel guests, we had cocktail hours. We planned it for a year, we did a lot of it on our own to save money, we took out the open bar to save money and had wine and beer. Our vows were a great memory. We both cried. DH gave me a beautiful toast. I didn't love our food and was complaining to my sister. She said, I am your sister, the food is fine, this is a wonderful night, get out of your head and enjoy your wedding. It was great advice. DH freaked out during our first dance, he's an introvert and hates attention. I reminded him this will be the last time in his life the spotlight is on him and 20 years later--it's still true. I still remember him pulling the 50 bobby pins out of my hair as we were getting in our hotel hot tub. Coming down the aisle, I knew everyone I loved was there to witness me marrying my best friend.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Dec 2, 2023 22:27:45 GMT -5
My husband wanted a small wedding, but he married into a family that needs to rent out a fire hall to get together. He says now he likes the way we did it. I did too. It was a really great day.
I wouldn’t change anything about it, but if I ever marry again for whatever reason, I would want to elope.
Considering we missed our wedding because the cruise ship had to miss the USVI port where we had a ceremony planned, thanks to a drunk guy severely injuring himself and requiring the ship to get him to a hospital, no, didn't get the wedding I wanted.
Not really! I think my first wedding was more or less what I wanted, but even at the time I was not deeply in love with the groom so it lacked that part of the excitement. It was a more traditional wedding though so the majority of my friends and family were there. My bachelorette and shower were lovely too so the whole experience was fun. I didn't love planning it - too many details - but I did plan it mostly how I wanted it.
My 2nd wedding was an elopement. In hindsight I wish it was just the two of us, but my parents and sisters/BIL and young nephew were there. It was kind of stressful since we were in LA and so there were some unexpected elements (like the path down to the beach being trecherous) that difficult with guests. Also I got my hair done and I not only hated it, but it took forever so I didn't have much time to get ready and then our officiant got lost so the whole thing ended up feeling rushed. I really wanted a calm, stress free day so it was kind of disappointing. However, this time I was really excited to marry the groom and we are still happily married, so I got the marriage I wanted and that's what is really important.
I do wish we had had a reception because it felt so weird to have done all that celebration for marrying someone who even then was kind of an asshole, but when I married my actual best friend there was little fanfare. Alas, with family and friends spread throughout the world and other financial priorities, it just wasn't possible to bring everyone together. I think my ideal would have been a destination wedding with 25 or so guests to celebrate with. I still wish we had done that, but also wonder if people would have even been able to make it.
I mean - it was the wedding I wanted at the time. I was also very young (23) and with a little hindsight it is not at all the wedding I would want now or even a couple years after the fact I would have done things so so differently.
Considering we missed our wedding because the cruise ship had to miss the USVI port where we had a ceremony planned, thanks to a drunk guy severely injuring himself and requiring the ship to get him to a hospital, no, didn't get the wedding I wanted.
WTF!!! Details, please!
My parents were paying for themselves, me, then-FI, our son, my brother & SIL, my aunt/uncle and their 3 kids to take a cruise together. Ship itinerary included Nassau, Bahamas; a day at sea, Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas; Basseterre, St. Kitts and two more days at sea.
FI and I figured while we were docked in St. Thomas, we'd get married (since it's a US territory, we didn't have to worry about visas, residency requirements, etc.). We contacted a wedding planner on the island who specializes in such ceremonies. Sent in our paperwork, everything was good to go.
At some point during dinner on the evening after we left Nassau, we started hearing rumors that the ship had turned around. The next morning, the captain made an announcement that due to a medical emergency, we were returning to Nassau, and would therefore miss our port time at Charlotte Amalie. We would instead stop at San Juan, Puerto Rico. So, no wedding for us. The ship gave us a "symbolic ceremony." My dad was internet-ordained to officiate a friend's wedding and it was still valid, so he signed the official paperwork for us when we got together to have Thanksgiving dinner later that year.
No official announcement was made at the time on the reason for the medical emergency, of course, but my mom told me later that she talked to people at the pool the next day that had witnessed the drunk person fall down the steps and hit his head.
I can mostly laugh about it now. I called him "Fake DH" for a while. We now have our "wedding picture" anniversary and our legal anniversary. Because I had the date of the planned wedding ingrained in my head for so long, I still have trouble remembering when those anniversaries are.
Yes! This was my second and H's first wedding. He really wanted a more traditional wedding, almost entirely to please his family, and I wanted to elope because wedding planning sucks. And also my parents already paid for one big wedding so we had to pay for this ourselves! Well, I told him we could have a (smallish) wedding but he had to deal with planning etc. We spent a while trying to narrow down where and when etc... And then we started on a guest list. His parents kept telling him we HAD to invite all these random family friends and whatnot, even though they weren't paying for any of it. H refused to play those games and suggested we elope. Sold! 😂
We got married in the middle of a conference for grad school so the flights and most of the hotel were covered, we just had to cover a rental car, officiant, photographer, and one hotel night. Perfect for broke grad students.
Post by starburst604 on Dec 3, 2023 22:19:06 GMT -5
I/we did. We both have big families and lots of friends. We briefly discussed a “small” wedding of just immediate family, close friends and aunts/uncles and that was 100 people. We just went with it and had a wedding for 250. No regrets.
It was his second marriage and my first. His first wedding was about half the size because she had a very small family. He had no reservations about having a big wedding even though he’d been married before.
My mom made things pretty awful leading up to the wedding, so the day wasn’t as happy as it should have been because she made her unhappiness known. We had a very small wedding (14 people, immediate family only) and she was very embarrassed that we weren’t having a huge, expensive affair. She would not have paid a penny and wanted a Ritz-level affair. I refused to go into debt for a day that would have made me miserable- I truly hated the idea of being the center of attention in that way.
We also wanted a big party afterwards, and my mom said she wouldn’t come if we did that. I should have ignored her, but at the time, she was able to just suck the wind out of our sails. We never had the party.
Generally yes. But I didn't get the dress I really wanted (my mom said she would pay for my dress, but $1500 (in 2005) was too much (and then she turned around and spent that on a dress for her with major alterations and a new suit for my dad, I'm still a little salty about it) - I should have just paid the difference of what she was willing to pay), and we had a wedding crasher at our reception who tried to fight with DH when we asked him to leave. I tried to play family politics (DH's family) with the date we chose (I would've rather gotten married months sooner than we did), and if I could do it again, I would just pick the date that worked best for me and DH.
I guess? I was never one of those people that had a "dream wedding" or thought about it much (really at all) until I was actually engaged. Our wedding was a very nice typical suburban Philadelphia Catholic wedding (200+ people, church, country club).
If we did it again, in my current frame of mind I would have a very small, intimate ceremony (non-religious) and dinner and skip all the hoopla. But if I had to redo the wedding as 27 year old me I wouldn't change a thing.
Post by basilosaurus on Dec 4, 2023 9:34:01 GMT -5
I had the opposite of invite parents and grandparents friends.
My "mom" wouldn't even let me invite her mom or sisters knowing they wouldn't travel (and I barely knew them) because she thought it would look like a gift grab. I barely knew them so nbd. But I also couldn't invite my gramma's sister and her family for the same reason, but I actually knew them. A couple of cousins watched me for entire summers.
There were some serious hurt feelings directed at me because of this.
I regret I gave in to her weird hang ups. I guess they learned, at my expense, because my sister sent wedding and birth announcements to all of then, with approval, and they sent small token gifts. They just wanted to feel included, and I was blamed for that separation.
Yes; we paid for everything ourselves so we got to make all the decisions. I was 22 and MH was 24; ours was the first wedding I'd ever attended. We did a few traditional things but felt no pressure to do anything we didn't really want to.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Dec 4, 2023 13:16:01 GMT -5
Yes. Looking back though, I wish I had a different groom.
The wedding was at a small rustic city owned building that had a lot of charm and needed minimal decorating. My sisters were my maid & matron of honor in dresses I let tjhem pick out (navy blue and matching hemlines were their only instructions). I had 3 layer chocolate cake (squares not rounds), a full bar, bbq buffet, and a great DJ.
One thing I did miss out on was the father/daughter dance bc the DJ forgot it ?!?
As for the grrom ... 30m late, not answering anyone's calls, never bothered to tell anyone he was running late, acting like it was nbd when he finally showed up .. that was the tip of the iceberg when it came to being disrespectful towads me.
Post by fortnightlily on Dec 4, 2023 13:28:26 GMT -5
Mine was pretty much exactly what I wanted, except for it being really hot that day . It was 2008 so not *that* long ago but I do wish there'd been more of a variety of styles and price points of dresses like there is today. I didn't want a traditional, heavy, expensive bridal gown with a train but I would've maybe gone for something a smidge fancier and more expensive than my $200 ivory chiffon bridesmaids dress. We already had that thread though
No. The entire thing was enveloped in a gloomy sad urgent feeling. It was not a happy time. My ex was blasé about the whole thing which was odd considering the pressure he put on me about it and his mother and brother were cruel to me on the day of. I didn’t even want to get married at that point but because of baby #1 on board it felt like I had to. The “proposal” and day of antics were a major issue for our relationship and I wish we had waited and had it be a happy day to celebrate us instead of feeling like a punishment. I think there was 8 people there but despite that I still wouldn’t want a large wedding and would elope next time.
Post by chickadee77 on Dec 4, 2023 13:41:29 GMT -5
Yup. We "ran off" and rented a HUGE beach house so everyone could stay together.
As I said in the other thread, no way I wanted the hullabaloo my SIL had for her first wedding, even if my ILs probably would have paid for it (they have money; my family doesn't). We got married in the am on the beach, had an awesome lunch, and the kids (around half our guests were under 18) were out skim boarding and splashing in front of the rental house that afternoon.
It was small, relaxed, but nice, with good food and conversation between our families.
Yes, we did. Of course there are tiny things I might have done differently. But overall it was the size I wanted, the location I wanted, a lot of fun because we had a lot of our friends there vs. it being all family. I was 28 and DH was 33 and we had been to a lot of weddings already and picked what we liked the best from them.
On the flip side, I think our engagement was too long (almost two years). We were moving and saving money for the wedding and I wanted to build up enough vacation time at my new job for a nice honeymoon far away. But by the time we got to the wedding it was like I was tired of thinking about the wedding and just ready to be married already. Not that being married really changed anything (we had already lived together in 3 states by that point).
I always say I am screwed if I ever get married again because my first wedding was simply perfect. We had been engaged for 11 years before we finally got married. Early on in our relationship, because of his job, we moved away from all our family and friends and began our life together. I had always thought I wanted this huge church wedding but then I became the pseudo-wedding planner for one of my dear friends and learned real quick that I did not want all that "traditional" hoopla.
One night out with friends, a couple had just returned from a destination wedding in Hawaii and were talking all about the trip and it sounded simply perfect to us. Instead of Hawaii though, we chose Mexico because we had already vacationed there many times and loved it.
I had only 2 requirements - my father to walk me down the aisle, and gorgeous pictures of a flowing veil by the water. I got both.
We spent a week prior to the wedding in Mexico, just the two of us, as we had to become legal citizens to have a legal wedding there. (Most people just go to the justice of the peace in the US and then have a non-legal Mexican wedding. We didn't want that.) Our family and closest friends (a total of 26 people) arrived on Saturday and we were married on Monday on the beach with the ocean in the background. We had a full wedding reception after, just a few hundred feet away from the ceremony site, which included a mariachi band and one of the most amazing cakes I ever tasted.
Then the next five days were nothing but fun times with family and friends until we all flew home the following weekend.