S/O - Did you have the wedding you wanted?

[yourmother]

PDQ. 

S/O on the elopement thread. I read it with mixed emotions. I very much wanted a small elopement or beach destination wedding with either just my DH and myself or some family. 

He wanted to please his family and have a more traditional wedding. 

I didn’t want my parents to pay and am an a practical type of spender (I didn’t want to have debt due to a one day event). So the wedding was in a botanic garden and reception at a Mexican restaurant for 80 people. It was in the month of May and outdoors when the weather is usually between temps of 70 - 85.  That day (and that day only) it happened to hit high 90’s, maybe even 100 degrees.  One bridesmaid had a heatstroke and another guest had to go buy a new shirt because it was soaked with sweat. I changed out of my wedding dress and wore a black dress to my reception (lol!). It wasn’t the wedding I envisioned and I cringe a bit when I think about it. I have regrets for not insisting on the elopement and pleasing myself. Shortly after the wedding we became very tense with his family (things are much better now).  All that to say, thinking about the planning and actual wedding day does not give me warm fuzzy thoughts, lol.

Did you have the wedding you wanted?

[Patsy Baloney]

Nope!

But we didn’t have the money so we did what the people with the money wanted. Oh well!

[erbear]

Meh. It wasn’t what I’d pick today but it was lovely

[fn2187]

Overall yes. But I cringe that I had a winter wedding and had the bridesmaids wear summer dresses. I don’t know that I was thinking!! They were miserably cold. And the time of our wedding was kinda unheard of and not appreciated by most I’m sure. Again, don’t know what I was thinking.

There was other things I could complain about but what mattered most is that my husband and I found each other and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. The wedding could have been a total disaster and I wouldn’t care today.

[wanderingback]

Yes.
I was laid back with planning (I had never fantasized about my wedding or anything before I was engaged) and between my mom, myself and my ex getting everything organized and making decisions it was the day I/we wanted and enjoyed.

[al dente]

Yes. Although I wish I had been more into what the bridesmaids wore. I was very "wear whatever blue dress you want!" And looking back they're very clubby lol but I got married at 21 so oh well. Everyone also got way too drunk. But again 21...

But I had a very small wedding, and with a company that took care of everything which made things easy for everyone. It was maybe 10k all together which I also didnt want to spend a lot.

[childofhiphop]

Not really. A good friend owned a salon in one of the big resorts in Vegas. He offered many his perks and gifts where there would have a really good celebration and no worrying about budgets, seating charts, # of guests within our budget… anyone who wanted to come, could. Just drive across the desert (from So Cal) or fly in - at the time flights were cheap from just about anywhere into LV.

My mother literally had a toddler tantrum because she wanted at least one daughter to have a “ real, blessed wedding”.

In the end, it was very nice and in budget but not really what I wanted…and my side gig at the time was event planning including weddings. Smack my head. 

[7costanza]

I would do things differently now, but I had never really dreamed about my wedding. We were young and broke, my in-laws gave us money but we used it for a down payment, and my parents were divorcing and not willing to help beyond I think splitting the cost of the cake, so we did an afternoon wedding with no alcohol. The venue was beautiful and we didn’t go into debt for any of it, but I bet some of our guests complained, lol.

[yourmother]

Dec 1, 2023 22:44:28 GMT -5 yourmother said:

PDQ. 

S/O on the elopement thread. I read it with mixed emotions. I very much wanted a small elopement or beach destination wedding with either just my DH and myself or some family.


I meant to add this sentence to my original thread: ’m super jealous of everyone who actually had an elopement or super small wedding. Wish I pushed harder for one.

[tacokick]

I did! We went to the courthouse and it was just us. We got doughnuts and sent out announcements after. It was great and cost $25.

The only thing I don’t love is that our anniversary is in late March. We lucked out that day but most the years since on that date have not been great weather-wise so it’s not a good time to do a weekend trip or eat or do anything outside.

We picked that date because we were both teachers, I was still in grad school, and it was the first day of spring break.

On the other hand, not much is going on in March so it’s nice to have an excuse to celebrate something.

[lilypad1126]

Yes. It was a small wedding in Vegas, and it was so perfect for us. Like, fit our personalities and was just exactly right. And I think everyone who came had fun. And my H and my parents still talk about how great it was. Honestly, that’s the best part for me, lol.

[jane6672]

My first wedding, I started planning and it was stressful and I pitched the elopement idea and he was not into it. “Have to have it for my family” yadda yadda. Pretty much exactly the scenario you described, yourmother.
The wedding itself was pretty nice, but it was sooo much effort to plan and execute. Also he had a lot of opinions but wasn’t helping follow through on them 🙄

This time we eloped and it was EXACTLY what I’d hoped for and confirmed that I was right the first time around, haha.

[sadlebred]

Nope. Ex-H was frugal to the point of being cheap. Double our small ($4000) budget would have gotten us a much nicer wedding. We paid for everything ourselves. I wanted to go to the courthouse. He said his mom would have been sad if she didn't get to attend a wedding (red flag number 4395--and we weren't even married yet). He was adamant that it was HIS day NOT MINE...so I bought my dress, found the venue (he paid), and picked out my flowers...and talked a friend that used to be a pro photog into taking photos after Mr. Cheap didn't want to hire a photographer. I let him do the rest. I told him the night before I'd see him at the wedding. His family could handle set up since it was his wedding. It was awful.

[circa1978]

Yes, within the constraints I had to work with. I wanted a beach wedding (my H and I lived in Florida) or if not that, a spring wedding. I got a fall wedding in the Midwest, because that's what my parents offered to pay for, not at my first choice venue, but it was elegant and I made every other decision with H, so in the end, very us. It was also free to us, so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[rosiebear]

100% perfect for us. It was not my first wedding, but it was my H’s (he was 50), and his friends came out IN FORCE, lol. So much joy and love filled that room. 10/10 would do again.

[rosiebear]

Ha! I just responded with my wedding to my current H. My wedding to my ex was pretty perfect, too. Very different, as we were much younger and at a different place in our lives, but fun and intimate and everyone there was so happy for us.

(Let’s not discuss my disastrous first marriage at 19. Shudder.)

[heygrey]

Nope. I wanted to elope or have a very small wedding. Instead we had an open invitation with 200+ in attendance. Once I gave up on having it my way, I let H's sisters plan most of it and I just showed up.

[Alex]

Not really. I would have loved to elope but 23 years ago, immigration was a bitch. We couldn't leave the country without being separated and we needed demonstrable proof of our union. I did like it though, it was in December and decorated for Christmas. It was a beautiful wedding.

[hbomdiggity]

Yes. It was everything 27yo me wanted - a large wedding at a beautiful venue in my hometown paid for by my parents.

[jorja]

I did. I always wanted to have my reception at the house I grew up in, and even though it was a TON of work, we pulled it off and it was beautiful and everything I hoped it would be.

[mrsukyankee]

I'll be honest that I just didn't care about what my wedding looked like or was - I never was one of those people who dreamed about my wedding day. I was more interested in being married than the wedding. It was just a party. I would have loved to have had a small wedding in London with both our immediate families - go to the 'justice of the peace' and then a pub. My dad and mom really wanted me to have it in our hometown with friends and family, so we did - because they cared more. And it was fun, overall. I enjoyed the experience and made it my own (did a wedding that mixed Hindu and Christian elements). And I got to wear red, which was very cool.

[ellipses84]

Despite meeting and getting surprised with an engagement in Vegas, we never lived there and DH and I always said we’d NEVER get married there. I guess the main reason I didn’t have the wedding I want to was financial, since we had to pay for everything ourselves. Vegas was the most central and affordable location for us and everyone traveling to the wedding. The wedding venue prices for the city we lived in were insane and only 2 other relatives lived in the same state as us. I was sad for the people who couldn’t attend but that’s the con of a destination wedding.

I got an immense amount of guilt trips from my family for not having a wedding in my hometown, despite most of DH’s relatives living far away. After we planned it, my grandma who I was very close to, started having worse health problems and ended up passing away about a month before my wedding, the week before my wedding shower that we were having near her because she wanted us to. I felt bad, my family told me to have the shower because my grandma would have wanted that, but it was bittersweet. I would have felt worse having a hometown wedding I didn’t want without her there.

[jett]

Nope! H is Japanese and for agreeing to live in Japan for the rest of my life, I thought I was “owed” the western wedding of my dreams at home in Australia. H was fine with this, MIL was not. In the end she got her way, and we married in Japan, the Japanese way.

It is still the biggest fight H and I have ever had, and I still won’t look at our wedding pictures. But, MIL has proven to be an amazing grandmother to our girls, and a huge support to me as I have navigated life and motherhood in Japan. If we hadn’t caved to her demands back then, maybe I wouldn’t have had all of these years of support and kindness from her. Who knows. But it still pisses me off when I think about it!

[basilosaurus]

I never really cared about it thought about a dream wedding. I would have been fine without, but the military has other ideas, at least for legal status.

So, I guess. Barefoot on the beach for the ceremony with great food and my grandparents present. No dancing which I generally dislike.

Other than not knowing until just a few weeks before if we'd be able to make it which caused stress, and because that was a known risk that caused us to keep it smaller than we'd have preferred, no real issues. Even when the officiant in the middle of our secular ceremony (he had generically religious and secular options) asked us if he could say a prayer, that was just a minor wtf moment that probably made my family happy.

[katiecj6]

No. I got married during the pandemic over zoom. And though, we would have gotten married anyways, it happened quickly because I needed to gain residency in Brazil. My husband didn't even officially propose until all the documents were signed, and date was chosen. The entire ceremony was in Portuguese, and I wasn't quite fluent yet.

Anyways, it doesn't matter in the end. I don't plan a redo, but I am dreaming/planning of a honeymoon trip to take someday. Probably for our 10th anniversary.

[wise_rita]

Dec 2, 2023 5:26:42 GMT -5 katiecj6 said:

My husband didn't even officially propose until all the documents were signed, and date was chosen.

The best wedding I ever went to the groom got down on one knee during the JoP ceremony and asked the bride to marry him. They were moving to the USA for work so had to get hitched. He was like "yes, we have to do this, but I want to do this".

To answer the OP yes, absolutely. We only got married because I wanted to have a party. It was a destination wedding so my planning was fairly minimal (for flowers, I pinned a few bouquets on Pinterest and took whatever the florist brought my way), and it was a big, fun gathering of friends. Exactly what I engineered.

[meanie]

Absolutely, especially considering that when I first visited my now IL's I told my H I was going to get married there. Maybe not to him, but definitely there 😂

Their home is attached to a barn that was converted into an artist studio by some famous painter great uncle. It's filled with cool stuff and has a wall of books a la beauty and the beast. People (including me) walk in that space and their jaws drop.

Luckily it worked out!

[abs]

It’s not what I would pick now but it was very nice and drama free. It was the last major event my grandma was able to make before she passed away so that will always make it extra special to me.

[brooklyn]

No, too many people and I wish we had eloped. And my dad said a lot of horrific things to me the morning of the wedding because I would not let him walk me down the aisle. Like threatening me would get me to change my mind…

[SwimDeep]

No. But I laugh about it now (though the laughter is still a little bitter 😅).

We wanted small. My family wanted big and traditional. I "compromised" (read, capitulated) on every big decision except the venue. I absolutely refused to be married in a church. (Though I still caved on the officiant, but at least he was non denominational.)

In the end, it was beautifully awkward and no one was 100% happy 🤷‍♀️

I also never dreamed about weddings growing up. When my future sil gave me a huge planning binder I kind of froze up. It wasn't what I wanted, but I felt like I had to make everyone happy (we were using their money) so I gave it my best effort. By the time we got to the actual day I was so done. People would ask if I wanted this or that and what about this and shouldn't we do that and omg I just wanted to be on the honeymoon.

Many lessons learned. Many relationships permanently changed. Never ever doing it again. Never ever ever mixing family and money again.