spindle92, no flames from me. I can't stand when people do #4 - so rude and sometimes I have to physically bite my tongue. I mean food on the floor in a restaurant is one thing and super hard to avoid but a flower pot is a mess in a whole other category. Take it from your kid as soon as they touch it FFS!
I just checked out the summer schedule for said local venue. And, Gen X has not been forgotten.
Bret Michaels, Dee Snider, Pixies, Sarah mclachlan, Alanis, third eye blind, Hootie, NKOTB, Collective Soul. Now, I was a grunge kid, but yet, I know all of these though NKOTB and the metal is NMS.
((( pinkdutchtulips ))) You are literally the strongest person I "know" and it honestly feels like you have done everything you can - to your own detriment. Forgive me because I am NOT an expert in any of this but it sounds like she absolutely knows she's got the power hand in all of this and runs the show. You speak often of her making the choices to do or not do - do you have the ability to move away from the voluntary aspects. I know you mentioned residential and her not being onboard but can you make the decision without her buy in? It seems you have tried everything else.
She absolutely has the power and she knows this. She also knows that taking meds and treatment are all voluntary and her consent. Breaking that has been a very hard thing to do given that I'm one person who also has to work and take care of the house. Her therapists are looking at seeing how we can get her into residential treatment w/o her being onboard but the state of CA makes that very difficult.
You also have power. She doesn't go to outpatient? No phone. She causes problem with the neighbors? She's grounded. She has a violent meltdown or runs away? Call the police. I know its easier said than done (and you must be absolutely exhausted!) but it sounds like she's having her cake and eating it too. I'm saying this kindly as I understand you're in a really shitty situation.
I'd forgotten how discouraging job applications are. I applied to three or 4 different jobs in the past couple weeks that seemed like a shoe-in for at least an interview, but didn't make it past initial screenings for any of them. They were all jobs that I think I could do in my sleep. Everything is an automated submission system and it makes me wonder if a human ever even saw the application, or if I just didn't hit the right keywords to be picked up by a computer.
Anyway. I also applied to several stretch jobs, including a couple more today. I have mixed feelings about changing jobs but ultimately I've accepted low paying jobs for my whole career and am ready to make more money. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Related: I'm so jealous of people who get jobs through their networks. I have never been connected to anyone who was in a position to recommend me for job. A good friend of mine has gotten basically all of her jobs that way and I'm jealous.
Same! My career has been all over the place and I never built a good network. My sister has had 3 new jobs in the last 5 years, increasing her salary each time, and all found through her network. I'm happy for her but also jealous!
Post by shopgirl07 on Jan 23, 2024 14:53:18 GMT -5
I really don’t think people appreciate fully the situation pinkdutchtulips is in. I know people mean well, but some of these suggestions are kind of insulting. Ground her? You don’t think she’s tried everything under the sun already? If it was that easy she’d be doing those things. I think she needs support more that ideas that are just not helpful.
I decided in 2024, I’m going to have nice nails so I’ve gotten one manicure and plan to do them mostly biweekly with some breaks. I decided I’d try to take the non-toll route to work to off-set that cost (#girlmath). First time doing it this morning and that was a terrible idea lol it only added like 10 minutes, but it felt so much more stressful. Time to figure out Plan B.
Post by Patsy Baloney on Jan 23, 2024 15:02:58 GMT -5
Yeah, girlfriend is definitely not a “normal” case of discipline. I’m sure mom could come in hard as nails and maybe curtail a smidge of issue behaviors, but the fact remains the kid has a gamut of diagnoses and isn’t treatment compliant - and according to the state, doesn’t have to be.
I do wonder if there is some legal recourse and who might be a good avenue to learn more about options for involuntary commitment. Honestly, and I’ve seen the worry in your most recent posts, she is on a path to an out of control life and god forbid an early death. I hope there’s something that can help this situation.
meanie , that is me every single time I have a cough now after having had whooping cough. I have invested in very heavy-duty pads. (so worth having).
Awful! I used depends after giving birth and I am wishing I had some left over. What have we become?!
H caught me crossing to hold myself as I coughed last night and he was wtf? When I explained the situation he quipped about wearing diapers. Realized I actually had some pads and trying it out today.
Post by litskispeciality on Jan 23, 2024 15:07:50 GMT -5
@@@
spindle92, I agree with you. I'm not a parent, but everyone really needs to be conscious of spreading sickness even in a place like urgent care. It's really hard when the person you're with, you yourself, or someone in your immediate circle is high risk because you literally can't get sick (with anything else.) I know kids are gross and germy, and masks protect to a certain degree, but everyone please try to keep other people healthy. I'd be less ranty if they said "hey sweetie come back over here and leave that stranger alone" or something, like at least they cared about if you're exposed to the child's germs.
I'll sit on the jealous of networking bench. I've never been in a good place to go to conference as it's "not in the budget", it's a big org who does their own "PD" or they're trying to promote someone else or whatever the case is. I finally joined one professional org's conference planning committee a few years ago, but then I got a new job...and then the conference was cancelled in March 2020. I moreso want to kick folks in the shins for saying "but you just have to network!" as if it's that easy, cheap and/or not time consuming.
Post by litskispeciality on Jan 23, 2024 15:10:20 GMT -5
I've been drinking more tea. It feels relaxing, and power of persuasion from a news story it helps me "warm from within". DH has been on this apple cinnamon tea kick so I finally tried it today. Smells really nice, almost like an apple Yankee Candle...but then it's sort of disappointing in that it's not that strong in taste, but not that much like tea either. Thankfully we have 10 other kinds for me to drink.
In CA, anyone 13 and over has to consent. I feel that 13yo is WAY TOO YOUNG to be able to make that kind of a decision considering that they don't realize the danger they are to themselves or more importantly others. In a perfect world, she goes residential inpatient ASAP for how ever long it takes.
I just googled and it looks like in CA if her medical professional recommends it she can be placed on an involuntary hold. Maybe talk to her doctor and find out if that is an option? I'm in PA and I think that our laws are similar that at a fairly young age, I think it might also be 13, a person can make their own decisions regarding their mental health, but we still have the option of an involuntary hold. I'm keeping you in my thoughts, you are going through so much, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Same with WA state. At 13 any kid can decide their parents no longer have access to any of their health information from any kind of doctor. Thirteen is 100% too young!
I just saw an announcement that the Pixies are coming to my local venue. I saw them in high school, 1992. Bestill my grunge loving heart!
Lucy and I want to go together. They’re coming w Modest Mouse! We were supposed to see the Flaming Lips together but I was in the hospital w kidney stones 💔
I've been drinking more tea. It feels relaxing, and power of persuasion from a news story it helps me "warm from within". DH has been on this apple cinnamon tea kick so I finally tried it today. Smells really nice, almost like an apple Yankee Candle...but then it's sort of disappointing in that it's not that strong in taste, but not that much like tea either. Thankfully we have 10 other kinds for me to drink.
Oooh what brand is this? I’d like something like this to drink, but I don’t actually care for most tea flavor lol
I've been drinking more tea. It feels relaxing, and power of persuasion from a news story it helps me "warm from within". DH has been on this apple cinnamon tea kick so I finally tried it today. Smells really nice, almost like an apple Yankee Candle...but then it's sort of disappointing in that it's not that strong in taste, but not that much like tea either. Thankfully we have 10 other kinds for me to drink.
I hate tea but for some reason I *really* want to like it. I have no reason why I should like it other than hearing people talk about how cozy it is LOL.
Last night we heard this loud scraping/dragging sound, and my H says, "The last time I heard a sound like that someone's recycle bin ended up in the ditch."
This morning I opened the blinds and there is garbage strewn all along the front of our house, a broken garbage can lid, and no sign of a bin (although it might be in the ditch, we can't see into the ditch from the living room because of our bushes). So in a little bit we get to go deal with someone else's trash because some idiot ran over one of the neighbor's garbage cans.
Also, there is a *very* good chance it belongs to awful dog neighbor, and there is basically zero chance they will clean it up themselves because they are inconsiderate jerks. Most bins have our addresses written on them so we'll be able to tell.
Sigh. My plans today hadn't included playing road cleanup crew.
I've been drinking more tea. It feels relaxing, and power of persuasion from a news story it helps me "warm from within". DH has been on this apple cinnamon tea kick so I finally tried it today. Smells really nice, almost like an apple Yankee Candle...but then it's sort of disappointing in that it's not that strong in taste, but not that much like tea either. Thankfully we have 10 other kinds for me to drink.
I hate tea but for some reason I *really* want to like it. I have no reason why I should like it other than hearing people talk about how cozy it is LOL.
This is me with most hot drinks, especially tea and coffee. I had a little electric kettle and small coffee maker setup in my old office. When I first started working there, everyone assumed I loved coffee and tea. I had so many people give me tea and coffee as a welcome gift.
I’ve been trying to force myself to like it for years. I drink a lot of fizzy water and soda and thought this might help me get away from that. I don’t hate it anymore, but it is never going to be my favorite.
I hate tea but for some reason I *really* want to like it. I have no reason why I should like it other than hearing people talk about how cozy it is LOL.
This is me with most hot drinks, especially tea and coffee. I had a little electric kettle and small coffee maker setup in my old office. When I first started working there, everyone assumed I loved coffee and tea. I had so many people give me tea and coffee as a welcome gift.
I’ve been trying to force myself to like it for years. I drink a lot of fizzy water and soda and thought this might help me get away from that. I don’t hate it anymore, but it is never going to be my favorite.
Yeah, I don't like any hot drinks aside from the VERY occasional hot chocolate or chai tea latte (because it doesn't taste like tea). I find they just make me thirsty and I have to follow it with a cold beverage so what was the point?!?!
I hate tea but for some reason I *really* want to like it. I have no reason why I should like it other than hearing people talk about how cozy it is LOL.
This is me with most hot drinks, especially tea and coffee. I had a little electric kettle and small coffee maker setup in my old office. When I first started working there, everyone assumed I loved coffee and tea. I had so many people give me tea and coffee as a welcome gift.
I’ve been trying to force myself to like it for years. I drink a lot of fizzy water and soda and thought this might help me get away from that. I don’t hate it anymore, but it is never going to be my favorite.
Same! I have just decided to embrace that I like all my beverages to be between fridge and room temperature. Turns out, I like iced coffee, but not hot. And I’ve always been an ice tea fan (southerner). One of many things I’ve just embraced as the way I am and stop trying to force things.
On a different note, is anyone watching True Detective: Night Country? I'm hooked! Spoiler: the "discovery" freaked me out. WTF!
Yes! I also read that it’s very connected to Season 1 which is bad news for me because I remember ZERO from S1 because it was A DECADE AGO lol
Really? I JUST watched S1 for the first time because I didn't realize each season was a different story/cast. Now I'm dying to see the rest of S4, liking it a lot so far.
Add me to those peeing my pants but JUST when I have a neverending virus cough. I have never otherwise peed for the other reasons women of my age complain of!
I've been drinking more tea. It feels relaxing, and power of persuasion from a news story it helps me "warm from within". DH has been on this apple cinnamon tea kick so I finally tried it today. Smells really nice, almost like an apple Yankee Candle...but then it's sort of disappointing in that it's not that strong in taste, but not that much like tea either. Thankfully we have 10 other kinds for me to drink.
I hate tea but for some reason I *really* want to like it. I have no reason why I should like it other than hearing people talk about how cozy it is LOL.
SAME! "Everyone" seems to love tea and I just don't. I never have. I've tried a million kinds and other than a chai latte at a very specific local coffee shop, i don't like any of it. I do, however, love everything apple cinnamon, so now I'm thinking i should try to find apple cinnamon tea to try, lol.
This is me with most hot drinks, especially tea and coffee. I had a little electric kettle and small coffee maker setup in my old office. When I first started working there, everyone assumed I loved coffee and tea. I had so many people give me tea and coffee as a welcome gift.
I’ve been trying to force myself to like it for years. I drink a lot of fizzy water and soda and thought this might help me get away from that. I don’t hate it anymore, but it is never going to be my favorite.
Same! I have just decided to embrace that I like all my beverages to be between fridge and room temperature. Turns out, I like iced coffee, but not hot. And I’ve always been an ice tea fan (southerner). One of many things I’ve just embraced as the way I am and stop trying to force things.
See also sweet wines and no beers.
I'm also this way with spinach and asparagus - everyone is allllll try it this way, try it that way and I've just resigned myself to the fact that I just don't like them so I stopped trying to force myself to eat them. One of the perks to being a grown up is to NOT eat things that make me sad LOL
Post by litskispeciality on Jan 23, 2024 16:20:48 GMT -5
The apple cinnamon tea is from Celestial Seasonings. It looks like an apple orchard/apple cider on the box. I agree that tea often makes me thirsty and find I drink more cold water right after. I also just started using a coffee warmer that I got DH for Christmas but took over since he drinks his hot drinks so fast. I like that I drink more because they stay warmer, but the cup (size) makes all the difference in how warm the drink will stay. It's basically a hot plate under a new name.
I've never been a big sugary drink person, but now even seltzer has to be really natural tasting, and not too sweet or strong.
Finally, I love almost everything apple, but only care for a couple of glasses of cold apple cider in the fall, preferably with cheap champagne, lol. I've never been in to hot apple cider, makes it even sweeter or something...although I'll take iced coffee over hot any day, so maybe I'm overall more of an iced beverage gal. #coolstorybruh
She absolutely has the power and she knows this. She also knows that taking meds and treatment are all voluntary and her consent. Breaking that has been a very hard thing to do given that I'm one person who also has to work and take care of the house. Her therapists are looking at seeing how we can get her into residential treatment w/o her being onboard but the state of CA makes that very difficult.
You also have power. She doesn't go to outpatient? No phone. She causes problem with the neighbors? She's grounded. She has a violent meltdown or runs away? Call the police. I know its easier said than done (and you must be absolutely exhausted!) but it sounds like she's having her cake and eating it too. I'm saying this kindly as I understand you're in a really shitty situation.
We’re beyond taking away phones and groundings bc if those worked I wouldn’t be having these problems. Her behavior is the reason that I was served w a 3d follow the rules or we’ll evict notice. She doesn’t care. Even today we were in the car and I said something and her initial reaction was ‘shut the eff up’ to me. I told her I didn’t like that and her reaction was I don’t care, I’m going to do what I want to do. This one will NOT respond to traditional/normal discipline.
Post by midwestmama on Jan 23, 2024 16:50:30 GMT -5
((( pinkdutchtulips ))) I think you are an incredibly strong person to have weathered all the things which trying to care for your daughter has caused, and doing it all alone. Back in college, I babysat a kid a few times who I suspected had ODD, and I was not equipped to handle a child with ODD. So trying to solo-parent a child with ODD while trying to maintain a home and job, it's incredible. I don't have any suggestions to offer, but I hope you are able to find a way to feel safe.
I'm flabbergasted that 13 is the age of consent on medical matters. WTAF.
Every time I've started DS at a new pcp practice part of the paperwork I fill out is that I know and understand that. I'll be filling out more paperwork before DS turns 13 so H and I can retain access. This option is available to us because DS is autistic. Otherwise it wouldn't be an option.