He’s a control freak about certain things. Food being one of the primary things. He does a lot of grocery shopping and cooking in exchange but it still gets annoying.
Getting just himself ready to leave while I'm running around packing everything but the kitchen sink for our autistic DS and then stuff for myself too. As we're getting shoes on he'll run & grab a snack for DS. No shit dude, thanks for thinking of that for me as if I haven't already packed the snacks necessary. *eye roll*
Leaving his dirty dishes on the counter right above the dishwasher with dirty dishes in it and his lunch prepping stuff all over the kitchen! "Don't do it for him, he'll get to it later." Later never comes for him because I try to cook dinner but can't until I clean up his mess from lunch. I'm getting pissed just writing this.
Getting himself ready to leave while I get the kid read and the kid’s stuff ready. Then complaining while he takes the kid to the car that I’m *never* ready to go on time.
See similar story for ordering a a restaurant. He only has to look at the menu and figure out what he wants. I have to read the whole kids’ menu to the child, wait for her to know what she wants, and get confirmation that it’s what she really wants, all before I look at the menu for me. Then he is annoyed when I don’t know immediately what I want when the server comes. Says it’s awkward. Well, yes, but also she can’t read yet! You do it next time.
He has decision paralysis. It is impossible for him to do anything in a timely manner because so much effort is put into thinking through a process. He researches everything to a fault.
This is only with other people but it’s weird. He’ll say something like “sorry we’re late, the dogs got out” which is factually accurate but sounds way more dramatic than saying what actually happened which is that we let one dog in and the other two slipped out the door…into our fenced in yard and then didn’t want to come in.
I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose because he’s always genuinely surprised when someone will respond by asking if we were able to find the dogs and get them home. It’s not a big deal but a weird quirk he’s done for years.
Post by sofamonkey on Jan 28, 2024 10:26:55 GMT -5
Saying yes to whatever anand then complaining about being overwhelmed by having too much on his plate. Yoooooo, it’d be nice to hear a no sometimes, or why something is not the best idea. He’s agreeable to a fault too.
I swear, he’s a great person, I just happen to want to murder him frequently. 😂
He is terrible at transitions and will jump from one topic to a wildly different one and expect me to follow. He will also start a story with a pronoun instead of a name and think I should know who the story is about.
My H does this, too, but when I remind him that I can’t read his mind, we always laugh about it, so it doesn’t get annoying.
He’ll suddenly be like “What about Amsterdam?” and I am somehow supposed to know that after we discussed possible vacation destinations yesterday, he’s been mulling it over, and having considered and dismissed several possibilities in his own mind, thought of one I might like.
He’s a hoverer. I’ll be in the living room or basement watching TV and I will feel him behind me, just hovering about. And I’ll be like, “can I help you?” And he’ll say, “No, I’m just thinking.” His work requires him to do a bit of engineering and so that’s usually what he’s doing - just thinking in his head how he might put such-and-such thing together, or sometimes he’s just thinking about what he needs/wants to do next in his day.
He’s also a very quiet walker, so sometimes I don’t realize he’s back there right away and he ends up scaring the shit out of me. 😂
Post by SusanBAnthony on Jan 28, 2024 10:36:06 GMT -5
Talking about how we are too poor to afford for him to buy a car and that he can't afford to buy a car because we spent money on X instead, and about how he will never be able to buy a car.
Spoiler alert there is money sitting on the back.k that he could use or we could afford a monthly payment, but he hates to spend money and doesn't want to spend savings on a depreciating asset. Cool bro, keep on driving the 2004 minivan then, have fun with that.
I thought of one he used to do that I think I got him to stop. As we are drifting off to sleep at night, he would think I'm "breathing funny" and that this is a sign that I am worried about something. He will ask me if Im ok. 100% of the time I am ok but his talking as I'm falling asleep wakes me up and I get pissed at him.
Answering the phone but not saying hello for like 3 seconds.
Is this a gen x thing?
Apparently he has a few but we are happy 🤣🤣
Congratulations, you've married my boomer dad. He does it in person, too. I'll ask a question, and he waits forever to answer. It's ok to say, hmm, let me think of you need time, dad.
He has decision paralysis. It is impossible for him to do anything in a timely manner because so much effort is put into thinking through a process. He researches everything to a fault.
Starting a story halfway through and expecting me to know wtf he's talking about. He usually has the first half of the conversation with me in his head.
He does this thing every time we go out to eat, when the server takes his order he always pauses for a long time, like an awkwardly long time, before deciding what he wants. Drives me insane. The server has shit to do. We are not the only table sir!
When he wears suits to work, he just throws them in a pile in the corner of the bedroom and then eventually rewears them or hangs them back up, but not regularly. I refuse to touch them.
I suppose this isn't really a toxic trait but he's always unfailingly positive and very "it will all work out" type of person, and that's annoying to me sometimes when I just want you to acknowledge that something sucks.
When he wears suits to work, he just throws them in a pile in the corner of the bedroom and then eventually re-wears them or hangs them back up, but not regularly. I refuse to touch them.
When my H started his first job after college his nickname was Wrinkles because he'd throw his button up shirts into a laundry basket instead of hanging them up after washing & drying them. So the shirts were too short at the wrists and wrinkled.
Post by lilypad1126 on Jan 28, 2024 11:35:06 GMT -5
Interrupting me when I’m trying to answer a question he just asked. I’m legit convinced he cannot hear my voice. Then he gets offended when I literally stop talking bc it seems so clear he interested in what I have to say.
Researching things to death. We can afford a random $50 purchase, just buy the damn thing. He does this on everything, it’s mostly the smaller purchases that drive me bonkers.
Getting excited to do something, offering to do it, then never actually doing it. See last summers house hunting (mis)adventure. Sigh.
Keeping the box for all purchases: shoes, Legos, electronics. Someday, I’ll set them ablaze.
I haven't read all the replies, but my H does this too! Whhyyyy??? The boxes we store (that we will likely never reuse) take up more space than the things that came in the boxes ☠️😵☠️
My H also frets and overthinks. He's done a lot of work on himself, though, and doesn't obsess nearly as much as he used to.
I thought of another one. Anytime we're involved in some kind of project (like taking down Christmas decorations or something), he has to stop to go to the bathroom for like 20 minutes and messes up the flow of what we're doing. Its like his body is averse to chores.
Post by starburst604 on Jan 28, 2024 11:55:18 GMT -5
Taking his coffee to go in a Yeti cup, and leaving the Yeti somewhere. Usually some kid’s sports arena. He’s lost 6 Yetis in the last year, though the last one was a knockoff because I refused to keep paying Yeti prices for replacements. He had that one for a week. ONE WEEK. After that I started buying disposable paper cups. Not what I like for environmental reasons, but he left no choice. Then DD won a raffle basket that included a Bruins Yeti and she graciously gave it to him. It lasted a month I think? Back to the paper cups unless it’s hanging out in the lost and found of the indoor soccer arena the next time DD has a game there.
Oh, one more. I swear his hearing shuts off when he's looking at something on his phone. He just completely does not hear you at all if you're trying to ask a question or get his attention.
Post by mrsukyankee on Jan 28, 2024 12:32:31 GMT -5
Holding onto electrical or computer items (like the two monitors in our closet that have been there since we purchased this house), saying, we might need these or I'll do something with them (and never does).
Staying out far too late for a 50+ yr old during the week. And far to often as of late. (Thanks middle life crisis)
Post by ellipses84 on Jan 28, 2024 14:44:32 GMT -5
He can fall asleep on the couch any time of day or night, with all lights on and TV blaring, kids around, , etc…. but if he goes to bed and there is the tiniest sound or a bit of light (like from checking the time on my phone) he will wake up and not be able to get back to sleep.
Post by ellipses84 on Jan 28, 2024 14:47:13 GMT -5
Also, toxic traits of his that our kids have inherited… taking socks off where ever they are at in the house and leaving them there, and not being able to find something directly in front of their face.
Falling asleep on the couch while denying he's falling asleep on the couch.
Complaining about the personality traits in his son that are absolutely identical to his own personality traits.
These made me LOL. DH does this too. Our youngest is so much like him personality wise and they butt heads so much. He does acknowledge it and sometimes when he’s getting frustrated he’ll laugh because he knows.
Completely misjudging how long things take and making us late (which is my #1 anxiety trigger).
When we’re watching TV he’s always tapping his feet or bopping his knees up and down and I find it so distracting. And then he gets annoyed when I ask him to stop. Like are you on speed or 4 years old? Fucking relax your body.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jan 28, 2024 15:22:03 GMT -5
He's got a lot too.
You have to really push him to go the doctor. Good news he is no complainer. If something is wrong with him, it's big. He's very stoic.
He can be a bit of an intellectual snob.
Will not spend money on himself.
Can be aloof. At a party, he prefers to keep the conversation to the other person and most people like this. The strong ones can get him to talk but it takes awhile.