S/O What is your partner’s toxic trait?

[rosiebear]

My H is a fretter and a putzer. He frets so much about how things will go, and then they always go fine. He also putzes endlessly when we are getting ready to go someplace.

I have made my peace with it, but for people who are not used to it, being told we’re leaving at, say, 10 and then watching him putz around until close to 11 can be maddening.

[konapoppy]

Asking me where something is, when the thing is right in front of his face.

[bears]

Falling asleep on the couch while denying he's falling asleep on the couch.

Complaining about the personality traits in his son that are absolutely identical to his own personality traits.

[artichokie]

Researching an item for like 2 months before purchasing. Just buy the darn thing already!

Also, being able to freaking crunch tortilla chips during a movie and still be able to hear the dialogue. The CRUNCHING is going to drive me MAD one of these days.

[Patsy Baloney]

Jan 27, 2024 22:10:46 GMT -5 bears said:

Falling asleep on the couch while denying he's falling asleep on the couch.

Why do they do this?!?

“I’m just relaxed.”

Motherfucker you have been snoring for the last 15 minutes.

[underwaterrhymes]

He makes up new lyrics to the tune popular tunes all the time.

95% of the time I love this, but the other 5% of the time it makes me crazy. Usually it’s when it’s clear he’s looking for me to sing back. My brain doesn’t work that way and I feel like I’m failing him lol.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Keeping the box for all purchases: shoes, Legos, electronics. Someday, I’ll set them ablaze.

[jinkies]

Wanting to do something, but then becoming resentful and cranky if he is *expected* to do it.

DD gets this trait from him and it drives him crazy when she does it. Welcome to the last 20 years of living with you, buddy.

Also: urgently needing to organize the garage, change air filters, or some other chore that no one will notice whenever we are trying to prep the house for guests. Please clean the bathroom, man. No one is going to care if your wrenches are organized.

[circa1978]

Toxic positivity ✨ nothing is ever wrong

[mofongo]

Jan 27, 2024 22:04:38 GMT -5 konapoppy said:

Asking me where something is, when the thing is right in front of his face.

OMG! I think they all do this! My H, who is a really good egg, and doesn’t have the typical annoying male traits does this frequently. I’m always like God help you if I get up and find it immediately, which I do!

As we get older he gets more anxious about things like getting to the airport on time.

He also sometimes talks quieter than his regular voice, and it sounds like a half whisper and I HATE it, so now he does it on purpose to annoy me.

[DotAndBuzz]

The crunching. When he works at home, he has a knack for knowing when I'm sitting down to lunch, then rolling up next to me and having like half a box of cereal for lunch. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH. There are times I'll deliberately go eat in the dining room and I can still hear his crunching. I've told my girls, make sure you can don't mind the sound of someone eating before you marry them, because you're going to hear it for the rest of your life.

His own brand of annoying - he listens to everything on his laptop *without headphones.* Again, I'll be sitting, doing something on my computer - trying to coordinate something with our family schedule/grocery order/general household planning and management, or hell, even just logging on here for a bit during the day. He'll come sit down and start watching golf bro videos full volume, right next to me.

And when he has admin days working from home, he takes phone calls PACING THE ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE. Dude, you have TWO offices, on TWO FLOORS (one is set up for a very specific function in the basement, by necessity, the other is a more traditional office set up), can you please take the calls in one of those? GTFO of my kitchen with this shit. I'm actually getting pissed just typing this out.

[mofongo]

Jan 27, 2024 22:52:03 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Wanting to do something, but then becoming resentful and cranky if he is *expected* to do it.

DD gets this trait from him and it drives him crazy when she does it. Welcome to the last 20 years of living with you, buddy.

Also: urgently needing to organize the garage, change air filters, or some other chore that no one will notice whenever we are trying to prep the house for guests. Please clean the bathroom, man. No one is going to care if your wrenches are organized.

LOL, the husband of a couple we’re close with does this! Most recently they were trying to get their house ready for guest, and he had to go clean the rust off of his weight set 🤣🤣.

[DotAndBuzz]

Jan 27, 2024 22:52:03 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Wanting to do something, but then becoming resentful and cranky if he is *expected* to do it.

DD gets this trait from him and it drives him crazy when she does it. Welcome to the last 20 years of living with you, buddy.

Also: urgently needing to organize the garage, change air filters, or some other chore that no one will notice whenever we are trying to prep the house for guests. Please clean the bathroom, man. No one is going to care if your wrenches are organized.

In my family we have a joke about washing the screens right before you leave for vacation, because this was a classic move of my dad's. He LEGIT started washing the screens in the yard *as my mom was loading the car and getting 3 kids ready to leave.* We had like a 12 hour drive, and he's washing the damn screens. 

That, and fertilizing the yard. "Well, that way if it rains while we're out of town, it can be watered in that way."

[konapoppy]

He has mostly stopped this one, but saying he was ready but then needing to do one more thing (get gas, get coffee, get his sunglasses, etc) so it ends up making us late.

[cmeon]

He's really such a great guy, but he really loves dropping cliffhangers on me.

WOW!! ......
Oh, no!.......
Well, damn!......
Hey, that's cool!.........

I dont fall for it anymore, I just glare at him, that usually spurs a little follow-up. But he still does it!

[loira]

Insisting that the recycling needs to be bone dry before going in the bins and thus we have various cans, tetrapaks, bottles and packaging out on our counters cluttering space and driving me bonkers.

[basilosaurus]

Waking me up to ask are you awake.

I have horrible insomnia. If I'm asleep let me be. Especially if you know for sure I've had only 3 hours sleep in the last 30+.

Secondary to that, saying "if you're that tired just go to sleep." It telling me to go back to sleep after he's woken me and forced me to engage in conversation.

[emilyinchile]

Taking forever to wear new things so that by the time he decides to use them they often don't fit (because he rarely actually tries things on before buying) or aren't something he wants anymore, but it's too late to return or exchange. It's just a t-shirt, you don't need to save it for a special occasion!

[felicity]

He leaves a few seconds on the microwave all the time.

The pacing. OMG the pacing. He just wanders around, stopping and starting in random places, getting in my way when he comes in a room and seems to be unable to anticipate that if I'm walking in his direction, I'm probably trying to go whatever he is standing by, so I have to ask him to move, or more likely just stand there and stare at him until he moves haha.

[felicity]

Jan 27, 2024 22:52:03 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Wanting to do something, but then becoming resentful and cranky if he is *expected* to do it.

DD gets this trait from him and it drives him crazy when she does it. Welcome to the last 20 years of living with you, buddy.

Also: urgently needing to organize the garage, change air filters, or some other chore that no one will notice whenever we are trying to prep the house for guests. Please clean the bathroom, man. No one is going to care if your wrenches are organized.

DH does this! He cleaned our garage when we were getting ready to have all the extended family over for a few hours for Christmas. I leave and come home, and as I'm getting out of the car he comes out all proud and showing off his work. I'm glad you got all the spider webs cleared out, but now!?!

[fernweh]

He is terrible at transitions and will jump from one topic to a wildly different one and expect me to follow. He will also start a story with a pronoun instead of a name and think I should know who the story is about.

[meganew]

Buying mini things and weird toys. He’s obsessed and his office looks like an old curiosity shop run by an eccentric hoarder. Every Robocop toy, mini cyclops on a tricycle, Mighty Max toys (the boy’s version of Polly Pocket), mini versions of arcade games, garbage pail kids, etc. They’re all over!

Last night we were on the couch and he was on his computer doing work, I looked away for 15 seconds, and when I looked back he was very seriously pondering purchasing a set of “vintage” ET plates and cups from Facebook marketplace. Why? Why is this your thing? Lol

[ssmjlm]

Researching and second guessing purchases.

We’re in the market for a grill and he’s now been to Lowe’s twice (once alone and once with me), Home Depot, checked Costco online, Ace online, and the Weber website itself.

I mean, sometimes I know you need to research and he wants certain specs, but this is for even low risk stuff.

[Jalapeñomel]

Taking hours to poop.

[sproctopus]

Being a cis het man.

Breathing.

Being adventurous.

[honeydew1894]

Jan 27, 2024 22:26:27 GMT -5 artichokie said:

Researching an item for like 2 months before purchasing. Just buy the darn thing already!

OMG this. I mean, we end up with good stuff but it is maddening. 

[fivechickens]

Jan 27, 2024 22:10:46 GMT -5 bears said:

Falling asleep on the couch while denying he's falling asleep on the couch.

My husband does this too. 🙄

He watches sports all day every day. It does not matter what it is or if he is truly interested. Bass fishing? On. Curling? On. Golf? On. No wonder the motherfucker is constantly falling asleep.

When I am watching any Real Housewives show he comments ‘you know this isn’t real right? It’s all scripted’ as if he is the first person EVER to realize this.

[konapoppy]

Answering the phone but not saying hello for like 3 seconds.

Is this a gen x thing?

Apparently he has a few but we are happy 🤣🤣

[mrspez07]

His relaxed and non confrontational manner. It is both one of his best traits (and part of what drew me to him) and also annoying.

He’s on his own timeframe for putting things away, going through stuff, taking the lead on our decisions. our “fights” almost always consist of me getting mad at him, finally boiling over and it being one-sided anger. He rarely is angry or grumpy so when he is, everything feels wrong, like on a random Tuesday night.

[macmars45]

Getting just himself ready to leave while I'm running around packing everything but the kitchen sink for our autistic DS and then stuff for myself too. As we're getting shoes on he'll run & grab a snack for DS. No shit dude, thanks for thinking of that for me as if I haven't already packed the snacks necessary. *eye roll*

Leaving his dirty dishes on the counter right above the dishwasher with dirty dishes in it and his lunch prepping stuff all over the kitchen! "Don't do it for him, he'll get to it later." Later never comes for him because I try to cook dinner but can't until I clean up his mess from lunch. I'm getting pissed just writing this.