What's the worst mess (literally) that you've cleaned up?

[expectantsteelerfan]

A friend just shared a fb memory of the time her toddler snuck a jar of peanut butter into her room at some point, and then one day at nap time she went crazy, smearing it over EVERYTHING.  It's horrifying every time I see the picture.

Mine I think was the time I was taking getting something from the fridge, and a 9x12 casserole dish full of pasta salad slid off the shelf and onto the floor and shattered before I could catch it.  Between the glass shards and the greasy Italian dressing, it was so hard to clean up. 

[flygirl]

Dog got out of the basement while we were gone…and let’s just say she was in need of some Pepto.

[penguingrrl]

My mom had to clean it up for me, but the afternoon we brought our second home from the hospital my oldest got their hands on a huge jar of Vaseline. They smeared it all over themself, their hair, their dress they were wearing, diaper, everything. My mom had to bathe them 4 times and wash the tub in between each bath to make them even marginally less slippery. It took multiple soaks in Lestoil to save the dress (which was sentimental or would have gone in the trash).

[pumpkincat]

Similar toddler story - she somehow got an entire bottle of body wash in her room during nap. Soap is really hard to clean up.
Then there was the time she painted in her own poop. VOM.

Probably the worst was a dog diarrhea crate incident where I walked in the house, toddler looked at me, "Mama, I think Shadow pooped" and there was poop.... everywhere. All over him, (poor thing), crate, walls, floor.

[TR]

One time Stella had diarrhea in her crate that had also squirted outside the crate. Luckily I had wood floors, but it was so so gross to clean up and get out of all the nooks and crannies of the crate and floor boards. I cried a little cleaning it up.

[meganew]

Mess 1: daughter was playing quietly in the front room so I thought I could unload the dishwasher quick. Came back to find that she had pooped out of her diaper up her back, and then smeared it all over the blinds.

Mess 2: same daughter had an upset stomach. She got out of bed and came to the top of the stairs to tell us she thought she was going to throw up…. And then she did. Projectile down the entire staircase. In every crack, on the walls, on the railing. H threw up while cleaning up her throw up while I rushed her into the shower while she cried. Hilarious now, was honestly kind of hilarious then too. Lol

[followyourarrow]

A gallon can of tomato sauce got dropped as it was being opened. We had to prime and repaint the kitchen and dining room.

[7costanza]

My H and I once had to give the heimlich to a random kid choking on a piece of hard candy at a restaurant as his dad froze. Once the candy was out I was hugging and talking to him and he threw up all over me - down my shirt, in my hair, etc. I cleaned up in the bathroom as best I could but had to ride home in just my (vomit soaked) bra and undies. It’s not so bad to clean up your own kids vomit compared to a complete stranger’s, but I was very grateful we were able to help the kid.

[k3am]

Vomit excluded..

Our roomba knocked several bottles of wine out of the storage container, then proceeded to spread red wine and broken glass shards… everywhere. Can confirm that the thing did a great job of getting every area possible. At least it wasn’t poop?

[bears]

While potty training, DD pooped, then took off her diaper and ground the poop into the carpet. Even when I've had sick pets, it didn't seem AS bad--I really felt like this was PERSONAL.

My dad was there for this and told me he couldn't believe how calm I was. I told him I was calm because if I got even a little mad I would completely lose my shit.

[VillainV]

One of my son’s friends was over playing video games and he vomited bright red vomit all over our cream-colored carpet. ALL OVER. Surprisingly it all came out and you honestly can’t see anything anymore. Bissell Little Green Machine came in clutch!!!

[meanie]

When DD was 5ish she was downstairs in the playroom with a friend. She proceeded to paint eeeeeeeeverything and told her friend that if he didn't do it too she would scream. I came home in the middle of my H finding out and losing his shit.

We seriously wondered if she was a sociopath after that and I was still finding paint for a solid year. Safe to say we have been a paint free house ever since!

[meanie]

Feb 5, 2024 17:30:37 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

A gallon can of tomato sauce got dropped as it was being opened. We had to prime and repaint the kitchen and dining room.

I hate things like this because a split second mistake ends up taking so long to clean up! I think you win

[wildrice]

I bought a Costco sized bottle of red wine (not sure exactly how big that is but it was at least 1.5 or 2x the size of a typical bottle) and dropped it on the carpet in the living room of a rental. That wasn't gross, but it was almost impossible to clean up and remove the stain.

Thankfully I do not have kids and and have had minimal pet incidents beyond the usual vomiting and occasional poop variety, but nothing extreme that I can recall. I did have a kid I was babysitting when I was like 14 vomit everywhere in a house, but I called my mom to come over and clean it up lol.

[oregonpachey]

See my post in the support thread. My mom's house. She hadn't been able to clean in months because she felt so horrid. There were dishes in any available spot with moldy food and maggots on them. The fridge hadn't been cleaned out in forever. She had lost power at some point and all the food in the fridge spoiled. There were some fun science experiments in there. The cat box hadn't been cleaned in forever. Her back room was literally full of rotten trash because she hadn't gone to the dump in months.

It was all I could take not to gag and vomit at some of the stuff I uncovered.

[plutosmoon]

Probably not the worst, but the one that stayed with me. I dropped a large glass bottle of homemade peppermint schnapps. I dropped it on my tile floor, so it kind of exploded more than broke. It went everywhere, the under the appliances, in the pantry, all over the cabinets, I even found some on my light fixtures. It was super sticky, it really adhered to the grout, my house smelled like a distillery for a good month.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

I dropped a bottle of olive oil on the kitchen floor, no cap. The bottle shattered and our kitchen floor was a skating rink for a long time. No matter what j did!

Runners up- a bottle of baby powder in the bathroom. A box of bisquick in the kitchen (I have the funniest pic of Lucy as a toddler with white hair and chalky skin. Think antiquing ala Jackass)

And one I couldn’t do- David and Lucy were fighting over pickles. I was newly pregnant and so sick all the time. They spilled the jar and I had to call my mom to clean it up. I still hate the smell of pickles.

[cereal K]

Technically, H cleaned it up, but...

Our first house was a small, 1000 sf place with an attic fan. My parents were in town for the holidays and we were cooking dinner. I think H was searing steaks on the stove when the smoke detector started going off. He did what we always did when that happened: opened the sliding door in the kitchen (that went out to the deck) and turned on the attic fan.

But he forgot that we had a fire going in our wood-burning fireplace. The suction from the fan pulled through the whole house. The whole family room was covered in ash. We were very fortunate that nothing caught fire, and that the room was pretty small, but lord it was dusty in there for ages.

[jewel]

My older kid has cyclic vomiting syndrome, so there have been many terrible barfing incidents.

The worsts were when he was too young to make an announcement before he got sick. One day, I was driving him to preschool, and had a newborn in the car too. He PROJECTILE vomited a huge bowl of blueberries (and other breakfast) all over the car.

I got so panicky because I couldn’t figure out how to manage a barfing 3 year old, new newborn, and clean out the car before everything dried. I made my H come home from work to help.

[redheadbaker]

H trimmed the fat off a cut of pork, and gave the trimmings to the dogs. I came home from work the next day to puddles of dog diarrhea EVERYWHERE. Of course, on the night of the week that he had to stay late at work (he worked at a school at the time, running an after-school social skills program). I was also pregnant at the time.

ETA: I do not clean up vomit. If I tried to, there'd just be twice as much vomit for H to clean up. 

[sunnysally]

I dropped a 5 pound of sugar on the kitchen floor and it exploded. I thought I would just be able to sweep it up, but it turned into a huge sticky mess.

[blondemoment123]

TW:
The aftermath of H's bleeding incident

[MixedBerryJam]

Human related, my mom and I had a friendly competition as to who had changed the poopiest diaper (my son had a huge constipation issue to the point that we had images done and his Pedi, shocked, exclaimed "He has the rectum of a grown man!" He pooped about once a week.) We agreed I had won the lifetime achievement award once when he was covered, from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. In perfect Scarlett O'Hara fashion, I rolled up the rug he was on and tossed it in my attic where it stayed until I sold the house when he was ... 24. In another, unrelated incident, he got pus on the kitchen ceiling once.

Cleaning the cellar after a flood on my 15th wedding anniversary, 3 weeks after my husband died, was not my favorite day, either.

 And a few postsup reminded me of my pyrex bowl. I can't even say it shattered. It PULVERIZED. It was like grains of sugar.  I've broken plenty of pyrex over the years and I still don't know what made this bowl break like that. It was glass powder.  Not particularly terrible to clean up, but I really never saw anything break like that, before or since. PULVERIZED!

[loira]

Dog diarrhea in a crate. It was pretty contained so maybe not the worst mess-wise, but still takes top spot for the overall ick factor.

[Jalapeñomel]

Not me, but DH… the robot vacuum ran over dog poop once!

[MixedBerryJam]

Feb 5, 2024 18:05:47 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

I dropped a bottle of olive oil on the kitchen floor, no cap. ...

omg you win. This must have been impossible to clean up. I was making vanilla extract togive as gifts one year and dropped a gallon of vodka with probably $100 worth of vanilla beans in it, but my house smwlled so good for weeks after. I think it soaked into the grout.

[fivechickens]

TW: poop

1. We had a stomach bug go through the house and I took the opportunity to teach the girls that if they need to throw up go to the bathroom and do it in the toilet. D3 had to go to the bathroom to pee, but while on the toilet she yells while crying ‘mama! Mama! I need to throw up’. I tell her to grab the garbage can but she had gotten herself off the toilet and proceeds to throw up and projectile POOPs at the same time…..and it wouldn’t stop. Poop covering the lower part of the walls and wood floors. After that I told them that when they have to poop just use the garbage can to throw up.

2. We made the mistake of not giving our dog enough time to pee/poop after she ate before we went to my aunts. We came home to her and the bottom of her crate covered in poop.

Honorable mention:

My H filled up the animals 2.5 gallon water bowl but forgot to put the main, and important, piece on it so when he turned it over water got every where. Then when he picked up the bowl part of it he slipped out of his hands and dumped all the water out of it. While no where near as bad as cleaning up poop it was a mess and took the area rug a couple days to completed dry.

[ellipses84]

After Spring Break St Patrick’s Day partying we were headed home after drinking many green drinks at multiple bars, including an Irish pub which Phoenix is not known for. I get car sick easily and tend to puke when I mix different drinks. I suddenly had to throw up while my friend’s BF was driving his car on the freeway and thought my best option for containing it was to try to catch it in my denim skirt. It did not go well. I don’t know why I didn’t try to throw up out the window. We cleaned it a little in the dark but I told him I’d do a thorough clean first thing in the morning. He insisted he would clean it himself but did not try until the afternoon after it had baked in the hot sun. Then he couldn’t bear it and I ended up cleaning it. It was a very hot day and would have been so much better if I’d cleaned it as soon as I woke up.

[deadwing]

Feb 5, 2024 18:05:47 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

I dropped a bottle of olive oil on the kitchen floor, no cap. The bottle shattered and our kitchen floor was a skating rink for a long time. No matter what j did!

I did this too! Ugh, it was such a nightmare to clean up. I bet it's still under appliances. I no longer own that home, so it's someone else's problem now!

Second place would be the time my long haired cat got diarrhea caught in her fur in such a way that subsequent poop had nowhere to go.

[sarahswim]

Not my house but I attended a Super Bowl party where the kids were in a bedroom and somehow exploded a bean bag chair. Teeny-tiny styrofoam balls that static-clung to everything and everyone. We all tried to help clean and it was nearly impossible.