Post by W.T.Faulkner on Mar 22, 2024 22:14:24 GMT -5
You know how people think of the thing they should have said like five hours after the conversation? You did it ON SIGHT. People fantasize about that and you just lived it!
Bet he’s regretting ever having said shit to you the first time. He could have prevented all of this by not being a reckless dumbass, and now he will literally pay.
I’m enamored by your resolve. You went from “I think my husband sucks” to “I’m done and papers are filed” in like 2 days (in my mind). I hope it continues to move swiftly and smoothly and you continue to tell yourself you’re doing this FOR your daughter, not TO her.
I hope the rest of the day was as satisfying as the morning ❤️
It sort of feels that way to me too! I think it was a long time coming and that episode he pulled shook me awake and propelled me into action. We had a good night over my friend’s house and some of our other friends came over too. As predicated, the drunk angry texts from him started later on. I just ignored and didn’t engage at all.
I’m enamored by your resolve. You went from “I think my husband sucks” to “I’m done and papers are filed” in like 2 days (in my mind). I hope it continues to move swiftly and smoothly and you continue to tell yourself you’re doing this FOR your daughter, not TO her.
I hope the rest of the day was as satisfying as the morning ❤️
It sort of feels that way to me too! I think it was a long time coming and that episode he pulled shook me awake and propelled me into action. We had a good night over my friend’s house and some of our other friends came over too. As predicated, the drunk angry texts from him started later on. I just ignored and didn’t engage at all.
I completely understand. He just probably assumed it was another kink in the bendy straw that could be straightened back out. But you said “I care about the sea turtles motherfucker, and there’s no saving this shitty paper straw”.
The texts will continue, I’m sure. Ignoring is the best and you know that. Sometimes it will be SO HARD not to clap back, but eyes on the prize: getting as much $ and custody (safety) for your girl. He’ll probably screenshot anything you text (you should too), so be mindful of your responses.
It sort of feels that way to me too! I think it was a long time coming and that episode he pulled shook me awake and propelled me into action. We had a good night over my friend’s house and some of our other friends came over too. As predicated, the drunk angry texts from him started later on. I just ignored and didn’t engage at all.
I completely understand. He just probably assumed it was another kink in the bendy straw that could be straightened back out. But you said “I care about the sea turtles motherfucker, and there’s no saving this shitty paper straw”.
The texts will continue, I’m sure. Ignoring is the best and you know that. Sometimes it will be SO HARD not to clap back, but eyes on the prize: getting as much $ and custody (safety) for your girl. He’ll probably screenshot anything you text (you should too), so be mindful of your responses.
Ha I do love me some sea turtles! Oh believe me I have a folder in my phone for screen shots of his texts. Hopefully once he gets an attorney they will warn him to tread carefully. If he runs his mouth in person, I’ll tell him I’m recording it. Go ahead and give me a reason to file for an order to vacate, asshole! My only text to him in the flurry from him was that DD wanted to say good night to him, then he called and I handed her the phone. As far as I could tell it was a normal convo and he didn’t say anything weird to her.
I've been a bit MIA for a while, but I've caught up on your saga. I'm so impressed at your calm demeanor and ability to deal with the crap he's piled on.
I’m also just getting caught up here. I’m so happy for you. That step is hard and you did it like a boss. I feel like the entire divorce process was just one reminder after another of why it was happening in the first place. Helps to seal the deal. Thinking of you and excited for your future.
Post by starburst604 on Mar 23, 2024 13:03:02 GMT -5
Well, today has not been good. He’s being worse than I even thought possible. I don’t know how I will stay in this house. I can’t keep dragging my kid around to other houses but I can’t bring myself to leave her in his care. He’s being absolutely vicious by text, but not what I think would be deemed “threatening” enough to have him removed. I don’t know what to do.
Well, today has not been good. He’s being worse than I even thought possible. I don’t know how I will stay in this house. I can’t keep dragging my kid around to other houses but I can’t bring myself to leave her in his care. He’s being absolutely vicious by text, but not what I think would be deemed “threatening” enough to have him removed. I don’t know what to do.
I’m really sorry. My ex was SUCH a vicious asshole during the divorce, and it is so hard. My only advice is to take the high road when you can and silently thank him for reminding you how 💯 correct your decision is. You’ll get through this, I promise.
I’m so sorry, starburst604. Can you block him from texting you? Maybe send him a text ahead of time with something like “I don’t think this is productive and I’d like to remove myself from this communication for now. If there is an urgent issue you need to discuss regarding DD please text my mom/friend/whoever and they will convey”
I’m so sorry, starburst604. Can you block him from texting you? Maybe send him a text ahead of time with something like “I don’t think this is productive and I’d like to remove myself from this communication for now. If there is an urgent issue you need to discuss regarding DD please text my mom/friend/whoever and they will convey”
I didn’t engage in any of it, but I finally did say “I won’t be responding to antagonizing texts. Please only text me about DD. Also when we are at home, don’t come near me”. This is because earlier he was hanging around the kitchen glaring at me and making these evil little laughs when I would walk by him. He’s honestly scary right now. I was out with DD and didn’t come home until just now, fortunately he’s passed out drunk.
I’m really proud of you. I hope there’s a way for you to feel safe until this is all finalized. You’re doing a great job staying strong for you and your daughter.
I'm so sorry. You continue to be amazing, but his drinking and extreme anger are a bad combo, and I'm nervous for you. Do you have any close friends in your town? Anyone who can host you for a night or two if you want to get out but still be close to home for school, etc.?
I’m so sorry, starburst604. Can you block him from texting you? Maybe send him a text ahead of time with something like “I don’t think this is productive and I’d like to remove myself from this communication for now. If there is an urgent issue you need to discuss regarding DD please text my mom/friend/whoever and they will convey”
I didn’t engage in any of it, but I finally did say “I won’t be responding to antagonizing texts. Please only text me about DD. Also when we are at home, don’t come near me”. This is because earlier he was hanging around the kitchen glaring at me and making these evil little laughs when I would walk by him. He’s honestly scary right now. I was out with DD and didn’t come home until just now, fortunately he’s passed out drunk.
Get LastPass or something password protected to document notes on his behavior. It doesn’t have to be lengthy just something with the date and notes - it will start to blend together. Keep records, copies of text, etc that he can not access. Do you share a phone plan? You may consider getting a new account (phone/email) in your name only with only your access. Pay for it separately. Same with a WiFi in the house. Change all of your passwords. Save the new passwords in LastPass. He seems the type to access as much of your life as he can to screw with you and make you miserable.
I don’t know how bad his condition is to be “passed out drunk” but if you think he needs medical care, call 911. I know that sounds shocking because you’ve been covering for him for so long, but you really need to get a paper trail going when he does this to himself. He can refuse medical care but that’s on him and the EMTs. He does not sound well.
Post by wanderingback on Mar 24, 2024 0:04:36 GMT -5
If you’re scared for your safety definitely talk to your lawyer. But don’t be afraid to leave with your daughter and go to a hotel if needed. It’s better to do that and deal with the repercussions later than be injured.
When I left my ex it actually felt good to just not engage and not cuss him out. I know it bothered him so it made me all warm and fuzzy inside.
I didn’t engage in any of it, but I finally did say “I won’t be responding to antagonizing texts. Please only text me about DD. Also when we are at home, don’t come near me”. This is because earlier he was hanging around the kitchen glaring at me and making these evil little laughs when I would walk by him. He’s honestly scary right now. I was out with DD and didn’t come home until just now, fortunately he’s passed out drunk.
Get LastPass or something password protected to document notes on his behavior. It doesn’t have to be lengthy just something with the date and notes - it will start to blend together. Keep records, copies of text, etc that he can not access. Do you share a phone plan? You may consider getting a new account (phone/email) in your name only with only your access. Pay for it separately. Same with a WiFi in the house. Change all of your passwords. Save the new passwords in LastPass. He seems the type to access as much of your life as he can to screw with you and make you miserable.
I don’t know how bad his condition is to be “passed out drunk” but if you think he needs medical care, call 911. I know that sounds shocking because you’ve been covering for him for so long, but you really need to get a paper trail going when he does this to himself. He can refuse medical care but that’s on him and the EMTs. He does not sound well.
I’ve been keeping notes in a date book for a while now. It stays in my desk at work. His phone is supplied by work so no we aren’t on the same plan. My work pays my bill and that gets sent there. I’ve changed my passwords on anything that he might try to access with knowledge of my “usual” passwords.
I have a lovely Ring video of him stumbling up our driveway last night after being dropped off, then he punched the side view mirror on his truck after he bumped into it.
He and DD are going to a Providence Bruins game today with my SIL and her daughter. I’m going to ask her if she will drive there and back because I’m concerned.
I'm so sorry. You continue to be amazing, but his drinking and extreme anger are a bad combo, and I'm nervous for you. Do you have any close friends in your town? Anyone who can host you for a night or two if you want to get out but still be close to home for school, etc.?
Yes I have several friends locally that are ready to take us at any moment if needed. I need to talk to my SIL about what’s been happening. Despite being related to him, she’s a very solid person and may be the only one at this point who can get through to him even a little.
I’m going to pack an emergency getaway bag for my car (meds, change of clothes and toiletries for me and DD) and am keeping my keys hidden so he can’t try to take them from me.
If you’re scared for your safety definitely talk to your lawyer. But don’t be afraid to leave with your daughter and go to a hotel if needed. It’s better to do that and deal with the repercussions later than be injured.
When I left my ex it actually felt good to just not engage and not cuss him out. I know it bothered him so it made me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Things will get better!
For years I would fight back so hard against the things he would say about me. How can you think I’m this or that, I’m not, you’re wrong! And now his words just don’t have any power with me. He’s just regurgitating all the things that used to make me so upset. I know it’s his self-hate speaking and his fury over losing power over my emotions. Of course the concerning thing there is when he fails to get to me that way, what he could escalate to.
I'm happy to hear you have a safety plan. Please, please don't underestimate him. It's in our nature, but violence can and will escalate, particularly when substance use is involved.
Big hugs and sending lots of love and protective energy.
I think you’re utilizing the DEEP technique… Don’t: – Defend – Engage – Explain – Personalize
Reiterating using the safety plan, and keeping you in my thoughts!
I have a feeling that SIL dug into him when they took the kids the hockey game yesterday, because his demeanor has taken a 180. She probably told him if he doesn't behave I can have him removed from the house (I didn't tell her that, but she's not dumb), so he came home with his nice and helpful mask on. Which is of course frightening because I don't buy it one bit and I won't be letting my guard down any. He's probably also hoping I'll change my mind about using attorneys if he's nice enough, but nothing is changing about how I handle this. The fact that I won't use a mediator instead of attorneys is his main anger point right now because MONEY!!! I had all the insults flung my way via text on Fri/Saturday. If I use an attorney, he has one that is so good I'll be broke again (I was not broke when we met). He's going to tell EVERYONE in town the TRUTH about me. I should be ashamed of the life I lived before I met him, it was nothing but TRASH! Mr. Nice and Helpful is fooling no one, especially not me.