Well, today has not been good. He’s being worse than I even thought possible. I don’t know how I will stay in this house. I can’t keep dragging my kid around to other houses but I can’t bring myself to leave her in his care. He’s being absolutely vicious by text, but not what I think would be deemed “threatening” enough to have him removed. I don’t know what to do.
This is something for the PD to decide not you. When I split w my xh 10y ago! every text message was forwarded to the PD (It was also a violation of the no contact Order I had against him). Ultimately, all those text messages led to the State prosecuting him.
Jesus, I’m sorry he’s being so awful, even if it was expected. That’s really hard to live through. But you’re awesome for seeing it through and making it happen. You’ll be so much happier when it’s all complete!
I am just catching up. Does your DD know what is going on yet? I wouldn't trust him not to try and poison her mind about you. Keep your head up!!
She doesn't know yet, and I don't trust him when it comes to ANYTHING. I'm looking into a therapist for her so that she has someone to talk to if she feels caught in the middle. At some point I am going to have to discuss his alcohol abuse with her, make sure she knows the signs of him being in a really bad way, and what she can do. I'm going to need some guidance on that.
I just rewatched a clip from the Ring on Friday night, where he flips it off as he's coming into the house. I just realized that he also said "Fucking tramp". There's another from Saturday night where he stumbles up the driveway after getting dropped off, bumps into the side mirror of his truck and then punches it. He's such a gem.
Post by countthestars on Mar 25, 2024 13:05:30 GMT -5
starburst604, you're in MA, correct? DD just started seeing a therapist virtually who may have openings. I know in person is sometimes preferable, but we have really felt like we've connected with her despite being on Zoom. Let me know if you'd like her email address!
starburst604 , you're in MA, correct? DD just started seeing a therapist virtually who may have openings. I know in person is sometimes preferable, but we have really felt like we've connected with her despite being on Zoom. Let me know if you'd like her email address!
Post by amandakisser on Mar 25, 2024 17:32:57 GMT -5
Your STBXH sounds very similar to mine - his initial reaction to my filing was very calm but as reality set in and he realized I wasn't changing my mind he got VICIOUS. I finally had to tell him that if he continued to abuse me via text, that I would only communicate with him via court-monitored app. That stopped him 100% because he's in law enforcement and did NOT want his texts monitored. Since your STBXH is on an employer-paid phone plan, he may feel similar.
As for him spreading lies about you around town, my XH did the same thing and I kept my mouth shut. It was torture but he shot himself in the foot because then everyone saw his true colors. So just let him threaten that, and continue to take the high road.
Actually filing and informing my ex was the most anxiety-producing part of the process. A LOT of it was difficult, but once I knew I didn't have to deal with him as a wife any longer, his actions were significantly more bearable for me.
I got my daughter a smart watch to wear so she could contact me if she felt unsafe with her dad. He was also court ordered to undergo random breathalyzers on his weekends with them, so you could request something like that if you're worried about your daughter's safety.
I have lots more tips and advice, but this is already overwhelming, but I'm more than happy to help. I'm exactly a year out from telling my XH and let me tell you: life is beautiful today <3
Post by starburst604 on Mar 25, 2024 19:24:14 GMT -5
amandakisser I really needed to hear that! Mr. Nice Guy didn’t last for very long, he’s back to being a dick. Shocking! I don’t care what he tells people either, he’ll just look unhinged. He told me that he looked at an apartment today, of course it was the building I had in mind for myself. Oh well. I was looking at it because it has a pool which DD would love, even though it’s a little more than I wanted to pay. If he’s going to have a pool then I won’t worry about having one. I’m so looking forward to what life is like a year from now!!
The court ordered app for texts is a great idea, if he keeps sending nasty ones I’ll toss that idea at home. DD does have a gizmo watch so she can reach me when she’s with him.
starburst604, I'm not sure if you're a country music fan, or if music even relates to you, but there is a song currently out called "Everleave" by Alexandra Kay that makes me think of you every time I hear it. She shows the same strength you do.
starburst604 , I'm not sure if you're a country music fan, or if music even relates to you, but there is a song currently out called "Everleave" by Alexandra Kay that makes me think of you every time I hear it. She shows the same strength you do.
I do like country, I'll have to listen to that one! Heavy in rotation right now are Better Man by Little Big Town (or T. Swift, who wrote it) and Praying by Kesha.
You sound like you are doing really well; your resolve to follow through with this seems strong. It's so hard though when someone who was supposed to love you forever turns on you like this. Please remind yourself every chance you get that the things he does and says are about HIM and never you even though he'll want to make you think otherwise.
starburst604 I can’t wait until you can get away from him. Do you know yet when either of you will be able to move out? It would be nice to have that to look forward to.
starburst604 I can’t wait until you can get away from him. Do you know yet when either of you will be able to move out? It would be nice to have that to look forward to.
He’s apparently put down a deposit on an apartment available 5/14. I’m not sure how he plans to pay for that and contribute to the mortgage while we sell the house, but I guess that’s for our attorneys to figure out. I’m not getting into it with him. Speaking of, he hasn’t yet picked up the summons from my attorney and I have no idea if he’s secured an attorney for himself.
Well, I wish it were sooner, but at least there’s a date in place. The rest of it is his problem, not yours. In time you’ll get used to not having to solve all of his problems for him and it will be sooo nice.
If I were you, I would just have him served. He's clearly back to trying to make things difficult for you, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to go pick up the papers.
If I were you, I would just have him served. He's clearly back to trying to make things difficult for you, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to go pick up the papers.
Yes I may just do that, it's just hard to figure out a reliable time and place to have him served since he's all over the place on any given day. He said he'd get them and the attorney is like 10 minutes away so I was fine with that, but it hasn't happened.
If I were you, I would just have him served. He's clearly back to trying to make things difficult for you, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to go pick up the papers.
Yes I may just do that, it's just hard to figure out a reliable time and place to have him served since he's all over the place on any given day. He said he'd get them and the attorney is like 10 minutes away so I was fine with that, but it hasn't happened.
I'm not sure if this varies by state, but when I got divorced the person serving me the papers called and set up a time/place for the hand off. So, that might not be your headache to sort out.
Yes I may just do that, it's just hard to figure out a reliable time and place to have him served since he's all over the place on any given day. He said he'd get them and the attorney is like 10 minutes away so I was fine with that, but it hasn't happened.
I'm not sure if this varies by state, but when I got divorced the person serving me the papers called and set up a time/place for the hand off. So, that might not be your headache to sort out.
This was also my experience and I'm in the same state as starburst604. I was served by a sheriff, he called to confirm I would be at home and able to accept the paperwork, just have him served. The automatic financial restraining order is in place once he is served, sounds like you may need that in place asap.
I'm not sure if this varies by state, but when I got divorced the person serving me the papers called and set up a time/place for the hand off. So, that might not be your headache to sort out.
This was also my experience and I'm in the same state as starburst604 . I was served by a sheriff, he called to confirm I would be at home and able to accept the paperwork, just have him served. The automatic financial restraining order is in place once he is served, sounds like you may need that in place asap.
You're right, I knew that and forgot about it. I'm going to tell the attorney to just have him served then.
If I were you, I would just have him served. He's clearly back to trying to make things difficult for you, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to go pick up the papers.
Yes I may just do that, it's just hard to figure out a reliable time and place to have him served since he's all over the place on any given day. He said he'd get them and the attorney is like 10 minutes away so I was fine with that, but it hasn't happened.
Yes I may just do that, it's just hard to figure out a reliable time and place to have him served since he's all over the place on any given day. He said he'd get them and the attorney is like 10 minutes away so I was fine with that, but it hasn't happened.
starburst604 , I'm not sure if you're a country music fan, or if music even relates to you, but there is a song currently out called "Everleave" by Alexandra Kay that makes me think of you every time I hear it. She shows the same strength you do.
I do like country, I'll have to listen to that one! Heavy in rotation right now are Better Man by Little Big Town (or T. Swift, who wrote it) and Praying by Kesha.
Riser by Dirks Bentley and A Little Bit Stronger were also on repeat when I was going through it. Stay strong!
starburst604 I can’t wait until you can get away from him. Do you know yet when either of you will be able to move out? It would be nice to have that to look forward to.
He’s apparently put down a deposit on an apartment available 5/14. I’m not sure how he plans to pay for that and contribute to the mortgage while we sell the house, but I guess that’s for our attorneys to figure out. I’m not getting into it with him. Speaking of, he hasn’t yet picked up the summons from my attorney and I have no idea if he’s secured an attorney for himself.
I don't know how it works in MA, but I know in PA you can file for a temporary support order. When my exH was going through his first divorce he was order to pay child support, alimony pende lite, a portion of the mortgage, and a portion of school tuition after he moved out. I hope that is something that you can do too. Would you be able to afford to stay in the house during the divorce process if he was contributing financially? It might make things easier for you if you don't have to move in the middle of everything else.
He’s apparently put down a deposit on an apartment available 5/14. I’m not sure how he plans to pay for that and contribute to the mortgage while we sell the house, but I guess that’s for our attorneys to figure out. I’m not getting into it with him. Speaking of, he hasn’t yet picked up the summons from my attorney and I have no idea if he’s secured an attorney for himself.
I don't know how it works in MA, but I know in PA you can file for a temporary support order. When my exH was going through his first divorce he was order to pay child support, alimony pende lite, a portion of the mortgage, and a portion of school tuition after he moved out. I hope that is something that you can do too. Would you be able to afford to stay in the house during the divorce process if he was contributing financially? It might make things easier for you if you don't have to move in the middle of everything else.
We have talked about putting the house on the market asap. I don’t think I’ll commit to a new place until we have a P&S signed on a sale. He won’t be able to afford to rent for very long while also contributing to the house mortgage. I don’t think he understands what he facing right now, which is why he needs to talk to an attorney! Maybe he has and I don’t know it, but I’d think an attorney would tell him he needs to at least get the damn papers. My attorney is going to try and have him served tomorrow or Friday. It will be a Good Friday indeed, ha!