Post by RoxMonster on Apr 15, 2024 10:27:07 GMT -5
If there was no mention of “no gifts,” Then I would probably bring a small gift like a bottle of wine (if they drink it) or a gift card to a favorite restaurant. I would love if the invitation said “no gifts” and would follow it - I’d bring a card with a nice note inside.
Without instructions, I would definitely bring a gift to an anniversary party (a nice bottle of wine or booze). If the invitation said "no gifts" then I wouldn't bring one.
Whoa fiddles , you’d be that angry if someone brought a gift to acknowledge a huge life event?
I put no gifts on my kids’ birthday invites (in nicer language) so that they receive fewer gifts/smaller gifts. I know that someone will always bring something. It’s not that I want them to disregard the instructions - I’d be fine if no one brought anything - but they do anyway and I’m fine with that.
I can’t see getting worked up about someone bringing something small even if the host has put something like ‘your presence is presence enough’ or whatever on the invite.
This isn't a kids birthday party. And yes I would be annoyed. We had a 50th for my parents last year, they do not need more "things." They appreciated more the cards that they got from people.
It's the fact of blatantly ignoring the wishes of those throwing the party. That's basically what you're saying. Because you wouldn't get "worked up" it should be okay. When in fact, it's not.
Since people may want to bring SOMETHING, I like the idea of saying “in lieu of gifts, please bring a card with your favorite memory of the couple” or something like that.
this is the way to go.
I would bring a gift to this type of occasion unless I was told not to. So to your poll, my answer is yes, and yes I think you should put "no gifts" if they do not want anything.
Whoa fiddles, you’d be that angry if someone brought a gift to acknowledge a huge life event?
I put no gifts on my kids’ birthday invites (in nicer language) so that they receive fewer gifts/smaller gifts. I know that someone will always bring something. It’s not that I want them to disregard the instructions - I’d be fine if no one brought anything - but they do anyway and I’m fine with that.
I can’t see getting worked up about someone bringing something small even if the host has put something like ‘your presence is presence enough’ or whatever on the invite.
My family is actively working on paring down the items in my parent's house. It is a lot of work. Your small thing becomes more work for us.
Post by mrsslocombe on Apr 15, 2024 11:31:45 GMT -5
Thanks all, will put wording on the invitations. My parents don't drink, and unfortunately don't have the sort of interests/hobbies/etc that make them easy to buy gifts for anyway. Even food gifts are difficult because they both have health/dietary restrictions.
I don't think they would be "mad" if people brought gifts anyway, they would just feel a little uncomfortable, depending on what it was, that someone spent money on them. Most likely, it would end up at the church White Elephant sale. Or if it's wine etc I'd probably be taking it home.
Post by basilosaurus on Apr 15, 2024 11:35:49 GMT -5
For my grandparents 50th, we asked guests to share a memory and/or picture. The party was a surprise for them, and lots of family flew in. It was a huge hit. My gramma sniffled at basic hallmark cards, so you can imagine the impact this had on her.
Most couples I have known married 50 years want no gifts/need nothing, but love a nice handwritten card especially if you put a shared memory in it.
We did a card shower instead of a party for my parents. We asked people to write messages in them. My mom keeps the box on their fireplace and reads them often.
If I was throwing a party for them, I’d have one of these books out as a guest book and ask people to write memories in there. www.journalsnotcards.com
I would also put no gifts. They neither need nor WANT anything. They’re at a stage in their lives when they’re getting rid of stuff, and want to add memories, not more things to sort through.
This is brilliant and I hope to remember this when my parents hit 50 in a couple of years! They have already said they don't want a party (and the logistics of that would be impossible anyway) but a card shower would definitely be something they would enjoy. Thank you for sharing!
To the OP, I might not think to bring a gift because I am not a gift person, but I'd feel like a jerk when I showed up without anything if others brought one. So I like the "no gifts" option. Some people may ignore it, but it at least lets everyone else off the hook.
Definitely write 'no gifts' or use the wording suggestion of pps. Or specifically ask for memories. Otherwise, I'd assume I'd needed to bring something.
For those that cannot help but arrive to a 'no gifts' party with something, bring a card with a heartfelt message.
let’s also normalize believing other people know what they want/need more than you do. ‘I’ll just ignore what you say and go ahead anyway because I know better’ is such a running theme among annoy and problematic behavior.
I would bring a nice card and a bottle of something I knew the couple enjoyed. If I was asked not to bring a gift I would just do a card.
I freaking hate when people do this for kids. I completely understand that many kids have too much junk but someone always ignores the request and I feel like an idiot even if I shouldn’t.
I clicked yes because I bring gifts to parties. I suppose I don't technically have to bring a gift, it just seems like a gift giving event. Upon reflection, we hosted a 50th for my parents and I cannot recall if they received gifts. They certainly didn’t receive a boat load if I don’t remember it. I would think cards and small stuff would hit the right note anyway.
Do people attend birthdays and anniversary parties without a gift?
Since people may want to bring SOMETHING, I like the idea of saying “in lieu of gifts, please bring a card with your favorite memory of the couple” or something like that.
I like this idea best. Most people (especially of their generation) might feel weird coming empty-handed, so this is something relatively easy that checks the box of people bringing something, and also the couple being celebrated will be able to enjoy reading through the memories. My parents have a 50th anniversary coming up in a few years, and I like the card idea. (Also something easy for people to send if they are not able to attend the in-person event.)
Post by mrsslocombe on Apr 15, 2024 14:46:38 GMT -5
livinitup, I haven't been invited to many adult birthday parties or anniversaries. But I've never brought more than a card. All the birthday parties were for 75th birthday+, so all for older people who just wanted to see their family/friends and socialize. I know for my grandmother's 90th/95th she REALLY did not want gifts.
A kid's party I would bring a gift, unless specified otherwise.
I have been to a few 50th anniversary parties that were basically full-on receptions. Ballroom, live band, dancing, plated dinner, etc. I just don't remember if people brought gifts or not, since I was under 18.
Do people attend birthdays and anniversary parties without a gift?
Absolutely! If it says "no gifts", I bring...no gift. I would generally take a card, but I'm not always consistent with that, either.
And when I say "no gifts" on an invitation, I mean it. It makes me really uncomfortable if someone puts their desires above mine/the guest of honor and gives me something anyway because either a) they don't believe me or b) they just wanted to make themselves feel better. I'm not mad, but I don't like it.
I deeply hate gift giving among adults. I generally don't take anything, but would chip in on a group gift if someone else coordinates and offers to include me on it.
I don't drink and am completely unqualified to select a gift worthy bottle of alcohol. Can't we just all have a fun night and move on?
I'm curious why people have an issue with "showing up empty handed" when that's what has been requested! I'm curious about what motivates that feeling.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I'm curious why people have an issue with "showing up empty handed" when that's what has been requested! I'm curious about what motivates that feeling.
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I would never. I asked people not to send flowers when my grandmother died and still got some. I wanted to have a breakdown every time I looked at them.
I’d bring a gift regardless because gifts are my love language. I probably wouldn’t put anything about gifts on the invitation.
My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary recently. Amazon has a fun selection of small gifts like a glasses that say ‘cheers to 50 years’ or a 50th anniversary Christmas ornament. Or I’d bring a nice bottle of wine or something based on their interests (like if they like to travel or golf or something).
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 15, 2024 17:31:36 GMT -5
For my parents' 50th anniversary party, we asked for no gifts. Everyone brought cards instead. One person did handmake an embroidered piece of framed art commemorating the 50 years including their wedding date that my mom hung almost immediately.
I'm curious why people have an issue with "showing up empty handed" when that's what has been requested! I'm curious about what motivates that feeling.
I don’t think we’ve ever been invited to anything where people explicitly said no gifts. But in general, no one we know goes anywhere empty handed unless it’s something like a concert and even then people normally take turns buying drinks or something. Game night? Someone’s bringing dessert.
If I was told no gifts, I wouldn’t give anything though! I can follow instructions! But it would be an unusual request and I can see feeling a little weird about it.
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I'm not someone who sends flowers for funerals ever...
But I was always under the impression that this wording as an alternate offer, not a mandate. Is it #regional or cultural? Because in my family it usually just means, "if you would prefer to honor the deceased in another way, here is a place that was meaningful to them." VS "please don't send flowers."
But honestly in my circle only extremely close family sends flowers anyway.
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I'm not someone who sends flowers for funerals ever...
But I was always under the impression that this wording as an alternate offer, not a mandate. Is it #regional or cultural? Because in my family it usually just means, "if you would prefer to honor the deceased in another way, here is a place that was meaningful to them." VS "please don't send flowers."
But honestly in my circle only extremely close family sends flowers anyway.
For me it means don't send flowers! It was overwhelming to deal with the plants and flowers after my dad's funeral.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I'm not someone who sends flowers for funerals ever...
But I was always under the impression that this wording as an alternate offer, not a mandate. Is it #regional or cultural? Because in my family it usually just means, "if you would prefer to honor the deceased in another way, here is a place that was meaningful to them." VS "please don't send flowers."
But honestly in my circle only extremely close family sends flowers anyway.
Around here, flowers get sent to the funeral home, who transport them over to the church for the service. Then the family takes what they want and leaves the rest. It makes nice alter flowers for a week or however long. The church usually has some kind of flowers on it from time to time. Or the grave site.
A donation to a good cause is also really appreciated.
Around here, flowers get sent to the funeral home, who transport them over to the church for the service. Then the family takes what they want and leaves the rest. It makes nice alter flowers for a week or however long. The church usually has some kind of flowers on it from time to time. Or the grave site.
A donation to a good cause is also really appreciated.
Again, if the family is literally saying "Instead of sending flowers, please donate here" why are you sending flowers?
Around here, flowers get sent to the funeral home, who transport them over to the church for the service. Then the family takes what they want and leaves the rest. It makes nice alter flowers for a week or however long. The church usually has some kind of flowers on it from time to time. Or the grave site.
A donation to a good cause is also really appreciated.
Again, if the family is literally saying "Instead of sending flowers, please donate here" why are you sending flowers?
My question about attending parties (birthday/anniv) without a gift was about attending without “no gifts pls” instruction. Like the poll was asking.
I’ve never seen a message for a funeral that said “instead of sending flowers …” or really “in lieu of “ either. People are free to add either to the announcement. Leaving them behind is the norm.