I'm curious why people have an issue with "showing up empty handed" when that's what has been requested! I'm curious about what motivates that feeling.
My mother lol
Haha I totally understand this, my mom's voice in my head is why I always offer to bring something when I go to someone's house. But if they tell me not to bring anything, I listen! Because I'm also trying not to be like my mom, who brings a ton of food whenever she comes to our house, even when we've told her not to (to her credit, she's getting a little better about this), or my MIL, who is constantly sending us gifts when we've asked her not to (she's also getting a little better). My mom's love language is food and my MIL's is gifts, so I understand their impulses. But if someone has explicitly told you (general you, not directed at you specifically!) they do not want gifts, bringing them something NO LONGER A GIFT! You've given them a chore instead.
I don't get "worked up" exactly when someone gives me a gift I specifically asked them not to, but their intention to do something nice for me does not materialize. You've made my life harder instead of better when you get me a gift when I don't want one.
I also wonder why no one abides by the “in lieu of flowers” for a funeral. That seems to be way worse than any other “no gifts” request. You’re basically forcing those left behind to deal with a bunch of plants that could then become some sort of psychological burden on them instead of just being a good human and donating to a charity or the family.
I think some people don’t know what it means. I’ve had to tell several people (of all ages!) over the years it means they don’t want flowers and it’s not the family providing you with an alternative if you don’t like to/can’t send flowers but that flowers are ok too.
Again, if the family is literally saying "Instead of sending flowers, please donate here" why are you sending flowers?
My question about attending parties (birthday/anniv) without a gift was about attending without “no gifts pls” instruction. Like the poll was asking.
I’ve never seen a message for a funeral that said “instead of sending flowers …” or really “in lieu of “ either. People are free to add either to the announcement. Leaving them behind is the norm.
Really? Maybe it's regional? I see it all the time, especially with younger generations. Having had funerals for my dad, MIL, and grandparents I can say that dealing with flowers is a huge PITA! And people want to make sure you saw THEIR flowers, in a sea of flowers and people it's not that easy! I'm all about respecting people's wishes and making funerals as easy as possible for the loved ones.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus