I went to SIL's graduation party today, and I was reminded just how unfortunate and awkward I am at parties with casual friends. Professional networking? I'm brilliant. Meet and greets with complete strangers? No problem. One on one with a casual acquaintance? No big deal. Drinks with close friends? Awesome. Guest at a party with a mix of family and casual friends? Awkward outsider. Ugh. It feels like this a Jr. High dance
I'm not uncomfortable in any of the settings you listed, but I like meets and greets with complete strangers the least. Not so much because I'm awkward but because I find a lot of people to be insufferable.
It's funny that you find this one category so difficult when you say you're awesome in all the other categories. What makes this one so different?
But I will admit to not understanding social anxiety in general. Just go in and start talking - what's the worst that can happen?
Most awkward: where I don't know anyone, they all know each other and trying to talk to them is like pulling teeth.
I'm one of those people that doesn't meet a stranger, so people that won't talk (barring those that have some legitimate reason for not wanting to talk, say someone with social anxiety or a serious speech impairment) completely baffle me.
So I have freaky weird anxiety so I'm a little different but what really freaks me out are situations in which I am forced to sit for long periods of time without being able to move freely. Think lectures, charity meetings, etc. I have to go to a few of these things regularly so I have learned a lot of coping skills
Parties I'm fine. As long as I'm free to leave at any point.
Post by theintended on May 19, 2012 22:12:53 GMT -5
At parties/gatherings where I know nearly no one and most people know each other or I assume they do. If I'm not sure who people are or how they know each other, I'm bad at just asking. I always assume I should know and will come across as a jackass if I ask. Instead, I'm sure I look snobby or stuck up instead while I talk to the handful of people I do know and ignore the rest.
Post by fuddyduddy on May 19, 2012 22:19:17 GMT -5
I used to be painfully shy, but I've grown out of it and most social situations don't bother me. I only feel awkward and self-conscious when a lot of attention is focused on me. I blush easily when that happens.
I hate situations like that - ugh. I actually have social anxiety, so I really only like hanging out with family, super close friends and the H. I do OK in professional sessions since I can put my work hat on, but I still don't like it.
Post by ellipses84 on May 19, 2012 22:42:16 GMT -5
Work schmoozing events where I walk in the room and don't know anyone. I totally need a security cup to hold on to, even if there's no alcohol in it. Taking a drink can fill in awkward silences and an empty cup can offer a chance to escape a conversation.
P.S. I'm officially de-lurking on MM. I've been on other boards for a while but just changed my SN.
My comfort level is generally impacted by the percentage of people I know at the event. It's basically a direct relationship. The exception to this is when I do not know anyone. For some I do not find this awkward. The worst for me is a largish group where I only know the host. I avoid these events.
I think situations involving my in-laws extended family. I still have a hard time remembering who all of them are and how they are related to us (how are you supposed to remember who people are when you only ever meet them in huge groups of like 25 relatives?!) and I always feel like I'm acting fake and syrupy around them so they will like me or something.
Post by dukesilver on May 19, 2012 23:46:06 GMT -5
I find almost every social situation awkward, unless it is a small group, and I know everyone extremely well. People claim that I don't come off as awkwardly as I think I do, but I doubt it.
For people saying they don't understand social anxiety and why people just don't jump into the conversation, I don't know quite how to explain it. For me, it's not like I'm standing in a group with a lot to say, but I'm just too afraid to say it. It is almost like my mind has been completely erased, and I can think of literally nothing to say.
I think parties where I only know the host, or at most a couple people. I feel ok in work-related networking, but I dislike doing those when I don't know anyone either. I try to go with a "buddy" who works in the same industry to make things easier.
Certain family functions can be awkward, especially with in-law's. My immediate family of IL's (FIL, MIL, SILs and BILs) are all cool, but when it comes to larger family functions that include aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I don't always know what to say. Part of that is I have almost nothing in common with them, so once we get past the "what's new" topic, there are lots of awkward silences.
Post by zeewifeandmama on May 20, 2012 0:04:43 GMT -5
I agree with the PP who said only when in a group where people wont really talk/open up. I can talk to anyone about anything but if I am trying to talk to you, and you are just giving me one word answers and not really answering...I feel weird and awkward.
Work functions make me nervous, but I'm pretty good in social situations. I'm fine with strangers. I can find something in common with anyone or at least an interesting story they can share.
I find most situations awkward because that's just the way I am. But work related gatherings (like Christmas parties) are the worst. I generally don't like most of the people I work with, and those I do like I'm not really social with - I just happen to actually respect a 1/2 dozen colleagues. Plus I don't like to drink around professional acquaintances (i don't know why - it's not like alcohol makes me strip) so I can't even get drunk to loosen up. It's so horrible. If dh didn't come to these things with me I'd probably have a panic attack just choosing which table to join :s
Post by morningmania on May 20, 2012 7:04:24 GMT -5
I am typically great around a few people, even if I only know a couple of them. Send me to a wedding where I only know a couple people and I look like the an outcast.
I am just too shy about walking up to people I do not know and making conversation. If people come up to me and make conversation I am fine.
My older sister can talk to everyone and anyone about anything. We say that no one is a stranger to her. I wish I had gotten that charisma.
I am typically great around a few people, even if I only know a couple of them. Send me to a wedding where I only know a couple people and I look like the an outcast.
I am just too shy about walking up to people I do not know and making conversation. If people come up to me and make conversation I am fine.
My older sister can talk to everyone and anyone about anything. We say that no one is a stranger to her. I wish I had gotten that charisma.
This is how I feel. I have a really, really hard time at a party where I don't really know anyone or only know a few people. I am just super shy about walking up to people I don't know. Which of course makes my job stressfull when half of my job is to meet people at cocktail parties.
But I am awesome and confident at a party where I know lots of people and I can flit between groups pretty well. But it is really hard for me to make that initial introduction/leap or to walk up to a group of people that I don't know or already in conversation. I just don't quite know what the protocol is for something like that.
Post by heliocentric on May 20, 2012 9:22:25 GMT -5
I really only like small groups. I learned to manage just about any situation, but I don't particularly like large groups (even large groups of people I know).
With small groups the conversation flows better. With large groups I never know where to listen or when to talk. People seems to love this, but for me it's annoying because there is no order and it's usually the loudest or most forceful people who gets to speak.
In general, I don't particularly care for chit chat. Especially if I don't think I'm ever going to see someone again. It just feels like a waste of timem and not worth the effort.
I'm very introverted, though, and this is all typical for someone like me (and it sounds like for many of you). It's not shyness or social anxiety. Those are NOT the same as introversion.
I'm really bad at small talk (I also think it's pointless), so most large gatherings where I don't know anyone are awkward. I generally try to just focus on talking to one person at a time. I like it more when I know someone there.
I'm very introverted and also shy, so it's not a good combination. Even as a child I hated my own birthday parties. Too many people and too much going on.
I'm great with one-on-one or small groups though. I'm not as shy and have no problem talking.
Post by justkeepswimming on May 20, 2012 11:20:13 GMT -5
I am basically awkward in all social situations I think. I was a waitress for almost 10 years (high school, college, and then for a year or two in addition to my full time job), so when I don't know people well, I tend to turn on my "waitress voice". I don't think other people notice it as much as I do, but I bug the crap out of myself. I used to be painfully shy, and even though I have gotten better, it is still not great. The WORST is seated events without assigned seating. I feel like a new kid walking into a middle school cafeteria.
Post by thedutchgirl on May 20, 2012 11:39:07 GMT -5
Work/professional events where I know very few people. I'm trying to learn and watch how others handle them. I'm not great at them right now. I can be shy.
I really can't think of any. However, I admit to being groomed to mingle at parties and social gatherings from a very young age. It 's second nature now.
I wish my parents would have done this...it probably would have helped me overcome my natural shy tendencies. I never went to daycare as a child, so when I first went to school, it was socially traumatizing for me. I distinctly remember being in preschool and just standing around by myself during play time because I was too shy to play with any of the other children. I did this every day. Teachers would ask me if I wanted to do various activities and I always said no because I was too scared to talk to anyone.