s/o sexual health and history

[achase123]

There is a particular member of my family who has had a lot of sexual partners. I'm not sure of his number but it may be in the triple digits. He's young, he's on the road a lot, he's kind of a man whore, etc. I DO think he'd settle down for the right person, however.

Anyways, I have heard that he has several STD's, two in particular which are uncurable (herpes and HPV). This is obviously a bummer, but not necessarily a deal breaker for some women. I was talking to a friend of mine who was interested in going out with him. And she was saying "but I've heard he has X and Y". I said I wasn't completely sure, but I knew people who have had an incurable STD and have had partners who learned to work around this, be careful, avoid things, etc. She agreed and said it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for her, but she'd want to be educated and be careful.

I was just curious of the opinions of the ladies on this board. If you really cared about someone and really wanted to be with them, and they disclosed something like this to you would this be a dealbreaker?

[heavenly]

I would think if you truly loved and wanted to be with that person, then it would be something that they can work it out.

I know a friend, she was manipulated into having sex at age 13 with an older guy and got herpes from it. It was with her fist guy too! Now she has to deal with this for the rest of her life.

[achase123]

Oct 18, 2012 10:35:17 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I would think if you truly loved and wanted to be with that person, then it would be something that they can work it out.

I know a friend, she was manipulated into having sex at age 13 with an older guy and got herpes from it. It was with her fist guy too! Now she has to deal with this for the rest of her life.

That's horrible!

Yes, I didn't mean to imply that everyone who has an STD has had a lot of sexual partners. Most of my friends have (or still have) and STD and I can't think of any of them who have been promiscuous.

[Deleted]

Ehhh I'm not sure. HPV I could get over Herpes might be more difficult for me. My biggest concern is if I did get it and we didn't work out that could really affect my dating future.

[achase123]

Oct 18, 2012 10:45:16 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Yeah, I think at the end of the day, it is a very personal choice. But I have heard something like 25-50% of the population has genital herpes (and the numbers are even higher in Europe, apparently) and up to 80% has oral herpes. And you can transmit oral herpes to the genital region and vice versa. So really, most sexually active people have probably been with someone who has herpes and is at risk. I go into every relationship assuming that they might have it, even if they think they are clean.

Also, food for thought. I learned this from my last doc when I went in to get tested before I became sexually active after my divorce (I wanted proof I didn't have anything before moving on to my new life). Did you know that regular STD panels do NOT test for herpes? That is a separate blood test you have to ask for. The regular test panel is for things like chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.

I did know that they don't regularly test for this.

[hobs209]

Oct 18, 2012 10:45:54 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

I'd want to know for sure and it might be a deal breaker. I found a bottle of valtrex in someone's house (it was in the kitchen) and was pissed when he didn't say anything to me. Thankfully things ended before they got sexual but I have a feeling he would not have said anything. I think any potentials have a right to know of their risk of becoming infected. I'm ridiculously vigilant about my sexual health.

My sister and I have both been on Valtrex for cold sores so maybe that's what it was for?

As for OP, it wouldn't exactly be a dealbreaker, but it would matter. Only because like PP said, if things don't work out, it's potentially going to impact your future with new partners.

[dakotadangerdog]

The majority of people have HPV, I had it, I don't think it's a big deal. I'd have to do some more research on herpes and make sure it's being properly controlled.

[ECB]

If it was someone who I really had a connection with and I felt this could really go somewhere, I'd be willing to educate myself and work around it.

I know this isn't the point of your post, but I'm wondering to myself why your friend is interested in dating this guy in the first place! Young, on the road, man-whore.... this isn't someone who i think I'd really want to make the effort around

[formerlyak]

Oct 18, 2012 10:45:54 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

I'd want to know for sure and it might be a deal breaker. I found a bottle of valtrex in someone's house (it was in the kitchen) and was pissed when he didn't say anything to me.

Valtrex doesn't necessarily = genital herpes. I have been on Valtrex for fever blisters in my mouth. I get them when I am fighting a cold or when I am very stressed. While they are related to the herpes virus, they are not sexually transmitted and I have been getting them since I was a kid (way before I was sexually active). Also, I was tested bot both herpes simplex 1 and 2 when I was pregnant and both came back negative.

[gozf]

Oct 18, 2012 11:18:19 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

The majority of people have HPV, I had it, I don't think it's a big deal. I'd have to do some more research on herpes and make sure it's being properly controlled.

Yes. For most people, HPV is just like a little cold that your nethers get. Achoo.

It doesn't go away for some, but I was told that was a more rare circumstance.

[formerlyak]

Oct 18, 2012 11:18:19 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

The majority of people have HPV, I had it, I don't think it's a big deal. I'd have to do some more research on herpes and make sure it's being properly controlled.

Majority = over 50%. Over 50% of the population does not have HPV. I think it is more like 25%.

[formerlyak]

Oct 18, 2012 11:23:56 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:18:19 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

The majority of people have HPV, I had it, I don't think it's a big deal. I'd have to do some more research on herpes and make sure it's being properly controlled.

Majority = over 50%. Over 50% of the population does not have HPV. I think it is more like 25%.

I need to clarify. aprox. 50% of sexually active people will get it at some point in their lives, but it is not true that 50% of sexually active people have an active case of HPV.

[turtle1120]

I think I could deal with HPV because it is so common, but I don't know if I'd be willing to deal with Herpes. Although, who knows. You never really know how you'll handle a situation until you're actually dealing with it.

If any of it was concealed until AFTER having sex with the person, that person would automatically be out the door.

[achase123]

Oct 18, 2012 11:18:55 GMT -5 ECB said:

If it was someone who I really had a connection with and I felt this could really go somewhere, I'd be willing to educate myself and work around it.

I know this isn't the point of your post, but I'm wondering to myself why your friend is interested in dating this guy in the first place! Young, on the road, man-whore.... this isn't someone who i think I'd really want to make the effort around

Haha, I'm not sure....he seems pretty into her. I guess I shouldn't have painted that picture of him because it wasn't really relevant. I DO think he'd settle down if it was the right situation but who knows?

[dakotadangerdog]

Oct 18, 2012 11:25:58 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:23:56 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Majority = over 50%. Over 50% of the population does not have HPV. I think it is more like 25%.

I need to clarify. aprox. 50% of sexually active people will get it at some point in their lives, but it is not true that 50% of sexually active people have an active case of HPV.

I once read that it was more like 75% of sexually active people will contract HPV. But I don't really care enough to google that shit.

Either way, most people who have HPV won't even know they have it anyway, do they? I don't think it's a started test. The only reason I even know I had it was because I had pre-cancerous cervical cells and had to have some procedures done and go get paps every 3 months due to it. It went away though. IF you are super concerned about HPV look into getting gardisil.

[formerlyak]

Oct 18, 2012 11:31:33 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:25:58 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

I need to clarify. aprox. 50% of sexually active people will get it at some point in their lives, but it is not true that 50% of sexually active people have an active case of HPV.

I once read that it was more like 75% of sexually active people will contract HPV. But I don't really care enough to google that shit.

Either way, most people who have HPV won't even know they have it anyway, do they? I don't think it's a started test. The only reason I even know I had it was because I had pre-cancerous cervical cells and had to have some procedures done and go get paps every 3 months due to it. It went away though. IF you are super concerned about HPV look into getting gardisil.

There is a new pap you can ask for that will test for HPV at the same time. Quick Prep, I think it's called?

Also, Gardasil is only recommended for people between 9 and 26. That rules several of us starting over ladies out.

[formerlyak]

BTW, DDD, I am so not trying to be argumentative. My mom taught sex ed for junior high kids. I got earfuls about STDs growing up and all my friends' moms sent them to my house to learn about this stuff from my mom.

[gozf]

My gyno said that they're working on an HPV vacc for older patients. She will also give you gardasil, even if you're over 26.

I love her lots. She is the nicest. I don't even mind going there. Sometimes I get sad that I only see her once a year!

[dakotadangerdog]

Oct 18, 2012 11:38:38 GMT -5 gozf said:

My gyno said that they're working on an HPV vacc for older patients. She will also give you gardasil, even if you're over 26.

I love her lots. She is the nicest. I don't even mind going there. Sometimes I get sad that I only see her once a year!

My gyno is the same way! She is SO nice, I like getting to see her even if she is poking me in the twat haha. I just got the results from my pap in the mail, it made me laugh, at the top she wrote my name with an exclamation point! Dakota! hahahaha and then she wrote some sweet notes at the bottom. She always thanks me a million times for driving all the way out to their office, it's about 45 minutes from my house and 30 from my work. I love her, I will go to her as long as I live in WA. She always gives me hugs hah.

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 11:44:21 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:38:38 GMT -5 gozf said:

My gyno said that they're working on an HPV vacc for older patients. She will also give you gardasil, even if you're over 26.

I love her lots. She is the nicest. I don't even mind going there. Sometimes I get sad that I only see her once a year!

My gyno is the same way! She is SO nice, I like getting to see her even if she is poking me in the twat haha. I just got the results from my pap in the mail, it made me laugh, at the top she wrote my name with an exclamation point! Dakota! hahahaha and then she wrote some sweet notes at the bottom. She always thanks me a million times for driving all the way out to their office, it's about 45 minutes from my house and 30 from my work. I love her, I will go to her as long as I live in WA. She always gives me hugs hah.

I love mine as well...and she hugs me after it's all said and done! It's like being on an awkward date!

[achase123]

Oct 18, 2012 11:47:10 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:44:21 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

My gyno is the same way! She is SO nice, I like getting to see her even if she is poking me in the twat haha. I just got the results from my pap in the mail, it made me laugh, at the top she wrote my name with an exclamation point! Dakota! hahahaha and then she wrote some sweet notes at the bottom. She always thanks me a million times for driving all the way out to their office, it's about 45 minutes from my house and 30 from my work. I love her, I will go to her as long as I live in WA. She always gives me hugs hah.

I love mine as well...and she hugs me after it's all said and done! It's like being on an awkward date!

Man, I obviously have the wrong gyno!!!

[gozf]

Mine loves my tattoos and piercings and is always eager to see if i have something new. And she doesn't give me shit for smoking.

Maybe she wants to hang out?

[starburst604]

Oct 18, 2012 11:36:57 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:31:33 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

I once read that it was more like 75% of sexually active people will contract HPV. But I don't really care enough to google that shit.

Either way, most people who have HPV won't even know they have it anyway, do they? I don't think it's a started test. The only reason I even know I had it was because I had pre-cancerous cervical cells and had to have some procedures done and go get paps every 3 months due to it. It went away though. IF you are super concerned about HPV look into getting gardisil.

There is a new pap you can ask for that will test for HPV at the same time. Quick Prep, I think it's called?

Also, Gardasil is only recommended for people between 9 and 26. That rules several of us starting over ladies out.

Yes I'm getting that pap next week. Couldn't do it at my physical yesterday cuz Flo was in town. I asked if I even needed one since I've been reading you can go every 3 years now if theyre normal. She said that's true if you test negative for HPV and don't have a change in sexual partner. So she's going to test me and if I'm clear and stay in my relationship, I'm off the hook for a little while!

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 11:53:03 GMT -5 gozf said:

Mine loves my tattoos and piercings and is always eager to see if i have something new. And she doesn't give me shit for smoking.

Maybe she wants to hang out?

Maybe she wants to make out

[starburst604]

My doc is in the hospital I work in, so it can be slightly awkward. I'll have her fingers all in me and then an hour later run into her at the cafeteria salad bar. Ummmm Oh hey....can I use the olive oil when you're done?

[stephbfan]

Oct 18, 2012 11:38:38 GMT -5 gozf said:

My gyno said that they're working on an HPV vacc for older patients. She will also give you gardasil, even if you're over 26.

I love her lots. She is the nicest. I don't even mind going there. Sometimes I get sad that I only see her once a year!

I was told by my gyno that you can still have the shot as long as you get tested for it and the test is negative.

Im lazy and that gardasil is expensive here.

[doriswe]

I don't really think gardasil is all that fabulous....it only prevents 4 types of HPV and only 2 that have been linked to cancer. It sure as hell isn't a get out of HPV free card

[gozf]

Oct 18, 2012 12:17:42 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I don't really think gardasil is all that fabulous....it only prevents 4 types of HPV and only 2 that have been linked to cancer. It sure as hell isn't a get out of HPV free card

Well, yeah. And aren't there, like, 30 flavors of HPV?

Sigh. Times is hard.

[doriswe]

Oct 18, 2012 12:19:08 GMT -5 gozf said:

Oct 18, 2012 12:17:42 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I don't really think gardasil is all that fabulous....it only prevents 4 types of HPV and only 2 that have been linked to cancer. It sure as hell isn't a get out of HPV free card

Well, yeah. And aren't there, like, 30 flavors of HPV?

Sigh. Times is hard.

I believe so. The "get gardasil and you're safe" shit ticks me off. It actually shows up like a "required" vaccination for kids in my area. So for the last few years I have to tell my DD's pedi that I will not be approving that shot. Plus it's too new for them to have any idea what long term effects will be.

*steps off soapbox*

[audg]

Oct 18, 2012 11:23:07 GMT -5 gozf said:

Oct 18, 2012 11:18:19 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

The majority of people have HPV, I had it, I don't think it's a big deal. I'd have to do some more research on herpes and make sure it's being properly controlled.

Yes. For most people, HPV is just like a little cold that your nethers get. Achoo.

It doesn't go away for some, but I was told that was a more rare circumstance.

Herpes I would be more afraid of for sure.