DH input on how long to BF

[Deleted]

Does your H have any opinion at all on the minimum # of mos you should BF?

On the other BF post, I answered H didn't care when I stopped BF. Yes, he didn't care how far past 1yr. But he seems to have a very strong opinion of hitting 1yr or until baby can have whole cow's milk.

BF was successful with DD; not a drop of formula. But it was a lot of work and stress. I probably put a lot of pressure on myself to hit 1yr. With this baby, I want to remove the pressure. In fact, I'm thinking I'll be fine with supplementing to lessen the stress of pumping and it's okay if I give up before 1yr. DD's infant year was a nightmare and I'm trying to find ways to make this baby's infant year better.

When I told H that I'll be more open to supplement next time and willing to give up earlier, his response, "no it's for the baby." 8-D

[ECB]

My DH did not. I had problems nursing at the start and he was so very, very, very supportive of whatever decision i made. He knew how upsetting it was and how stressful, and he let me be the decision maker.

For as much as I know the benefits to BFing and I think it's great that your DH is invested in this, at the same time, its also a "your body" issue and in the end, it's your choice. It's about more than "the baby". It's about you and what you feel you can handle.

[satama]

Nope. Dh always has the same response to anything involving MY body. "Whatever you want to do." and then, "what can I do to help you?"

I understand thinking breast is best, but you have to be happy. Does he know how hard it was for you?

[fortmyersbride]

I think DH is happy that I BF'd to one year, in that it saved on bottles and made nighttime feeds easier (we cosleep). Honestly though I did have to supplement occasionally with DS and he always told me to do whatever made me happy. I think I would snap at him if he tried to tell me how long I should BF "for the baby" even though I was the one determined to make the 1 yr mark-sort of a "my body, my choice" thing.

[Deleted]

I don't think my DH really had much of an opinion before I started, other than to support me because he saw that I had put in the research and believed in the benefits. I think for our next baby, he'll want me to breastfeed because he's seen those benefits born out in DS. If I was miserable and making a calculated decision (not a middle of the night heat of the moment decision) to give formula, I'm sure he would support me, too. He is aware of the fact that motherhood has been a lot harder on me than fatherhood has been on him.

[mrssandro]

My DH would be supportive either way. I had to supplement last time due to a very low supply. I still bf as long as I could but I really wanted my body back after 9 ish or so months. Plus DD was already self weaning. DH was cool with it all. He was happy I lasted as long as I did but he never pressured me either way.

[Deleted]

No, my husband had no opinion and frankly it would have peeved me if he had had one. Breastfeeding is HARD work and my DD never took a bottle, so for the first 5 months (before we started solids) every one of her meals came from me personally. That is a huge commitment and one my DH admits he cannot even imagine. Now admittedly I did not have the option to quit breastfeeding, or at least not easily, thanks to DD's bottle issue, but DH and I are both of the opinion that a happy and sane mom is more important to the baby than anything else, including breastmilk, so with this next one it is my call entirely how long I want to breastfeed.

Frankly we both kind of side-eye our friends' husbands who put pressure on their wives to breastfeed. Support and encouragement are one thing, but we had one couple we were friends with where the husband (in a well-meaning way) was really pressuring the wife to continue breastfeeding when she was miserable and unhappy with it. We were very open with both of them (edit: when asked) about how important we thought it was to let the wife make the call.

[Deleted]

No he was totally supportive of whatever I wanted to do. I had a hard time nursing DS1 because he was such a horrible sleeper early on so he was on board when I eventually decided to supplement with DS2 and then again with DD to make it easier on myself.

Honestly, I'd be a bit put out if DH tried to "tell" me what to do in this area since it's obviously not something he has to endure.

[atouchofklasse]

My husband thought I should stop much sooner than I did because I was miserable. He was right. I should have stopped earlier.

We both read the peer reviewed articles and weren't convinced BFing is really better. Especially past 2-6w. Flame away.

[Deleted]

Oct 24, 2012 9:28:50 GMT -5 atouchofklasse said:

We both read the peer reviewed articles and weren't convinced BFing is really better. Especially past 2-6w. Flame away.

No flames from me, especially if the mother is having a really hard time with it.

[Deleted]

I'm actually wondering if it's his way of showing support because he knows I would want to hit 1yr again. His response just didn't sound good to me and I went into assuming he has very strong opinion on hitting 1yr. I guess I should discuss it with him further.

[satama]

I don't know why, but this is seriously pissing me off on your behalf. I think maybe it is the way you worded it, like you asked his permission and he was just like "nope, sorry, request denied."

[Deleted]

Oct 24, 2012 9:28:50 GMT -5 atouchofklasse said:

We both read the peer reviewed articles and weren't convinced BFing is really better. Especially past 2-6w. Flame away.

I agree with you. I think it is probably a little better, but not so much so that it's worth the kind of insanity and sacrifices people go through to do it. I will be flamed with you.

[bunch]

Actually yes, he thought it was important that I made it to a year. He didn't care when I introduced Wcm at 10.5 mos, but he did want her to have bm until 12.

That said, if I'd had a hard time and/or didn't want to continue bf, I'm sure he would have adapted.

[pugz]

DH was breastfed until he was 2 y/o so I don't think he would of had an issue. However BF didn't work out for us due to my dismal suppy. He was very supportive. He knew I wanted to at least make it to the 1 month mark and helped me get over the hump when I was ready to quit at 3 weeks. Ended up going for 13 weeks total and he was totally supportive when I weaned.

[Deleted]

Oct 24, 2012 9:30:01 GMT -5 satama said:

I don't know why, but this is seriously pissing me off on your behalf. I think maybe it is the way you worded it, like you asked his permission and he was just like "nope, sorry, request denied."

I didn't like the sound of his response either. We'll see what he says when we discuss it further.

[satama]

Oct 24, 2012 9:34:12 GMT -5 d0ri said:

Oct 24, 2012 9:30:01 GMT -5 satama said:

I don't know why, but this is seriously pissing me off on your behalf. I think maybe it is the way you worded it, like you asked his permission and he was just like "nope, sorry, request denied."

I didn't like the sound of his response either. We'll see what he says when we discuss it further.

Yeah if he was like "well we both decided breast is best, and we want the baby to have all the advantages, i dont want you to regret not breastfeeding, so maybe you could try breastfeeding next time and see where it goes from there. " that would be ok in my book.

[ECB]

Oct 24, 2012 9:34:12 GMT -5 d0ri said:

Oct 24, 2012 9:30:01 GMT -5 satama said:

I don't know why, but this is seriously pissing me off on your behalf. I think maybe it is the way you worded it, like you asked his permission and he was just like "nope, sorry, request denied."

I didn't like the sound of his response either. We'll see what he says when we discuss it further.

Well, good luck. I hope it does turn out that it was coming from a place of support. but if not... I'm going to be in the "pissed" camp too.

While I do fully agree with and support BFing when you can, there is nothing wrong w/ formula. Nothing. His support of you needs to include NOT making you feel guilty about your choices.

[atouchofklasse]

Agree with ECB.

[Deleted]

Yeah count me among those who aren't really happy with your H's response.

H wanted me to breastfeed or so he said. He never really offered an opinion until I was discussing doing it, picking out a pump etc and then I said something like "do you care if I breastfeed or not" and he said "oh I want you to BF." But I wasnt planning on using formula and he pushed for BM.

honestly I think right now he wishes we would switch to formula bc I think he thinks BFing is becoming a burden for me (well pumping definitely is, nursing is fine) but he has not said anything. I'm just kind of assuming there. but all he says is that he wants me to breastfeed as long as I want to.

[grk2012]

Oct 24, 2012 9:30:25 GMT -5 @carmensandiego said:

Oct 24, 2012 9:28:50 GMT -5 atouchofklasse said:

We both read the peer reviewed articles and weren't convinced BFing is really better. Especially past 2-6w. Flame away.

I agree with you. I think it is probably a little better, but not so much so that it's worth the kind of insanity and sacrifices people go through to do it. I will be flamed with you.

Got room for one more on that boat?

[ECB]

Oct 24, 2012 9:30:25 GMT -5 @carmensandiego said:

Oct 24, 2012 9:28:50 GMT -5 atouchofklasse said:

We both read the peer reviewed articles and weren't convinced BFing is really better. Especially past 2-6w. Flame away.

I agree with you. I think it is probably a little better, but not so much so that it's worth the kind of insanity and sacrifices people go through to do it. I will be flamed with you.

What I bolded is just SOOOOO where I fall on this. I don't care what you do - but be comfortable w/ your choice and don't feel guilty and don't let it create so much stress.

I hated quitting at 6 months, but God, at the same time, it was SUCH a relief. And if I hadn't had the full support of my DH, it would have been even harder. He was the one who really made me realize "it's o.k".

[h]

I think my DH was really happy that I breastfed past a year, and he was very supportive of it. But had I been miserable and wanted to quit, I can't imagine that he would have been anything but supportive about that either.

[Deleted]

My H wanted me to try BF'ing (which I was fine with b/c I would not pay for formula when I have free milk). His only "requirement" was that I try. It wasnt a hill for him to die on type sticking point.

[arch01]

He had no opinion. He supported me in whatever I wanted to do, despite my breakdowns. He consistently told me I was doing a great job despite my supply issues and told me I needed to do what's best for me AND DS; so if it was stopping, he'd pick up extra OT to cover the unbudgeted formula costs.

[mrshandy]

Nope, he didn't care that much. But I guess I never really tested him by saying I wanted to supplement. From all our conversations, it seemed like he would be fine with whatever I wanted to do.

[awick14]

We don't have kids yet but are TTC. DH says its my choice. But then again he told me he was ready to TTC whenever as its my body, an he doesn't want me to do it if I'm not ready!

[fbf2006]

I'm pretty sure my husband would be supportive of whatever I wanted, especially if I indicated I didn't want the extra pressure or felt miserable or whatever. He's already saying this should probably be our only kid because pregnancy doesn't seem to go well with me and makes us miserable. Even deciding to have the baby, he was more like whatever you want, but I'd like to adopt at least one, which he has always said.
Also I wasn't breastfed and neither were my siblings and we all seem pretty smart and healthy . I do plan/hope to breastfeed for a little though.

[drloretta]

It was N/A for us, but my dad was the reason my mom didn't BF. He was in the military, and sent her a letter from 8000 miles away and told her he wanted her to BF. She basically EFF'd to spite him.

I'm with ECB on this one.

[livinitup]

I had a pretty easy time with BFing. I pumped at work and traveled and handled the hassle but it never made me stressed or feeling like I hit a wall and had to push through. DH only followed my lead. It was nice that I hit a year, but it wasn't something I was going to fight through to reach as a must-have goal.

I do know that if I had trouble and my DH made a statement like "No it must be year." I would ask him what he was going to do to make it happen. And not in a snarky way. If this was HIS goal, what would he be willing to do to make it work? Becuase just pressuring me to "make it work" would not be okay. Would he wake-up in the middle of the night when the baby cried to bring her to me,stay awake while I nursed to supervise the baby as I fell back to sleep? Walk back to the crib, sooth the baby back to sleep? Would he do more drop/off, pick/ups to day care so I could sleep later? Would we budget for professional massages? Would I sleep in on weekends? Would he clean all of my pump parts every night or lug my bags into and out of the car? More foot massages, cooking, cleaning - anything to let me be more relaxed and better able to reach his BF goal?

Becuase something has to give. I mean there are LOTS of things that go with BFing that were NOT on DH's radar at all. If he wanted ME to do more and make that shit work more when I was done or wanted to suppliment then he would have to have a big wake-up call and a big step-up to the plate change. In a realy BIG way.

I also truly don't think there is a thing wrong with supplimenting BM with occassional formula. Its a great option and part of successful BFing.