This came up at a baby shower pugz and I were at recently. I think it is creepy. I totally get wanting to support your spouse but the other women don't need that.
When I was BFing, I didn't want to be the only one explaining everything I learned to DH. If he could go and listen at a support meeting, I would really welcome it. DH and so many dads I know are SO SUPPORTIVE, that I think they should be included in an open group.
When I was BFing, I didn't want to be the only one explaining everything I learned to DH. If he could go and listen at a support meeting, I would really welcome it. DH and so many dads I know are SO SUPPORTIVE, that I think they should be included in an open group.
See, this is why I feel bad for being a little weirded out. I appreciate that they are being supportive...but IDK.
It would make me uncomfortable. I know it would also make DH uncomfortable. In all honesty, if I wanted DH there I'd probably find/hire/whatever a private LC.
It's not about modesty to me. I am totally not modest and have NIP'd a ton, including in front of a bunch of men. But I feel like a support group is for the women who are going through it together. It's wonderful that husbands want to be supportive of their wives; I think it's awesome. But I would be more comfortable with a couples-specific support group or even a husbands of BFing women support group.
I have never done any other kind of support group but in general I'd be more comfortable with a support group consisting of people in a similar situation and not people who are just there to empathize. I am just not going to be as comfortable sharing things with a group that doesn't totally consist of people that are going through the same thing I am. Even the most supportive husband in the world cannot REALLY know what it is like to be a breastfeeding mom, especially in the difficult newborn weeks.
Sorry this post is repetitive, I got interrupted 12 times while writing it.
My issue with it is that a lot of these women are FTMs with little babies and they are stressed about breastfeeding in front of strangers most likely and to have a man there may make them decide to not come back when they really need the support.
The first 2 times I went my husband drove me and waited in the waiting room. While he did help me with breast compressions at the time I didn't bring him in to do that during the support group
Post by pierogigirl on Oct 24, 2012 19:53:23 GMT -5
:N: Not cool for the reasons pugz mentioned. I think it's great for husbands to support their wives, but many women would be bothered by a man at a support group so for that reason husbands shouldn't attend a group meeting.
Post by GailGoldie on Oct 24, 2012 19:56:46 GMT -5
not cool at all and IMO shoudln't be allowed.
when I was a new mom and working on nursing i didn't want any men in the room while i did it other than my husband. I certainly wouldn't want some other chick's husband. That is creepy as hell.
It wouldn't really phase me but dozens of people have seen my knockers, I'm not shy. As long as he's there to learn and help support this partner I think he should be welcome.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Oct 24, 2012 21:14:11 GMT -5
We've had a few dads attend my group. Both times it was the first time their wife attended & the baby was super young. The dads wanted to be there to help/support & they were more uncomfortable than anyone else. It was no big deal.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Oct 24, 2012 21:18:00 GMT -5
I am not modest so I personally wouldn't have cared. But in front of other nursing moms, I think it is inappropriate. By all means schedule a one on one appt and bring your h, however.
Post by vanillacourage on Oct 24, 2012 22:10:22 GMT -5
Not ok. Just because any one person would be all right with it doesn't mean that someone who would be made uncomfortable should just deal. The group should conform to the most modest (within reason) to fulfill its purpose.
When I went, it was when I'd nursed for less than a week and I was barely comfortable with the LC seeing me partially topless (as she helped me get DS latched right). Having a random dude there would have had a huge chilling effect. My hospital's LC would book private appts and that would be the appropriate outlet for a DH wanting to attend to lend support.
from the weeks that I went to the BF group I saw many moms of brand new babies come once and then not again. I always wondered if they stopped BFing, decided they didn't like the group or the LC, or just didn't feel like it was helpful. There was one mom in the group that was a total annoying busybody, butting into conversations and chastising people for supplementing. I wanted to throat punch her. Several of us had preemies we were supplementing due to various BF issues, latch, supply, super sleepy babies, etc. She had 3 older kids in addition to the one she was nursing and was always spouting off unsolicited parenting advice.
I thiink they should be allowed. I was in such a post partum fog with DD1 that I really needed DH to remind me what the LC said. This wasn't a "group", but a lactation clinic with several moms getting help at one time. We all faced forward as opposed to being in a circle.
I wouldn't care, but I am not very modest. We had men who were a regular part of our baby & me yoga classes and most of the time, there was more nursing than yoga going on.
But I can see how it would make some women uncomfortable. All I can say is that speaking for my DH personally, seeing a woman nurse is not even remotely sexual or exciting.
As a FTM with a newborn that would have bothered me, I don't think men should be allowed. Our hospital offered breastfeeding classes (before baby is born) that men are welcome to attend, and they talk about partner support in those. They are also run by a LC and they are free.
Post by londoncalling on Oct 25, 2012 9:08:14 GMT -5
I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I also joked when I had DD2 that at least half the city had probably seen my boobs already.
That being said, I can understand lots of people being uncomfortable with it, and as such, if the partner wants to attend I think that they should schedule a private consult. DH did attend our pre-natal breastfeeding class and a few appointments that I had with the LC, but never a LLL meeting. He did take me to one meeting 2 weeks pp and got me settled, and then went and walked around the mall and waited for me to text that I was done. I love a supportive DH, but that doesn't mean his supportive presence trumps other new moms' feelings of discomfort with his presence.