If it is causing this much trouble, I would take it into the mechanic myself and see what repairs are needed. Like you said, it will be easier than selling it or getting a new car. You'll be able to see by the cost of the repairs if it's worth fixing.
Clearly your H has no intention on fixing it (or at least he hasn't made it a priority), so take care of it yourself.
Post by kellbell191 on Nov 15, 2012 9:30:41 GMT -5
I take much bigger issue with your husband yelling "fuck this" and "fuck that" at you than you using regional grammar.
You guys have a number of other issues with him being emotionally abusive and controlling, yes? I wouldn't sell the car b.c. then you're trapped in the house. I would pay to have it fixed.
Registration doesn't always match up with inspection. My car gets registered in May and inspected in December. Its dumb.*
Sorry your H is being an ass. I hope you two can figure out the best solution for what to do with the car.
I always drop the "to be" as well. Even when speaking. It happens.
*ETA: I don't know if OP is in PA, but I know that my registration is linked back to when the first car that was in my name was due for registration. When I bought my new car, I didn't buy a new registration, just transfered it. So, the registration stays with the person, but the inspection stays with the car.
I'm from Central, PA. I never owned a car before so this is all new registration for me. Either way, I wish PA had the same rules as other states. It would be so much easier.
$34 for registration $75 for inspection (if nothing at all is wrong) $30 some for emissions
It blows.
You use to have to have your registration match you inspection in PA. It's actually a pretty recent change (in the last 10 years or so) that they don't make you.
If you ask me, it's an improvement. Breaks up the cost of owning a car and if you purchase a new vehicle, you don't have to pay to get the car inspected just so it matches the registration sticker.
I take much bigger issue with your husband yelling "fuck this" and "fuck that" at you than you using regional grammar.
You guys have a number of other issues with him being emotionally abusive and controlling, yes? I wouldn't sell the car b.c. then you're trapped in the house. I would pay to have it fixed.
This is where I'm at. Especially since he told you to grow up when he was the one who said he would fix it. H takes things out on me sometimes, but I feel like your H majorly crossed a line.
Partiallysunny, that makes sense about breaking up the cost. I always forget the registration is due in May, because I feel like that should have been taken care of in December with inspection.
I take much bigger issue with your husband yelling "fuck this" and "fuck that" at you than you using regional grammar.
You guys have a number of other issues with him being emotionally abusive and controlling, yes? I wouldn't sell the car b.c. then you're trapped in the house. I would pay to have it fixed.
This is where I'm at. Especially since he told you to grow up when he was the one who said he would fix it. H takes things out on me sometimes, but I feel like your H majorly crossed a line.
Partiallysunny, that makes sense about breaking up the cost. I always forget the registration is due in May, because I feel like that should have been taken care of in December with inspection.
I know my registration is due in April, because that's when I bought the car. Around my mother's birthday, as it turns out.
It's the inspection I always forget about. I just got my car inspected in October. It expired in August
I take much bigger issue with your husband yelling "fuck this" and "fuck that" at you than you using regional grammar.
You guys have a number of other issues with him being emotionally abusive and controlling, yes? I wouldn't sell the car b.c. then you're trapped in the house. I would pay to have it fixed.
This is where I'm at. Especially since he told you to grow up when he was the one who said he would fix it. H takes things out on me sometimes, but I feel like your H majorly crossed a line.
Partiallysunny, that makes sense about breaking up the cost. I always forget the registration is due in May, because I feel like that should have been taken care of in December with inspection.
Yah, he throws around "grow up" a lot because he's the one who needs to in most cases.
Trust, we have (not haven't) gotten loads and loads better since we started going to marriage classes (through church) and we are now in a room every sunday with 17 other couples (whom he grew up with) and now he is starting to see that how he acts is not okay. He actually talks things out with me more and we rarely argue anymore.
I'm as guilty as he is with saying "fuck" in arguments. We really need to learn to fight fair, which for the most part we have been doing.
I'll talk to him once he gets up for work and see wtf his issue was. Right now, I'm going to assume it has to do with being in pain and a long night at work because things were absolutely fine yesterday evening. And honestly; I turn into a raging bitch when I'm in pain so I can see where he's coming from. But the argument he picked was so stupid.
I'll call around or ask my MIL where a good place to take the car would be and get that done.
1. Is he stressed over money? Does he not want you to spend the money to fill up the tank?
2. Are you making payments on the Jeep but not driving it? That would bother me.
3. If you don't need it, and are making payments, then you should sell it. It's silly to have a car you don't need that you owe money on. It's basically needless debt.
4. If many of the repairs are recalls, shouldn't the manufacturer be paying for those repairs? Let me answer that. They should. And if they don't I would make a fuss about it until they did.
This is where I'm at. Especially since he told you to grow up when he was the one who said he would fix it. H takes things out on me sometimes, but I feel like your H majorly crossed a line.
Partiallysunny, that makes sense about breaking up the cost. I always forget the registration is due in May, because I feel like that should have been taken care of in December with inspection.
I know my registration is due in April, because that's when I bought the car. Around my mother's birthday, as it turns out.
It's the inspection I always forget about. I just got my car inspected in October. It expired in August
I tend to over look the fact that there is a sticker on my windshield that tells me. Reminder to register comes in the mail. Insurance is billed. Inspection is just hanging out going "hey, notice me!"
Thankfully since we moved to Central, PA I don't need emissions anymore. But I got my car inspected last year back in my hometown so they did emissions.
1. Is he stressed over money? Does he not want you to spend the money to fill up the tank? I think he was just pulling a stupid excuse out of his ass. He's not worried about money.
2. Are you making payments on the Jeep but not driving it? That would bother me. I am making payments, but the payments are almost over. The original plan was to pay it off, then sell it for as much as we could get. Now he's pushing to sell it earlier and I'm clinging onto the stupid thing.
3. If you don't need it, and are making payments, then you should sell it. It's silly to have a car you don't need that you owe money on. It's basically needless debt. I agree.
4. If many of the repairs are recalls, shouldn't the manufacturer be paying for those repairs? Let me answer that. They should. And if they don't I would make a fuss about it until they did. They paid for the first one and when we get the recall papers for the airbag, they'll fix that too. But other stuff goes wrong; it over heats and we don't know why. One of the relays went two years ago and it's in the wiring and the fan we think. My DVD played fell out of the ceiling while I was driving one day. My window regulator broke so the window doesn't work. It needs a new interior door panel too. It's the little stuff that adds up. The biggest expense would be having a garage go through and trace where in the wiring this short is coming from for my relay to stop the over heating. He wanted to do it himself. But you guys are right, it is time to let someone else handle it.
Post by kellbell191 on Nov 15, 2012 10:08:35 GMT -5
What is the work situation? Is he still insisting that you either stay home or work for his employer? You having no vehicle is just one more way you're isolated. Sell the car and buy a beater that gets you from point A to point B, but given the history I am not a fan of you having to ask permission every time you need to leave the damn house.
Couples counseling is an excellent tool for someone who is emotionally abusive to learn how to control you more subtly. I'm glad you feel better about the situation, but I'm going to sit over here and be hopeful but skeptical on on your behalf : )
You're worried about selling it an not having a second car. But if it hasn't passed inspection, can't until it's been fixed and as a result you aren't (can't?) drive it - then you don't really have a second car right now. You have a piece of metal sitting in your driveway costing you insurance each month, but it's not a second vehicle you rely on. So personally I'd sell it, start setting aside the money you would have spent fixing it and on insurance until you can buy a car you will drive.
What is the work situation? Is he still insisting that you either stay home or work for his employer? You having no vehicle is just one more way you're isolated. Sell the car and buy a beater that gets you from point A to point B, but given the history I am not a fan of you having to ask permission every time you need to leave the damn house.
Couples counseling is an excellent tool for someone who is emotionally abusive to learn how to control you more subtly. I'm glad you feel better about the situation, but I'm going to sit over here and be hopeful but skeptical on on your behalf : )
No, as soon as I started applying for other jobs he shut up about working at his work. He hasn't said a peep about it since I went on a few interviews. And now that I went back to school, he doesn't mention work at all. If I say "well someday I'd like to apply here or there" he will say "whatever you want, just balance out school".
I honestly don't believe he's abusive. I think he's just wrapped tightly around himself and needs to learn how to give in a relationship.
But no, the work thing stopped a long time ago. Pretty much a few days after I posted it.
It turned out that he was pissy with me not cleaning while being home (and I admit, I slacked off a LOT and let the house go to shit). Now with school and cleaning more, things have been pretty good for the past few months. Then throw in the counseling and things have been better.
ETA: and like he said to me this morning "I cannot sell that car, that is yours to sell if you want to. Don't tell me to sell it." He's made it clear for a long time that it is up to me to sell it or not, but that he'd like to sell it and just buy something with cash to replace it.
1. Is he stressed over money? Does he not want you to spend the money to fill up the tank? I think he was just pulling a stupid excuse out of his ass. He's not worried about money.
2. Are you making payments on the Jeep but not driving it? That would bother me. I am making payments, but the payments are almost over. The original plan was to pay it off, then sell it for as much as we could get. Now he's pushing to sell it earlier and I'm clinging onto the stupid thing.
3. If you don't need it, and are making payments, then you should sell it. It's silly to have a car you don't need that you owe money on. It's basically needless debt. I agree.
4. If many of the repairs are recalls, shouldn't the manufacturer be paying for those repairs? Let me answer that. They should. And if they don't I would make a fuss about it until they did. They paid for the first one and when we get the recall papers for the airbag, they'll fix that too. But other stuff goes wrong; it over heats and we don't know why. One of the relays went two years ago and it's in the wiring and the fan we think. My DVD played fell out of the ceiling while I was driving one day. My window regulator broke so the window doesn't work. It needs a new interior door panel too. It's the little stuff that adds up. The biggest expense would be having a garage go through and trace where in the wiring this short is coming from for my relay to stop the over heating. He wanted to do it himself. But you guys are right, it is time to let someone else handle it.
Have you asked an independent mechanic to look at the car? If licensed, can he do the recall repairs and then, as an incentive for getting that work, waive the cost of finding the short? It seems there is room for negotiation.
Personally, I would be afraid to put money into a car with that many problems, so I would either trade it in if you need your own car, or sell it if you don't. Given your circumstances, I would lean towards selling it, banking the car payment money, and then having cash to buy a new car if your husband's shifts change. But either way I wouldn't let this situation continue on for even another week.
Sometimes it's best to just give them what they ask for. Take your car in and get it repaired and inspected and don't take his truck anymore, and apologize for pressuring him to repair it when he's clearly too busy.
And when he explodes over that at least you'll have a working vehicle with which to leave him. Fucker
This! SOOOOO much this.
I know I'm known for overreacting and telling people to DTMFA... but holy fuck this guy sounds like a peach!
Post by mamasaurus on Nov 15, 2012 10:53:34 GMT -5
Why they gotta pull this shit? It's ALWAYS after you did something nice like bake cookies or drive to the grocery store 4 towns over to get fresh oregano when they do it, too.
Andplusalso, you will get more for it if it's fixed if you do sell the car. Who pays top dollar, or even KBB value, for a broken-ass car?
If I've been waiting on him for six months to make repairs and THIS is the attitude I get, I'd be off to the service shop TODAY with an estimate and payment plan.
NO WAY would I take that crap from my partner/husband. If he suddenly didn't want me taking "his" truck anymore - I'd make damn sure I NEVER drove it again. Everything would be at a stand still. No favors to mom, no grocery, no gas fill-up. Shut that down.
Right after I finish off those cookies.
But really, I get the repaits done NOW. He just lost all the respect I had waiting on him to do it.
I went grocery shopping after helping my MIL and then came home and he willingly unloaded it all, took the dog out, etcetc. He thanked me for taking my jeep and apologized for being a douche.
Why was he a douche you might ask?
"I had everything loaded in the truck for going bear hunting on Saturday right after I leave work (including the guns). You would have had to unload everything to fit groceries in there. I should have told you that this morning but my teeth hurt and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. You didn't need to grow up, you didn't know why I was asking you to take your car and I should have explained. The cookies were excellent btw."
ALL of that could have been said this morning. Ha.
I did stop at a few places about getting it inspected, the said they didn't have any openings until next week.
I talked to my Husband about that; he agreed that we should just get it fixed and after it is fixed if I'm still not comfortable with it and its habit to break constantly, then I can make the choice of paying it off, selling it and banking the money until I can buy another car. Or we can sell it and try to get enough to cover the rest of the loan. Or I can keep it, if I want.
Honestly, my not wanting to sell it has a lot to do with not wanting to buy a piece of shit cheap car. I don't want or need top of the line either but my jeep was clean and really nice looking, just always breaking. I want nice and presentable.
And finally; I was talking to my MIL and asked her if "to be" should be in "needs to be fixed", she said she had honestly never thought about it and that living and growing up in the county she's in, she has used it both ways and no one has ever said anything. She's an English teacher for 6th graders and gets SO upset about their grammar and English usage; I was surprised she would use it both ways/had never really heard of needing to add "to be". So in conclusion, this is probably just a local thing. lol.
And finally; I was talking to my MIL and asked her if "to be" should be in "needs to be fixed", she said she had honestly never thought about it and that living and growing up in the county she's in, she has used it both ways and no one has every said anything. She's an English teacher for 6th graders and gets SO upset about their grammar and English usage; I was surprised she would use it both ways/had never really heard of needing to add "to be". So in conclusion, this is probably just a local thing. lol.
OMG at your MIL being and English teacher. I weep for the future.
And finally; I was talking to my MIL and asked her if "to be" should be in "needs to be fixed", she said she had honestly never thought about it and that living and growing up in the county she's in, she has used it both ways and no one has every said anything. She's an English teacher for 6th graders and gets SO upset about their grammar and English usage; I was surprised she would use it both ways/had never really heard of needing to add "to be". So in conclusion, this is probably just a local thing. lol.
OMG at your MIL being and English teacher. I weep for the future.
I don't know why she didn't know that. We sort of agreed that around here people don't care enough? But we both said we'd make an effort to add it in since it's right to add it.
Yeah, this update doesn't make me feel ANY better.
He's seriously not as bad as it sounds like on here. I don't know how to convey that he's not some abusive a-hole. =/
Everyone who's married to an abusive asshole always says they're TOTALLY not married to an abusive asshole. I'm not even saying he's abusive (but it's sounding like he edges toward the emotional/verbal abuse spectrum). But he's a dickweed who treats you like shit and is a grown ass man that can't handle his fucking temper? And this is his IMPROVED communication skills?!
He's seriously not as bad as it sounds like on here. I don't know how to convey that he's not some abusive a-hole. =/
Everyone who's married to an abusive asshole always says they're TOTALLY not married to an abusive asshole. I'm not even saying he's abusive (but it's sounding like he edges toward the emotional/verbal abuse spectrum). But he's a dickweed who treats you like shit and is a grown ass man that can't handle his fucking temper? And this is his IMPROVED communication skills?!
It's really not a little concerning at all?
It'd be concerning if he didn't acknowledge it, wasn't working through it.
I've known plenty of other couples who have big blow out fights and the such. A lot of the people in our classes admit they fight pretty dirty, a lot fight way worse then we do.
I can't make anyone see that he isn't some asshole, in general. Sometimes marriage is hard, sometimes people fight. You either work through it or you don't. He's choosing to work through it and so am I. I fight just as "mean" and "abusive" as he does. Probably worse. I've said some pretty shitty things to him over the years when upset. We work through it. If he was bitching about me on a forum, I'd probably come across as the verbally abusive one because you cannot convey how someone actually is online.