give you money when they give some to your sibling(s)? What do you do? Would you be hurt if they didn't try to make it "fair" or even?
This post brought to you by the fact that I just found out that my parents have been giving my brother money because they offered to give me some to make it even. I thought that was weird because we're not kids anymore. I don't care if they give my brother money and not me.
for major items, yes. For example, my mom buys each of her kids the crib for their first baby. Because the crib my brother and SIL picked out was more expensive than the one I picked out, she also bought my mattress and the crib sheets.
She has spent a lot on my brother and SIL and their girls because he earned crap as a resident and she didnt work, so my mom sent them money for diapers, etc. When she sent them money she didnt turn around and send my other brother and me money too, but I think now she is conscious of how much she spent on them and tries to even it out in other ways. I can see where she is coming from in some respects (she is obsessed with being even with stuff like that) but in other respects I don't care. My brother and SIL needed money, I didnt. She helps us in other ways.
They do give some $ to my siblings and not us, since they are completely SOL without their help. I pity my parents for having to do this,but without it, my nieces would never get anything, my siblings cannot even afford food without any assistance.
We get money for xmas gifts, other then that I take nothing from them.
My parent's paid for my sister's phone until she got married a year and a half ago. They didn't offer me anything. It didn't bother me. My mom has offered to let me join their family plan when I need to and they will pay the whole bill. They help when help is needed, they don't worry about it being fair, but I think it probably will come out in the wash at the end.
In that past they did. BIL needed more help and we were quite fine. So they'd offer, we'd say "no - save it for if we ever need it".
But now that we could actually use it- it's never been offered.... darnit. But we've never asked - and never would unless we were REALLY in dire straits. And we aren't. It would just "be nice".
Post by Velvetshady on Nov 28, 2012 10:21:45 GMT -5
My parents do make a effort to have things even. To the point that they have bought 2 of most collector-type things they've bought so we each get one when they die. They paid for a used car for my brother when he graduated college, I got the same amount of money for a car when I graduated (but they basically gave me a 0% interest loan for the rest of the cost of my car). I decided to double major and took an extra semester to graduate--the deal I made with them was that if they would pay for the last semester, I would pay it back after I was employed. However, they had helped my brother out a few times when he was in grad school and kept track of the amount, and when I graduated they told me their support to my brother equaled my last semester so I didn't owe them anything.
Post schooling, neither of us have asked for financial support from them. They don't keep track of $ spent on gifts, but my brother has kids, we don't; we end up doing more vacations/dinners/events with my parents and they pay ~50% of the time--so overall, they probably spend about the same on us.
Nope, they didn't even do that when we were kids. A few of my siblings were "wanters" others weren't, the wanters always got more. I don't think my parents give any money to their adult children, 2 of my brothers are still in college and they help them.
My sister is still a dependent. My mom doesn't even things out financially with me. It doesn't bother me because I don't envy my sister's position, and my mom is very generous with her money (see: Hump day happiness post).
Not in a direct tit-for-tat sense. My dad and stepmom have given both me and my brother funds in a pinch (help with his divorce, help when we had our 5th major car repair in 2yrs while DH was unemployed). Neither my brother nor I request or expect it, but we all help each other out when it has been needed.
my parents paid for a substantial portion of our weddings. my bro is never getting married, so my mom gave him an equal sum when he bought his first home. i've been married 9 yrs & he just bought a place this summer. so while they try to keep it even, it may not be the same timing. they figure, at some point, it will all even out.
also, me & my sis have husband & kids, so my mom buys more xmas presents for our families than my bro. so she will sometimes get him a much nicer gift to "spend the same".
No. They always buy stuff for my sibs. But one time I was with all of them and my parents bought my sibs coach handbags, I guess my mom felt guilty and asked if I wanted one. I said no.
Post by niemand88f on Nov 28, 2012 10:56:03 GMT -5
To some extent. My parents promised to pay for all of their children's college- I earned a full ride scholarship, my sister only had 60% covered by scholarships. When I graduated they bought me a nicer car and computer than they had bought for my sister when she graduated. Obviously the difference in graduation gifts didn't make up for the difference in what they paid for college expenses, but they definitely try to keep gifts similar.
Post by Doggy Mommy on Nov 28, 2012 10:58:08 GMT -5
My mom told me that she feels like she "owes" me 10k because she gave that much to my sister to get her out of a car loan for a very broken and worthless car. She also paid for my sister's car insurance until she was like 29 or 30 and has bailed her out of debt in the past. I told my mom not to worry about it. My mom has always been very generous to me and would take me to Costco for lots of groceries when times were tough. It used to piss me off when I found out my mom took my sister shopping at the mall while I was getting my master's degree and struggling to afford food. But I've gotten over it. My sister makes more than me, but spends it ALL, lives in a tiny apartment with a roommate, but has a fancy car (with a $400/month lease payment), buys lots of designer clothes, claims to have many "suitors" but can't hold on to a boyfriend, and is always eating at fancy restaurants. DH and I live within our means, share a paid off Honda, have money in savings and retirement accounts (plus I'll have a pension), had bagels and cream cheese for dinner last night, and live in a nice house with a low interest rate. I'm happy to be independent and am happy with my life.
Somewhat. When my parents were still married, they tried to do this, though it was often delayed in nature.
Now that they are divorced, my mom tries to do this and I usually don't accept. I don't have a relationship with my dad, but my understanding is that he doesn't give my sister money very often.
No my patents do not give any of us money & haven't for several years. We are giving the money now. Back when they did it wasn't ever fair/even. The younger kids got more.
Mil gives all her kids money but I have no idea how fair it is.
They are fair on big things--they gave each of us the exact same $$ for our weddings/graduation/first car.
They give my sister $$ regularly--poor G always needs someone to buy her new tires, pay for be oil change,buy her groceries, etc. This annoys me because she regularly makes life decisions that she can't afford and milks the poor little downtrodden angle.
Sorta, my brother takes more advantage of my day's generosity, so every once in a while my dad will give me money. I don't think it is completely even though.