MMR: Do your parents

[mrs.spunky]

Only child, as is DH. So glad we don't have to worry about these sorts of things.

[nomad100]

My parents always try to be equal even though I have been more responsible. When we were born they created accounts to pay for things like college, marriages, house down payments, unexpected medical bills, etc and have been putting money in every year since then. They always put in equal amounts but since my brother has received more from his account, the balance on mine is more at this point. I basically think of it as an additional retirement account. In rare occasions I have pulled money out. The last time was when our new roof was double what we thought it would be.

There are still times when they will tell me that they are putting extra into the account because they have paid for something for my brother, but I never see it, so to speak.

They are equal at bdays, Christmas, etc. Now that D and I are married for, he is included in the equal gift thing. They jokingly tell him that he is now in the "circle of trust" (like from the Meet the Parents movie, though my dad wasn't in the CIA he is one of their kids and gets the same as my brother and I. He still doesn't quite know how to take it but they are well off and it makes them happy to be generous.

[readyin07]

DH's grandparents were super anal about this. I recently found out if they paid to fly MIL's brothers in for a holiday or something then they would give my MIL a check in the same amount the flights cost. I thought that was kind of overboard b/c my MIL lived near them and so they would often take her, FIL, their kids out to dinner, etc.

I often wonder if DH's parents do this with his sister. Now that we have kids they do usually pay for our flights or parts of our flights when we come visit. That would irritate me b/c she very frequently has come to visit us with her parents (we live in FL) and they have always paid for her flights and things. But they're generous with us in that regard so whatever..

Otherwise, I do think that DH's sister gets more financially from her parents. At 30 she is still on her mom's family phone plan but DH was removed from it when he finished college at 22. She has had one of her parent's credit cards to use to treat herself and DH has not (actually his mom just gave him one randomly so we can buy our kids gifts from her :/ They gave us money for our wedding/downpayment on house and they ended up having to gift her an equal amount of money when she was out of work for a period of time (actually she was gifted twice what she was...I believe they forgot that part of the money they gave was from DH's now-empty trust from his grandparents), but still will plan to pay for her wedding, etc.

[hannamaren]

My parents paid off my sisters student loans and then she had to pay them back. There were months with no repayment and definitely a lower interest rate than mine. But she cant declare hers on her taxes.

[macmars45]

Kind of, but no not recently. The paid for college for all of us as well as weddings for those of us that are married.
H and I would say no to help offered now unless our other option was living in a cardboard box and not eating.

Two sisters live with my parents presently. One is need based. Her H lost his job and they have two little kids. The other is lazy and my parents are enabling. She has a good paying job... I have no idea why she wasn't in her own place years ago. Love her to bits though.

[flatlan]

I think they try to keep it fairish between my sister and I. My sister got married in South Africa (her husband is South African and they were living there at the time.) My parents gave her a generous budget for the wedding and paid for their own flights and my brother and I's flights. When I got married the next year, they gave me higher budget because they didn't have to pay for very expensive flights for four people to get to the wedding. So we got the same amount of money, it was just spent different.

Now, my little brother is a different story. He is 25 and still gets a lot of extra help from my parents. It doesn't make me mad but my sister gets a little hyped up about it.

[heygrey]

I'm an only child, but sometimes I feel like they are making up for lost time with h, lol. They spoil him to a ridiculous point.

I have no idea who, if any, of h's siblings are getting money from the in laws. With 10 kids they'd be stupid to try to keep it even. They are always generous in times of need, and for us that came in the form of groceries when we had very little food and even less money to buy it. I think they are more inclined to meet a need tangibly instead of giving money.

[Deleted]

Nope. My grandparents give both my mom and my sister monthly allowances and I don't get anything. But honestly with all the strings that would be attached to that allowance for me I don't want it.

[jena]

Yes, MIL likes to keep things even. Neither DH nor his brother really need it, but she likes to give money and she can afford it. When we used to fly to visit her, she'd buy our tickets and give BIL the same amount. Or sometimes we just get a random check from her.

She has told me how her father enjoyed sharing his money before he died and seeing his kids benefit from it and she wants.to do the same. As it's not something we count on or ask for, I see nothing wrong with it.

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[Deleted]

They make it fair, not equal. Those two things are not the same.

[Deleted]

We are adults they don't give us money. Though my brother did hit a recent recent financial rough patch, despite working 2 jobs. My parents want to help him out if needed but my mom was worried about keeping things even. I told her not to worry about it. H and I are comfortable financial and my other brother is very well off, there is no sense in parents going broke to 'keep things even'.

Now of course I would hope that they would give me the same consideration if I was ever in need financial but I would feel awful and petty expecting money from my parents just because they gave it to my brother.

[Deleted]

Yes, they keep everything even.

[imojoebunny]

My parents give the same to my brother and I. Even our college funds were the same. I went in-state and graduated in 3 years. He went out of state and took 5 (2 degrees). I got to do summer abroad and some money for extra living expenses in my grad program to equal it out.

We both recently bought new houses, so they gave us both the same amount of money for new sofas.

[hellzkitten]

No. My mother has helped my brother out a few times (how? I have no idea since she is retired & on fixed income)... but I would never accept anything from her.