Post by luvmagoldn on Nov 28, 2012 11:35:16 GMT -5
No. I know my parents have helped my brother a lot over the years and I'm sure they still do (like they gave him their car a few months ago when they bought a new one).
The last time I got help from them was when I borrowed money for moving across country. They loaned me money for the movers and I paid them back when I got a lump sum check from my employer. That was yeeeeeeaaaars ago.
I'm not upset about it in terms of fairness to me. It does bother me that my brother continues to tap them but that's their business.
No, my parents do not and if I had multiple children I would with the exception of certain circumstances. Its really starting to irritate me because it will start to effect my DS & I will not allow my parents to make my child feel like he's less important.
no and I don't care. They gave my sister a low interest loan after paying off her CCs and took her on a short trip last weekend. We are in a much better financial situation and I know that their love for us is not tied to how much $ we get.
My parents mostly have when it comes to big things like college expenses, wedding, etc. They gave my sister money for grad school and instead of making that even immediately let me know they wrote an extra $xx into their will for me. I understand the financial reasons they did it, but am a bit jealous as I'm paying student loans. My sister also benefited greatly financially from a real estate purchase loaned to her....they all really just got lucky with that one and I was never in that place, but I'm really jealous of how that has impacted her. My parents are probably a bit more giving with random stuff like picking up the restaurant check with me - but DW and I make less combined than either sister or BIL make separately.
Post by iheartvino on Nov 28, 2012 12:04:09 GMT -5
No. I think my sisters would say that I got more assistance a few years ago, but I am the youngest, and I think my sisters forget the help that my parents gave them when they first got out of college.
I know my parents didn't give us equal money for our wedding. They pay for my one sister/bil cell phone payment, while they don't pay for mine/my other sister's. They also give larger, more expensive gifts to my other sister's becasue H and I already have a lot.
I think the only thing that really bothers me is that my sisters' ILs give them a lot of gifts and financial support, while my ILs ask us for money. So they both have the support of my parents, along with even more support from their H's parents. This is not something for my parents to compensate for, though.
Kind of. My parents offered my brothers a lot of free babysitting with their kids because they live closer and because my parents were younger at the time (my nieces and nephews are all in their late teens or in their 20s). My dad has given me wads of money here and there "to go out on a date" with DH. I used to refuse, but now I just take it. I don't need it, but I do usually use the money for the intended purpose or I buy something fun for DD that I might not otherwise.
It does, in fact, suck to have to pay for babysitting every single time I need it when I stop and reflect on it. But I would never have asked or expected money from my parents for this just because they watched my nieces and nephews a lot 15-20 years ago.
At this point, yes, usually when they give money to one kid, the other two get money, as well.
(except for birthdays - they generally get us a gift or give us cash, but that is not much compared to when they give us money)
In the past, however, they have supported one of us more than the others, particularly when that kid was in university. That has been situation/school/cost of living dependent, and I suspect that my brother received quite a bit more support during his time in school than either my sister or I received. But, my brother also went back to school well after leaving high school, and had a wife and kids when he did it.
Now, though, we're all independent adults, earning a reasonable income (I'm probably the lowest earner of us three kids, but DH and I may well have the highest household income of us kids and in-laws.) I think they would not be comfortable giving us different amounts, unless one of us was to end up in some form of hardship, in which case, I doubt anyone would object if that kid was given more for a short time.
Not if it's need-based. When my BIL was out of work for close to a year I know my parents helped them out quite a bit, but keeping it even would have cost them a ridiculous amount of money, and my brother and I wouldn't have accepted it. But if they have a windfall and want to give us each some, that is always in equal amounts.
Not really, but my parents don't really give us money. Occasionally my mom will fill my gas tank before I go home after visiting, and they gave us $50 to cover the food we bought when they visited us recently (not necessary, but my mom wanted to).
I don't think those things apply to my sisters, who live locally, but I assume they buy/do other things with them sometimes that I don't know about. No one just gets money handed to them for no apparent reason, and none of us are broke enough to borrow from my parents.
My mom does try to keep it pretty even with Christmas gifts, but I think that's mostly so that no one is sitting around opening gifts together and feeling left out.
Post by countthestars on Nov 28, 2012 13:21:47 GMT -5
Not really. They are spending more on her wedding than they did on mine. I don't really care. Right after college they did give me $500 because they gave my sister $500 to pay for parking at her apartment. That was nice.
Post by daydreamer on Nov 28, 2012 13:26:11 GMT -5
Absolutely yes. My mom even goes out of the way to make sure we know they balance things out. Neither my brother and I need any help for basic things, but on several occasions my parents have given us both modest sums of money for extras.
When we were younger, maybe. Not now. And it's fine with me. My siblings have more tenuous financial positions than we do, and my parents help them out here and there. They did the same for me back in the day, and I'm sure would do so again if we needed it.
Post by applesandoranges on Nov 28, 2012 13:45:05 GMT -5
No. ILs have never been fair about money. They have had to bail out SIL many times. DH is more responsible with money, so maybe that's why he never sees a dime from his parents.
My father paid for my law school tuition. My brother did not pursue education beyond college. My father did not write my brother a check for a comparable amount. However, had my brother opted for such schooling, his schooling would've been fully funded as well.
My father paid for my law school tuition. My brother did not pursue education beyond college. My father did not write my brother a check for a comparable amount. However, had my brother opted for such schooling, his schooling would've been fully funded as well.
That would be awesome though. A big fat check for not going to grad school. I want that parent.
Post by definitelyO on Nov 28, 2012 14:40:26 GMT -5
MIL is like that - wants it all to be very even. The best example is that my 44yr old SIL realized that someone was depositing money in her account. it was MIL - b/c MIL was contributing to my DS's 529 account so she wanted to make it equal.
one year she bought SIL a bedroom set (like 10 yrs ago) and so then wrote DH a check for the same amount.
it's crazy really and we don't need/want the 100% equality nor does SIL. but it makes MIL feel better so we let her do it and don't say anything.
oh and we bought their mtn house at a discounted price so now the inheritence has been adjusted in SIL's favor. (which makes sense in that regard)
I know our Christmas presents / birthday presents are kept even in regards to my parents. They have a set budget for gifts and we know that amount. I think my mom tends to help DH and I more than my brother because we make less than him. I was also not given the same assistance when I was in college as my brother did, because of this I could not afford to finish my degree without a lot of student loans. I didn't complete the degree because I didn't have the support I needed to be able to financially make it.
I always thought my IL's kept things even but we figured out about 2 years ago that they don't. IL's bought SIL & BIL a house in 2011. The only assistance that was given to us when we bought a house was new carpeting for half the house to the tune of about $800. MIL and FIL have a lot more vested in SIL and her family. We have come to the point that we do not expect / want anything from them because they have already showed their unwillingness to help us when we were in a bind in January. We needed a new roof or we would lose our insurance and DH asked for help but the IL's refused to help. That was the last straw for us with regards to them financially.
Yes, but not exactly equally. They "loaned" my brother $40K a couple of years ago because he and his wife are highly irresponsible with money, despite both having good jobs in a VLCOL area. They went to my mom with a sob story about foreclose and bankruptcy, so parents loaned them the money. This was not the first incidence for a loan, just the largest sum. Shortly thereafter, my dad decided that they needed to give me money to be fair, since they had basically just rewarded my brother for being irresponsible. Long story short, they gave me $10K in August to buy a car. So, not exactly equal, but whatever.
Yes, but not exactly equally. They "loaned" my brother $40K a couple of years ago because he and his wife are highly irresponsible with money, despite both having good jobs in a VLCOL area. They went to my mom with a sob story about foreclose and bankruptcy, so parents loaned them the money. This was not the first incidence for a loan, just the largest sum. Shortly thereafter, my dad decided that they needed to give me money to be fair, since they had basically just rewarded my brother for being irresponsible. Long story short, they gave me $10K in August to buy a car. So, not exactly equal, but whatever.
Oh, and they also rewrote their will so that if my bro hasn't paid them back $30K (they're forgiving the rest) by the time they pass, he gets less than me. Kind of screwy, but they're all about equality.
Post by amberatkins on Nov 28, 2012 16:46:15 GMT -5
My parents and other family members have helped out my brother financially. He's also gotten more expensive gifts for birthdays/Christmas. He needs it and appreciates it, and I am happy that they are in a position to help him. My H and I are doing okay and we can generally afford what we need, so we are happy with whatever.
My ILs are different though. They've helped H's brother out a lot and H's little sister is their princess and gets a lot of stuff. They have realized in the past few years that they have given H's siblings a lot more than they have given H and are on a mission to make things equal. They keep offering money to "help out" or talking about how they're going to help us with home renovations in the future. We don't feel that any of that is necessary, but they are having a hard time getting past their guilt.
Post by megalicious on Nov 28, 2012 16:48:44 GMT -5
My parents are VERY private about financial matters and would never tell us if they were helping to support one of my siblings (which I do suspect that they are).
My parents are pretty equal, not down to the penny, but they have been financially generous with both my sister and I.
I think FIL is pretty equal now. I'm pretty sure he's helped BIL out a time or two, but BIL has never been good with money.
MIL and her DH aren't equal. They are constantly supporting the husband's one daughter b/c she has 2 kids and they "can't bear to have the kids suffer." I feel bad for them, they aren't in a great place financially themselves and yet are supporting a 40+ year old woman who won't work. DH is the executor of their estate and I'm not looking forward the the temper tantrum I'm sure this woman will throw if she doesn't get what she wants.
We do generally get birthday gifts of similar values but my parents have offered to help my sister with her down payment. They haven't offer us help because we don't need it. It is fine with me.
My brother and XSIL were building a house in the country. I knew my parents were buying them a water heater. I didn't care. It was my parents money, not mine. My mom and I would shop & lunch pretty often, no big deal. All of a sudden she wanted to go shopping, kept trying to buy me stuff. Finally I let her by me a new raincoat. Think it was $100. Not long after I found out why. Mom & Dad had told brother & his wife they'd buy them a water softener for their house and my brother ordered a top of the line Kinitico (not sure of spelling). so he got thousands of dollars in a water softener and I got raincoat. That still cracks me up.
My friend's H's dad had died when he was in high school and they were mega wealthy. He had great scholarships, really smart guy. His brother was a good student but more in to goofing off. Starting in high school he would suddenly get cash or checks in odd amounts and he knew his mom had paid for something for his brother. This continued through undergrad. Her H banked all this money. His scholarships & his mom paid for his college and she paid for his brother. Her H banked so much money he paid for med school at Ohio State. My friend's MIL also bought everyone identical gifts, exactly identical. The 2 brothers always got the same thing and she and her BIL's wife got exactly the same things. Her H absolutely didn't care but his brother would just go in to a rage if he even thought her H got something he didn't. spoiled jerk.
Post by cherry1111 on Nov 28, 2012 20:07:49 GMT -5
I think they try to keep things fairly even, like the amount they gave us for our wedding, they gave my brother when he got married. But I don't think either of us get money outside of special occasions such as birthdays, weddings, etc.