How do I avoid Santa without seeming like a grinch

[Deleted]

Do you still plan on doing presents? If so, I would just say Santa is a guy at the mall but Mommy works hard to earn money to buy you presents.

And don't feel you have to explain this to anyone. I mean, it's like, what, 5 years out of a kid's life where they are cognizant and believe?

[janedoe]

Could you tell the Saint Nicholas story? But not the commercial Santa Claus story?

[drloretta]

I'd just say, "We've made our decision" or "why do you ask?" while giving them a blank look.

We're all about Santa at our house, but if it's not your thing, it's not your thing.

[joenali]

I think people get upset because it's the 'merican way. It's traditional, it's just what you do during the holidays. Don't worry what other people think. If you are worried than do Santa, if you aren't worried, do what you want. You are entitled to celebrate any way you want. That's the real 'merican way. Your kids will be fine whether or not they believe Santa's making a list and checking twice or not.

Just tell the reasons why you don't do Santa.

[winnied]

Maybe you're just talking to weird people. My SIL didn't do the Santa thing and while people asked they weren't shocked or weirded out by it. I think if you don't provide a "real" answer like religion, lying to your kids, not agreeing with the commercialism of it, then people just assume you're a mean parent. People like to be a) nosey and b) judge.

[drloretta]

I might also stress to these people that you're still doing gifts, they're just coming from family members instead of a random stranger, LOL. I think some people equate "no Santa" with "no gifts" for some reason.

We can't avoid it. DD watched a holiday cartoon and now asks multiple times when Santa is coming, and whether he's bringing us all gifts. I'm not going to crush a 2yo's dreams--yet

[krystee]

How does this come up? I've never heard someone directly ask, "Are you doing Santa?", so if you don't bring it up, I'm not sure how often it would really come up. If someone asks about it, you could say that Santa is a fun character like Mickey Mouse at your house, and mom and dad buy the presents.

[wannabe]

Hey, it's your choice. But whatever you do, please make sure that your kids don't ruin it for other kids. Because that would suck.

[ijack]

Dec 2, 2012 22:36:39 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Hey, it's your choice. But whatever you do, please make sure that your kids don't ruin it for other kids. Because that would suck.

Ditto this. I don't know how old your kids are, but at 3 DD and her friends would actively talk about Santa and what he brought them (or what they wanted him to bring them).

[pugz]

I know a pretty good number of people that don't do santa and it doesn't really faze me. Most of the people I know that don't do santa are very conservative christians so I think people just assume it's a religious thing and don't ask many questions. My cousin and her husband don't even put up a tree...they put a nativity set on a table and put the presents underneath the table, lol.

It's none of anyone's business and you don't need to explain or defend. Just change the subject and move on. Most people I know that don't do santa just explain to their kids that some families celebrate santa while others don't. Just like some people are Jewish, some Christian, some Muslim, etc. Every family has different beliefs and santa is not one of yours. You don't have to say "santa isn't real" to them, just that you don't celebrate him.

[heygrey]

Why are you mentioning it? Not bringing it up would probably help deter a few conversations.

[pacificrules]

Maybe my kid's not old enough yet (just now 3), but this hasn't been a big deal at ALL. She has seen Santa, and we say, "Oh, there's Santa." But, to her, he's not connected to presents at all. She knows her presents come from us and her relatives and hasn't ever asked about him bringing her presents. We haven't gotten flack from anyone, but (now that I think about it), I don't know if it's even come up in conversation. I don't announce that we don't do Santa. No one has ever asked.

[pacificrules]

Dec 2, 2012 22:29:12 GMT -5 krystee said:

How does this come up? I've never heard someone directly ask, "Are you doing Santa?", so if you don't bring it up, I'm not sure how often it would really come up. If someone asks about it, you could say that Santa is a fun character like Mickey Mouse at your house, and mom and dad buy the presents.

LOVE this.

[dr.girlfriend]

DH and I aren't emphasizing Santa. We are just doing gifts "from mom and dad." I will buy a gift with DS for DH, etc. DS still hears about Santa at school and I'm not going to give him a "there's no Santa" talk, but if he asks directly about it I think I'm going to go with the "Santa is an idea" thing.

[sunny]

I agree that it's grinchy. it's fun! I'm not judging you perse, but I just don't get it.

[dexteroni]

Dec 2, 2012 23:28:38 GMT -5 mrsmayhem said:

People often ask how we blend our holidays. They don't care about anything else, but when I mention the Santa thing it is like shock and horror.

So don't mention the S-word. Develop a vague answer that satisfies people and give that every time. "Oh we're developing our own traditions, it's so much fun." Change subject.

Dec 2, 2012 22:36:39 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Hey, it's your choice. But whatever you do, please make sure that your kids don't ruin it for other kids. Because that would suck.

And a million times this.

[Deleted]

You could always tell people you are trying to emphasis the REAL meaning of Christmas with your children if that is what you believe.

Although I would discourage you from outright telling your kid(s) that there is no Santa. Otherwise they will be "that kid" who goes to school and tells everyone there is no Santa and spoils the fun for other kids.

[anna7602]

Dec 2, 2012 22:18:15 GMT -5 mrsmayhem said:

By the time they start to realize other kids celebrate Santa, they'll probably be old enough to figure out he isn't real.

I think you just need to stop talking about it with people. Just like people are going to express their opinions about why your child should be sleeping through the night by a certain age or whether you're breastfeeding or not or whether your birth plan sucks, this is another one of those issues that I feel is best dealt with by either avoiding the topic or by just politely, but firmly, not allowing anyone to think it's open for discussion with you.

However, to this point specifically, kids learn about Santa pretty darned early. He's everywhere. We never specifically planned to NOT do Santa, he just kind of fell by the wayside in the middle of other family traditions we fell strongly about (like the Three Kings visiting on Jan. 6th). BUT, by age 2.5 or so, DD was asking about him and was quite aware that he comes through the chimney and all other kinds of information that she did not initially hear from us.

[frlcb]

Dec 2, 2012 22:36:39 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Hey, it's your choice. But whatever you do, please make sure that your kids don't ruin it for other kids. Because that would suck.

Thank you, this 1000%.

Also, is this a new phenomenon, the whole anti-Santa thing? Because I feel like it is trendy to not 'do' Santa. Santa is fun. I don't care if my kids know who paid for the presents.

[pugz]

I don't think it's a new phenomenon, when we discussed santa a couple of weeks ago on here quite a few people said they grew up w/o santa but that in general it wasn't a big deal.

I think it's just now, in the age of bloggers and people on FB and twitter putting EVERYTHING out there about how they raise their kids that we are hearing more people be vocal about not doing Santa than before.

and parents need to be prepared with responses when Sally comes home crying that so and so said Santa wasn't real. Hopefully this isn't happening at age 3 or 4, but by elementary school there are going to be kids figuring it out and questioning, so you need to have a response ready. Society isn't going to perpetuate the Santa thing forever.

[karinothing]

Dec 3, 2012 7:36:47 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Dec 2, 2012 22:36:39 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Hey, it's your choice. But whatever you do, please make sure that your kids don't ruin it for other kids. Because that would suck.

Thank you, this 1000%.

Also, is this a new phenomenon, the whole anti-Santa thing? Because I feel like it is trendy to not 'do' Santa. Santa is fun. I don't care if my kids know who paid for the presents.

I don't think it is a new thing. I didn't grow up believing in Santa. He brought us presents but I always knew it was my parents. I don't remember any of my friends doing the whole Santa thing either.

We still had fun at Christmas I promise

[Deleted]

Dec 2, 2012 23:40:05 GMT -5 mrsmayhem said:

Dec 2, 2012 23:33:33 GMT -5 sunny said:

I agree that it's grinchy. it's fun! I'm not judging you perse, but I just don't get it.

This is exactly the kind of reaction I get. "I'm not judging you"....but actually i am...haha. Here's the thing...I can see why people choose to do Santa, but as someone who grew up not celebrating Christmas at all, it would be even less authentic. It's hard to explain, but it's just not something i want to do.

There's your answer. End it with "it's not something I'm comfortable with so we do other things to celebrate Christmas." Because honestly, the bolded is the first time I've read this conversation and understood why someone else may not want to do the "santa magic" bit.

[Deleted]

Dec 3, 2012 5:16:04 GMT -5 @kjewell said:

You could always tell people you are trying to emphasis the REAL meaning of Christmas with your children if that is what you believe.

I'm thinking this doesn't work because for a lot of us Santa is just part of Christmas. I always knew Jesus was the real reason we had Christmas (actual vs convenient Catholic timing aside) but Santa was still a big part of it for me. I'm guessing, that's why this answer makes people feel she's the one who is missing out.

[frlcb]

Interesting, I didn't know anyone who was Christian who didn't do the whole Santa thing. Did the kids believe after a certain age? No, but they still 'did' it and it wasn't this whole 'Santa is lying to your kids' and 'Don't you want your kids to know your hard earned money bought the gifts, not Santa' stuff that I see everywhere today. I don't doubt kids who don't believe in Santa still have a fun Christmas, but in our house part of the fun is Santa.

[cajunmom]

Dec 3, 2012 8:15:00 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Interesting, I didn't know anyone who was Christian who didn't do the whole Santa thing.

Oh, really? Ever heard of Jehovah's Witnesses? Or Pentecostal? I grew up going to a small non-denominational Christian church...we didn't "do" Santa.

On another note, DH and I are now atheists. We DID do Santa with our girls...although this year they (ages 6 and 10) know it's us and not Santa.

[MadamePresident]

My mom never did santa with me, because she never felt right lying to me about it. I never really felt like I missed out. I'm not going to do Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy with my kids either. Wow, I just sounded like a fun killer. We will still celebrate these events, just without the fictional characters.

[frlcb]

Dec 3, 2012 8:55:25 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Dec 3, 2012 8:15:00 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Interesting, I didn't know anyone who was Christian who didn't do the whole Santa thing.

Oh, really? Ever heard of Jehovah's Witnesses? Or Pentecostal? I grew up going to a small non-denominational Christian church...we didn't "do" Santa.

On another note, DH and I are now atheists. We DID do Santa with our girls...although this year they (ages 6 and 10) know it's us and not Santa.

Sorry, I shouldn't have used the blanket word "Christian". But no, I didn't grow up around Jehovah's Witnesses or anyone that was Pentecostal, and yes, all my friends growing up did Santa.

[madringal]

I also vote Grinch. Parents that don't "do" Santa are fun suckers. I can't imagine having a childhood without some Santa/toothfairy/Easter Bunny magic. I would imagine it would sound something like -
"Hey you lost a tooth! Now throw it in the trash."
"I bought all these presents at Walmart with my hard earned money."
"I don't know why the neighborhood kids have eggs all over their yard that are filled with candy. Get away from the window."

[madringal]

Dec 3, 2012 8:55:25 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Dec 3, 2012 8:15:00 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Interesting, I didn't know anyone who was Christian who didn't do the whole Santa thing.

Oh, really? Ever heard of Jehovah's Witnesses? Or Pentecostal? I grew up going to a small non-denominational Christian church...we didn't "do" Santa.

On another note, DH and I are now atheists. We DID do Santa with our girls...although this year they (ages 6 and 10) know it's us and not Santa.

I have been Pentecostal for 33 years. We do Santa. So do all my other Pentecostal friends. I have never met a Pentecostal that doesn't do Santa.

[cajunmom]

Dec 3, 2012 10:20:00 GMT -5 madringal said:

Dec 3, 2012 8:55:25 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Oh, really? Ever heard of Jehovah's Witnesses? Or Pentecostal? I grew up going to a small non-denominational Christian church...we didn't "do" Santa.

On another note, DH and I are now atheists. We DID do Santa with our girls...although this year they (ages 6 and 10) know it's us and not Santa.

I have been Pentecostal for 33 years. We do Santa. So do all my other Pentecostal friends. I have never met a Pentecostal that doesn't do Santa.

No offense intended. I just grew up with around a pretty large Pentecostal population and none of the ones I was close friends with did Santa.