I'm sorry he's being tough on you Does he go to pre-school or DC at all?
Day care is my sanity saver these days. He only went two days last week, so that may be part of my problem. Though, in September, he starts German kindergarten--five days a week, six hours a day. I am so excited for him and relieved for myself. Before our move, I did not anticipate wanting to send him five days a week, but circumstances being what they are. . . It is best for both of us!
I totally agree about 3s vs. "Terrible Twos", though. Late 3 and 4 has been more challenging than 2s mostly due to the ability to mouth off, verbally defy us, etc.
Stock up on the fantastic beer and wine there and hopefully this rough patch works itself out!! Thinking of you.
Yes, it is the ability to sass back and be defiant. Ugh.
I am enjoying a Kahlua and Cream (well, milk) now with Oreos. (TT wanted them when we were at the commissary. Far be it from me to deny him his first Oreo experience!)
Post by NomadicMama on Aug 12, 2012 13:42:49 GMT -5
It hasn't even been two months and I'm spent.
Why did I ever think that moving into a house where the garden is off limits to the dog (for the purpose of pottying) was a good idea? Sure, walking the dog in the vineyards is lovely, until my tiny tyrant refuses to walk and I have to carry him. Last week, he disobeyed me, so I strapped him into his stroller. He totally worked himself up crying and yelling--and puked on himself. Twice. And that leads me to. . .
For those of you who are not yet parents, or whose kids are still tiny, be forewarned. Sure, the terrible twos are rough, but two has nothin' on three. Honestly, had I known how challenging LO would be, I might not have so readily agreed to this set of orders.
I'm sure that I will feel better (soon, I hope). But I am tired. Oh--and we have LO's well child doctors appointment tomorrow. At 7:50am. Not my choice. Ugh. Please pass the wine before I whine some more.
Thanks for listening. :beer: Here's a good German beer for your time.
Post by NomadicMama on Aug 2, 2012 23:58:30 GMT -5
Our EFMP screening was a cluster eff of ginormous proportions. DH and I joked that our marriage had survived infertility, treatment, a 15 month training/deployment and the paperwork/process to move to Germany might be the demise of our relationship.
During the course of the process, we learned that they'd screwed up my EFMP renewal paperwork in 2010. Someone had miskeyed my diagnosis (they had me having bi-polar disorder, I have ADHD--a difference to the care needed). They enrolled LO into EFMP even though he'd recently "graduated" from speech therapy. (I still need to undo this "gift".).
The EFMP coordinator at one of the posts (we were in the DC area, so there were several Army posts to choose since DH was at the Pentagon) SUCKED. In 2010, my paperwork needed to be renewed. She forwarded the paperwork to DH (who was in Baghdad at the time). Unfortunately, the paperwork she'd emailed him was another solider's paperwork. Ummmm, hello privacy screw-up!! DH took that straight to the clinic's commander.
Fast forward to November 2011 when we had to get the EFMP/medical screening done. She would not return phone calls to my DH. Finally, we just showed up at her office. The earliest appointment she could get for LO and me was over two weeks out. She mentioned that they might be able to see us sooner at the other local post. So, I dropped DH off at work then LO and I headed off to the other post. We were seen THAT day!
It took a while for our approval to come through, in fact, I seem to recall DH having to stay on it and get other people involved--but that is likely because LO and I are both special snowflakes. (Thankfully, our special snowflake-ness is not extreme.). Ultimately, we were approved. Getting here was one giant PITA. I hope it goes much more smoothly for you!!
I see that you are coming to Germany--what part of the country will you be in?
I think it's worth it. I'd love to get back into horseback riding, but it'd not only be the cost of lessons, but also childcare in my case. I think when DH is deployed and we get free CDC hours I will take advantage and go riding then.
After you've taken your DH's deployment orders in to CYS, you get 16 free hours a month AND instead of $4/hour it goes down to $2/hour. You can bet your sweet bippy I'm making good use of this benefit!
My wine budget would be considered a splurge, even though I rarely buy bottles over $10.
I qualify my wine purchases as alternative therapy. LO and I are both happier after I've had a glass of wine in the evening! ;D
As for my own? Having just moved, I'm still trying to figure things out. During DH's last deployment, it was doggie daycare, even though I was a SAHW/M. Because of my belatedly-realized high risk pregnancy (I never, ever felt good) and then difficult recovery, and newborn, Smudge simply did not get the exercise and socialization that he needed. I took him two afternoons a week to doggie day care--and it was worth every penny!
I really want to change the color but I am the worlds worst at keeping up with my hair when I color it. Maybe a rinse of some sort that will wash out after so long. Are those even made anymore?
A semi-permanent color is the way to go if you aren't good about keeping up with your color (I'm not either, no judgement from me!).
Your hair is beautiful. I would think about maybe getting cut to the bottom of your shoulder blades, with some long layers. As for color, do you plan to color it at home or a salon? If you go to a salon, I'd talk to the stylist about a rich chocolate brown. They should be able to determine the right tones to use to compliment your coloring.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 31, 2012 6:43:02 GMT -5
In early September, LO and I are going to a Strong Bonds retreat for families with a deployed service member. I'm looking forward to it. I've heard nothing but good things from folks who have gone.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 29, 2012 17:09:11 GMT -5
I don't think it's cold. Heck, my DS, who was almost three at the time, didn't say good night/bye to DH because he was screwing around. DH tried, but knew not to push it. I think that having him stay with your folks is a good plan, if it works for you guys. It gives you time with DH before he goes, but it also allows you time for an ugly cry before picking up DS. Honestly, that's what I would do, if I were in your shoes. Good luck.
And, while he may not be deployed, it still sucks that he'll be gone for a year. Situationally single parenting is hard. We're here for you!
This isn't a deployment, it is a year long unaccompanied tour. We are still trying to decide how to handle the departure day. I just don't want to put DS through waiting around at the airport but I also feel bad leaving H at the airport to wait. I kind of want to say good bye at the car and go take DS to Lake Michigan for the rest of the day/night.
Last year when H went to Guam we waited all.day. on the flightline as times changed and changed and changed. It was a million degrees outside and by the time they left, in the evening, we were all emotionally spent and it resulted in a week of shitty sleeps for DS while we were on vacation in Florida. Leaving late that night for vacation was also another huge mistake.
What does your DH want? Mine prefers being dropped off at the curb. If I had pushed the issue, I/we could have taken him this most recent time, but he preferred driving himself. In his mind, he was half way there already. Having us hanging out would have been miserable. I saw pictures of a friend's kids taken at the send-off ceremony. They were miserable. The airport is different, but if he's willing to be dropped off, or to say your "see you soon"s after he check's his bags, do it and don't feel badly. We spend a lot of energy thinking about our loved one who is going away, but we don't always spend as much time thinking about what is good for us and our child(ren).
Take my advice with a grain of salt. I said my "see you soon"s in the dark, in bed (not *that* way!). I vote for finding what works best for YOUR family--and that includes you and your DS.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 29, 2012 11:07:33 GMT -5
Honestly, I think that the last few days are of the worst. The 35 hours before my DH left, all I could do was cry. I was a mess and it was awful. I did not want him to go, but because he had to, I just wanted it to be over.
Because of his report time (something like 4:00am), we decided that he would drive our (only) vehicle to post himself and LO and I took the train and bus later in morning to retrieve it. Saying goodbye in the dark made it easier. We both cried, but neither could see how hard. We shared a few quiet moments, then he was gone.
I get that the report time is based on MANY different factors, none of which include the needs of the family. I'm not judging others, but we were not about to drag our almost three year old out of his cozy bed, in the middle of the night, to see his father off. The first couple of days of a deployment are tough enough, we didn't need to add sleep deprivation and a screwed up schedule to the mix.
I hope that you are able to get through the remaining days with as much grace as possible, and that the year apart goes quickly. Thinking of you.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 29, 2012 4:22:25 GMT -5
When my DH went on a MiTT (Military Transition Teams), the Army paid for me to move wherever, CONUS, that I wanted and they also paid for our move to our next duty station. I know that this is a different circumstance, but I would ask what they would be willing to cover.
Also, in order to recieve BAH, DH had to provide a copy of our current lease. This is, I'm certain, to avoid the fraud that Sibil mentioned.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 29, 2012 3:55:03 GMT -5
I'm sorry you had such a difficult time, too. It pisses me off. This is the OFFICIAL means of communication. The only reason I have gotten any information (like the VTC/Town Hall meeting) is because friends have clued me in. Unfortunately, their husbands are in different companies, so the specific unit information isn't always the same.
It might not be the end of the world for spouses like us to have to work this hard to get info/on the list, we know to push. What about the brand new to the military (and, in my case, in a foreign country!) who don't know who to ask, or that there is information they should be receiving. I swear, between this and the negligible assistance from our many sponsors, this unit has done a craptacular job of easing our transition in any real way. Today, I am not a fan of the Army.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 29, 2012 3:39:58 GMT -5
Between DH and myself, we have asked four different people to add me to the FRG distro list--with no success. I was just cc'd on an email/fifth attempt, made on my behalf by a Master Sargeant my DH works with. It shouldn't be THIS difficult to get on the list!
FWIW, the four people who have been handed my current email address (written legibly or typed) are the paid family support liaison for the battalion, both FRG leaders and the 1SGT for the Rear D (after "calling me out" in a townhall meeting when I asked how to get on the damn list). These are all people who are in a position to MAKE this happen. It's not that difficult.
We have been here in Germany four and a half months and my DH has been gone for over a month and a half. I would really, really like to recieve information about family support activities, as well as updates about our soldiers. I think that I need to make a visit to the battalion this week.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 28, 2012 7:17:57 GMT -5
Lurker here--I had to shave my geriatric long hair cat due to matting. My understanding is that cat skin is different than dog skin. If the groomer knicks and cuts a cat, a trip to the vet may be needed. That happened the second time Abby was shaved. Just something to consider when makin your decision.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 26, 2012 2:40:00 GMT -5
My parents put all their eggs in one basket. Had I been born a boy, I would have been nameless, at least for a little bit. They only had a girl name--Marni.
Grayson had to have a urine test (tube up his pisser) + spinal tap done when he was 3mo old... not to mention the 10 pricks it took to get an IV in his arm... worst night of my life probably. Thankfully he won't remember it.
I'm a lurker but have to share.
I'm sorry, OP, that you and your LO had to go endure this.
Like Grayson, my son, at 10 months, was cathed, then it took three nurses eight attempts to get the IV inserted, then regular X-rays. The ER doc thought he saw a pneumonia in LO's chest. He loaded LO up with a shot of some super antibiotic and gave us orders to follow-up with a pediatrician the next day (we were discharged at about 11:00pm).
At the follow-up appointment was when they did the chest X-ray. I was actually not in the room as I'd had to use the bathroom. I could hear LO crying from the hallway. DH was traumatized.
Ultimately, LO did not have pneumonia. Diagnosis? A really bad diaper rash. (We were not home, this was done while we were on a house hunting trip.)
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 20, 2012 16:31:22 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing this. The world is a scary place with too many sick people, BUT, to know that there are people like this who care enough to do something makes me feel better. I, too, HATE that there are so many hurting children out there, but I am thankful that some of them are "part of the family".
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 19, 2012 17:09:27 GMT -5
We also have a Marathon. We have been happy with it. I have recently ordered a Britax Frontier. I like the Britax brand.
One seat that I wish I had looked at is the Radian RXT. The company recently changed their name from Sunshine to Diono. The seat is heavy as get out (it has a steel frame), but it has a smaller footprint and is a convertible car seat that transitions into a booster seat. Here's a link: us.diono.com/en/car-seats/radian-rxt.
I scored BIG this move! Our next door neighbor was previously married to an American service member--she's even lived on post! She is a bit older than I am and works from home. She's very nice.
Just down the street is another fabulous neighbor. She is an English teacher, has three kids (from 2.5 years to almost nine years), and a really nice husband. She was the one who really started this process for me. They have had us over for dinner, one time was to introduce me to friends of theirs who have a son who is three weeks older than G. K, my friend, is fun, kind, interesting and we have a good time hanging out. And G idolizes her son, who is almost nine. It is so cute to see how sweet he is with G.
Everyone else has been polite and friendly enough. Most of them speak at least some English--though I hope not to have to rely on their ability to speak English the entire time we're here! I've met some really neat people at other duty stations, but these two neighbors have really done so very much to help make this feel like home.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 19, 2012 16:50:42 GMT -5
Stan, I get the distinct feeling that when Sibil's husband gets out of the AF, she will be quite relieved to never have to associate with another military spouse again, unless, of course, they prove themselves to be fun, interesting and worthy of her friendship.
This current thread seems to be the most blatant, but the tenor of what she shares here is that the military cramps her style--and her judgement of others who enjoy and/or appreciate the military lifestyle.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 19, 2012 16:34:44 GMT -5
It looks like LO will be attending a German kindergarten starting in September!!
My neighbors have helped me determine which of the local options was likely the best fit for us/him (and made the necessary calls since I don't speak any German). We took a tour today of the one we liked best--and were told that there are a few openings, so we can enroll him! I am so excited!! My little one will learn German, make new friends, learn new skills (maybe some independence!) and this mama will get a break each day.
I am nervous, too, though. It is five days a week. A year ago, my plan had been to enroll him in a program two mornings a week. But, our circumstances are very different now. I think LO will do well, and learn more than I could even imagine!
Now I need to find myself a tutor, so that I can keep up with LO as he learns the language of our host nation!
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 19, 2012 16:24:34 GMT -5
I don't dislike Sibil, but I find her posts to sometimes be condescending to military spouses. Though, the irony is not lost on me that she comes here to complain about FRG activities and formal military functions.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 19, 2012 4:42:15 GMT -5
Why do you bother opening their emails? You seem to have such contempt for the FRG and what they do, why waste your time?
Ask to be removed from the mailing list, or have the emails sent to your husband, if you feel so strongly that the FRG has nothing to offer you. Problem solved.
I've read all the responses, and I'm still not convinced that deploying weeks after a baby is born is something made up. Seems actually kind of normal. He's home for a few weeks after the birth, right? Longer than your average paternity leave. The back to back deployments seem normal IME. There are no hard and fast rules. Deployments for 18/24 have happened to many of my friends. H was supposed to be gone for 18 months with only a week turnaround in between, until his 365 billet got canceled.
FFS, that single mom I mentioned above? I had forgotten about her details, but I just remembered she was non-vol'd for a 365. To Iraq. Just a few months after her kid was born. She's army, too, so branch specific difference wouldn't apply here. This was recently, after the Iraqis kicked us out. We still have thousands of people there.
We will have to agree to disagree on this subject. My experiences with the Army have been different than what you've seen.
Post by NomadicMama on Jul 18, 2012 6:50:14 GMT -5
You can put together albums/books of photographs. DH and I had pictures taken by OpLove before he deployed in 2009. They gave us a small book of pictures. My three year old son enjoys looking through it
I got my son a Daddy Doll. www.daddydolls.com. DH doesn't have to be in uniform.
I agree with recording DH reading their favorite books. My son loves his Daddy DVD.
Also, remember to get in the videos, of the family playing, and pictures, too. The kids will benefit from seeing you with their Daddy too.
I've just known plenty of people who missed the birth of their children. I've also known single moms who were deployed 6 months after having a child. I've actually never heard of stabilization. Maybe the AF is different.
If the OP made the mistake of deployment vs stationed under her husband corrected her, and someone in this thread is asking, then why is it difficult to believe nest poster would make the same mistake?
I know soldiers miss the birth of their child--my DH was deployed when I delivered. I'm not questioning that. My suspicions were aroused when she said that her husband is slated to deploy AGAIN after just a few weeks home from his current deployment--during which time she is likely to give birth to three babies. The Army is working to increase dwell time (time home between deployments) from 12 months to 24 months. The fact that this is the direction the Army is headed, the fact that we are engaged in only one major conflict now, instead of two, and, the US is drawing down our presence in Afghanistan now makes me wonder why her SGT of a husband is being tapped to be deployed, literally, back-to-back, when there should be others capable of fulfilling the mission. Yes, there are special snowflake circumstances. But those go both ways. A soldier returning home from deployment, to a wife due to give birth to triplets, would warrant an exemption. He is currently deployed. If he were to head back out, on an Army deployment, that would have him deployed for 18-24 out of 25 months. While the Army is working to cut deployment time down, typical soldiers deploy for 12 months unless it is a combat tour, then those are supposed to be 9 months.
There are units that are unique. I believe SF deploy under different circumstances. But, in my experience, those special circumstances are well understood within their communities.
Isolated mistakes do not make me suspicious. The combination of his location, rapid return to deployment, confusion of terminology and triplets have me wondering. (The triplet suspicion is the least of it, but having experienced infertility, and knowing through my friends' experiences with people on message boards faking multiples, it pings my radar.)
As for the difference between stationed and deployment. A service member is assigned a duty station. That is where his/her unit permanently resides. That is what ones BAH is calculated for. This is where a service member's family resides. Deployment is a temporary assignment that typically involves being in a combat zone, or in direct support of those in a combat zone. Families do not relocate to that location and are not able to visit. This is not an official definition, but along the lines of how my DH explained it to me.