Glad to hear the update. I still think something must have been said, maybe he thinks it was nothing, but something happened. What was the reason you did not visit last time? Maybe they are being dumb about just him visiting? I'm Ron Burgundy?
Lol @ Ron Burgundy
If it's the solo visit, why did it take her three weeks to be a bitch? I stayed behind because I had other commitments and because of Coco. They have dogs and she hasn't had all of her shots yet.
Post by montereybride on Aug 11, 2013 17:11:07 GMT -5
Ok, another update..
H just got back from shopping and we're sitting on the couch.
I told him "I really just don't know what to do or think. This is really upsetting and I feel like you don't really care all that much or think it's really not a big deal. I know it's on me to call her at this point but I don't know if I should play it off like nothing's wrong or ask her straight out or what."
And he said "I texted her while I was out. I asked her what was up with the 'being part of a family can be revoked' post followed by unfriending and blocking you. She hasn't texted me back yet."
This is huge you guys. My avoider H called out his big sister. I don't know that he's EVER done that. Granted, it was a text but, you know, baby steps.
Post by montereybride on Aug 11, 2013 14:15:51 GMT -5
Well, that was a wasted effort.
H said he didn't say anything to his sister that would have prompted her behavior and that the entire visit was focused on the nieces.
He also thinks the entire thing is stupid because "it's just Facebook."
But it's really not. It's a completely passive aggressive post followed by what essentially means "Fuck you, as far as I'm concerned, you're no longer part of this family."
I asked him if he was ok with that and he said he was upset but that he didn't think it was as big a deal as I'm making it.
So now I'm trying to figure out what to say to his sister and what I'll do if and when she tells me H unloaded all of our marital problems on her. Once I'm prepared for that fallout, I'll pick up the phone and call.
This is why I don't tell you fuckers anything. Holy shit.
I hope you get some resolution soon MB.
Lol, no worries, Q. This isn't exactly my first rodeo.
Some of the comments were a little hurtful but, at the end of the day, I know my H and I know the tactics I need to use to get to the bottom of this.
Not only is he completely non-confrontational, he is a fucking CHAMPION avoider. He will shut down and dig his heels in and refuse to talk if I push too much or too hard. Trust me when I say that I'm not letting this go. He was actually a little bothered when he realized his sister's actions have made it so I can't even pick up the phone and call her for something so innocuous as asking the name of the plant she gave us.
When I do talk to him and make him tell me what the fuck he did or said to bring this on - and that conversation is happening today - I will remind him that she has essentially cut me out of our nieces' lives. That will hit him hard.. I hope. Those girls mean everything to us.
Post by montereybride on Aug 11, 2013 4:09:11 GMT -5
First, I'm so sorry to keep you guys waiting but I've been crazy busy since Thursday. Clearly. It's after 2am more than two days later, lol.
Second, I read all the replies and died laughing a couple times. I also saw the second post where I was tagged so here is the requested new thread.
I have not called the SIL who made the FB post. Or the other unfrienders, for that matter. I know that's kinda really fucking lame but that's what's going on.
I have talked to H more about it, however. Sort of.
Today we were talking about a plant we have in the house that his sister gave us and I couldn't remember what it was called. He said "You should call SIL and ask her since she gave it to us. She would know."
I looked at him REALLY wide-eyed and said "Really? I should call your sister?"
And he said "Oh yeah. Probably not a good idea."
So I think he does get it. Or he's starting to. Or he actually did say something to her during his visit a few weeks ago.
I also suggested today that I NOT call her and instead wait until the next family event and just let the awkward run rampant and told him that what she did was hostile and cowardly. He just looked at me and didn't say a word.
I don't know what to think at this point. A bunch of his family members are still FB friends with me so maybe I did do or say something she specifically didn't like. But then, that doesn't explain his oldest sister and his oldest sister's daughter. Honestly, the only thing she can say about me is that I'm too liberal. She and I are very different in that respect. But, in looking back at stuff I've posted, nothing stands out. It has to be something H said to her. Right? Ugh!! This woman was one of my bridesmaids. Their two oldest DDs were flower girls. Her H was one of H's groomsmen. We have ALWAYS gotten along. I feel fucking blindsided.
I'm sorry, I know this update sucks. I'd like to promise you all additional updates but who knows what I'll end up doing.
I really liked the idea of telling H I called her and telling him "She told me what you told her while you were up there visiting" and then waiting for his response, lol.
Dude, I (heart) you but this is a perfect example of a post that I can't figure out, lol. Definitely call her asap.
Lol, I can't figure it out either. There is ZERO backstory and it came out of nowhere. Seriously.
I can think of no conceivable reason why she would unfriend and block. Or why the other two would either.
I cannot even begin to explain how confused I am. And I'm really aggravated by H's "not my problem" stance. I would be up my sister's ass if she did the same to H. But then, I see it as a hostile thing and H just doesn't really get why it matters.
When is the last time you talked to her? Did they block your H too?
He went to visit her a couple weeks ago and I talked to her on the phone while he was there. Everything was fine, we were laughing, joking about stuff.
Post by montereybride on Aug 8, 2013 23:28:28 GMT -5
So, a few days ago, H's sister put on her Facebook the following "Being part of a family is a privilege not a right and that privilege can be revoked"
Tonight, I noticed that she not only unfriended me, she also blocked me. She and I have always been close. Like, we chat. And message each other. His older sister and his older sister's daughter also unfriended me AND blocked me.
I am soooo WTMF right now that I can't even see straight.
I told H and said "Hey, will you call her and ask her what's up, please."
H got super fucking defensive and all "This is between you and her, you call her, not my problem."
Ok, sure. But here's the thing .. If one of my siblings unfriended H, I would call and say "Hey, did you unfriend H on Facebook? What's up? We're a package deal, yo, and I kinda take it really personal that you unfriended him. Take him off your newsfeed if he's annoying but dude, you don't unfriend your sibling's spouse."
Ok, that probably makes me sound crazy. But whatever. I don't care. We have three nieces. Two of whom I text with and FaceTime with regularly.
So, again, WTMF.
Tell me I'm nuts, tell me to be a fucking grown up and call her myself, whatever. I'm kinda really hurt right now.
I tried not to give them opportunities to lie. It's manifestly unreasonable to ask a child with oreos in his hand if he has gotten in the cookie jar; of COURSE he did. Don't ask what you already know. "I see you have some cookies; I told you no cookies". This will cut out some of the bullshit.
I used this same tactic with my younger siblings. I never asked them *if* they did something. I already knew everything. I asked them *why* they did it a la "Why did you get into the cookies after I told you not to? I'm really disappointed in you. Little brothers/sisters who do things they're not supposed to don't get to go to the park. Tough break, kid."
O.O
Oh my god. I was sue sue when I was 15. Holy shit.
I will say, my younger sibs never carried on with the lying to me. They lied their asses off to our parents and told me everything.